"should have"

"Should have........", is a common phrase heard especially during times when something has gone wrong. I find it irritating when people say that to me because I think it doesn't help the situation but rather makes the situation worse.

Christmas this year, a friend and I went on a 700km road trip up to a neighbouring state. The road trip was fun and enjoyable except for the part my car got hit by another car. In terms of damage, it was bad enough to leave a hole in my car, which now requires some welding and body work to restore it. Freak accidents can happen any where and at any time with virtually anyone. More often than not, accidents are due to human negligence.

Those who know me will know my car is kept in pristine condition and that I really love my car. Especially given the fact that my car is 21 years old, going 22 years old in the next couple of days.

By the time I got home, my mom flipped when she saw the damaged. It was even more painful for me to see my car in such a state. So the next best thing to do was to quickly send the car in for repair work. The mechanic takes a look at the damage and says, "It's going to take a about 3 to 4 days to fix up. You should have been more careful".

I felt a bit disturbed with the "you should have been more careful" bit of what he said. The thought in my mind at that point in time was, "Had I knew he was going hit my car, I would not have even driven on the road I got hit to begin with and I wouldn't need to send my car to you would I?". Not to mention he was going to be getting money from me for the repair work.

I wasn't upset with him for saying that but I just felt that saying such things really wasn't helping the situation. My mechanic was clearly looking in hindsight. It sure is easy to state the obvious after something has happened. It's like being told fire burns only after you get burnt by it. That's a lot help!

Many of us fail to understand that it is always easy to look in hindsight because more often than not, we would be merely stating the obvious. Most importantly, it makes no difference and it doesn't change the outcome that has already happened. Rather, we should let what has happened be and learn from what has happened to not repeat it in the future........

~small opportunity~

“Day by day, I watched the sun rise in the morning and set in the evening not knowing what I could do to improve my situation. It feels like I am waiting for time to pass me by and waiting for the grim reaper to take me back to my maker”, said the old man who was gazing at the plants and flower he whole heartedly planted in his garden.

The old man was talking to a once famous professional poker player who had everything a man could want – fame, money, women, recognition, etc. Now he is but a part-time worker who makes end meet in a plants nursery. For an ex-gambler, Mike sure knew a lot about plants. Apparently, it made him feel peaceful in the inside every time he was working the garden and caring for the plants. He felt it could help him forget the painful past of losing everything he had.

What about the old man?

The old man is the owner of a large casino chain.

"Why don't you join me? I am planning to open up a new casino and I would like someone to head it. You have the experience and I am sure we can rub the rust of your poker skills once you get your groove back. What do you think?"

"Who? Me? I couldn't possibly head a casino. I gave up gambling after I lost everything years ago. After losing everything in the '97 world poker competition in the Philippines, I came back only to find my parents had passed away and my little brother was kidnapped. Now, I am just a happy part time gardener in a nursery. That's all there is to it. I don't have much, but I am happy.........."

"My friend. You are still young. Not that young but no way older than me. You lost it all last time but you still have your pair of hands, legs and your brains. Let me give you a tip. Wealth is not measured based on the net worth of your assets, wealth is what you have in your head and your member between your thighs."

Mike burst out laughing hearing the old man's anecdote but he knew what he said was true.

The old man continued, "I know a whole bunch of people who think they know it all, seen it all, done it all. But I can tell you they don't know jack for one simple reason - there's no one in this world who has done it all, seen it all and know it all. Only one person can have that attributes - it ain't me, it ain't you and it sure ain't any other person. It's God. Because you and I can never have it all, why not seize the opportunity to turn your life around. You are happy in a nursery don't mean you can't be happy in a casino, right?"

Mike nodded.

"Let's just say we forget I mentioned about heading the casino bit. Small, tiny opportunities can present itself in the weirdest of places and situations. Sometimes the small opportunities could have big results and the only way to find out is to seize the opportunity. Even if nothing big comes out of it, you'll still learn something in the end. But I shall qualify myself by saying some experiences can be painful. Not all, but some. Imagine you have fallen head over heels for a girl, I bet your arse you are going to go all out going after her. Small opportunity right? But if she falls in love with you, big result right? And you wouldn't know if she falls for you unless you confess your feelings to her and show her that you have feeling for her right?"

Mike nodded.

"So give it a thought........ I don't need an answer right away. Alright?"

Mike nodded.

That's the scene I saw in a show my mom was watching. Whether Mike took the opportunity, I'll leave it to your imagination. :)

rock climbing and what I learnt

About 5 weeks ago, I decided to do something I never thought I would do. In fact, it was something I decided upon without even thinking. I was asked to go rock climbing. The normal me would have gave it long thought and replied, "no". But at that point in time I decided I wanted to do something different and I decided to say, "Oh, what the hell. I am going to do it!"

I surprised myself that evening. Seriously, I really did surprise myself!

Effectively, yesterday was my fourth time doing rock climbing. I am really enjoying it. The physical challenge is one thing. But I learn other things too when I climb. On the very second time of climbing, I lost a lunch bet because I couldn't complete a route. At that point in time, in my mind I thought of rock climbing of a pure physical sport (i.e. no-brainer). I was really wrong. Dead wrong! Much technique is involved in it and it requires thinking in terms of where to place your feet and hands and to have the most efficient way up the rocks. Cool eh?

Above and beyond that, I learn about life too! Ascending the rocks really requires a lot of feeling of the rocks. Really touching the wall with my hands and toes to feel, really feel which part of the rocks I can grab on to and place my feet to push myself higher. It's like life - you have to feel your way around life. You can't just jump in head first. I mean you can but jumping in head first may just have you land your head on a hard piece of concrete. What I am trying to get at is that, even in life everything takes time and you can't really rush things be it buying a new car, new house, getting into a relationship, picking a career, getting well from an illness. Looking at all the common scenarios of life I just listed out and you'll notice one common denominator - all of it simply takes time.

What it also taught me was about determination. I think determination is something I lack or rather the fear of taking a step forward in times of uncertainty. Yesterday while I was climbing the rocks, there were many times I had to place my body in a very awkward position to scale the rock walls. It is just like being out of my comfort zone. Sometimes you have to be uncomfortable to achieve something. "If it's something you fear, that's exactly what you have to do. Face it!" is something a really close friend of mind would tell me and still does continue to remind from time to time.

Another thing I experienced was sometimes you might not make it to the top of the rock, what we call an anchor in rock climbing terms. But there's always next time. Yesterday, I completed a route I failed to scale the last time round. I was satisfied with myself and I knew I had some improvement, even if it's a tiny bit.

Most important point I learnt is trust. In rock climbing your life really rests in the hands of your belayer. Belayer is the person down on the ground tightening and loosening your harness as and when necessary. If the belayer slacks too much harness rope and you fall, you are as good as dead. Yesterday, I had a relative new belayer doing my ropes but I knew she would be fine with the ropes. Most importantly, I had to trust her otherwise my fear of scaling the rocks would overcome me. Besides watching my ropes as I scaled the rocks, we had to communicate verbally especially during the times when I knew I was going slip off the rocks I had to make sure I yelled, "tight!" so she would pull the ropes to stop me from falling too far down. That trust creates a strong team effort in making sure I get up to the top safely. And that team effort is built on trust. My belayer trusted me letting her know how slacked or how tight I need the rope to be and in turn I trusted to be able to give me the slack and tight I needed.

It was a really good experience from a physical, mental and philosophical perspective......... actually my backside still hurts from all the stretching and pushing to the top. =0)

at the hospital~

Four days in the hospital was an interesting observational experience. You see all sorts of people in the hospital. All that observation came from walking the corridors of the hospital, sitting in the quiet corner of Starbucks while waiting for my latte-to-go to be ready, walking to the hospital's convenient store to get the daily newspaper. The auditory and visual senses of one's body are truly amazing when it comes to seeing and hearing what goes around you.

