how far would you go?

They say, "love knows no boundaries". I tend to agree with that statement I've seen parents go through hell to making sure their children gets the best, sometimes even if it means they have to tie their stomachs so their kids can get more. I've also witness siblings looking out for each other, be it in fights or even sports. I've also seen married couples sharing a single meal in times of financial difficulties.

The incomprehensible emotion called love is indeed a feeling that is like a burst of adrenalin when your body needs a sudden burst of energy to escape danger. Love can drive us to go the distance for that someone dear to us. I don't think you or I can explain how it gives us the drive to go that far. Above and beyond this, love is sometimes like a double edge sword that can lift us up to cloud nine but at the same time, it has the innate ability to leave a scar in the heart of unwary people. Yet, there are those who are willing to take the hurt because of love, simply because they think it's worth it.

How far would you go?

With all honesty, I am not yet able to answer this question. It's a truly difficult question for me. years ago when I tried going the distance, it left me in shambles. In fact, it became years of picking up the pieces. In the process, I learnt it is always easy to remember than to forget, especially the self-doubting events in one's lifetime. Like a broken recorder, it keeps replaying itself - going on and on and on and on. The harder you try to forget it, the more it keeps repeating itself.

It's no easy feat to be selfless and going out there to take the heat for someone you love. But if I knew I could do something, even if it's one thing, one time in my life to make a difference in the life of someone I loved, I'd probably do it without thinking twice. That's what God would probably want us to do.

It is easy to like someone or to be attracted to someone but to love someone, that's a whole new level altogether. It's not just about love-at-first-sight and neither is it just about appearance. It goes far deeper than that. It's about being able to accept the good, the bad and the ugly about a person. Everyone is different, yet everyone is similar in that we all have our good and bad points. Love has this amazing power to bridge that gap and simply turn everything good.

How far would you go?

Like the Bee Gees's song, how deep is your love?

Just play the shot, it's either up or down!

"You really think too much!"

That's what my colleague said to me a few days ago. It got me scratching my head a bit. It did get me thinking if I was thinking too much. One of those catch 22 situations - "thinking about thinking".

I think there are some of us who just go with the flow of things and react during the moment whilst there are some of us who likes to figure things out first before doing anything. I apparently, fall in the latter.

Last night, out of the blues while reviewing professional squash matches over YouTube I stumbled upon a special interview footage with Amr Shabana, the former world number one squash player and the current world number two.

In the interview, he was asked about what does he think about when it comes to shot selections during a match, how does he decide on what shot to play, the thought process. I was rather startled with his reply. He said something like this (my quote may not be accurate), "I don't think about it. If I think too much and try to think about options I usually end up making a mistake. I just don't think about it and play the shot, there is a 50 50 chance - either it's up or down."

At the back of my head, the first thing that entered my mind was the "You really think too much!" statement my colleague made about me. I was beginning to wonder maybe I shouldn't think too much about everything and just 'play the shot'. Either way, it's going to be a 50 50 chance if I play the shot rather than sitting down and thinking too much about it only to find myself in a predicament!

Most importantly, rather than being resourceful to those around me, I may end up becoming a burden instead. It also places unnecessary emotional stress and mental stress on myself. I would know, since I inherently placed myself in such a convolving position. As I am typing the words out for this post I am thinking to myself, "silly me!".

Just got to get out there and 'play the shot'. Won't know until I 'strike the ball' I guess........

perfect couple

I was taking a walk to my optician in a shopping mall when I came across an unusual sight. There was this couple who were walking out of the lift, the girl was on a wheel chair and the guy on a pair of crutches. Minus the fact that they were less capable physically clearly didn't stop them from being happy.

They were talking to each other very cheerfully and I could see they were in love with each other. You'd know two persons are in love with each other when the two of them can look into each others' eyes with a touch of gentleness and softness only people in love would know. I might be making an assumption here considering I haven't had extensive experience in the topic of love but I do know parents can give their kids such gentle gazes even at times when a parent is upset with a child (I know since I used to get it a lot from my mom.................. and dad).

We all like to dream of having a perfect companion. I mean who wouldn't? You would too right?

It can be quite funny at times when some of my friends can give me vivid descriptions of how they want their 'perfect' girl to be. Although, I tend to hold the opinion that the harder you wish for it, the harder it is for you to find your 'perfect' match (a.k.a. Murphy's Law).

But does it really matter? I mean in terms of having the opposite sex meet one's wish list.

Falling for someone can be as easy as love-at-first-sight for some people. For others, it could involve a lot of communication to understand each other before making the lunge into the vault of emotions. There are a plethora of permutations of which I won't dive into simply because I am not a psychologist and I couldn't possibly map out all the permutations.

But one thing's for sure - falling in love does not require a reason or justification, all it requires is for two people to be able to look into each other eyes at anytime, anywhere and say with all truthfulness and sincerity, "I love you........."

Love knows no boundaries, love couldn't care less if she's shorter than me, love couldn't care less if she's not as pretty as the girl next door, love couldn't care less if she wasn't born rich, love couldn't care less if she isn't smart, love couldn't care less if she paralysed waist-down.

