different colours, up and down

We share two things in common when it comes to our daily lives. Colours and direction. Colours and direction can then be best described by a fairy wheel!

Ferris wheel always comes in many different colours, much like how our moods can be described by colours. At the same time a fairy wheel always goes round and round, up and down.

I took a picture of the ferris wheel but never really got the chance to sit on it because I had too heavy a meal and didn't want to risk myself puking out the window of the ferris wheel when I was on vacation in Adelaide. But towards the end of the day when I was leaving the Royal Adelaide Show, it dawn on me that our lives are like one big ferris wheel.

Each time we step into a different ferris wheel, we sit in a different coloured cabin, like how our moods and experiences differ from day to day. Then, once we sit into the fairy wheel cabin, it takes us on a ride. We go up and come back down. Again, we are continuously going up and down in our lives experiencing the peaks and valleys life has to offer.

As we come to the end of 2011, the fairy wheel of life is slowly coming back to where it started before taking us on a ride. It'll then proceed to take another round bringing up and down again.

Just remember this - up or down, peak or valley, no one promises a smooth ride all the time in anything we do but whether it's up or down, only we can keep ourselves going no matter how tough things are. God gave us the science defying brain, mind and emotions. These are the three tools we must continue to use and not take for granted if we want to survive the ups and downs of our lives.

Happy New Year to all of you out there and for those who have continued reading my posts. I thank you very much and hope my writings have been reading pleasures to you.

How do you deal with it?

Growing up entails more than just growing taller, looking older and in certain cases, balding. Growing up or older probably often involves a certain degree of pain. Pain because we tend to lose something along our journey of growing up as we get absorbed in the only constant in our life - change.

But the pain of losing something dear to us - favourite toy, favourite blanket, favourite pillow, will always linger because we tend to cling on to these favourite items. Clinging on to these items tend to give us a form of security. It's when we lose it, we suddenly feel naked.

Losing the attachment is what that really makes us feel that sorrow in our hearts, the pain of losing something. But I once read somewhere that sometimes even though we may feel the sadness of loss, our heart rejoice deep in us for what we have gained.

Our first reaction when faced with loss is typically stress, anxiety and sometimes anger. We lash out or try to reach out to anything we can grab to feel a sense of security like trying to hug your lucky bolster when you were a toddler. It is times like this we truly grow, from the process of evolution, we learn to cope and handle our anxieties. We are actually truly adaptive creatures, naturally seeking out opportunities in adversity. Every valley we stumble upon will be temporary and we soon find ourselves on the peek staring down the valley you just overcame.

Like waiting for your turn to get a train ticket in a massively packed train station during the holiday season. You can choose to wait patiently, knowing that it will be a matter of time before it is your turn. Likewise, you can wait with the utmost frustration, cursing the crowd in your heart, but it wouldn't miraculously move you up the queue. We just have to deal with it as it comes.

So how do you deal with it?

Maybe it's time to let nature take control

When we talk about movies, inspirational stories, success stories, have you ever stopped to think and notice that there is always a common theme across all the media mediums and genre?

Personally, I'd say yes - it will always be about someone following low and bringing himself back up. It is after all a good seller in terms of stories because otherwise there really wouldn't be much to write about and shoot about.

Let's look about real life instead. Our lives. Yours and mine. Our lives, if you ever stopped to notice revolves a whole lot of trial and error before we finally get things right. I don't know if I would be right to say this but it is almost as if it is embedded in our DNA for us to be naturally inquisitive - always asking questions about everything about us. I do not deny, it is this inquisitiveness that brings about progress and technologies that continue to leap frog upon exiting technologies. Progress has been burgeoning over the last few decades, to say the very least!

However, there are certain aspects to things that could categorically describe us as, "pushing things a bit too far". For example, when you if you drop a couple of apple seeds on a vacant piece of land (assuming it has the basic nutrients to be deemed fertile). Come rain and shine, what you will initially see are a couple of small apple plants popping out from the ground. That's nature's work.

Just leave them there and let nature take its cause, those plants will eventually become apple bearing trees. That too is nature's work.

Now, if you leave them alone for too long, branches grow out of control, dead leaves fall all over the place. Eventually, enough branches cross each other and the trees start fighting for nutrients from the limited land. Plus, enough dampness and nature's call will bring about insects that basically do more damage to the plants and the soil around it. That's nature's work too.

Question is - at what point do we step in to ensure that nature does not erode itself?

For example, as a baby grows up into kid, we step in to make sure school is there to ensure that education brings him up in the right direction from a social standpoint. Without education, a child is at the minimum illiterate.

Pollution happens, we step in to establish controls to control the level of pollution and hopefully have a more sustainable future.

When we fall sick, we take antibiotics and other types of medication to recover from the sickness.

Still in the beginning stages of the 21st century, have you notice lately, that we have not been very successful in correcting nature's cause? Flood becoming more uncontrollable, weather going crazy, earthquakes, volcanoes, oil leakages in the ocean. All this is happening and all we can do is be reactive in implementing damage control.

For the past decades, maybe we have been stepping in between nature for far too long and too much - building dams, hydroelectric plants, mining, tree felling.

From the context of an apple farm earlier, maybe it's time we stop trying to improve the apple fruit from the apple tree but instead try to trim the edges of the tree to keep them nice and neat. We may have been too near sighted constantly harping on the fruit not realising the trees have been growing out of control.

Maybe it's time to let nature take control instead.........

What about yourself?

I caught a glimpse of a tv series when I managed to get home early today. I didn't stay to watch the entire episode but I did catch a short scene from the show. It's this guy who is respected by those around him and is usually called upon to help in love life situations and family matters. Just like the counselor everyone goes to in times of need. So much so that his nickname in the show is, "sifu" which in Cantonese is translated as teacher or guru.

It was this scene where he came out with a witty plan to help a couple fix their issue. Of course, his scheme was successful and the couple was happily after. But despite all the happy scenes going about him saving couples' relationship, family problems and what not, he was not exactly the happiest person in the show having lost his girlfriend to his close friend (of which he eventually gave up under the pretext of "I just want you to be happy").

I know there are many out there who would think it is awfully sweet of him and romantic but is it really sweet and romantic? Honestly?

Being selfless is one of the most respectable traits a person can have, like Ghandi and Mother Teresa. However, even being selfless has its limits.

Like the sifu in the show, he made everyone around him happy by helping them in times of need, mediating couple's squabbles, helping in family matters but he himself was suffering deep inside without anyone knowing. He was hurting, crying inside. Did it make sense to go around being a hero yet living himself in shambles inside? I think not.

Before one can become one to be called upon to help, one should start caring about oneself first. Don't get me wrong when I say you should care for yourself first as being selfish but what the message I want to bring across is that you cannot go around helping others before you start caring for yourself. Being selfless is a respectable trait but being completely selfless commensurate to being foolish.

Put it this way, you can't be a squash coach without knowing the game, you can't give someone proper medical attention without being a doctor, you can't teach without first being a teacher, you can't donate money without first having sufficient for yourself to survive, you can't piggyback someone else when you suffer from back problems. I think you probably would understand where I am coming from by now.

What about yourself? If you can answer that question, then you can become the sifu to those who need you........... So, what about yourself?

you learn

Dark clouds, heavy rain, a long trail of brake lights ahead of me meant I was going to be in my car for a little longer. As I was cursing the traffic silently in my heart, next thing I hear on the radio is song I haven't heard in a pretty long time. Something I could reflect from what happened at work today.

Those familiar with radio songs will pretty easily pick up the song and the singer. The chorus really meant something to me. As I sat in the driver's seat slowly inching my car bit by bit in the traffic jam, I heard, "you grieve you learn, you choke you learn, you laugh you learn, you choose you learn, you pray you learn, you ask you learn, you live you learn.".