For some personal reasons, I had to be at the hospital everyday since last Thursday. While I was there, I really think it was an eye opening experience.

For instance, I met a Buddhist monk who goes there on a daily basis with a laptop and pays for an ice blended mocha with a credit card, while offering prayers to those who requests for prayers. I also got acquainted with two very friendly and good-serving Starbucks baristas named Daniel and Roshan. I also got to experience the advancement of medical technology that now cater for the differing demands of the patients' medical conditions. Up till last Thursday, I only knew of the intensive care unit, commonly know as the ICU. But now, there is even a CCU, coronary care unit and a HDU, high dependency unit. Maybe these are normal units for those in the know. I for one had no bleeding idea such units ever existed in the first place. Above all else, I was really impressed by how far technology has taken the medical fraternity.

Most importantly about the hospital, I must take off my hat to the nurses who work there. They are a group of amazing people who work really hard to take care of the patients there. Being a nurse is no easy job. I see them working in a high tension environment especially during operations. In the wards, they see to the needs of patients making sure they are fine. In addition, I think it takes a lot of patience in the line of duty. It's not easy having to take care of patients who are, for example immobile. One of the afternoons when I was passing one of the wards, I smelled a really strong stench of discreet. Apparently a patient in one of the wards had to pass motion in a diaper, and I saw the nurse going in to clean him up. I could have sworn if I stayed a minute longer, I'd probably pass out from the strong stench and yet the nurse withstood the smell and did what was necessary. Truly respectable dedication!

When we think hospital, we usually think about doctors. Unknown to many, nurses play a pivotal part in making sure patients are taken care of. No doubt doctors diagnose and treat the sick but it is the nurses who ensure the patients are in stable condition and that the patients get their medication on time and with the correct dosages. After all, when a patient presses the little "bell" button by the bed side, it is the nurses who attend to the patient first.

I personally think the hospital is a place where the medical brains reside along with the nurses who show empathy and dedication, and in rare instances you may find an ice blended drinking, laptop carrying monk who offers prayers to those who need it.... :)

how far would you go?

They say, "love knows no boundaries". I tend to agree with that statement I've seen parents go through hell to making sure their children gets the best, sometimes even if it means they have to tie their stomachs so their kids can get more. I've also witness siblings looking out for each other, be it in fights or even sports. I've also seen married couples sharing a single meal in times of financial difficulties.

The incomprehensible emotion called love is indeed a feeling that is like a burst of adrenalin when your body needs a sudden burst of energy to escape danger. Love can drive us to go the distance for that someone dear to us. I don't think you or I can explain how it gives us the drive to go that far. Above and beyond this, love is sometimes like a double edge sword that can lift us up to cloud nine but at the same time, it has the innate ability to leave a scar in the heart of unwary people. Yet, there are those who are willing to take the hurt because of love, simply because they think it's worth it.

How far would you go?

With all honesty, I am not yet able to answer this question. It's a truly difficult question for me. years ago when I tried going the distance, it left me in shambles. In fact, it became years of picking up the pieces. In the process, I learnt it is always easy to remember than to forget, especially the self-doubting events in one's lifetime. Like a broken recorder, it keeps replaying itself - going on and on and on and on. The harder you try to forget it, the more it keeps repeating itself.

It's no easy feat to be selfless and going out there to take the heat for someone you love. But if I knew I could do something, even if it's one thing, one time in my life to make a difference in the life of someone I loved, I'd probably do it without thinking twice. That's what God would probably want us to do.

It is easy to like someone or to be attracted to someone but to love someone, that's a whole new level altogether. It's not just about love-at-first-sight and neither is it just about appearance. It goes far deeper than that. It's about being able to accept the good, the bad and the ugly about a person. Everyone is different, yet everyone is similar in that we all have our good and bad points. Love has this amazing power to bridge that gap and simply turn everything good.

How far would you go?

Like the Bee Gees's song, how deep is your love?

Just play the shot, it's either up or down!

"You really think too much!"

That's what my colleague said to me a few days ago. It got me scratching my head a bit. It did get me thinking if I was thinking too much. One of those catch 22 situations - "thinking about thinking".

I think there are some of us who just go with the flow of things and react during the moment whilst there are some of us who likes to figure things out first before doing anything. I apparently, fall in the latter.

Last night, out of the blues while reviewing professional squash matches over YouTube I stumbled upon a special interview footage with Amr Shabana, the former world number one squash player and the current world number two.

In the interview, he was asked about what does he think about when it comes to shot selections during a match, how does he decide on what shot to play, the thought process. I was rather startled with his reply. He said something like this (my quote may not be accurate), "I don't think about it. If I think too much and try to think about options I usually end up making a mistake. I just don't think about it and play the shot, there is a 50 50 chance - either it's up or down."

At the back of my head, the first thing that entered my mind was the "You really think too much!" statement my colleague made about me. I was beginning to wonder maybe I shouldn't think too much about everything and just 'play the shot'. Either way, it's going to be a 50 50 chance if I play the shot rather than sitting down and thinking too much about it only to find myself in a predicament!

Most importantly, rather than being resourceful to those around me, I may end up becoming a burden instead. It also places unnecessary emotional stress and mental stress on myself. I would know, since I inherently placed myself in such a convolving position. As I am typing the words out for this post I am thinking to myself, "silly me!".

Just got to get out there and 'play the shot'. Won't know until I 'strike the ball' I guess........

perfect couple

I was taking a walk to my optician in a shopping mall when I came across an unusual sight. There was this couple who were walking out of the lift, the girl was on a wheel chair and the guy on a pair of crutches. Minus the fact that they were less capable physically clearly didn't stop them from being happy.

They were talking to each other very cheerfully and I could see they were in love with each other. You'd know two persons are in love with each other when the two of them can look into each others' eyes with a touch of gentleness and softness only people in love would know. I might be making an assumption here considering I haven't had extensive experience in the topic of love but I do know parents can give their kids such gentle gazes even at times when a parent is upset with a child (I know since I used to get it a lot from my mom.................. and dad).

We all like to dream of having a perfect companion. I mean who wouldn't? You would too right?

It can be quite funny at times when some of my friends can give me vivid descriptions of how they want their 'perfect' girl to be. Although, I tend to hold the opinion that the harder you wish for it, the harder it is for you to find your 'perfect' match (a.k.a. Murphy's Law).

But does it really matter? I mean in terms of having the opposite sex meet one's wish list.

Falling for someone can be as easy as love-at-first-sight for some people. For others, it could involve a lot of communication to understand each other before making the lunge into the vault of emotions. There are a plethora of permutations of which I won't dive into simply because I am not a psychologist and I couldn't possibly map out all the permutations.

But one thing's for sure - falling in love does not require a reason or justification, all it requires is for two people to be able to look into each other eyes at anytime, anywhere and say with all truthfulness and sincerity, "I love you........."

Love knows no boundaries, love couldn't care less if she's shorter than me, love couldn't care less if she's not as pretty as the girl next door, love couldn't care less if she wasn't born rich, love couldn't care less if she isn't smart, love couldn't care less if she paralysed waist-down.

Love only requires time, patience, tolerance, honesty and most importantly, sincerity................ The short moment I saw the couple in the shopping mall, I could tell they loved each other and made a perfect couple despite their physical imperfections. I truly wish them a happy future........

a new experience ~

Yesterday and today was a new experience for me. One time in my life and decided to be spontaneous about something. I decided to go rock climbing without even thinking about it. My friend asked me on a Friday evening and I said yes without even thinking.

The end result was 2 crazy days of physical exertion. I now find myself with muscular aches that remind me of my 5-day week squash training when I was still playing squash seriously. Just to show you the gravity of the situation, my fingers can barely work this keyboard, click on the touch pad, the muscles of my backside hurt, my knees are still burning and my thighs are sore.

But if there was one thing I learnt today it would be never to underestimate a pile of rocks! I went to the rock climbing venue beaming with confidence knowing I could finish the rock climbing course. I knew I had to finish the course since I had bet with my friend. Lunch was on the line!