Love only requires time, patience, tolerance, honesty and most importantly, sincerity................ The short moment I saw the couple in the shopping mall, I could tell they loved each other and made a perfect couple despite their physical imperfections. I truly wish them a happy future........

a new experience ~

Yesterday and today was a new experience for me. One time in my life and decided to be spontaneous about something. I decided to go rock climbing without even thinking about it. My friend asked me on a Friday evening and I said yes without even thinking.

The end result was 2 crazy days of physical exertion. I now find myself with muscular aches that remind me of my 5-day week squash training when I was still playing squash seriously. Just to show you the gravity of the situation, my fingers can barely work this keyboard, click on the touch pad, the muscles of my backside hurt, my knees are still burning and my thighs are sore.

But if there was one thing I learnt today it would be never to underestimate a pile of rocks! I went to the rock climbing venue beaming with confidence knowing I could finish the rock climbing course. I knew I had to finish the course since I had bet with my friend. Lunch was on the line!

After all the huffing and puffing, I couldn't complete the course and hence, officially lost the bet. I now owe my friend lunch. I sure lost the bet but I sure feel happy. Happy because I feel refreshed.

I've got cuts and bruises all over but I feel good. Pain tells me that I am alive.

About underestimating a pile of rocks, I think that applies to people as well. All too often we sometimes underestimate the people around us. I am guilty of that in many ways. There was this time when I once had a cello student who was to a very large extent tone deaf and within the sixth cello lesson I straight away drew a conclusion in my mind that she was never going to be able to learn the cello.

But she never gave up hope that someday she could play the cello. She continued to practise and I was somewhat losing hope in her ability to pick up the cello. One month down the road, she was suddenly able to pick up notes albeit inaccurately. But most importantly, I could tell that she was no longer tone deaf. Even if she couldn't sing out the notes correctly, she could pick up what notes they were by listening intently. I was very happy for her and at the same time ashamed of myself. Ashamed of myself for underestimating her. I asked her how she managed to do it and she told me she spent a lot of hours listening to music and reading the music score along as she listened so she could pick out the notes.

All this while, music was already within her and she simply needed someone to help her bring it out. That was supposed to be my task until I decided to close her out when I underestimated her and drew a conclusion to say that she was not going to be able to learn the cello.

Sometimes something as rigid as a rock can be something special just like how I underestimated rock climbing. Views can differ from one person to another. Never underestimate anything or anyone because there just could be something hidden that you may miss out. Just like how I nearly closed myself to my student and nearly killed her interest for the cello, she showed me I shouldn't discount her and that even she could do the cello as long as she put in more effort into it.......

The fat guy who turned up for squash~

Where I work, we have a squash team that plays regularly every Mondays and Thursdays. About 6 to 7 of us who simply want to have a good workout and sometimes, have a really competitive match to see how far we have improved in our game. Sometimes, we even discuss among ourselves to point out areas of improvement in our game. It's a nice stress relieving session I must say.

This Monday was different. There's was a new guy who joined the firm not long ago and decided he wanted to join our squash session. Welcoming him to the squash session was naturally what I had to do. Where I work, squash players are a rarity. But this new guy who joined us is different from any new guy at squash. He was different because he was fat. He was really fat like having a 45 inch waist line or probably more.

It all started when I found this new guy in my company's monthly bulletin of new staff. Every time there is a batch of new joiners, a bulletin will be sent out to all staff to offer a brief description of each of the new joiners. I was scrolling down the latest batch of new joiners and I noticed one description that said, "squash captain", which really piqued my curiosity. I had to find out who this new guy was because I didn't catch wind of any really good squash player joining us. I would have known if there was one coming in. Honestly, I was a little doubtful about it.

I was really looking forward to the idea of having a strong squash team with this new "squash captain" that has joined us. So, I popped him a mail to tell him to come see me, sort of to break the ice and get to know him better. A couple of hours after lunch, this guy shows up at my cubicle to meet me. I was surprised! Very, very, very surprised to be honest. I was expecting to see a well built bloke who'd fit the description of "squash captain". Instead, I found myself staring at this really fat bloke who introduced himself to be this "squash captain".

I promptly introduced myself and the squash team along with our playing sessions. I excused myself after the prompt introduction. I couldn't help but burst out laughing in private because I was surprised to see this fat bloke and simply because I was expecting someone a lot different as compared to what I saw.

I admit that I shouldn't laugh at someone else's physical attributes and offer my apologies for having laughed at him, albeit in private. But, but he did turn up for our squash session and he put effort in his game. Given his size, he is definitely at a disadvantage but he still showed up. Most fat people shy away from sports because they feel they can't offer a good game or be competitive in their game. I don't know how he felt about joining us for squash but I think he was probably worried about how our reaction was going to be. But the fact that he showed up to me, was commendable and I respect him for that.

I will be frank in saying this - he's slow in the court, not technically sound and unfit from a cardiovascular standpoint. But frankly, I don't really care because that was expected. Have any o of you seen a fit and fat guy before? Not likely, right? But he made it a point to show up and to have a good workout. I have to give him credit for that. He was honest enough to say that he probably wouldn't be able to give me a good game but he was determined to lose weight by having a good workout from squash. I was glad he said that because deep down I now know I should reciprocate he's will to lose weight.

