It's a difficult balance

As my friends and I move along the streams of time, changes are happening, seen and unseen. I have friends who just got married, some new parents and some parents to be. Some even had a paradigm shift in sexuality, which has come as a stupendous shock to me. Most call this process, "moving to the next stage in life".

With the changes taking place, things around us start to evolve. I don't really mean the gargantuan scale ape to man evolution but the evolution of the smaller things in life.

Great things can come in small sizes like my friend's little 4 month old toddler. It's another part of moving to the next stage in life from bachelorhood to married life to parenthood.

When I got to asking him about how it felt to be a father, this was his response:-

"Things have really changed since the time we were schoolmates. Next thing I know, we were in college, uni then, I got married and you were there during my wedding day, and now, you are here with me to celebrate the birth of my first kid. Time really does fly."

"Funny thing is, I was always the one in the group saying I'd never want to get married, wanting to keep my freedom as a bachelor. Next thing I know, I am the first to get married and have a kid! I am happy. Really happy!"

Those were words from the heart of a friend of mine. I just couldn't fathom how he could adapt to so much changes through the years.

Maybe he saw the look in my face or probably already knew what I was thinking in my head.

"Although many people out there may look at getting hitch and married is all happy stuff and romantic like in the movies, it's not quite like that in reality. In fact it was a difficult process for me to adapt so much so that I hated it at times. Going from having all the time in the world for myself to having absolutely no time for myself was painful. I was constantly trying to look for an in-between. You'd know how many break-ups I had over the years. I simply couldn't adapt.

Eventually, I met my wife during when I was in uni and I started to learn to adapt better. I mean, it's like a learning process and as I kept at it, I simply got better at it.

Up till today, I probably don't earn as much as you. If not probably just as much as you. But with a family to feed, the pressure is on me to make sure food is on the table. With a kid now, I have to adapt better and search for a balance in the whole equation making sure I spend enough time with my wife and kid without foregoing myself all together.

Loving my family doesn't mean being with them all the time. I need time on my own to clear my head and just be myself doing my thing. You are going to find that having your own time will be like a race driver testing his car in his home course - knowing each and every braking points, acceleration points, where the bumpy stretches are, etc. If you don't make time for yourself, you'll burn out and lose yourself completely. Take it from me because I have been through it.

It's a difficult balance but I've got to somehow work around it............ but don't worry too much about it man, you'll reach where am I some time in the distant future and I'll still be around to help you go through it. It's never easy trying to balance between yourself and those around you. Never was, never will be but you'll make it as long as you hang in there."