After all the huffing and puffing, I couldn't complete the course and hence, officially lost the bet. I now owe my friend lunch. I sure lost the bet but I sure feel happy. Happy because I feel refreshed.

I've got cuts and bruises all over but I feel good. Pain tells me that I am alive.

About underestimating a pile of rocks, I think that applies to people as well. All too often we sometimes underestimate the people around us. I am guilty of that in many ways. There was this time when I once had a cello student who was to a very large extent tone deaf and within the sixth cello lesson I straight away drew a conclusion in my mind that she was never going to be able to learn the cello.

But she never gave up hope that someday she could play the cello. She continued to practise and I was somewhat losing hope in her ability to pick up the cello. One month down the road, she was suddenly able to pick up notes albeit inaccurately. But most importantly, I could tell that she was no longer tone deaf. Even if she couldn't sing out the notes correctly, she could pick up what notes they were by listening intently. I was very happy for her and at the same time ashamed of myself. Ashamed of myself for underestimating her. I asked her how she managed to do it and she told me she spent a lot of hours listening to music and reading the music score along as she listened so she could pick out the notes.

All this while, music was already within her and she simply needed someone to help her bring it out. That was supposed to be my task until I decided to close her out when I underestimated her and drew a conclusion to say that she was not going to be able to learn the cello.

Sometimes something as rigid as a rock can be something special just like how I underestimated rock climbing. Views can differ from one person to another. Never underestimate anything or anyone because there just could be something hidden that you may miss out. Just like how I nearly closed myself to my student and nearly killed her interest for the cello, she showed me I shouldn't discount her and that even she could do the cello as long as she put in more effort into it.......

The fat guy who turned up for squash~

Where I work, we have a squash team that plays regularly every Mondays and Thursdays. About 6 to 7 of us who simply want to have a good workout and sometimes, have a really competitive match to see how far we have improved in our game. Sometimes, we even discuss among ourselves to point out areas of improvement in our game. It's a nice stress relieving session I must say.

This Monday was different. There's was a new guy who joined the firm not long ago and decided he wanted to join our squash session. Welcoming him to the squash session was naturally what I had to do. Where I work, squash players are a rarity. But this new guy who joined us is different from any new guy at squash. He was different because he was fat. He was really fat like having a 45 inch waist line or probably more.

It all started when I found this new guy in my company's monthly bulletin of new staff. Every time there is a batch of new joiners, a bulletin will be sent out to all staff to offer a brief description of each of the new joiners. I was scrolling down the latest batch of new joiners and I noticed one description that said, "squash captain", which really piqued my curiosity. I had to find out who this new guy was because I didn't catch wind of any really good squash player joining us. I would have known if there was one coming in. Honestly, I was a little doubtful about it.

I was really looking forward to the idea of having a strong squash team with this new "squash captain" that has joined us. So, I popped him a mail to tell him to come see me, sort of to break the ice and get to know him better. A couple of hours after lunch, this guy shows up at my cubicle to meet me. I was surprised! Very, very, very surprised to be honest. I was expecting to see a well built bloke who'd fit the description of "squash captain". Instead, I found myself staring at this really fat bloke who introduced himself to be this "squash captain".

I promptly introduced myself and the squash team along with our playing sessions. I excused myself after the prompt introduction. I couldn't help but burst out laughing in private because I was surprised to see this fat bloke and simply because I was expecting someone a lot different as compared to what I saw.

I admit that I shouldn't laugh at someone else's physical attributes and offer my apologies for having laughed at him, albeit in private. But, but he did turn up for our squash session and he put effort in his game. Given his size, he is definitely at a disadvantage but he still showed up. Most fat people shy away from sports because they feel they can't offer a good game or be competitive in their game. I don't know how he felt about joining us for squash but I think he was probably worried about how our reaction was going to be. But the fact that he showed up to me, was commendable and I respect him for that.

I will be frank in saying this - he's slow in the court, not technically sound and unfit from a cardiovascular standpoint. But frankly, I don't really care because that was expected. Have any o of you seen a fit and fat guy before? Not likely, right? But he made it a point to show up and to have a good workout. I have to give him credit for that. He was honest enough to say that he probably wouldn't be able to give me a good game but he was determined to lose weight by having a good workout from squash. I was glad he said that because deep down I now know I should reciprocate he's will to lose weight.

Being fat can be embarrassing. I can attest to that because I was fat when I was in primary school right up to mid-secondary school. So much so that my family nickname became "Fats". That nickname still sticks till today despite having lost weight and toned up. Fat people sometimes have peers make them the focal point for a joke because of being fat. It's sad because it can be hurting even though it may be a friendly joke. After all, these people never chose to be fat. I can't think of anyone crazy enough who'd want to be fat!

Therefore, if a fat guy can turn up for squash and tell me he wants to lose weight, I believe I should oblige in helping reach his goal to lose weight and to reciprocate his determination to shape up and move from fat to fit.

you've got only each other.......

Growing up with siblings has its commonalities. The quarrels, the fights, the fair share of parental advice, the pep talks, even sharing the sting of the most revered family bamboo cane (mom ain't nothing once you have felt the sting of the cane) :P

There's not a single family that I know of, who has told me they have never had sibling squabbles. Not any that I know of at least. I'd be utterly surprised if someone told me he or she has siblings and never had a single squabble throughout their growing up.

I have one older brother and I sure do remember the fights we went through when we were younger. I laugh whenever I think back about it. Fighting and arguing over the tiniest of matter. But we were kids then, what do you expect? It reached a point my dad got us each a pair of boxing gloves to go fight it out. Every Sunday, he'd lay four bricks in each corner of the compound of our home for the 'boxing ring' and he'd be the referee. As far as he was concerned, nothing below the belt and nothing above the neck. We had a whacking fun time!

Over and above all that, every time my brother and I had an argument, we'd both get the cane or scolding. My mom or dad would never ask who started it and they didn't want to know. There was no favouritism. One thing they never failed to say was, "look, it's just the two of you in this family. We both love you guys and why are you guys fighting amongst yourselves? What good does it do? Family stay together and hang on to each other for support. When the world is crumbling around you and no one cares about you, your family is all you have. Mom and dad can't be here for you forever. Someday we'll leave this world and you two have each other only so don't go on fighting. You guys should be like best friends! Alright?"

At that young age, the last thing on my mind was my brother being my best friend. Fighting over anything, even food! Who would have thought someone like that would make a best friend? I sure didn't.

But right here, right now, I'd say my parents was right. Today, my brother lives in Australia, working there and happy with a decent girlfriend. I am truly happy for him. As much as he is far away from where I am, I do miss the bloke and every now and then we text each other. There are things that I tell him of which I don't even tell my parents. I have shared experiences with him, that no one else could - I played against him in the finals of a squash tournament (albeit, I lost. In fact, I don't think I have ever beaten him in a serious match); the last time I traveled to Australia to visit him, he made sure I didn't need to foot out a single dime while I was there; every now and then he pops me an sms saying, "take care of the old folks alright because I can't be there for them."

I've seen people closest to me kick the bucket, I've seen some of my friends' parents kicking the bucket and I know it's not a nice feeling. I also realise that I don't know how much time I have left with my parents and someday they will leave this world as they go through the human life cycle. And when they depart, it's just going to be me and him. He's all I got and I am all he's got....... but he ain't heavy, his my brother.

When your own mind becomes your enemy~

"huh huh", "huh huh", "huh huh", I was breathing hard and I was sweating hard. Most of the muscles in my body were starting to feel a burning sensation. I knew my body was very close to the limit. I was struggling to breathe, in fact. I was down 5 points and my opponent looked stronger than ever. I knew in my mind, this was going to be one of the toughest squash matches I have ever had in years.