Being fat can be embarrassing. I can attest to that because I was fat when I was in primary school right up to mid-secondary school. So much so that my family nickname became "Fats". That nickname still sticks till today despite having lost weight and toned up. Fat people sometimes have peers make them the focal point for a joke because of being fat. It's sad because it can be hurting even though it may be a friendly joke. After all, these people never chose to be fat. I can't think of anyone crazy enough who'd want to be fat!

Therefore, if a fat guy can turn up for squash and tell me he wants to lose weight, I believe I should oblige in helping reach his goal to lose weight and to reciprocate his determination to shape up and move from fat to fit.

you've got only each other.......

Growing up with siblings has its commonalities. The quarrels, the fights, the fair share of parental advice, the pep talks, even sharing the sting of the most revered family bamboo cane (mom ain't nothing once you have felt the sting of the cane) :P

There's not a single family that I know of, who has told me they have never had sibling squabbles. Not any that I know of at least. I'd be utterly surprised if someone told me he or she has siblings and never had a single squabble throughout their growing up.

I have one older brother and I sure do remember the fights we went through when we were younger. I laugh whenever I think back about it. Fighting and arguing over the tiniest of matter. But we were kids then, what do you expect? It reached a point my dad got us each a pair of boxing gloves to go fight it out. Every Sunday, he'd lay four bricks in each corner of the compound of our home for the 'boxing ring' and he'd be the referee. As far as he was concerned, nothing below the belt and nothing above the neck. We had a whacking fun time!

Over and above all that, every time my brother and I had an argument, we'd both get the cane or scolding. My mom or dad would never ask who started it and they didn't want to know. There was no favouritism. One thing they never failed to say was, "look, it's just the two of you in this family. We both love you guys and why are you guys fighting amongst yourselves? What good does it do? Family stay together and hang on to each other for support. When the world is crumbling around you and no one cares about you, your family is all you have. Mom and dad can't be here for you forever. Someday we'll leave this world and you two have each other only so don't go on fighting. You guys should be like best friends! Alright?"

At that young age, the last thing on my mind was my brother being my best friend. Fighting over anything, even food! Who would have thought someone like that would make a best friend? I sure didn't.

But right here, right now, I'd say my parents was right. Today, my brother lives in Australia, working there and happy with a decent girlfriend. I am truly happy for him. As much as he is far away from where I am, I do miss the bloke and every now and then we text each other. There are things that I tell him of which I don't even tell my parents. I have shared experiences with him, that no one else could - I played against him in the finals of a squash tournament (albeit, I lost. In fact, I don't think I have ever beaten him in a serious match); the last time I traveled to Australia to visit him, he made sure I didn't need to foot out a single dime while I was there; every now and then he pops me an sms saying, "take care of the old folks alright because I can't be there for them."

I've seen people closest to me kick the bucket, I've seen some of my friends' parents kicking the bucket and I know it's not a nice feeling. I also realise that I don't know how much time I have left with my parents and someday they will leave this world as they go through the human life cycle. And when they depart, it's just going to be me and him. He's all I got and I am all he's got....... but he ain't heavy, his my brother.

When your own mind becomes your enemy~

"huh huh", "huh huh", "huh huh", I was breathing hard and I was sweating hard. Most of the muscles in my body were starting to feel a burning sensation. I knew my body was very close to the limit. I was struggling to breathe, in fact. I was down 5 points and my opponent looked stronger than ever. I knew in my mind, this was going to be one of the toughest squash matches I have ever had in years.

The match pinched me because there I was looking at my opponent, he's this bloke almost twice my age and yet I couldn't beat or let alone take a set off him. It was down right frustrating. I was thinking so hard to come out with some way to beat him but I simply ran out of ideas during the match. Every shot I played, he had an answer for it. If I made a good shot, he'd make a better shot. It reached a point where I just didn't know what to do anymore!

At that tipping point, I got frustrated and I got upset with myself. That's when unforced errors started to come in and I basically gave him the game. The frustration just got worse.

I sat outside the court after the match just asking myself one question. Only one. "Was it worth getting frustrated and upset with yourself?". As I saw the sweat from my face dripped on the floor as I sat on the floor, I knew the answer was a simple, "No".

As I drove home, windows down, the air blowing into the car was simply refreshing. Then as I gave the match a deep thought (still conscious of the road, I promise), it dawned to me that there is an undeniable truth to the fact that the mind has latent powers that many of us can actually harness maybe with the exception of great minds like Einstein, Socrates or Darwin.

My point is this - the very mind that I was using to come up with tactics and techniques to beat my opponent in the very end turned against me when I lost my mind in the state of frustration and simply gave away the match making unforced errors and sometimes, silly shots.

Yes, I admit I may be raising a rhetorical point but the irony of the human mind being a double edged sword is simply mind boggling. As much as the human mind is capable of marvelous feats, it can also be the harbinger of self-destruction.