arguments.....

I can still remember it vividly. It was 4 years ago, back when I was still in university. Oh wait, college (my family couldn't afford university). I had a really lengthy debate with my lecturer over my dissertation. Like all other debates and arguments, we could not see eye-to-eye on the subject matter.

We were arguing over the methodology that I wanted to use for my research. I wanted a 100% qualitative research methodology but she wanted me to have both a mix of quantitative and qualitative research methodology.

Being who I was then - young, energetic, gung-ho, I had a point to prove. I wanted to be right. I wanted to be different. While the whole class decided to do a quantitative research because it was old-school, time-tested and proven method, I wanted to be different and I wanted to show I was number 1!

Eventually she gave in and I had my way on the methodology. But one thing was clear after I had finally got my way. There was a touch of resentment in her facial expression. But honest to my heart, it was a really good academic argument on trying to justify why I wanted to rely on my methodology.

I didn't mean to make her feel silly and neither was I trying to prove that I was smarter than her. I merely wanted to show that going out of the norm could take research to a new level. What I forgot was this:-

"Everyone wants to learn new things but no ones likes to be told they are wrong"

There is so much truth in that. Go on, try asking yourself if you like being told you are wrong.

I for a fact know how good it feels to be right after a lenghty argument with someone because I used to be head strong trying to prove myself in any argument, with anyone. I didn't care what it was about or who I was arguing with, I simply wanted to be right, I wanted to be on top.

As much as it feels good, hardly any of us think about the outcome of an argument.

There is no deying the fact of the matter that there will be one person who will be correct and another wrong. My point is....... so what? Seriously! So what if you are right the other person is wrong? Do you get a gold medal for being right? Do you get a million-dollar cheque for being right? Do you get a hug from a pretty lady for being right?

Answer is - NO, you don't get anything. Except for some short-lived gratification to your ego. That's pretty much all you are going to get.

Most importantly, arguments only breed resentment. From resentment, it creates relationship tensions be it with friends, family members or even between couples.

Try this next time:

1. Avoid arguments if possible at all;

2. If unavoidable, instead of arguing, if it is of no pertinent issues, just agree with whoever it is. At the end of the day, both of you get to keep your pride;

3. If it is really of pertinence, then try an indirect approach (i.e. don't turn into an instant argument by saying, "You are wrong because........". Try, "Would it be better if....... or I think it might be possible if...... or I could be wrong but....."

Don't argue, keep your friends, everyone is happy!