The match pinched me because there I was looking at my opponent, he's this bloke almost twice my age and yet I couldn't beat or let alone take a set off him. It was down right frustrating. I was thinking so hard to come out with some way to beat him but I simply ran out of ideas during the match. Every shot I played, he had an answer for it. If I made a good shot, he'd make a better shot. It reached a point where I just didn't know what to do anymore!

At that tipping point, I got frustrated and I got upset with myself. That's when unforced errors started to come in and I basically gave him the game. The frustration just got worse.

I sat outside the court after the match just asking myself one question. Only one. "Was it worth getting frustrated and upset with yourself?". As I saw the sweat from my face dripped on the floor as I sat on the floor, I knew the answer was a simple, "No".

As I drove home, windows down, the air blowing into the car was simply refreshing. Then as I gave the match a deep thought (still conscious of the road, I promise), it dawned to me that there is an undeniable truth to the fact that the mind has latent powers that many of us can actually harness maybe with the exception of great minds like Einstein, Socrates or Darwin.

My point is this - the very mind that I was using to come up with tactics and techniques to beat my opponent in the very end turned against me when I lost my mind in the state of frustration and simply gave away the match making unforced errors and sometimes, silly shots.

Yes, I admit I may be raising a rhetorical point but the irony of the human mind being a double edged sword is simply mind boggling. As much as the human mind is capable of marvelous feats, it can also be the harbinger of self-destruction.

Old folks' home, a necessary evil?

Paid a visit to my grandmother today and she currently lives in an old folks' home. I know it may not necessary be nice to place her there. I have had many friends asking me why she's been place there? Apparently, most people think it's cruel.

On the contrary, I personally think the old folks' home is a necessity in this time and day. Don't get me wrong because I am by no means giving a reason for anyone to ship their parents into an old folks' home.

My grandmother now lives in an old folks' home due to her stubborn personality, not wanting to live with her children. Last time she stayed with my family, she felt scared being alone my house because my family never came home until 9 to 10pm during the weekdays due to our busy schedule with work.

Along the way we tried asking to stay with some of my uncles and aunties, then she decided there was no place like her own home. Finally, we gave up and she got her way. She may have enjoyed staying in her own home but we were worried. Worried because she was all alone ever since my grandfather passed away a few years ago. She was in her early 70s then and someone in her 70s would be pretty cumbersome and most importantly, fragile.

Without the luxury of time, my family and I travel to visit her at most once every two months. Well, my family lives about 2 hours drive from where she lives since we are in different states.

Our worse fear materialised about 4 years ago, when she slipped and fell down in her home. Thankfully, my aunty found her on the floor in her home when she was paying her a visit one weekend. Had my aunty decided she not going to visit her that weekend, my grandmother would have probably been on the floor for God knows how long!

That's when a collective decision was made to have her live in an old folks' home. Today, she lives amongst many other old ladies in an old folks' home that separates men and women. There are caretakers who are around 24 hours a day to make sure everyone is fine.

The folks there get 4 balanced meals a day, and if anything happens we get a phone call from them. In the old folks' home, she gets to interact with the other folks around her and even if she doesn't really talk to them, at least she is around a crowd. I personally think, it gives her some form of mental comfort to know that they are others who are in the same position as her or worse off.

Ultimately, I get a peace of mind, my family and relatives get a peace of mind.

As much as the general mindset is that an old folks' home is a place to boot old folks who are deemed a burden to family. I personally think it provides a safe haven for old folks, a place where they are taken cared of. It is no form of replacement for family love but it does keep the old folks safe from harm.

Call it a necessary evil...................

The kid with the motorcycle

This morning I went to fill my car with petrol. I went in to the petrol station counter to pay for the petrol I was going to pump into my car. Right before it was my turn, there was teenager paying for the petrol to be filled up for his motorcycle.

He looked young, probably only 18 years of age. This kid tells the guy at the counter he wants 5 Ringgit worth petrol for his motorcycle down at pump 5. Then I heard a pause and he then said, "Sorry, make it 3 Ringgit instead.". That's when I noticed him looking into his wallet and I saw it was close to being empty. I think I only saw 2 Ringgit left after he paid for the petrol.

There was no doubt that he had to gingerly reduce the amount of petrol that was going to go into his motorcycle. He was probably thinking of how much mileage he could get from 3 Ringgit worth of petrol. I don't know how far a bike can go on 3 Ringgit because I never owned bike before but one thing I knew with certainty - he definitely wasn't going to go further than 5 Ringgit worth of petrol.

While most of us out there are always dreaming of 'upgrading' to bigger more luxurious fuel guzzling cars, this poor bloke here was lucky to even get some petrol into his bike. As much as we all dream about having nice cars and to be able to boast how much horsepower it packs or its hand made leather seats, we often forget how lucky it is to even have an engine and four wheels that gets us to work and back home safely.

My workplace recently had a bout of salary increment to those who qualified and it triggered quite a fair bit of displeasing sentiment in view of the relatively low increment. There were a lot complains and disagreement with the lower increment this year compared to last year.

As much as it is good to dream about all the luxuries money can bring, one should not forget that one should count one's blessing for a roof over one's head, food to eat, water to drink, a car. While most of us just swipe our credit card at the petrol pump and go "Fill her up!", the kid on the bike had to fracture how little he had in his wallet to make sure he some dough left for other things..........

All it takes is a little encouragement

"A Life at Work" by Thomas Moore is currently the book I am reading. I have reached about half way so far and it has really given me a lot of in sight about my destiny or at least pointers to get me on my way to figure out what my life work is (i.e. your ideal work, work that fulfills you from the inside, food-for-the-soul kind of work). It's still a work in progress thing for me; a long way from reaching the full discovery point (if I ever reach it).

Your life work can be as simple as helping old folks in need in a nursing home to something as simple as being a life guard. Simplest of work can be the most rewarding to a person's hear that's deep down. Of course, there's no denying that it is different for everyone.

But sometimes, if not all the time, all it takes is a little encouragement from the people around you. Sometimes it is as simple as, "a job well done chump!" or "way to go bud!" or "you hit the home run mate!" or even "great job!". And sometimes, these words mean more than a billion dollars to certain people. It's the joy of knowing someone out there thinks you have done something worth appreciating.

I personal experienced it. It's a wonderful feeling because I feel like I have made a difference in someone else's life. I am not talking about making a life defining moment in another's life and neither I am saying that I made a difference in another person's life. What I am saying is that someone out there in this world thinks I am good at something.

I experienced it via this small, humble blog of mine. I have had people giving negative comments on my posts and sometimes positive comments but I take it at a stride and see if I can learn something new from the comments I get. Yesterday, I had a multiple strings of negative comment about a post I wrote recently. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel offended but what I realised was that it was only one person's opinion as compared to the other many positive comments I have received thus far.

In fact, on the same day in the night one of my online friends said to me, "I really like your blog. You are really good at writing. Don't stop writing.".

And that made the difference. It gave me a ray of hope that tells me to keep on blogging. Most importantly, I recognised the fact that I don't need big, material rewards to encourage me and keep me going. Even small gestures of appreciation is all it takes to give other's a little encouragement.

turnaround effect

Today was one hell of a day for me. So bad that it left me with a spinning head for a good three quarter of the day.

It started off as a pretty good day at work not until I made a few errors. Errors that were down right silly and should not have been made to begin with. Like any other errors related to work and official documents, there are bound to be a repercussion. I got apprehended by my boss. Big boss to be precise. I am fine with the apprehension since a mistake will be a mistake - especially MY mistake.

More often than not, silly errors are the ones that leave you feeling really sore about yourself. Especially the ones you don't expect to make. It is embarrassing to say the least and it paints a really bad image about me.

As much as a small error can leave me feeling crappy about myself, similarly a small good deed left me feeling good at the end of the day.

Before going back everyday, I need to line up in front of an auto pay machine to settle my parking bill for the day. An expensive RM9 for your information! Anyway.... forget the price but there was this middle age man trying to pay via the machine and judging from the frown he wore on his face, clearly it was his first time trying to pay his parking on the machine.