It's a pretty old song and would probably be more than ten years old but still very relevant to you and me (maybe not to you but it does seem relevant to me). It may not seem as what the writer of the song wanted to mean but I think if I look at it from my life or our lives, it does say something. That something means, we are constantly learning, every day in the things we do. Happy times or sad times, we can still learn a thing or two in those situations.

I used to admire people who seem to know everything. Always seeming to know what to answer or know where to look for those answers. However, there are those who tend to abuse that special gift - those who take too much pride in knowing.

There are times, when I approach people with a question only to find myself getting a long winded, convoluted answer from them. Worst of all when I later find out from someone else that the answer I got earlier was complete irrelevant! Worst of all are those who do not assist you but at the same time try to belittle you in the process. I am sure you would have had such encounters. Not very funny when you are at the receiving, I trust.

At the end of the day, when someone knows more than you, more often than not it is due to that person having more experience than you simply because they have done more in their lifetime than you have. Just like how your parents seem to know more about surviving in this big world than you. I don't particularly believe in a talented person doing better than a normal, average person simply because being talented only means you learn faster than an average person.

Never, ever, ever say you are not as smart as another person because we are all just as intelligent unless your IQ level falls way below the average mark. Being a normal person simply means we learn through doing, listening, observing, trying, etc. Like the lyrics I quoted, you learn when you grieve, you learn when you choke, you learn when you laugh, you learn when you choose, you learn when you pray and etc.......

Don't let anyone put you down simply because they know something you don't. Just because they don't want  to share their knowledge, only means you need to find it elsewhere and out there from my experience, there are plenty of people who enjoy sharing their knowledge with you (and explain it better too!). When you someone puts you down, you grieve but you learn not to be like them. When you ask someone else, you listen and you learn from them. Most importantly, when you live, you learn from the experiences you go through every day until the day you breathe your last breath. You always learn. Always remember - "you live, you learn".

full effort

Yesterday, I managed to squeeze out of office to go for my weekly squash sessions. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that I can go out there and play my favourite sport pitching my skills against someone better and to hopefully learning a new thing or two to improve my game. 

Half way through one of my matches, the resident coach there who coaches the state junior team looks at me and says, "you are very hardworking in the court!". I tried to laugh under all the panting I was doing and replied while puffing, "I guess when you are short on talent, you just need to rely on fitness to rough it out."

It was the same thing when I was training during my junior days, always trying to outlast my opponent and just keep on running until I ran my opponent with sheer tenacity. Until, eventually one day my knee gave some time before I hit the age of 21 putting my squash to a rendering hiatus for the next three years. But then again, I never really had a successful squash career since I had probably had more losses than wins at that time. 

Not winning isn't nice especially when you are competing against someone. What's the point in playing a game when you have absolutely no intention to win? Winning gives you a undeniable gratifying sensation in you heart but it is also something that doesn't happen all the time (i.e. you will lose too at times). But just because you lose doesn't give you a reason to stop playing the game. I have lost plenty of squash matches but I am still playing the game because I really love the game. 

But allow me to quote Gandhi (yes, the Mahatma Gandhi), "Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory.". 

That is one quote that strikes a key to the very dot in me for there is so much truth in it. As much as winning is a nice feeling but there are times when the results become insignificant when compared against the effort put into the game. There are some matches that I play and lose but still feel satisfied knowing I had a good game, going all out trying to score good points. 


You've got to go at something knowing that you tried and put in effort into it. If you feel you can't jump, you hop. If you think you can't run, you walk. If you think you can't walk, you crawl. Either way, you'll soon realise that you will eventually reach your ultimate destination, your goal albeit maybe slower but you will still reach there. Most importantly, you will feel an extremely gratifying feeling knowing that you put in full effort.... because with full effort, you not only beat your opponent but most importantly, you beat the demon inside of you constantly trying to demotivate and put you down.....

be nothing before something

Take a step back, look around and what you will generally find painstakingly obvious is that we are shrouded in the world's countless standards. Standards that so called sets people, brand, items, animals, etc. apart from one another. You will always find that virtually anywhere in any conversation that someone is caring, loving, not sensitive enough to care, not smart enough to excel, too quiet to ever make new friends, too prudent to take risks, and soon you'll find that the list of standards, comparable and dichotomies goes on like an endlessly playing broken recorder.

These standards have become so commonly mentioned and brought up that it has become apart of our lifestyle, our very beliefs in our minds. The office is a very good place that demonstrates this. There will always be one "star" performer that everyone wants to be or look up to. I cannot deny that having someone to look up to and admire can be motivating but doesn't it give way to a proliferation of insecurities?

Before you know it, you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to another, constantly worried about what others think about you based on the standards and dichotomies set by the social standings deemed the gospel truth. But take a minute or two to ponder this - no really knows the truth, no one really holds the book of standards and therefore, wouldn't it mean that everyone else among us is just going on about their lives day by day trying to hide their insecurities, the truth?

Isn't it burgeoning how society imposes standards on us?

Would you then rather be something or nothing? By being nothing I don't mean you become an invalid but by being you - no expectations, not compared to or against, no hiding of flaws, not trying to live up to others' expectations but your own.

Seldom observed is that our weaknesses may well have been our strengths all these while but we have been clouded in our relentless effort to meet the "standards". By being you, you start by being nothing - stripped of all insecurities like fear, embarrassment, jealousy, and what you will find is you (i.e. the real you). Without all the insecurities clouding your eyes staring at yourself, you find that you can clearly find where your weaknesses are begin taking the positive step to better yourself instead of masquerading your weakness behind someone you are not.

One cannot be something until one becomes nothing........

question marks, questions marks, question marks........??

Ever wondered what it feels like standing in the middle of nowhere wondering which direction to head to? What to do next? How to get about the next step in your journey? Looking left and right into an empty horizon not knowing whether you will even make it through the next day.

That's one of those moment I feel I am in right now. It's almost like I am in a different realm void of all reasoning and just not sure what to do next. I am looking left and right really wondering if I can make it through the next day.

At one point I thought the first half of this year was probably one of the worse I have ever had but right now, I might have just dropped a step lower in the "worse" situation scale. It is even more perplexing considering I managed to get a two week break out of the country to refresh my mind and following that received some good news knowing that I have progressed yet another small step in my careeer. Put that all into an equation and I should be smiling myself ear to ear but yet I find myself in this situation figuratively staring at questions marks, questions marks and more question marks looking at all directions. A cloud of uncertainty, I guess appears to loom over this litte, insignificant entity (i.e me) on this planet called earth.

It is no doubt a fact of life that peaks and valleys appear in our life's journey and I can safely say I am right now in the valley. Not the valley of the beasts but just a valley. Most importantly, I am fairly certain I can attribute this unsettling feeling to the vacation I had.

Despite having a good time vacationing in a different country, having to open my eyes to a plethora of new sensations, cultures and experiences, it has one major drawback. That drawback is the fact that it has made me question my very own roots. Albeit the fact that I cannot jump to conclusions to say that my current situation is worse off than where I was vacationing, it does plant a seed to look myself in the mirror and question my priorities.

Suddenly, I start realizing I could be missing out a lot on my life chasing dreams that may well get me killed before I am due. For instance, a very strong undeniable fact that I am now a statistic, being a sufferer of extensive hypertension and will be on drugs for pretty much the rest of my life (lucky if the dosage does not increase). There are times even sleep becomes a luxury I can only hope for a midst the huff and puff of being in a profession.

