the greatest gift

Years back I remembered having a conversation over a cup of teh tarik with some stranger. Although I can't really remember why I was having a conversation with a complete stranger but I think he and I were sharing a table in a jam packed restaurant. Ironically, I remember the conversation albeit not every bit of the conversation but at least the prime parts of the conversation.

I was still in school then and it was lunch time before I headed home after school. We both finished our food, subsequently I had a teh tarik while he sipped his tea and had a smoke. He randomly asked me which school I was studying and knowing I was about complete SPM, he asked me what were my plans post SPM.

Honestly, at that point in time I wasn't too certain about what I wanted to do after I graduated from primary school. I completed my diploma in cello performance in the same year, at the same time I had a lot of interest in IT and automotive mechanics but many people advised me to go into accounting citing IT positions were saturated, automotive mechanics being a blue collared job and music not being in-trend. It was a pretty overwhelming and confusing for me at that point in time. In a nutshell, that's what I told him and he surprisingly listened intently.

Then he took a puff from his cigarette and calmly exhaled the smoke, then he spokes while squinting his eyes from the cigarette smoke, "I remember when I was your age, deciding on what to do after finishing form 6 was a pretty tough moment from me. Back in the 70s, medical was supposed to be the dream career. Being the youngest of 3 and with my elder brothers in medical, the shadow was casted upon me to take up medicine as well. Not that medicine wasn't a good line to go into, but I simply didn't have the flare for biology or saving lives. At that time, I felt engineering was the way to go especially when industrialization was taking the world by storm. I wanted to do engineering and went ahead with it, in the processing upsetting my entire family."

"Wouldn't it cause your family to disapprove of your decision? I mean, those days, going against your parent's will was like committing a cardinal sin!"

"You are right on that. My parents completely detested the idea of me studying engineering so much so that they refused to finance my studies. Fortunately, I managed to secure a scholarship from a local university."

"That's tough. They practically left you high and dry. Shouldn't you be mad at them? I mean, what's wrong with chasing after your dream?"

"I was mad at them initially. But after a while, I sat down I thought about it and I came to realise I didn't really lose out much. I lost a financing source from my parents but I secured a scholarship so it ironed out itself. Despite not financing my engineering course, I realised my parents gave me the greatest gift any parent could give a child."

"The greatest gift?"

"Yes. They gave me education and the right mindset. As a boy, my parents never failed to remind me that education was the source of ensuring I can set a future for myself in any field I wanted to choose. Because of that, I always focused on studying hard and making sure I did well in exams. Because of my good results in Form 6, I got myself the scholarship. They may not have paid for my engineering degree, but they made me appreciate what education could offer me. Parents aren't just around to pay for your living expenses, they are there for more than that. They are there to guide you on your way to set up your future and on one else's and that can only be done if you appreciate education and the knowledge you will gain from it. And that, young man, is the greatest gift a parent can give a child."

The greatest gift..............

dearest to me

My intention was to be open about things and just be honest with myself and with her. But sometimes, even openness has its limitations as I found it out the hard way round. That's when I realised, at some point a thin thread could be the only determining factor between being open and over doing things. At the same time, I need to know when being sensitive isn't being sensitive enough to understand one close to you could be feeling a pinch inside.

It's a delicate process I have to admit. It's not something I can learn over night or understand in a flash. After all, I used to ask myself how tough can it be? Now, I am beginning to understand it isn't as simple as just "understanding" someone.

Last night I made the mistake of not taking notice something might have been out of place and I blindly made thing worse by accidentally adding salt to the wound when I said things I shouldn't have said. Although, I really had no intention to hurt anyone in the process. But like everything else in life, the learning process has to somehow involve hurting yourself or hurting someone close to you.

I talked about my past absentmindedly without noticing that it caused some discomfort. It was silly of me not to notice the discomfort whilst I kept on blabbering about it.

Right now, I think I learned a very important lesson and at the same time I really know who's dearest to me and means a big part of my heart.............. and I don't want to lose that dear one... not to anything, not to anyone and especially to myself...

the bond

Yesterday I spent 11 hours at the workshop working on my car's heart. A damage to the engine caused by my own recklessness. Simply put it, I blew an engine gasket and the engine started getting filled with water.

Its a 22 two year old Daihatsu Charade and for the past 7 to 8 years, I have been running the car pretty hard and simply enjoy driving that car. The day before I blew the gasket, I was speeding at about 160km/h on the highway and I guess after so many years the 998cc heart just couldn't take the punishing anymore no matter how well I took care of it. On the way back, the temperature rose tremendously, I felt a lost in compression and with the engine vibrating in a very unusual rhythm, I knew in my heart I blew it!