As he spent time figuring out how to pay on the machine, a line was forming behind him. I heard him mumbling something about not having small change to pay. He didn't realise the machine accepted notes.

The ironic part is, as he stood there for almost 2 minutes figuring things out, no one took the trouble to tell him the machine took notes. A girl on the machine beside his just giggled. I didn't think it was funny. The girl behind him just stood there like a log. Probably hoping he'd figure it out faster. Guess, she never thought if she bothered to assist him she would be already be on her way home!

So, I just walked up to the man and directed him how to work that machine. He paid his parking without any trouble and thank me. By the time it reached my turn to pay, I did the necessary and walked myself to my car. As I was opening my car door, I hear a car stop in front of my car and the car gives me a quick beep. It was man I helped at the machine. He said thanks again and gave me thumb's up. It made me feel warm in my heart............ I felt good.

What a wonderful turnaround effect!

ugly truth~

Friends will always be friends, or so that's what most people tell me. What about times when friends just can't be friends anymore? Ever come across such a pinch?

You probably wouldn't be surprised that there are many things in life that can make friends and quite easily break friendships. You and I would have made and lost many friends along the way of growing up. That's part of growing up and maybe, maybe it's part of learning to differentiate who's your friend and who's not.

A lot of things can happen in between friendships - work, money, love, etc.

Money........ ahhhhhhhhh, the ultimate evil of all things if I must say so myself. People all around the world of different races, skin colour, nationality. Anyone can fall prey to the temptation money has to offer. I too fall prey to the temptation of money sometimes..... The flesh is weak after all.

Let me just take it one step further. When I think about money, I think career as well. Career is the driving force that brings money. Good career = good money (that's what we like to think).

Mix those two elements up, and you get a pretty good concoction that can really blow friendships to kingdom come especially when your friend is a colleague. They are some who would do anything to get up the corporate mountain peak inclusive of sacrificing friendship.

Trust me, someday you'll probably face it or probably already faced it. What would you do? It's walking the tightrope because career progression always sparks envy and it is bound to create some friction between friends whether any of us like it or not.

It's sad to a certain extent because it just affirms the fact that even humans like you and I who are considered to be the top of the food chain will still succumb to the ugly truth of the vicious life cycle - when one rises, another shall fall............

the invisible thread that binds us

In an old Chinese folk tale, it is said that when one is brought to this world, we have the love of our life waiting for us in this world at a time and date set by God. In fact, our destinies lies in a red thread tied to our pinkie finger. That red thread is then tied to another person's pinkie finger.

It is said that you and that person will be an item in your lifetime. That's the story at least.......

Many a times I have seen couples asking one another, "do you love me?" and, "why do you love me?". There will always be answers to those questions like "you are nice, pretty, blah blah blah, etc........." you know the usual mushy answers you'd expect to hear.

But do we really need a reason to love someone? Seriously?

I saw The Ugly Truth last night. It's a romantic comedy movie that really gets you laughing from start to finish. I am not going to write a review of the movie but I'd rather focus on one line from the movie that I found very profound. At the end, the main actress finally asked this guy, "Why do you love me?". The guy looks at her with the most clueless look and just go, "I don't know!!!" and they finally kiss each other.

Maybe that's what love is all about. Don't need to over analyse anything, no need to think about what sort of a person you wish to have as a life's mate, no need to think about one's personality or background. Just go with the flow of what your heart thinks.

I was silly enough to follow my curious instincts to ask couple friends of mine to me what is it that binds them together. In the mix of these friends were married, new couples or about to get married. I am blessed this time that my honest curiosity did not get me killed.

What I found out from my conversations with them is surprising to say the least. They couldn't really pin down how they became attached to each other.

"When it happens, it just happens. You can't really control it or predict it," said one of my friends. His spouse agreed with him. "Maybe we were already predestined to be with one another according to a time God thinks is right for us and then it just happens," said another friend.

One thing's for sure - you can't really explain the complexities of the human emotions and this feeling of love and affection. Or it is probably a concoction of certain chemicals in our body that creates this feeling of love.

Some of us grow old never finding the right one, some find the right one at an early age, some find the right one when it's a tad too late. Maybe all this have been predestined by the red thread tied to our pinkie finger when we are born to this world.

people

We are in the 21st century and the progress of technology brings us smaller, better, more sophisticated and even smarter robots and nanomachines. Only five years ago I was using a Pentium 3 desktop, now we have moved into the quad core Intel processors that make Pentium 3 look like it is sleeping on the job.

Technology is a wonderful thing. There is absolutely no doubt about that obvious fact staring at all of us in the face. Just a week ago, I saw a tv programme on the National Geographic channel that featured a group of really smart professors in the US trying to design and create a robot that can do house chores - autonomous robots.

Wonderful as technology may seem to be and how much research is going into trying to make artificial intelligence, what most of us call AI, you'd realise that achieving AI is going to one hell of a task. At this point in time, the possibility of a full blown AI robot with its own intelligence and a mind of its own seems remote. Remote but the possibility is still there.

Through the path of time, humans have proven to be very agile at evading disaster and surviving millions of years since the dawn of time. Great dinosaurs perished in a cataclysmic mysterious manner, great beasts like the mammoth perished along with time, yet humans have evolved from ape-like beings to beings like you and I.

I can't help but think there must be a reason so many living creatures have succumbed to the ravages of time yet we, humans have survived for so long and at the same time brought about revolutionary ideas and solutions - Benjamin Franklin discovering electricity, Alexander Graham Bell who brought us the telephone, Henry Ford who brought us the car, German Karl Ferdinand Braun invented the cathode ray tube oscilloscope and a whole plethora of other inventions by extraordinary people out there.............

Ever wondered what the world will be like with AIs around? I think it'd be scary. A world filled with emotionless metal bonded robots running around doing stuff we do. Makes you think about those movies where robots take over the world and turn humans into slaves right?

As much as I appreciate what technology has done for me, I do not wish for the world to have sophisticated human-like AIs. In my opinion, technology will never be able to replace the causal ambiguity and ingenuity humans have - emotions, feelings, compassion, empathy.

I am not surprised that famous businessmen in the past as early as the 19th century foresaw the dawn of technology and coming of the era of mechanisation. But machines can never replace the human emotions and mind.... too unique to be replicated.

Andrew Carnegie, the founder of Carnegie Steel understood all too well and once said:

'"Take away my people, but leave my factories, and soon grass will grow on the factory floors. Take away my factories, but leave my people, and soon we will have a new and better factory."

Amazing words of wisdom that tell me people are the essential element of this world we live in. You can have all the riches in the world but without the people to share your happiness with, it is of no use. Have the most sophisticated piece of machinery but no one to man it, you have pile of scrap metal. You may create AIs but you can never create the human emotions.........

The singer in a bar......

This guys walks into the bar, looks like every other ordinary guy on the street, mid 40s, wearing a spectacles, dangling a guitar around his back except for one minor detail - he suffered from polio and he walked with a pair crutches.

His name is Frankie. He was tonight's singer at the bar.

I was having a quiet usual drink by myself for the weekend like I always do - a usual practice for me to recollect myself and get my own me time. And no, I am not an alchoholic.

Unfortunately, the bar wasn't so quiet tonight. Probably the eve of Malaysia's independence day so it gave many citizens license to drink on a Sunday night without having to worry about having to wake up with a hangover on a Monday morning since it is going to holiday tomorrow.

While I was assuming my drinks for the night just enjoying the time for myself, Frankie was setting up his music equipment. I saw him doing some test strums on his guitar, some mic test. When he was finally satisfied with the sound system, he started singing.

He sang songs from the good old times - The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel, Words by the Bee Gees, My Father's Eyes by Eric Clapton. Those songs were not my type of songs but I found those songs pretty soothing.