Despite maybe having to be a little better off financially than others out there, it can at times take a toll on myself when push comes to shove and the only thing that matters to everyone is results. Again, I start questioning my objectives, the rationality of it all and at the very core is this doing more harm to my well being than good.

Like a fly which has only an extremely short life span of between 15 to 30 days because everything it sees, feels is in the fast forward. Maybe, just maybe if we do the same, our lifespan may well drop drastically. I am no biologist or a medic student but I'd say my rationale would be fairly close......

Throughout it all, answers don't fall from the sky or appear out of thin air and I guess I can only wait hopefully find the answer as I muddle through the all the question marks that surround me at this moment.....

me and my cello~

I remember it as clear as day, the day I took my diploma exam. It was just three of us is in the exam hall – me, my teacher as the pianist and the examiner. Make it four, if you want to count in the recorder. A lot of preparation went into the exam. Preparation was as early as nine months before the exam. A lot of thought went into selecting the best repertoire of songs that could best suit my playing style and songs that I could interpret well.

I can say with absolutely certainty that it is nothing like what you see on American Idol. Playing the cello is more than just singing your heart out to a million fans watching national tv. Playing the cello or any other musical instrument is about reaching out to your listener through the sounds it produces. With the ever popular electric guitar, most of the sound it produces is manipulated by the amplifier and all the other gadgets thrown in but with the cello or violin, your very fingers that press the strings and the amount of pressure you apply with the bow become the core and source of the sound it makes. In a nutshell, you are the player, the amplifier and the synthesizer.

When I finally selected and finalized my repertoire of songs for the exam, I knew I had to sit myself down and really think about how I wanted to represent the song to the examiner. The examiner is human like me, which means he will also be driven by a set of emotions. I knew it was going to be up to me to bring out a flare of emotions from within him if I was going to even stand a chance to pass the exam.

I started reading up on the composers. I wanted to step into their shoes to understand why they wrote the songs I was going to perform because behind every song written, there must be a specific inspirational motto or theme to it. I haven’t heard of anyone composing a song for the sake of composing one. Even if there were such a person, I am certain as day that the song will be of no value.

After understanding the songs from a more historical perspective, or at least I think I understood them, it was getting down to practicing the songs. Trust me when I say performing the song is the easier part of the process actually. Practicing the song to the point where you are comfortable to perform it is the grueling, painful, nerve-wrecking, finger-breaking process.

If you think I am kidding, here’s an overview of my practice menu. It was either a 5 day week practice or full 7 days:-

1. It’s about 2 to 3 hours per practice session;

2. Break a particular song into smaller sections;

3. Practice one particular section per song until I am familiar with the notes only. This involves a juggernaut amount of repetition of the same section.

4. Once I am happy that particular section, I move on to the next.

5. When I am finally done with knowing all the notes, then I finally move on to so called “adding” the emotions to the song.

6. When I am finally done with all the above, I try playing through my entire repertoire without stopping and start troubleshooting areas of concern in any particular song.

As much as the practice session sounds extensive, the professionals go deeper into it like 6 to 7 hours of non-stop practice and really go into more than just understanding the composer. It’s almost as if they want to be the composer. It’s amazing when you think about it!

Which reminds me, my practice sessions included a lot CD listening. Picking up CDs of different performing artistes to listen to how they interpret the songs. I really was trying to come as close as figuratively asking, “How do you express this song emotionally?”

Looking back at what I have achieved so far with my cello, if someone asked me if I am happy with where I am, I’d say no. There’s so much more I can do with the cello and there’s definitely more to learn about the cello and my cello. What I have learned so far, is probably just the tip of the iceberg or maybe even just the tip of the tip of the iceberg.

At the end of the day, be it learning a musical instrument or simply learning to do something. It’s more than just having the right set of tools but it’s more important to have the right mindset to approaching it. Above everything else, it’s about liking what you are doing. I doubt I would have gotten anywhere if it weren’t for the fact that I really do love the cello and the sound it makes.

mistakes do happen~

As much as I hate to admit it, there are times where I am guilty of making the silliest of mistakes whether it's at home, at work or in a relationship. It can be as simple as forgetting to turn of the fire at the stove before I leave the house, or a simple e-mail to the client that is drafted incorrectly, or a as simple as forgetting to drop a loved one a sms to let them know you have reached home.

As simple as all the above examples may seem, it is never too simple to make the simplest of mistakes. If you may have found yourself in such situations before, you will probably be quick to note that as simple as the mistake may seem, some people don't seem to take them likely and you may well find yourself paying a penalty tad too expensive for such a mistake.

The horrible part about committing a mistake is that a mistake will always be a mistake whether it turns out to be a major blunder or a small hiccup. You probably know what I mean. To make matters worse, sometimes the more you try to explain a mistake, error, miscue, miss, or whatever word you want to coin it with, the more you are accused of coming out with excuses to cover for your mistake. It hurts and sometimes it even puts you down, especially when you earnestly mean to explain yourself.

I guess, the question that you and I will ask is really, "how to move on with a mistake done?".

Let's try to put it in a simple scenario - 5 year old kid, goes to the kitchen to try to get himself a glass of cold milk. Finds himself a little too short to reach for the packet of milk on the third rack in the fridge, tip toes almost reaches the packet, he slips, tips the packet and "smack" the packet of milk falls to the floor leaving a nice pool of milk on an expensive carpet.

Mom hears the ruckus, comes down and find kid with a sad face wondering how he got himself in the situation. Kid starts saying sorry to mom profusely in hope that he doesn't get apprehended too badly. In the end, Mom ends up doing clean up, Mom scolds the kid and probably gives one or two smacks on the bum and 5 year old cries himself to bed in regret.

It doesn't end there.

After all the clean up, scolding and smacks, Mom really isn't mad at the kid. Well, she was mad about the spilled milk but she's not going to be mad eternally at the kid. 15 minutes later, kid walks out of his room to see if Mom's fine, he find Mom's looking at him with soft eyes and says, "If something's too high for you to reach, grab the little stool there. If not, ask me next time.".

Little kid nods.........

Throughout the entire mess the kid made, Mom was probably upset with him for making the mess and not because little boy here wanted to get himself some milk. At the end of the day, when someone apprehends us for a mistake we have made, it is not without a reason. Would you scold someone for no reason? I am sure you won't. If you do, I think you might need some psychotherapy.

As much as getting apprehended for a wrongdoing leaves you feeling upset or angry about it, you've got to realise that there must be a reason someone is telling you you made a boo boo one way or the other.

That someone isn't mad at you personally, he's going to be mad because more often than not, when a mistake is committed, it is going to be tough to undo what's been done. Example above - spilled milk means no milk for the kid that day, not until and unless Mom buys a new packet plus the fact that mom has to do clean up.

We are not perfect and thus, we make mistakes. You and I have to understand one important thing in life - if it's anything, mistakes do happen. We just need to make sure we recognise the fact that we made a mistake, make up for it and then learn from it making sure at best, not to repeat it.

your cards

Have you ever played the card game, Black Jack? Where you try your luck with a deck of cards to get a combination totaling 21 or anything higher than the dealer of cards. I am sure you have since it is probably the most widely played card game in virtually any casino in the world.

In a nutshell, the dealer gives you two cards. What you do is to look at the total of those two cards and you are given the option to keep on taking cards to a maximum of five cards. Once you are done taking your cards, you'll the pitch your total against the dealer in hope to have a total more than him (assuming you don't blow your way past 21).

I never really liked this game since you place most of your winning chances on luck since you'll never really know what cards you get until you take which most of the time mean it is too late especially when your current total is 16 and you end up taking a 6! You'd be surprised how often this happens with gamblers, always attracting Murphy's Law.