My car still got him back home albeit it virtually limped home. By the time I got home, I immediately turned off the engine, opened the bonnet and started troubleshooting. It didn't take me long to find out water got into the engine, seeing that I could see a milky substance along the engine (engine oil mixed with water turns into milked tea colour).

Then to see the extent of the damage, I removed a spark plug and cranked the car. Here's when I knew my engine was flooded with water - the moment I cranked the car, the engine literally spat a big splash of water from the spark plug port. The next step was clear - I had to get it fixed. Thankfully, the workshop is just 5 minutes away from where I live and it limped it there first thing in the next morning.

That's when the 11 hour process started for me, my car and the mechanic. In the interest of time and because he had to work on other customers, I decided to start dismantling the engine first so he could get started on it the moment I completed dismantling it. The amount of nuts and bolts that required to be removed was amazing! I nearly lost track of which screw, nuts and bolts came from which lock point. So much so that I had to place markers on each screw, nut and bolt to make sure I could put it back accordingly.

The whole process was more or less like this:

1. Jacked the car up, placed two supports below the car, then jack the engine before removing the engine mounting.

2. Remove engine mounting, let the engine rest on the jack.

3. Unbolt the exhaust manifold.

4. Unbolt timing belt housing and water pump.

5. Remove timing belt and timing belt tensioner.

6. Then remove the entire top half of the engine from the engine compartment.

Doesn't end there, once the top half is out, I had to:

1. Remove the carburetor manifold.

2. Remove the fuel pump.

3. Remove the valves and all the related parts.

4. Remove the camshaft.

That's just the dismantling bit. The tough bit starts from hereon. The engine block has to be cleaned up, sand down. Then grind the valves, replace the tepets, etc........

If I was going to elaborate on the whole process, this blog entry will probably never end and you probably get the idea why it took 11 hours. But throughout the whole process, I had the regretful feeling in my gut knowing that I caused my car to suffer the engine damage. At the same time, I was glad my car managed to limped home and didn't leave me stranded by the road somewhere in town. It kept running in my mind that if I hadn't pushed the engine so hard, I wouldn't have blown the gasket.

Through the 11 hours, I kept telling myself I was going to revive my car no matter what it took. Considering my car has served my family for 22 years, I can't just give up on it if it never gave up on me. My mechanic and I work right through 8.30pm and when we finally cranked the engine, we knew my car has been revived. After 11 hours of grueling engine work, I could finally breathe a breath of relief...........

Having driven my car for so many years, I guess really have to admit I love driving it very much. Just like how bonds are formed between two people, I guess even bonds can formed between humans and machine. No matter how you put it, I really love driving my car..... that's the sort of bond I have with my car.

even helping has its limits~

When it comes to friendship and the people close to us, our initial reaction when you see them in trouble is to lend a hand to help. I don't think any of us would give it a second thought if we are capable and have the means to help. Unless you haven't a heart or have a heart of ice, you'd probably say no without even thinking.

Helping someone in need may be a good thing but there are times when standing back and observing may be the best assistance one can lend. It's not about sitting back and letting things go wrong but there are times when we need to let other's figure things out themselves. Somewhat like letting nature takes it course.

Because humans are different between one another, there will it be unavoidable to face moments when you can't understand one another or even times when misunderstanding can happen. As much as possible, you and I will try our best to avoid such situations but it will simply happen as long as humans continue have differences.

I to got into the same trouble some time ago and after trying my best to resolve the issue, I had to come to a realisation point that I was going to help the situation improve but at the same time may end up eroding the situation altogether. I mad a conscious effort to simply step back and not try to fight the current. It was probably going to hurt myself and hurt others around me. It simply didn't make anymore sense to me.

As I stumbled through the thick of things and feel my way through the darkness, I came to appreciate and noticed the many people supporting me and giving little words of encouragement along the way. It's not something I can forget easily and at the same time, although I did not say it out, these people have my thanks indeed.

Help came in many ways and in numerous times, so much so that there were times when I simply wish they didn't help because there were times when helping out had to know its limits. Detrimental effects could have occurred instead. I too came across such a situation before.

Back when I was in school, I had a close friend who always did well in class and excelled in almost in every subject. I could only envisage him getting a scholarship and going overseas in the foreseeable future. Came the final examinations for our last year in secondary school, with the pressure piling up to do well, he got crushed by the pressure and failed to get a very needed distinction for his biology paper. The very one paper that would decide his medical scholarship. With the prospect of a full medical scholarship out the window he simply fell into a state of denial.

Being close to him, my natural reaction was try to talk to him to hopefully ease the pain. It never came across my mind to just keep leave him be to manage himself. Every time I spoke to him he just kept telling he'd be fine on his own whilst I kept thinking that him bottling it up inside was going to kill him. I tried to lend a hand by talking to him but only to have made things worse because it kept reminding him about his failed attempt. Eventually, I realised I was helping and just left him to his own devices. He did get out of it and it got another scholarship, although not a full scholarship he was hoping for but he parents worked out the finances for it.