There were some old folks who even walked up to Frankie to make some requests for the night.

As Frankie sang for the night, I was simply wondering what he actually did for a living. I mean did he really sing for a living or was it something he did because he loved doing it? Was he one of those who never got a break at singing professionally?

I couldn't help but think why is this guy a bar singer. Most people at his age would already be quite well off financially and happy with a family.

But Frankie had something many of us don't have. As much as the fact that he probably didn't get much as a bar singer, he seemed happy singing. So, while he was singing, I took a look around the bar and realised at least half of the patrons there didn't really bother much about his singing.

Another point that stood out about him was the fact that he was being himself. Not the corporate look good do-gooder that most of us are forced to portray due to contractual obligations imposed on us. Half the bar couldn't care less about his singing or what he was singing but he kept on going. Personally, I think I'd lose my motivation if no one listened to my singing (not that I am trying to imply that my singing is good).

I think it is important for all of us to remember that we should be ourselves. Many of us out there are not who we are. I fall in the trap all the time! Trying to be who we are not, wearing a mask everytime we out there working or meeting people.

Someday you will notice that not being yourself is tiring because you find that you are always acting and putting on a show. You'll never be happy and you'll fill unfilfilled in life. Another thing, you'll feel very demotivated because you'll realise no matter how good a show you put up, like Frankie, half the world or more couldn't care less about it...............

one of those things in life~

Rain...... that's what most of us in this part of Malaysia has been facing for the past four days.

"I hate blasted rains", those were the thoughts of Paul. The rain reminds him of the time his father passed away 3 years ago. It was a tough reality of life he had to accept. His father was his only family after his mother left the family when he was only 3 years of age.

The rains only reminded him of how painful it was to lose his only family and how much he hated his mother who left the family because his father's business did not do well. His father told him his mother passed away when he was a baby. Paul found out the painful truth after he read his father's diary he found while clearing his father's room after his father passed away. Strangely, his father never blamed his mother for leaving, and still wrote about how much he loved her.

Paul never truly understood his father's feelings for his heartless mother.

He pretty much spent his childhood in his father's office - their only home. His father was close to being broke, the office was their home, tables became their bed at night and newspaper became their blanket when it got cold at night. Paul's father was trying to run a business supplying printing paper to offices.

Competition was tough, business was so slow, expenditure simply overran income. Two years in the business and they were at the brink of financial oblivion. That's when Paul's mother decided she wasn't going to hang around a loser and left the family, leaving Paul at three years of age.

Twenty four years has since passed, Paul and his father made it through the tough times. The company is now one of the largest suppliers of paper to major offices in the country and Paul was hell bent on making sure his father's legacy would go on. It was his destiny!

................................................................................

It's a Friday evening, Paul runs through the accounts for the day before closing up. The phone rings, Paul answers it and he hears an unfamiliar voice.

"Paul, is that you?"

"Yes, Paul speaking. Who is this please?"

"I don't know how to say this... but I am your mother."

"I don't have a mother. She left the family a long time ago."

"I know you must be angry, but I saw the advertisement of Dave's passing."

"You sure have a lot of concern for someone who left us for broke."

"I............. I..............."

"Have a nice day." Paul hangs up.

He never heard a call from her again.

So often people are quick to judge just like how Paul's mother judged her husband when the business was not doing well. It is a common sight in this materialistic world we live in. I personally know of friends who went through a similar circumstance in life.

It's not nice to judge someone........ people are who they are because of circumstances in their lives. Let them be who they are and you be who you are. We are all different and are special. It of us were given a gift from God called life.

existing vs living?

Over the weekend I read a book that said, "If you wake up every morning to go to work simply because you have to, and wait for your monthly pay cheque, you are not even living. You are merely existing."

It was a reality check right in my face. The words were throbbing in front of me like a red flag showing conspicuously placed in a mine laid field! Those words really got me thinking about me. It got me thinking about what I was doing now - existing or living?

Embarrassingly, I really think I am existing.

Merely existing isn't difficult to achieve in this overpopulated third rock from the sun. I don't think I'd be wrong if I assumed a good 75% of this world exists and don't really take a crack at living. I mean really living - waking up in the morning knowing there is a purpose for the day, a real purpose in what you want do in your living wake.

I can't help but think there has to be more than just waking up, getting dressed, rocking up to office, going home, then looking forward to the weekend.

What is my purpose? What is your purpose?

Ever thought about it? If you haven't, I think you should give a thought..........

reflection

Only days ago, I wrote something about arguments. Ironically two days ago, I had to go through the very unwilling feeling of being told I was wrong at work. Wrong over something I was actually correct from the start. Like any uncommon situations, that conclusion was derived with a load of information assymetry.

It is not uncommon that we all sometimes say things that could be detrimental to ourselves and to those around us due to the lack of information (i.e. you would have said something else had you known more about the situation). That's probably why so many fights and quarrels break out every now and then.

I had to take a step back and ask myself, "am I really wrong?". I looked, re-looked and re-looked again at the situation to really do an assessment. Contrary to trying to see if I was correct, I earnestly wanted to know if I was wrong. I had to know in all possibilities that I was wrong. I had to make sure I was wrong for the right reasons and that it wasn't a careless mistake on my part.

Turns out, I wasn't wrong and I was right. Fine - I was satisfied.

All that left was a pinch of soreness. Okay................................... no, it wasn't a pinch, it was more of a punch of soreness (truth be told).

No apology whatsoever was offered. Probably because he felt he wasn't oblige to offer an apology to me. It was like a crime left unsolved even though the criminal has been identified. It was injustice.

Funny how we are nurtured to think that justice leaves no stones unturned, only to find that that's exactly what justice doesn't do - all stones are left unturned.

Has the human culture shifted to such inhumane beliefs that all that matters is one's ego and pride? Apologies are simply hard to come by these days........ I can only ponder what the future holds for humanity - a world where everyone wants to be right. It can only be bleek.......

arguments.....

I can still remember it vividly. It was 4 years ago, back when I was still in university. Oh wait, college (my family couldn't afford university). I had a really lengthy debate with my lecturer over my dissertation. Like all other debates and arguments, we could not see eye-to-eye on the subject matter.

We were arguing over the methodology that I wanted to use for my research. I wanted a 100% qualitative research methodology but she wanted me to have both a mix of quantitative and qualitative research methodology.

Being who I was then - young, energetic, gung-ho, I had a point to prove. I wanted to be right. I wanted to be different. While the whole class decided to do a quantitative research because it was old-school, time-tested and proven method, I wanted to be different and I wanted to show I was number 1!

Eventually she gave in and I had my way on the methodology. But one thing was clear after I had finally got my way. There was a touch of resentment in her facial expression. But honest to my heart, it was a really good academic argument on trying to justify why I wanted to rely on my methodology.

I didn't mean to make her feel silly and neither was I trying to prove that I was smarter than her. I merely wanted to show that going out of the norm could take research to a new level. What I forgot was this:-

"Everyone wants to learn new things but no ones likes to be told they are wrong"

There is so much truth in that. Go on, try asking yourself if you like being told you are wrong.

I for a fact know how good it feels to be right after a lenghty argument with someone because I used to be head strong trying to prove myself in any argument, with anyone. I didn't care what it was about or who I was arguing with, I simply wanted to be right, I wanted to be on top.

As much as it feels good, hardly any of us think about the outcome of an argument.

There is no deying the fact of the matter that there will be one person who will be correct and another wrong. My point is....... so what? Seriously! So what if you are right the other person is wrong? Do you get a gold medal for being right? Do you get a million-dollar cheque for being right? Do you get a hug from a pretty lady for being right?

Answer is - NO, you don't get anything. Except for some short-lived gratification to your ego. That's pretty much all you are going to get.

Most importantly, arguments only breed resentment. From resentment, it creates relationship tensions be it with friends, family members or even between couples.