So now, how does this relate to people like you and me who don't usually gamble or not gamble at all altogether?

Forget the money making or the money losing aspect of the game for now but let us really look at how a game called Black Jack can teach us a bit accepting our lives and circumstances around it.

We all go about our lives doing what we need to do, whether it's studying, working, buying groceries and so on and so forth but at the end of the day what and who we are today are sometimes the very result of the cards you and I were dealt with earlier in our lives. Of course I don't literally mean a deck of cards given to us but rather cards that metaphorically describe circumstances surrounding our lives.

I too have had to work with cards that I was dealt with. Many people have always ask me why is it that my older brother studied overseas while I studied locally. As much as three quarters of the population of this country think that studying overseas makes a hell of a difference, I tend to beg to differ. Any place you go to is only as good as the people you know in it, or at least that is my belief.

Anyway, back to my hand of cards I was dealt with. The answer to the question is simple - my parents couldn't afford sending me overseas to study. Not without having to take a study loan. So I decided to simply make the best of what I have, that is to study locally by way of looking for the best college I could find based on the limited budget I had to work with.

In hindsight, I think I turned out alright. I graduated successfully and I have a job (not the best job I can find but it'll help me survive and put food on the table).

I know for a fact that if back then I insisted on studying overseas, my parents would have taken the loan for me and sent me overseas but in my mind it was a really a question of whether it was completely necessary? I studied accounting, which means I didn't have any use for high tech labs or high tech science facilities. All I needed was good books and a library filled with those good books. The rest of it was up to me.

I speak to a lot of my friends who studied overseas and I take a glance and ask myself some of these questions:

1. Does he have a degree any better than mine? Not really.

2. Does he have a job that pays better? Not really.

3. Is his progression faster than mine? Not really.

4. Is he any better at handling stress? Not really.

5. Is he markedly different in work quality? Not really.

6. So then, did I make the right choice in not studying overseas? I would say, yes considering there isn't much difference between me and those who went overseas.

Hence, you can't get everything you want in this short life span of our's but you can get try to make the best of everything you have in this short life span. Bad situation or good situation, that's up to you to decide. If you are going to sit down thinking of your circumstances as bad, that's exactly how it is going to be until and unless you tell yourself otherwise.

You have your own cards, what cards you get is the will of God (if you do believe in one). Work with what you have and God might just decide do deal you one real good card in the near future.

So what are your cards?

sounds simple yet difficult

After three years of pondering and saving up cash bit by bit, I finally made the plunge to get myself a DSLR camera. Braving the attempt to go into photography after having been captivated by the beautiful photos I see monthly in my National Geographic subscriptions. I always ask myself, "How do these people capture such photos?". Some of them being the simplest of a person's smile, or a simple landscape, yet it leaves you staring at the picture for a long time as if the picture reaches out and captures your heart and attention.

So after three years of saving and pondering, I decided I could spare a little over two and a half grand on a DSLR to start off before I venture into getting different lenses and the works.

Starting off isn't difficult once you have read about the camera functions and how you can tweak the settings to get the desired photography effect. The difficult part of snapping a captivating shot is more about knowing when to find that moment - right now, I am still not really getting it yet.

I thought maybe I can start off with the simple pictures - abstract of pictures of objects and then move on to portraits. Abstract and objects are not too difficult as the arrangements and the framing of the shots are all up to me. But portraits are quite different.

Here are some samples of abstract/objects shots that I found quite satisfying.

I wouldn't go as far as to say my shots are award winning but I can at least look at them and tell myself that it looks soothing and it almost tells a story to the viewer.

But when I tried to get my hands started on portrait photos, I just seem to miss the mark and fail to capture the moments. Even if I do, it one way or the other misses out on the X-factor. What frustrates me most is the fact that simplest of things become the most difficult part of photography.

You are probably thinking if I am trying to confuse you but I am not trying to kid you. A simplest of shot like a smiling face can become one of the most of the challenging shots you can attempt to take. I used to think it was all about, "Say CHEESE!!" when in fact it is more than that. Trying to capture one's face is all about the emotions written in the person's face and the image the object wants to project. Most importantly, it's the natural feel I want to capture in the persons' face, yet I keep failing.

Maybe, maybe, it's really the simplest things in life that become difficult. After all, we are so caught up in the fast paced motion in our lives that it gives us the notion that everything else doesn't matter. And we finally get to seat ourselves down and do the simple things in life,something like eating breakfast on a Saturday morning can end up being difficult. I don't mean eating becomes literally difficult but you find yourself so used the fast paced routine that you gorge your breakfast so quickly that within a time frame of 15 minutes, you find yourself staring at an empty plate and realise that you had plenty of time of time to enjoy your breakfast yet you got into the routine of chucking it down your throat.

From the camera experience to the life's experience, I came to a conclusion that as much as something can sound simple, most of the time it is the things that sound simple that end being difficult..............

small people in a wealth of knowledge....

See the little guy in the picture? Don't you think we are like him?

We are small people living in this big world filled with infinite knowledge and experiences! Every day we live in this world is like opening the pages to the infinite series of Encyclopedia. We feel new things, we taste new things, we hear new things and it's like blowing our mind away with a whole lot of knowledge.

Of course, if you look at it from the little guy in the picture, it's like swimming in a wealth of knowledge.

Although we are surrounded by all the knowledge around us like all the encyclopedias surrounding the little guy in the picture, but the little guy won't obtain any knowledge. Not until he pulls out one of the books and starts flipping the pages. Like us, we can either be happy sitting down pretty enjoying the status quo in our lives or lift our hands, and start doing something to experience something new.

Sometimes by watching National Geographic channel during my free time, I learn a wealth of general knowledge which can really open my mind to what's out there in the big world of our's. At the end of the day, how much we know is really dependent on how much we see, feel and hear.

So don't sit down tight in your comfort chair and be a couch potato but go on out there and try doing something different!

When you least expect it~

Not everything can go to plan because plans can sometimes fail and more often than not plans to fail. It may not necessarily be plans but sometimes you may set out do something only to find yourself doing something completely different and achieving an entirely different result altogether.

Friday night I saw a beautiful crescent moon in the clear night sky and I quickly grabbed my camera to capture the beauty of the moon. All in all I spent a good 30 minutes out in the compound of my home trying to get a good camera shot of the moon. So there I was shooting away and at the mercy of the mosquitoes to have a night meal at my expense.

I tried moving around, playing with different angles, camera settings in trying to get a successful shot of the moon. I just kept snapping and snapping away in hope to get a good moon shot. Then as I was happily snapping photos of the moon I turned to my right to look at a nice frame of a flower pot and the night lamp shining down on it, creating a very interesting frame and so I snapped a shot of it.

After all that, I uploaded all the photos into my pc to start the filtering process. To my surprise, after all the effort trying to capture the moment of the beautiful moon, the best photo happens to be the picture of the flower pot! Take a look!

I know if you look at it, it's just going to be a flower pot and a shadow but when I look at it, I simply get a very soothing feeling when I look at it. Maybe it is the soft lighting and the shadow cast by it.

And if I try to go through the moon photos, I think the best photo I can choose is probably this one here.

Personally, I think the flower pot photo seems more captivating.

But my point throughout all this is that I set out first all gung-ho to capture photos of the moon but I ended up with a more satisfying picture of a flower pot and its shadow. If I look at it from other aspects of our lives, there are and there will be times when we set out do something - home decor, car modification, fitness goal, etc. only to find that we end up with completely different results and sometimes the results can be far better than expected.

Sometimes, we can't grip too tightly on trying to "stick" to the plan but we can sometimes take it a gear down and look at things objectively and tell ourselves, "if I can't walk on the line I set, I can at least walk parallel to it".

