It's a difficult balance

As my friends and I move along the streams of time, changes are happening, seen and unseen. I have friends who just got married, some new parents and some parents to be. Some even had a paradigm shift in sexuality, which has come as a stupendous shock to me. Most call this process, "moving to the next stage in life".

With the changes taking place, things around us start to evolve. I don't really mean the gargantuan scale ape to man evolution but the evolution of the smaller things in life.

Great things can come in small sizes like my friend's little 4 month old toddler. It's another part of moving to the next stage in life from bachelorhood to married life to parenthood.

When I got to asking him about how it felt to be a father, this was his response:-

"Things have really changed since the time we were schoolmates. Next thing I know, we were in college, uni then, I got married and you were there during my wedding day, and now, you are here with me to celebrate the birth of my first kid. Time really does fly."

"Funny thing is, I was always the one in the group saying I'd never want to get married, wanting to keep my freedom as a bachelor. Next thing I know, I am the first to get married and have a kid! I am happy. Really happy!"

Those were words from the heart of a friend of mine. I just couldn't fathom how he could adapt to so much changes through the years.

Maybe he saw the look in my face or probably already knew what I was thinking in my head.

"Although many people out there may look at getting hitch and married is all happy stuff and romantic like in the movies, it's not quite like that in reality. In fact it was a difficult process for me to adapt so much so that I hated it at times. Going from having all the time in the world for myself to having absolutely no time for myself was painful. I was constantly trying to look for an in-between. You'd know how many break-ups I had over the years. I simply couldn't adapt.

Eventually, I met my wife during when I was in uni and I started to learn to adapt better. I mean, it's like a learning process and as I kept at it, I simply got better at it.

Up till today, I probably don't earn as much as you. If not probably just as much as you. But with a family to feed, the pressure is on me to make sure food is on the table. With a kid now, I have to adapt better and search for a balance in the whole equation making sure I spend enough time with my wife and kid without foregoing myself all together.

Loving my family doesn't mean being with them all the time. I need time on my own to clear my head and just be myself doing my thing. You are going to find that having your own time will be like a race driver testing his car in his home course - knowing each and every braking points, acceleration points, where the bumpy stretches are, etc. If you don't make time for yourself, you'll burn out and lose yourself completely. Take it from me because I have been through it.

It's a difficult balance but I've got to somehow work around it............ but don't worry too much about it man, you'll reach where am I some time in the distant future and I'll still be around to help you go through it. It's never easy trying to balance between yourself and those around you. Never was, never will be but you'll make it as long as you hang in there."

All it takes is a little encouragement

"A Life at Work" by Thomas Moore is currently the book I am reading. I have reached about half way so far and it has really given me a lot of in sight about my destiny or at least pointers to get me on my way to figure out what my life work is (i.e. your ideal work, work that fulfills you from the inside, food-for-the-soul kind of work). It's still a work in progress thing for me; a long way from reaching the full discovery point (if I ever reach it). Your life work can be as simple as helping old folks in need in a nursing home to something as simple as being a life guard. Simplest of work can be the most rewarding to a person's hear that's deep down. Of course, there's no denying that it is different for everyone. But sometimes, if not all the time, all it takes is a little encouragement from the people around you. Sometimes it is as simple as, "a job well done chump!" or "way to go bud!" or "you hit the home run mate!" or even

one foot in the past, another in the future........ what about the present?

All of us go through a cycle, what we commonly call - the past, present and the future. It can probably be summed up by this simple phrase: " we come from the past to be in the present and look forward to the future ". Now, what I want you to do is take a step back, or just give your mind a minute or two to digest the above mentioned phrase. Ask yourself if it applies to you. Really ask yourself; and I mean REALLY ask yourself in the most honest of manner, whether it really applies to you. You may find it difficult to arrive at a 'yes' and even if you do, you probably find yourself in a paralysis state of mind trying to justify the 'yes'. If you really ponder about it, you are likely to find that most of us would find this phrase more relevant instead: " we come from the past and look forward to the future " You will find many of us either hang on to the past or look far too forward into the future, or likely for some to even be dwelling too much in

Quick update.........

Having graduated last year in August and taking a break in Australia visiting my brother for a month, I really felt good about everything. Things just got better after that, having landed a job at Ernst & Young! :) Aaaaaahhhhh.... how fast time actually goes by! Passing the 10th of January 2007, I have already been working for 3 months. The feeling of getting older and learning new things everyday at work brings about a feeling of satisfication. Although, work is generally tough and tedious (what do you expect in the auditing line?). I must admit though, when I fast started off I did feel demotivated and some what unhappy with the job having to go back home at 3am and back to work by 8am the next day. I did think about quitting at that time........ :( However, a miracle happened to me! That miracle brought along a girl named Vern Cheng. Without her support, I would have struggled a lot more. After work, just seeing her brings about a feeling of happiness and a feeling of being cont

The Path of Time

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