Try this next time:

1. Avoid arguments if possible at all;

2. If unavoidable, instead of arguing, if it is of no pertinent issues, just agree with whoever it is. At the end of the day, both of you get to keep your pride;

3. If it is really of pertinence, then try an indirect approach (i.e. don't turn into an instant argument by saying, "You are wrong because........". Try, "Would it be better if....... or I think it might be possible if...... or I could be wrong but....."

Don't argue, keep your friends, everyone is happy!

the people around~

Where I work, I get to see, witness and feel the vibes of many brilliant people (with the exception of myself). In this small department I work in, exists a small group of people who are really good at what I do. The sort of people who know what they are doing, knowing where to start, steady and simply having their mojo working (with the exception of myself............. again).

One word to sum up what I feel most of the time at work

"CLUELESS"

or

"BLUR"

Kidding people isn't what I am trying to do right here. What I say is the truth and nothing but the truth. After all, I have nothing to hide. =)

In a car race, the one trailing usually gets the benefit since he gets to see the driving style and techniques of the one ahead of him. With work and life, it is quite the opposite. Trailing behind everyone else is anything but good. It's like trailing behind a a bus running on diesel in a traffic jam. Too much exhaust is far from good for your car.

So here I am hitting the red zone, trying not to get left behind. Hopefully, I won't run out of fuel while continuously hitting the red zone or otherwise overheat before I catch up to them.

The good thing is that it points to the direction that tells me there a lot of room for improvement. Which is, effectively a good thing.

A friend of mine summed it up very well saying, "It's good to be number 2 because you get more satisfaction chasing the one ahead of you and in the end to overtake him. It's a feeling so great you will never forget it!" Ironically, I can't help but agree with him.

emotions

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"Emotion is okay as long as you realise it is not who you are. Whatever it is makes you sad or mad, it is nothing. It is just emotion. When we believe our emotions are who we really are, we connect with an identification of the past, instead of the reality of today."

---------------------------------------------------------------

Those were the words muttered to me by a very close friend of mine about two weeks ago. I am not sure if he read it off a book or it was simply philosophy-at-the-spur. I found it difficult to comprehend. It was confusing, to say the very least.

Few weeks ago, I was a ravaged piece of human flesh who was clueless and sinking in a plehtora of emotions ranging from anger to hate to regret. I think I had to go through one of the worst moments in my life. A moment in my life that spelt out the words, "We dismiss your appeal."

Simple words that sent me spiralling below ground zero emotionally and mentally. It was a blow so hard I simply could not swallow. Simply a chunk to big for me to swallow!

"How did we go wrong?" "Could we have made any difference had we had more time?" "Was there more I could have done to turn things around?" "Was it really out of our control?", those were the thoughts going over and over in my mind to the point it was an intemperance.

All wounds heal, and so I am beginning to heal albeit at a pace much slower. Wounds of the heart are always the slow ones to heal.

Right here, right now, we a clearer mind, I am now beginning to make sense of what my friend had told me. I always thought our emotions make up who we are and what we do. Naturally, that's how I thought of it since when I am happy, I smile. Likewise, if I am sad, I'd cry.

But if one were to look at it in isolation, emotions form part of us, and emotions like my friends said - it is just emotion. Nothing more nothing less.

More often than not, we'd find that we do silly things when under the influence of our emotions. Think about our younger days, days when our moms scold us and we end up stomping our feet on the staircase and just slamming the room door behind us. Some get so worked up, they just feel like throwing anything they can grab. That's what emotions can do to us.

The moment "we believe our emotions are who we really are, we connect with an identification of the past, instead of the reality of today." In the end, we will not be able to let go of the past.........

What if?

Life for many of us out there is good. Lifestyle of today's society and the lifestyle of society 10 years ago is a different paradigm altogether. Gross income per capita across the globe has since doubled, tripled or even possibly multiplied a few times over. With better earning power, people spend more these days too. You, me and a good majority of people out there do not hesitate to pamper ourselves with things we can afford because we tell ourselves, "We deserve it!"

But, what if..........

What if you wake one morning to a phone call from your boss telling you that you are fired?

What if one day after a medical checkup, your doctor tells you you've got a serious cancer and only have 2 months to live?

What if one day you start to lose your ability to see?

What if one day you meet a car accident and lose all ability waist-down?

What if one day you lose all every penny in a bad investment?

What if one day you get evicted from your dream home after failing to meet the loan repayment deadline, despite fervently working hard to meet the payments?

There are many "what ifs" in our lifetime, so much so that it is impossible to ever try to plan for these "what ifs". Ironically, when we stumble on a "what if" that becomes a reality, accepting it becomes difficult, almost impossible.

What you end up with is probably having to live with a lot of anger, hate, regret, bitterness. Some nights you probably can't sleep, some days you just can't down any food, sometimes you feel like your chest is being squeezed from the inside that breathing becomes difficult, or like having a boulder on your shoulder.

Anyone who reads this will definitely say this - "Happen to me? Impossible!" or "I am strong, I'll bounce back!". Easier said than done.

Before having to encounter a "what if", go on and say, "I love you" to your loved one. Better still, give them a big hug! Be thankful that you have clothes to wear, food to eat, water to bathe in, a pair of shoes to wear, a table lamp to read your book, opportunity to further your education.

One minute too late could leave you regretting it for the rest of your life........ think about it

what it takes..........

What it takes..............

Sometimes, it takes only one word to make a person close to you turn their backs on you.

Sometimes, it takes only for a parent to say ,"sh#t!" once in their lifetime in front of their kids and you find their kids saying it the very next day; probably even with twice the tenacity.

Sometimes, it takes only for you to hold back on a praise someone is hoping so badly for, to know that you appreciate what he or she has done for you.

Sometimes, it takes only for you to lash out at someone without thinking, to hurt another person's feelings.

Sometimes, it take only for a husband to say, "I love you" to his spouse to lighten up her day after a rough day at work but he decides he doesn't need to.

and....................................................................

Sometimes, it takes only for you to say, "Hi!" with a smile to your kids, and that's all the energy they need to go to school.

Sometimes, it takes only for you to be patient and educate another person who may be slow at learning. You'd surprise yourself how much respect you'd garner from that person for years to come.

Sometimes, it takes only for you to lend another person a dollar and he or she may be able to catch the last bus to see a waiting grandmother at home.

Sometimes, it takes only for you to say, "Thank you" to a good deed and make someone smile for the rest of the day.

Sometimes, it takes only for you to give the opposite sex a rose that speaks a thousand words compared to the word "love" alone.

Notice I have split a few "Sometimes..........." on top and below in this post. You would probably have noticed the difference in the the "Sometimes..........." on top and below. Ponder about it for a while, and put yourself at the receiving end of those "Sometimes...........". You'll soon realise which half of the "Sometimes..........." you'd like to be. Before receiving the good "Sometimes...........", why not start by giving the good "Sometimes..........." to those around you.

Have a nice day!

the inevitable, the acceptable

A close friend of my mom's popped by my house a few days back. But this friend is special. She is different from you and I. Different because she is blind. She wasn't born blind but she became blind from a disease during her early adulthood days.

I was perplexed when my mom decided to take her around our house. In mind there was only one thought - what could a blind lady possibly see? Wouldn't you think the same way if you were me? Really!

I actually whispered to my mom's ears, "Hey! What's she going to see?". Totally forgetting the fact she has been blind for so many years, she would have honed her hearing skills. She heard my whisper and answered me, "I can't see but I compensate with the remaining four senses God so graciously left me with."

Compensated with her remaining senses was exactly what she did! She could differentiate room sizes from the echo generated from the room when we spoke. She even guessed correctly which room was mine after my mom gave her a brief description of my personality. I am guessing she felt the way I placed my room items and arranged my study table. She has been taking buses alone for decades. Ever since my mom knew her in the first company my mom joined.