When the storm had finally past him, he finally spoke to me and told me that even though he was depressed about his failed attempt and was disappointed about it, he didn't want to talk about it because it only served to remind him of his failure. Being alone was the best way for him because it gave him space to take a step back and to count his lucky stars. He may have missed the distinction for the biology paper but he didn't fail it. He did well for the rest of the subjects so t never really crossed out the possibility of a scholarship. He was depressed not because of missing the full scholarship but the non-distinction left a dent in his pride.

He never told me all these from the start but I came to realise that had I taken a step back to understand my friend for so many years I would have realised he didn't someone to talk to but rather someone who'd understand him and give me the space. That's when I learned even helping has its limits.

respectable

This evening was a pretty heated evening for my department head. I don't know exactly what happened because I had my earphones on listening to music while cracking my brains trying to figure out how to prepare the slides I was working on. Whatever the reason for him being angry, it must have been something pretty serious considering it was loud enough for me to hear his voice over my earphones although I couldn't hear the words.

As I saw my senior walking out from his room, I asked him if he was alright since he did look a bit shaken from the shelling. No point in me asking him what happened since it would probably make him feel worse. There are times when not getting in details does more good than harm - this was one of the moments.

I told him to let me know if he needed any help and went back to my work. About 20 minutes later my department head walks out of his room and walks up to my senior and says the most amazing thing I will probably ever hear in my lifetime, "Sorry about just now, I may have been a bit harsh on you just now. It was that spur of the moment when I got upset". I think my senior was so surprised he himself had no clue of how to reply.

Never have I heard of anyone telling me of a boss who has done such a thing. Most bosses are too stuck about being on top that they refuse to show such humility and humbleness. It left sitting in my chair in disbelief and awe. What he did then was a demonstration of professionalism and humility of the highest level. It was an act that was truly respectable without a doubt.

my first tow truck ride

It was like every other Saturday morning for me yesterday. Woke up early to get breakfast, get ready for my weekly rock climbing sessions. I felt pretty good yesterday since I managed to sleep the night before so I was feeling very energized and upbeat about my climb session. I might have spoke too soon though because my car decided to pull a fast one on me.

I found it surprising because I always went on preventive maintenance for my car so I really wasn't expecting any breakdowns especially I didn't hear any sound symptoms, neither did I saw any signs of an impending breakdown. After all, it is only logical that mechanical parts would give out some form of symptoms to let you know it's about to go.

I was actually driving myself to rock climbing, feeling all geared up and gung-ho about it. As I approached an uphill climb and right bend, I realised I was losing compression and the car was starting not respond to my pedal work on the accelerator. To make matters worse because I was driving pretty quickly on the fast lane with a car following me quite closely, the danger of being rear ended was really flagging itself when I suddenly lost compression.

As I limped the car to the slow lane carefully trying not confuse traffic coming from behind me, I barely managed to get the car to the side of the main road and then my car just shuddered thereafter the engine just went quiet. I could only think one immediate possibility at that point in time, I thought the car overheated especially the weather was so hot yesterday. No point in panicking since the car wasn't going anywhere it is current state and I knew I had to keep calm if I was going to get the car back on its feet.

Checked the radiator water, was alright; checked the ground for any engine oil leakages, no leaks; check all related cables, all good; checked vacuum hoses, all good. Couldn't figure out what could have gone wrong. I was standing in front of the open bonnet scratching my head, wondering what on earth just happened. I made weekly routine checks on my car so I knew what was about to give way and would make the necessary replacements of parts. I was really, really perplexed.

Nothing much I could do by staring at an open bonnet under the rain, so I called my dad so I could get a ride and at the same time gave a call to a tow truck buddy to get haul my car back to my mate's workshop for further inspection. By the time my dad arrived, he shot me questions on my troubleshooting steps and concurred I covered everything but one - "any fuel going to the carb?". That's when I went, "sh*t! I missed that one out!". Sure enough, there was no petrol getting from the fuel pump to the carburetor and hence, the inability to get the car started despite the engine cranking.

With the problem identified, all it took was to get the spare part and for the tow truck to get me and the car back to the workshop.

The tow truck eventually arrived, and it took surprisingly quick to get the car on the tow. Thereafter, I had my very first two truck ride. It was pretty interesting to say the very least. There was no air conditioning, not even seatbelt. On the entire way back, I heard the wind blowing in my ears from the open windows, the roaring tow truck engine and the rough sounds coming out from the walkie talkie of the driver. Not to mention, you can even smell the typical grease smell you'd get in workshops! The entire ride probably took 20 minutes or so, with me sitting in the truck taking occasional glimpse at my car paralysed on the back of a tow truck. It was painful for me to see my car in that state leaving the back of mind putting some blame on myself for not noticing the fuel pump was about to give way.