When you least expect it, good things can come to you rather you having to reach out for it! ;0)

the bitter taste

I wonder how many of us out there still remember the anatomy of our tongue? Remember where the bitter taste receptors are located on our tongue? It's at the back of your tongue just before our throats. When I was a kid I used to wonder why we have the bitter receptors at the back of our tongues. I mean it always made swallowing medicines or herbal soup difficult because no matter how hard I tried, there was simply no way to make the bitter stuff go around the bitter receptor area. You just have to taste whatever bitter stuff that you put in your mouth.

I asked my mom once about it and I guess she didn't really know how to answer such a question, especially when the one asking is only 5 years of age. What she told me was really interesting.

"I know how you dislike eating bitter stuff and drinking the bitter ginseng soup I always make for you. Remembered the last time I caught you trying to pour away the soup I boiled? I remembered no matter how hard you tried to squeeze your nose, you'd still taste the bitterness and start going, 'YUCK!' right after drinking my soup.

But there is a reason why all of us taste bitterness on theback of our tongues."

"Why's that?"

"It's God's way of telling us that everyone of us cannot escape from bitterness. As you grow up into a big boy, you will always face difficulties. You can't escape from life's challenges just like you cannot feel happy everyday. Sometimes you feel sad, sometimes you are happy. When you are happy is like when you eat a candy that puts a smile on your faces. And when you are sad is like when you pout every time I make you drink the bitter soup.

No matter how hard you try, there will be days when you are sad and down. That's the bitter part of life and there will be times when you have sweet happy times.

And that's why you have the bitter taste at the end of your tongue just before your throat!"

planting the correct seed

About 9 years ago, when I was still undergoing intensive squash training, I remember how much I used to get so much problems even learning and getting the drop shots right. It either I hit it one inch below the tin or a whole one foot above the tin. Either way, no one could call it a good drop shot.

Calling it was frustrating would be an understatement because I used to put in back breaking hours after back breaking hours to try to get it right. It reached a point when I got so fed up with getting it wrong so often I used to break my racquet by smashing it on the ground or the wall out of pure frustration and anger. Thank God, racquets at that time were either free or subsidized.

There was one evening when I just threw the racquet on the ground, looked at my coach and said, "I don't think I am ever going to get the damn drop right!".

He let out a sigh and then said, "That's probably why you are not getting the shot right."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Before you have even taken the shot, you are already telling yourself you are not going to get it right."

"That's just what's going on in my mind. Doesn't necessarily translates into my actions."

"Really? What part of your body sends the signal to your hand to control the racquet then?"

"My brain."

"So now do you think what you think translates into what you do and who you are?"

I kept quiet and bitterly knew he made sense and was probably correct.

He broke the silence and said, "Look, I know you are frustrated with learning the drop. Its never easy for someone like you has a natural upper body swing for squash because that means you naturally put in a lot of power into your shots, which is good for drives but then becomes unnatural for drop shots simply because your follow through is too strong.

But at the end of the day, no one is perfect. Even professionals make mistake at their level but they probably put in double the time you are working on your drop shots to get their drops inch perfect. Jonathan Power, the former world number 1 had a 2 to 4 hour sessions specially to work for his drop shots.

At the end of the day, you have to keep telling yourself that it can be done. If pros can do it, I can do it, other people can do it, why can't you? There has to be a reason - technique. And that's the very same reason why I am your coach - to correct those mistakes no matter how long it took me so that I can make you a stronger player.

You have all the power needed to hit the ball hard and straight but you still need a soft side for the game if you are going to win games without putting too much strain on you body.

But right now, before I can start fixing your technique, you need to change your mindset. Right now, even before you play the drop shot, you are already telling yourself that it is going to go wrong and trust me, it will go wrong because the very seed planted in your mind is for it to go wrong.

If you want to your shot right, you going to have to start planting the right seed in your mind. What I mean is that you have to start imagining yourself lunging for the ball, feet planted solid on the ground, imagine the feel of the ball bouncing of your racquet face and seeing the ball bouncing of the front wall inch perfect!

All you need is some believe in yourself....... plant the right seed and eventually you'll get it right..."

I took it all in, continuously trying to believe in myself. Eventually I got it right..... Now, I ironically find myself telling some of my colleagues the same thing in the context of work and to those who ask me to coach them at squash.

Simple as it seems, planting the right seed from the beginning can make a hell of a difference.

rainbows!

I remember when I was a kid, I used to wait impatiently for the rain to stop so that I could search out a rainbow in the sky. It was a beautiful sight to see the red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. AS a kid, it was something really worth waiting for and when I finally spotted the rainbow, I'd go "waaahhhh......." from its beauty.

Then as I grew up, I never even took notice of any rainbow. Not until a little boy showed me a rainbow that could be found in a place I never knew could create a rainbow. The best part about this rainbow is that you don't even need it to rain for the rainbow to appear. I hope I have piqued your interest! =0)

This rainbow appeared in the place you'd least expect it to appear. The rainbow appeared one morning when my friend wanted to feed his 3 year old son some cereal. As he was about to spoon feed his kid, his son suddenly looked at time wide-eyed and went, "Pa Pa, rainbow! Rainbow!" while pointing at my friend's forehead.

The rainbow the 3 year old was referring to were the wrinkles on my friend's forehead as he lifted his eyebrows to keep his spectacles from falling own as he spoon fed his kid. That's when I knew rainbows don't just come out after the rain!

It was funny and cute when I saw that little kid go "Pa Pa, rainbow! Rainbow!". It wasn't just about a little kid imagining a rainbow on his dad's forehead. It showed me that even the simplest of things like lines on skin can become something creative.

It was refreshing because it goes to show how differently a little kid like him views the world around him. Looking at something that is already beautiful and saying it's beautiful is merely stating the obvious like telling me A B C is A B C. But to look at something ordinary and to find beauty in it. That's something out of the ordinary.

I guess that's how famous painters paint a simple subject that is yet beautiful and eye catching. The same can be found in photographs taken by photographers, where you find the simplest of subjects like a man sitting on a walkway or a bird on a tree but yet when you look at the picture, it tells a compelling story.

It's about looking at things from a different perspective. You can still find rainbows even if it doesn't rain!

there are always two options~

Yesterday evening, while I was at work I suddenly found myself in a situation I have never really found myself to be in before. I surprisingly found myself dealing with a situation where one of my juniors was sitting at her cubicle in a secluded corner sobbing herself to oblivion.

I had to use one word to describe what I felt at that point in time, it would be.............................. perplexed. I found myself trying to figure out what to do with her and what to say. At that point in time, I had two major concerns:

1. Making sure I used the correct words when I spoke to her at that point in time to make sure she doesn't go from tear dropping to a full blown sob; and

2. Making sure I could motivate her and not make her full more horrible than she already was feeling.

With the lack of new joiners these days coupled with the fact that it is very much an employee's market these days in terms of job hunting and job availability, if she decides to leave because of what I tell her, I may well find myself explaining myself to my boss as to why she decides to leave the firm.

My point in respect of this post is really about what happened to her and what caused her to break down and cry. Also, highlighting the fact that stress management is important in any part of one's life. Because personally, I think this is a good reminder to all of us that none of us and I mean absolutely none of us are immune or invulnerable to stress. For one simple reason - we are only humans. Flesh and blood built in with emotions and the ability for independent thought.

Like any other problem, before one can fix it, one had to ascertain the cause of the problem first. So I had to ask her what was causing to have this breakdown in office in the middle of the work day.

It's like apple pie!

