question marks, questions marks, question marks........??

Ever wondered what it feels like standing in the middle of nowhere wondering which direction to head to? What to do next? How to get about the next step in your journey? Looking left and right into an empty horizon not knowing whether you will even make it through the next day.

That's one of those moment I feel I am in right now. It's almost like I am in a different realm void of all reasoning and just not sure what to do next. I am looking left and right really wondering if I can make it through the next day.

At one point I thought the first half of this year was probably one of the worse I have ever had but right now, I might have just dropped a step lower in the "worse" situation scale. It is even more perplexing considering I managed to get a two week break out of the country to refresh my mind and following that received some good news knowing that I have progressed yet another small step in my careeer. Put that all into an equation and I should be smiling myself ear to ear but yet I find myself in this situation figuratively staring at questions marks, questions marks and more question marks looking at all directions. A cloud of uncertainty, I guess appears to loom over this litte, insignificant entity (i.e me) on this planet called earth.

It is no doubt a fact of life that peaks and valleys appear in our life's journey and I can safely say I am right now in the valley. Not the valley of the beasts but just a valley. Most importantly, I am fairly certain I can attribute this unsettling feeling to the vacation I had.

Despite having a good time vacationing in a different country, having to open my eyes to a plethora of new sensations, cultures and experiences, it has one major drawback. That drawback is the fact that it has made me question my very own roots. Albeit the fact that I cannot jump to conclusions to say that my current situation is worse off than where I was vacationing, it does plant a seed to look myself in the mirror and question my priorities.

Suddenly, I start realizing I could be missing out a lot on my life chasing dreams that may well get me killed before I am due. For instance, a very strong undeniable fact that I am now a statistic, being a sufferer of extensive hypertension and will be on drugs for pretty much the rest of my life (lucky if the dosage does not increase). There are times even sleep becomes a luxury I can only hope for a midst the huff and puff of being in a profession.

Despite maybe having to be a little better off financially than others out there, it can at times take a toll on myself when push comes to shove and the only thing that matters to everyone is results. Again, I start questioning my objectives, the rationality of it all and at the very core is this doing more harm to my well being than good.

Like a fly which has only an extremely short life span of between 15 to 30 days because everything it sees, feels is in the fast forward. Maybe, just maybe if we do the same, our lifespan may well drop drastically. I am no biologist or a medic student but I'd say my rationale would be fairly close......

Throughout it all, answers don't fall from the sky or appear out of thin air and I guess I can only wait hopefully find the answer as I muddle through the all the question marks that surround me at this moment.....

All it takes is a little encouragement

"A Life at Work" by Thomas Moore is currently the book I am reading. I have reached about half way so far and it has really given me a lot of in sight about my destiny or at least pointers to get me on my way to figure out what my life work is (i.e. your ideal work, work that fulfills you from the inside, food-for-the-soul kind of work). It's still a work in progress thing for me; a long way from reaching the full discovery point (if I ever reach it). Your life work can be as simple as helping old folks in need in a nursing home to something as simple as being a life guard. Simplest of work can be the most rewarding to a person's hear that's deep down. Of course, there's no denying that it is different for everyone. But sometimes, if not all the time, all it takes is a little encouragement from the people around you. Sometimes it is as simple as, "a job well done chump!" or "way to go bud!" or "you hit the home run mate!" or even

one foot in the past, another in the future........ what about the present?

All of us go through a cycle, what we commonly call - the past, present and the future. It can probably be summed up by this simple phrase: " we come from the past to be in the present and look forward to the future ". Now, what I want you to do is take a step back, or just give your mind a minute or two to digest the above mentioned phrase. Ask yourself if it applies to you. Really ask yourself; and I mean REALLY ask yourself in the most honest of manner, whether it really applies to you. You may find it difficult to arrive at a 'yes' and even if you do, you probably find yourself in a paralysis state of mind trying to justify the 'yes'. If you really ponder about it, you are likely to find that most of us would find this phrase more relevant instead: " we come from the past and look forward to the future " You will find many of us either hang on to the past or look far too forward into the future, or likely for some to even be dwelling too much in

Quick update.........

Having graduated last year in August and taking a break in Australia visiting my brother for a month, I really felt good about everything. Things just got better after that, having landed a job at Ernst & Young! :) Aaaaaahhhhh.... how fast time actually goes by! Passing the 10th of January 2007, I have already been working for 3 months. The feeling of getting older and learning new things everyday at work brings about a feeling of satisfication. Although, work is generally tough and tedious (what do you expect in the auditing line?). I must admit though, when I fast started off I did feel demotivated and some what unhappy with the job having to go back home at 3am and back to work by 8am the next day. I did think about quitting at that time........ :( However, a miracle happened to me! That miracle brought along a girl named Vern Cheng. Without her support, I would have struggled a lot more. After work, just seeing her brings about a feeling of happiness and a feeling of being cont

The Path of Time

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