I got a chance to speak to her and I couldn't help but ask how she became blind. Personally, I wasn't interested in what caused her blindness but I was more interested in how she coped with accepting the fact she became blind. She suffered from glaucoma, of which she found out a tad too late to be saved. She underwent 13 surgeries. THIRTEEN!!!!! I thought I felt my heart fall to the floor when I heard thirteen.

When she was first diagnosed with the disease, she knew her chances of recovery were very slim give the advanced stage of the disease. She also she knew she would have to undergo more than one surgery. Her first reaction was the feeling of a great, deep and vast loss. She knew deep down inside, she was never going to be able to see her favourite tv shows, she herself in the mirror or see her future bride groom. It felt like the world capsizing on her.

The worse part of it all was the fact that she knew she all this was coming for her. She likened it to standing in the middle of a road simply waiting for a car to run over her without being able to do anything about it - in slow motion. She literally felt her eyes get blurrier by the day until she finally became completely blind.

She described how her blindness wrecked her emotionally. She became a recluse, hated her situation, hated God, hated everything, even herself. Until a very close friend successfully persuaded her to tag along to church for a Friday night service. Sitting at the back of the church on a Friday night with her friend, she didn't know what the pastor's sermon was all about neither did she care.

While sitting down, she heard the pastor end the sermon and she heard worship songs being played and people singing along. In her world of complete darkness, first time in her entire life she heard songs of love, of peace, of compassion, of joy, of contention, of giving. First time in her entire life, she actually concentrated on trying to pick up all the sounds making the simply wonderful music she was hearing.

Absorbed into the beautiful music, she simply cried, feeling the awesomeness of the inner peace she has been bestowed upon. Till today she cannot be a hundred percent sure, but she is certain in the midst of crying she heard a voice saying, "There are things even your eyes cannot see. Use the eye of the heart, and all shall be clear to you. What you cannot see does not mean it is not there. Live with what you have left." She attributes it to God and I am not going disagree or agree.

That night, she left the church realising something important. Something she took for granted all these while. She had never truly appreciated having all five senses. Not until her eyesight was taken away from her. She also realised, it was futile fighting the inevitable. Fighting something against something she knew she couldn't change.

She summed it up quite very simply as, "I learned to accept the inevitable that very night. In fact, I have always been happy since that night and I have never hated the fact that I am blind. I gained a gift - a gift of impeccable hearing and touch. Most importantly, I learned that if I kept trying to go against the current of inevitability, I'd just get swept away. Just like how I was when I first became blind - sad, hateful, full of self pity."

I couldn't agree more with her....................................

the cost of having kids!

While having breakfast before starting my day at work yesterday morning, the idea that I just sat for my last exam paper a few days ago set in and it hit me that I have spent about 3 and a half years doing my degree and another 2 and a half doing my post-graduate professional qualification.

Naturally, my mind decided to take a drive down memory lane thinking about all the money my parents have spent on me. With all humility, I'll gladly declare my parents could have saved a lot more money had they decided not to have me!

Let's do some math here on the cost of having a child during the first year. Bear in mind, I am thinking out loud estimating the costs. Here goes:

Housing - RM3,000
Food - RM1,000
Transportation - RM1,000
Clothing - RM600
Health care - RM800
Miscellaneous - RM500
TOTAL - RM6,900

Judging from the figures above, I think it's safe to say that I probably have underestimated the cost. But let's not forget, that amount compounds as the child grows. We can clearly see why children come with a hefty price tag! Not to mention, it's a price tag for the long term!

Studying for my degree locally already cost my parents close to RM60,000, tuition fees alone. Let's all assume it takes on average up to RM300,000 until the day the child leaves home. RM300,000 can get you a lot desirable items.

But there's more! Here's why you get more bang for your buck when you have a child:

For RM300,000 you get:
1. to name the child;
2. more love than your heart can hold;
3. flying kisses and Velcro hugs;
4. a hand to hold, albeit probably covered with chocolate, jelly or even saliva.

For RM300,000 you get to be young again:
1. watching Sunday cartoons with your child;
2. play peekaboo!
3. count stars;
4. be Santa Claus, without being called an idiot.

That's not all! You get to be a hero:
1. putting bandaid on a cut;
2. fixing a broken toy;
3. mending a hole in the favourite bolster;
4. retrieving a kite from a neighbourhood tree.

In addition, you get to be the first person to witness the:
1. first step;
2. first word;
3. first pair of undies;
4. first date; and
5. first time behind the wheel of the family car.

Some incidental benefits includes you being immortalised through the possibility of a never ending growth in the family tree branches - blessed with grandchildren, great grandchildren!

In addition, in the eyes of a child, you are their number 1 person - you are the one who chases away the boogey man under the bed or inside the closet, patch a broken heart, advise on career paths, help with math homework, and love them with all your heart.

You'll get to all those stuff so that someday they too will love without counting the cost, and love with all the heart.

Isn't it one hell of a deal for the price? :) Have a nice day!


~Path of Time~ by Micky Foo is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License

a movie quote that gave rise to a landmark in me.........

Few days ago, I finally got to watch the finale to Sylvester Stallone's Rocky franchise. There's no doubt about it that he ended the franchise very well; really bringing the Rocky franchise to a close.

Anyway, this post isn't about the movie. If you need a movie review on Rocky VI, please visit www.imdb.com. This post is about something Stallone's character, Rocky Balboa said to his son in one of the scenes. Something invaluable I learned from the movie.

There was this scene when Rocky's son went to speak to him shortly after Rocky was granted his boxing license. Rocky is old, not as fit as before, slower punches, slower reflexes and to make matters worse, he is about to have a boxing match with the current world champion. And Rocky's son, Robert isn't too happy about it.

Not too happy about the fact that his father might be sending himself on a suicide mission having a boxing match with a formidable foe, not too happy about the fact that his father is no longer the Rocky in Rocky V, not too happy about the fact that he has always been under his father's shadow.

In that scene, Robert tries to discourage Rocky from going on with the fight, claiming that while it's hard enough to live under his father's shadow, this recent publicity will make it even worse. Robert goes so far as to ask whether his father cares about him. A saddened Rocky says he remembers when Robert could fit in the palm of his hand. He says that at some point his son lost his way and started blaming other things and people for his own misfortune. Telling him:

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!"

When I heard what he said, it struck me right in my funny bone and gave me goosebumps. I think replayed that scene over ten times on my DVD player. The amount of truth in what Rocky said, to me, is as close as immeasurable.

I for one have done what Robert in Rocky VI did. Not once, not twice, not trice, but probably a million times! Attaching the blame on someone, something or anything naturally took priority before anything else, when things don't seem to work out.

Somehow, having heard that phrase, something inside me sent me going for my collection of VCDs. In the back of my head, I knew, I heard or seen something along those lines. Days of digging and test playing old VCDs finally yielded the movie Rising Sun, a Michael Crichton novel adaptation by director Philip Kaufman. There was this scene when actor Sean Connery was talking to Wesley Snipes, and he says, "Blame, who's to blame? Fix the problem, not the blame."

If not one, but two movies can talk about the same thing, it can't be wrong.

It is going to be undeniable that you and I will go through a period or sometimes even periods of ups and downs because life ain't all sunshine and rainbows. You and I won't go through happy times all the time and at some point, we are going to make mistakes, put ourselves in a fix, go into an all time low, or even sometimes get on the verge of a relationship breakdown, or whatever other humdrum life can throw at us.

And because what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger, every time we get hit with a reality bite, there's nothing you and I can do but to take the hit and keep moving forward because that's how winning is done. And I don't mean winning against someone but winning against yourself because winning and losing has got nothing to do with another person, it starts with you. Winning is an attitude and that attitude can only come when you set an identity for yourself (see my post on ~changing your identity~)

But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! Like Rocky said, you and me, we are not cowards who go around fixing the blame. We are not like that because we are special. Twenty four chromosomes contributed by our fathers and mothers respectively made you and me unique from one another............. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth.

~Path of Time~ by Micky Foo is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License