Apple pies..... one of the many God's miracles in our lifetime. I might be exaggerating a little bit here but you have to admit that apple pies really taste good. Even apple pie made at McDonald's are pretty good albeit a far cry from good old home made cinnamon crumble apple pie with a tinge of strawberry syrup on top of it, and finally finishing it off with a warm cup of coffee or tea. You might want to check your mouth to see if you have a dribble of saliva leaking out the side of your mouth.

If you want to go get an apple pie, I'd appreciate if you finish reading my blog post first considering I brought up the craving in you, it's the least you could do right?

Enough of apple pie cravings. Let's talk about something seriously involving you, me and a metaphorical apple pie (again, please do not run off to get yourself an apple pie if you happen to see the word, "apple pie" popping out in this post frequently.....).

Alright, alright, back to the main topic.

In this digital age we live in, the flow of information is virtually limitless, branching out more and more opportunities for us to do things differently. Some wonderful examples can be seen in the world wide web - e-discounts, e-coupons, instantaneous information from a couple of clicks of the mouse, e-books, and the list goes on. It has affected us in a way that it opens up our mind to a plethora of information and mind blowing out-of-the-box opportunities.

Whilst supporters of the digital age preach trillion of opportunities, detractors claim it has made the share of profits smaller due to the increased competitiveness. In a nutshell, the number of slices in the apple pie has increased but at the same time each individual slice has become tremendously smaller than what it used to be.

So when an individual slice of apple pie becomes smaller, what would you do then?

Here's what a famous photographer, Chris Orwig said in one of his books:-"You can divide people into two categories. One category, 'Life is like an apple pie with a limited number of slices - get yours while you can.' The other category says, 'Life is like an apple pie with a limited number of slices. If you run out of slices, find another apple tree and bake another pie.'".

So life's like an apple pie! Which category would you want to be in?

walking by faith

Sitting down in the hospital waiting area, slumped in the chair, Jeremy was soaking up what he heard from the doctor. Confused and grieving were probably the only words to describe how Jeremy felt. He had just heard from the doctor himself that he only has at best, 6 months to live for he has cancer of the stomach. At 30 years of age, Jeremy could only think one thought - it is unfair.

Having only started embarking on his journey as an infant pastor, he wasn't worried about dying to early. He was worried of not being able to complete his calling to be a pastor to reach out to those who haven't heard the word of God. Jeremy didn't worry about dying at 30 because he walked by faith and deep down in his heart, he knew if 6 months was all he got to live, that must have been planned by God.

The 6 months the doctor predicted, to Jeremy was the 6 months worth of precious time God gave him to reach out to those he had no opportunity to have heard the word of God. He felt it in his heart that he was going to be driven by faith to reach out to as many as he could.

6 months an counting, Jeremy went to almost every village and uncommon rural areas to speak the word of God and to provided social services - providing education in make shift schools, educating them about personal health, providing stationery and basic needs to those rural areas. Any other free time was used to spread the word of God. Jeremy was relentless in his effort, fueled by the faith he had in God. As the days passed, with the clock ticking, Jeremy could feel his strength slowly being siphoned from this body like a leaking bottle of water but those around him saw a greater fervent in his efforts to spread the word of God.

Towards the end of the sixth month, Jeremy was already bedridden after the cancer slowly spread to the liver. Even while he was confined to the bed in a pitiful state, he never gave up and all the nurses could only watch in wonder has he continued to have weekly cell group sessions in his hospital ward. Some curious onlookers would join in and sometimes nurses doing the night shifts joined in to listen to what Jeremy had to say. Even kids who were in the junior wards would pop by every now and then to absorb some inspiring words of God, channeled through him as a servant of the Almighty (as Jeremy always put it). In a matter of weeks, Jeremy pretty much became the in-house pastor at the hospital he was confined to.

On the very last day, where he laid pale on his bed, gasping for breath, he knew God was coming to take him home. He simply waited in bliss for the angels to come and take him back to God whilst singing hymns of praise and worship. Even at that stage, Jeremy kept on saying one thing repeatedly - "One more Father, please let me save just one more before You call me into your arms. One more........". As he repeated that line over and over again until his very last breath, he told the doctor he could see two beautiful angels by his bed and said, "ah Doc. The angels have come to get me. Worry not as I feel no pain but internal bliss as I go back to my Heavenly Father. Thanks for everything.......". On that very day Jeremy passed on, his family was present by his side, members of the church were there, nurses who took care of him were there, nurses who heard the word of God from him were there, kids who he preached to were present, even the janitor who mopped the floor who passed his room every evening was there. Most of them, if not all of them had tears in their eyes.

6 months of life to Jeremy was like a gift from heaven. In that 6 months, Jeremy walked by faith:-

Converting more than 50 people;

Touching the lives of almost everyone on the same floor as him in the hospital, giving them words of grace, inspiration and wisdom;

Saying more than 300 prayers for new born babies in the hospital;

Ministering one wonderful couple of nurses at the hospital, who studied in the same university, worked in the same hospital and fell in love with each other;

Gave hope to more than 150 old folks at the senior citizen side of the hospital; and

When on to be with the Lord knowing he did all he can for God in the 6 months God gave him.

-----------------------------------

P/S:-

I never really understood what walking by faith was all about and neither did I really understand how some people can have such strong beliefs in the unknown and blindly put their trust in the most abstracts of things.

But when I heard about young Jeremy, it was not just an eye opener but it was a real life example of "walking by faith". Really putting your absolute trust in your belief and letting it drive you to where it points you.

Don't get me wrong as I am not trying to promote Christianity here because I have complete respect for the religions of others and have no intention to belittle the plethora of religions that are out there. My point is that there are things, objects, items or beliefs that can drive us - you and me into doing the things we do so passionately with absolute conviction, which simply leads me to conclude that sometimes we simply need something to believe in to give us the drive, whether if its love, passion, interest or even God and I think that is probably what it means to be walking by faith..........

two strings, one beautifully knot ~

It's the time of the year! When the girls look into the eyes of their partners, red cheeks blushing, teary eyed, swallow a gulp of saliva, heart beating like a bullet train and sheepishly say, "yes...." to, "Will you marry me......?"

Right this moment, I am seated in a church waiting for the bride and bridegroom to walk in. Having to wake up at 630 in the morning, I am having to focus all my energy to stay awake because I am the best man and ring bearer. Can't be caught sleeping right? Especially when I am seated right in front of the pulpit.

Marriage is when two people become an item for life when both man and woman decide they want to live together for the rest of their lives. Its not something that's decided overnight and its not something that one should take lightly. Its a decision for a lifetime. Personally, I think it can be scary but today, its about two of my friends who decided they want live together for the rest of their lives, loving each other and caring for each other. These two people are Max and Jennifer.

Its a love story that started as early as 14 years ago if I recalled rightly when Max met Jennifer who learned piano from Max's dad, who happens to be my piano teacher as well and that's how I know the both of them. =0) But honestly, I never really knew about the both of them as an item simply because Max hardly spoke of it and I never asked. In fact, it came as a surprised to me when Max told me he was finally going to tie the knot because all these while, I was never really certain if Max ever wanted to get married being so focused about achieving his life goals and constantly aiming for financial freedom. So when Max finally broke the good news to me, I was very happy for him and Jennifer. It was probably one of Max's greatest life's moments.

Jennifer wasn't just an average girl learning music under wings of Max's dad, she has always been the woman behind Max. The one who brought Max back into believing in the faith of his life and God's plans for him. Something so strong that it wasn't just a miracle, it was almost all planned for Max to grow up being close to rebellious against his dad, backsliding for faith, becoming a software developer who decides to become what I would believe as a successful real estate negotiator and finally getting married to Jennifer - his best friend, a pastor, a music and ballet teacher, his wife.

Having known Max for about fifteen years, I think its pretty safe to say I have seen Max matured into who he is now with all the falling down in between to become the man he is now. It may look like something off the silver screen, but I promise you it is true - Max being the black string, who struggled against the will of his father for him to become like every other average joe drawing a pay cheque; Jennifer being the white string, who stayed true to her faith believing that God will provide all that's necessary for her.

When the black and white strings finally met, it was when the 6 steps for a shoelace knot started to bind itself slowly and surely. Now that the knot is tied, it was really a matter of two strings, one beautifully knot......

May Max and Jennifer live happily together from hereon till the very end of the world.

when time stands still

A week ago, I had a lucky chance of going to Perhentian Island as part of my firm's department trip. The fresh air, clear skies, clear waters, abundance of fishes were refreshing sight for me. Being away from my office was a really BIG plus point! =0)

It was about a 45 minute boat ride from the jetty at Kota Bahru. Landing on the island for the first time in my meager life, I felt rejuvenated. The refreshing sight of the sea and nature was simply an awesome sight. The horizon was blue with numerous islands surrounding the sea.

The afternoons were warm but simply so nice to bathe in the sun for a while taking in the freshness of it all. Totally enjoying it might be understating how much I enjoyed it. I got a good glimpse of sunrise, afternoons and sunset.

5.30am in the morning, watching the sunrise with my camera, tripod and patience almost felt like time stood still for me. It even gave me a good camera jump shot to express how time stood still for me....

Afternoon, my senses were treated to everything clear - water, skies, wind, air, sand .... you name it!

When evening came, the view of the sun setting in the horizon made time stand still as you are paralyzed by the beauty of the clouds encapsulating the orange sun against the dark blue clouds with the reflection showing on the surface of the vast sea.

When nature kept throwing all its beauty at me to feast on, it captivated me deeply. As I took it all in with all my five senses and my camera, it really felt like one of those moment when time stands still..........

harmony of opposites

Do you remember the time when your school teacher first introduced to you a magnet? You'd probably be wide eyed when your teacher shows you how it can stick to metal stuff and at the same time lift or pull lighter metal stuff. You must be lying if you said you were not amazed by the magnet's capabilities!

Besides the metal attractive capabilities, you'd probably remember how one side of the magnet will be grey and the other end will be red to annotate the north and south polarity of the magnet bar. Not to mention how the metal dust will move in the shape of the magnetic field of the bar when you place it in the metal dust.

When the metal dust move around the magnet to demonstrate the magnetic field, it can really be amazing watching the metal dust form itself around the magnet. What you probably would have since would likely be something like this:

Picture from here

I am not trying to demonstrate or teach you about how a magnet works but I think I can somehow relate how we ourselves are similar to that of a magnet. Opposites may differ but there are things around the opposites that compliment the two opposites like how the magnetic field beautifully encapsulates the magnet.

If you may, you can even see it has how the surroundings bind the opposites to complete the circle of nature. Love holds a man and woman in a relationship, water keeps us hydrated whilst fire lets us cook our food, rain ensures enough water supply for the world whilst the sun allows for the greens to photosynthesize, black and white colours makes up for wonderful photos, oxygen for us to breathe and the carbon dioxide we breathe out is absorbed plants that make oxygen for us............

I guess there is a truth to the statement, 'opposites attract' and maybe its the hidden surroundings of the opposites that create the attraction - the harmony of opposites?

like a spinning top

Have you ever seen a spinning top? How the top player will unleash it from its strings and see how it just keep spinning and spinning and spinning until it finally stops spinning and falls still on its side. Have you ever wondered how amazing it is? I have seen a top being spun by a professional top player and I've got to admit its quite a feat to let it spin for minutes!

A spinning top can metaphorically describe two things. At least the two immediate things that spins into my mind. Number one, how a spinning top can represent the world and number two, how a spinning top can represent our lives.

I think you can very immediately understand how I metaphorically link our world to a spinning top just by how our world physically spins during our every second living in this world. Its just like how much energy our world has, spinning itself around the sun.

I am not sure if you figured out how I relate our lives like a spinning top but let me take the liberty of explaining how I see it. Have you noticed how a top almost spins aimlessly around the floor it is spun on? If you haven't, you can easily search it on YouTube. If you have, you might already know the direction I am heading towards. The spinning top is you and me whilst the floor the top spins is like the world we are in. The energy we exert out in the world - for some its the energy is trying to keep our jobs, for some its the energy spent reaching out for the next level, for some its the energy spent taking care of the family, for some its the energy spent on staying healthy, and you can already tell there is an infinite ways we exert our energy.

There something else to take note too - its the top that spins around the floor. That's just like us revolving around our world and not the world revolving around us. Like a top that's spun on the ground, there is no guarantee we end up where we want to be just like a top that's forced to spin on uneven, undulating ground.

Now, when we take a step back, you are going to see how a top, the world and us are alike. When the energy runs out, everything just stops. A top falls to a stand still when all its kinetic energy is used up. The world official dies when it stops spinning. We will be lifeless once all our energy is used up.

The world we live in isn't infinite. Everything is finite in quantity and someday when we finally drain it of its resources, it'll stop spinning in that sense and that's when we finally arrive at the end of the world. The earth as we speak about it is a ball filled with resources that bring us our food, water, electricity, etc........ but as we abuse it, it will bite back us we the increasing number of natural disasters which signifies the drastic changes we have forced our earth to undergo.

We like our earth don't run on infinite energy. The harder we fight for what we believe in or are we set out to do, the faster we get tired and burn out. Just like how we can throw a top to spin as hard as we can, the energy keeping the top spinning will eventually run out. A pace too fast for us to handle will only spin us out of control into a crashing stop.

Like a spinning top, we should preserve the world for us and for our generations to come. Like a spinning top, its not how about how fast its spins, its about how long it can keep spinning.

So how long will you spin?

Toughest run so far!

Two days ago, I finally entered into my first 21km run hosted by Energizer after having only competed in the 10km runs thus far. From all the trainings I have been doing to increase my stamina and endurance, I knew it was going to be a different ball game altogether compared to the 10km I have been doing all these while. As it stands, I can do 10km comfortably within 1 hour 10 minutes. But with 21km, I only managed 2 hours 53 minutes.

It's not as simple totaling up two 10km runs because as the distance adds on, stamina reduces, endurance starts to dwindle and it all boils down to mental strength and how much physical pain you can take.

As I went through the run, things really got tougher by the minute when I finally breached my 10km comfort zone. Power Gel came in very handy, deep heat stations (albeit insufficiently places) helped to sooth the cramps in my legs. Throughout the run, my mind kept replaying thought of finishing the entire run and complete it within the 3 hour time limit. It really is no easy feat trying to keep myself going mentally when my whole body was getting tired bit by bit.

The last 800 meters was the most painful and the toughest part yest of the entire run. Both my calves were cramped up right to the hamstring. Feeling pain was quite an understatement for me at that point in time but I kept my mind to it and just kept on sprinting the last 800 meters with the pain in my leg, knowing that I was nearing the finishing line and I was still good to make it below the 3 hour mark.

The moment I passed the line, I immediately when down by the side of the track because my legs had seized up and my head was spinning. To make things worse, the organizers did not put any medics or first aid around the finishing line so I was flat on the ground in pain and not attended to. I was lucky my mate managed to pull one of the medics over.

By the far the toughest run I've had so far. With 21km done, I am planning to graduate to the next level - 30km by end of the year maybe?

On a separate note, I'd come to realize that how important it is to be mentally aware and mentally prepared before going on any arduous task - be it at work or at leisure. Got play hard and work hard in this crazy world we live in I guess.

the first and the funniest

I still remember it crystal clear when I first decided to put my cello skills into an unconventional quasi-soft-rock band. To be honest, I had no idea what I was getting myself into and I didn't care simply because I wanted to have some fun playing music. For once in a big blue moon, do what I like doing - making music with my cello. No ridiculous deadlines to meet, no corporate politics, no KPIs to meet and all the other blasphemies of today's hectic world.

In fact, the entire were made of part time musicians having full time jobs as accountants, lawyers, engineers and engineers-to-be so much so that scheduling for a band practise was real task. But when we finally got together to jam it out, we had good fun just jamming our instruments to high heavens trying to make good music, or at least that was the goal!

Band practise didn't really take off until maybe 5 weeks before the performance date and I think we probably only had 1 practise session per week leading up to the performance. So it was very much a race against time. It's strange that the 2 hour sessions we had were really fun despite the fact that we were always trying to coordinate better as a band working our communications, timing, rhythm, adding on to the song to add some zest to it. We did covers of the songs but at the same time we wanted to add our feel, our emotions into it. It was a tiring process, stressing our imaginative brain juice.

Came the performance date, most of us in the band got nervous. Out of the six of us only two of us had real on-stage experiences in the past. Me having played with an orchestra and the lead guitarist who has done a couple of gigs over the last few years. It was the first time for the rest of them.

We played five songs of which I really cannot say we played them well having fumbled as a band with the beats and timing after having just viewed the footage of our performance this evening at my mate's house over dinner. The drummer really struggled with the nerves and made syncing the band tough on stage, the vocalist took a while to get cracking, and all the other bloopers you would expect from first timers. Eventually we did get the cheers from the crowd but whether they were giving us sympathy cheers or not, is something I would probably never know. It was really the first and the funniest performance I have ever done in my entire music 'career'.

As I type this post whilst on my bed just before I go on to catch a shut eye, and think about it, it really isn't about the glamour of being on stage rocking it out like how you see big bands at concert. Hardly the Bon Jovi or Linkin Park rock tour. It's about the fellowship of friends sharing a common interest - to make music and to have heaps load of fun!

When I first joined the band (albeit a very ad-hoc), all the band members hardly knew each other except for the one founding member. Thinking back about it, the practise sessions weren't just about merging the musical minds, it was also a place where people became friends, and those who were already friends became buddies, and those who were already buddies became like family, and those who were family formed even stronger bonds.

Up till today, we have kept in touch with each other, laughing about the blooper-full performance we did that night. From it all, the first and the funniest performance became the epitome of friendship and bonding that is probably going to last for a long time......

tolerating mistakes and misses

If you are going to compare high stakes environment, there is no place else but your work place. These days, transactions become more complex, value of transactions become bigger and accountability becomes more and more crucial. The burden placed on the employees and employers is becoming tremendously heavier. What you write down and sign off can and usually is used against you when a time comes when something really has gone wrong.

The environment has become so hostile that people are governed by fear in the workplace for everyone is so worried about taking of their own rice bowl. It's the scary truth about the workplace we all are absorbed in these days. It has drive things to the point where mistakes and misses are close to not tolerated and for those who make those mistakes are not let off without paying a painful price.

It's strange when three quarter's of the world is preaching about tolerance, the workplace is one where tolerance is hardly practiced, almost like everyday is a high stakes game of the Russian roulette.

"Tolerance isn't a gift, neither is it anything special, but it's the honest feeling in the heart of one person to forgive another for any shortcomings and you must first start with yourself,"

That was what an old friend always used to say whenever he was faced with some mistake of others or if something has gone wrong. He hardly every lost his temper or got upset about it. In fact, this person was my squash coach.

Playing squash competitively was never easy with so much pressure to perform so that you get selected for the state team and then get promoted to the national team. Training was tough and 90% of the time bordering painful physically and mentally. Most of the time training pushed us to the limit physically to the point that you feel like giving up. At least, to the point I felt like giving up.

During training, while trying to achieve the best possible shots and results, the tendency is to try to train for perfection. Funny thing is, how perfection can never be achieved and frustration sets in. There were many times when I broke many racquets during training out of frustration. It reached a point when my coach had to ground me from doing any more drills to prevent me from breaking more racquets.

I always remembered the time when he'd pep talk me during my times of extreme frustration.

"Before you can become perfect, you have to remove the thought about perfection and just go into the court to play your best squash. Playing your best squash isn't about hitting beautiful perfect shots but going into the court and really enjoy the squash you are playing. That's playing your best squash.

In any match you play, there is no way in hell you are never going to make an unforced error or miss shots simply because that's the nature of sports. Mistakes and misses are only natural. You've got to start tolerating mistakes and misses otherwise you are going to burn out very soon and start hating the very game you so love right now. You may not believe me but if you don't start tolerating your own faults and mistakes, someday you are going to find that it'll affect others in that you can't tolerate the mistakes of others.

Look at me for example. If I am going to worked up for every mistake you make in the court, I'll probably die of a heart attack training you.

Remember, the only way you can improve is if you start accepting your mistakes and instead of getting worked up about it, why not shift all that energy into calming yourself down and work on improving, You'll find that it's less tiring and more rewarding. Tolerance is key in this situation."

It's a difficult balance

As my friends and I move along the streams of time, changes are happening, seen and unseen. I have friends who just got married, some new parents and some parents to be. Some even had a paradigm shift in sexuality, which has come as a stupendous shock to me. Most call this process, "moving to the next stage in life".

With the changes taking place, things around us start to evolve. I don't really mean the gargantuan scale ape to man evolution but the evolution of the smaller things in life.

Great things can come in small sizes like my friend's little 4 month old toddler. It's another part of moving to the next stage in life from bachelorhood to married life to parenthood.

When I got to asking him about how it felt to be a father, this was his response:-

"Things have really changed since the time we were schoolmates. Next thing I know, we were in college, uni then, I got married and you were there during my wedding day, and now, you are here with me to celebrate the birth of my first kid. Time really does fly."

"Funny thing is, I was always the one in the group saying I'd never want to get married, wanting to keep my freedom as a bachelor. Next thing I know, I am the first to get married and have a kid! I am happy. Really happy!"

Those were words from the heart of a friend of mine. I just couldn't fathom how he could adapt to so much changes through the years.

Maybe he saw the look in my face or probably already knew what I was thinking in my head.

"Although many people out there may look at getting hitch and married is all happy stuff and romantic like in the movies, it's not quite like that in reality. In fact it was a difficult process for me to adapt so much so that I hated it at times. Going from having all the time in the world for myself to having absolutely no time for myself was painful. I was constantly trying to look for an in-between. You'd know how many break-ups I had over the years. I simply couldn't adapt.

Eventually, I met my wife during when I was in uni and I started to learn to adapt better. I mean, it's like a learning process and as I kept at it, I simply got better at it.

Up till today, I probably don't earn as much as you. If not probably just as much as you. But with a family to feed, the pressure is on me to make sure food is on the table. With a kid now, I have to adapt better and search for a balance in the whole equation making sure I spend enough time with my wife and kid without foregoing myself all together.

Loving my family doesn't mean being with them all the time. I need time on my own to clear my head and just be myself doing my thing. You are going to find that having your own time will be like a race driver testing his car in his home course - knowing each and every braking points, acceleration points, where the bumpy stretches are, etc. If you don't make time for yourself, you'll burn out and lose yourself completely. Take it from me because I have been through it.

It's a difficult balance but I've got to somehow work around it............ but don't worry too much about it man, you'll reach where am I some time in the distant future and I'll still be around to help you go through it. It's never easy trying to balance between yourself and those around you. Never was, never will be but you'll make it as long as you hang in there."