By the time I reached the workshop, I was awed by how the tow truck driver skillfully maneuvered the truck in reverse to get my car in a good position in the workshop. I was amazed and how flawless he did it! Seriously!

Once the car was down, I worked very quickly with my mechanic to replace the fuel pump and in under the 30 minutes the car was good to go........ tiring and frustrating as it was, I learned a bit more about troubleshooting car problems and I got a pretty good experience in a tow truck!

taking a break

I am currently taking a few weeks off to regain my thoughts....... simply too busy with work.....................................

be the best!

I was definitely taken aback. It was a reaction I never saw for such a long time, the entire time I have played squash. Sachin was the fattest amongst all of us in the training team but he still wanted to play squash very badly. I can't blame considering both his elder brothers are very good squash players playing for the state. I was only natural a kid like him at the age of 11 would look up to two elder brothers who were up there in the high rankings.

He wanted to be like them, be strong, be fast in the court, to hit hard, to hit accurately, and most importantly to be a winner in the arena of squash! Just like his brothers!

If I recalled rightly, it was about 5 weeks before the PJ Open squash tournament in the last year I was planning to play competitively, we had a grueling training session to prep our minds and bodies for the tough tournament ahead. It was one of the biggest local tournaments with players from other countries joining in. We had been training for 6 days in a week, court drills followed by court runs, then match play to get us in the right state of mind.

It was one of the training session when we were all literally pushed to the limit to up our fitness levels dramatically, I literally went flat like a punctured tyre, while Sachin literally rushed out of the squash court and found himself emptying his stomach by the drain outside the courts from severe dehydration and from pushing himself physically too hard.

I think he was bent over by the drain for a good 10 minutes just puking himself "happy" before he came back in looking pale. To my surprise, Sachin continued with the court runs while one by one, each of us just gave in to the fatigue and exhaustion. None of us completed the 100 court runs with the exception of Sachin.

It was a forced time out for all of us. Picking myself up from the ground was literally a pain in the arse! Looking at our miserable faces, the coach called it a day but not without some pep talk. Judging by the look on his face I figured he wasn't too satisfied with our progress considering the tournament date drew closer and we were not as polished as he hoped for.

"Look here guys! The tournament is in 5 weeks and you guys need to work a lot harder if you guys want to do well. The guys from India and Pakistan have it much tougher and they sure as hell don't plan on flying all the way here to lose to you guys! 100 court runs and you guys are as good as soft beans. You guys are going to have to give in more to beat the foreigners."

We all looked down with embarrassment.

"Sachin, our fattest player completed the 100 runs although he had to unload some weight unwillingly but we came back in to make sure he finished it. You all could learn a thing or two from him. I am not asking amazing fitness or massive power plays, what I want from you guys is determination. When it comes to the high level squash play, the difference isn't always about skill or fitness because at your level, the skill set and fitness are quite similar. It's the determination between opponents that sets the winner aside."

We all still looked down reflecting on ourselves.

"Sachin, tell me what is it that'd make you work so damn hard while the rest of these guys here are falling down one by one?"

"My brothers always told me one thing, 'be the best!'"

I couldn't believe my ears and my eyes. All of us were beaten by the fattest guy simply because he wanted to do better more badly than any of us. It was good lesson for me, winning sometimes isn't about who'e better or who's fitter, but about who wants it more badly.......... Like Sachin put it, "TO BE THE BEST!".

She had faith in him....

If it was a dream, he sure would like to have wake up from it. There was an excruciating pain in his left leg. As Mac walked out from the convenient shop after getting a loaf of bread, a car had smashed right into him and clipped him against a lorry parked in front of the convenient shop. The car had clipped his left leg. He couldn't feel anything else except the pain in his left leg, it was the longest 15 minutes of his life as he waited for an ambulance and the fire brigade to untangle the wreckage to free his left leg.

By the time he was freed from the wreckage, it was at least another hour's worth of pain. Mac had lost a lot of blood and he had to undergo a 4 hour surgery and a lot of blood transfusion to keep him alive. Having lost both parents to a car accident, there was no one else around him except for his girlfriend, Alice.

When he finally regained consciousness, he found Alice beside him and he noticed there wasn't any feeling in his left leg knee down. That's when reality sank in and he realised his left leg was amputated knee down. He went crazy not knowing how to react. He flipped and started throwing whatever he could get his hands on while Alice tried to calm him down. The doctor had to rush in to inject Mac with a depressant to knock him out for a while.

Alice didn't know what to do to help Mac. That one leg he lost, was more important to him than anything else because he was a professional athlete who runs marathons. It was his livelihood.

As the days went by, Mac eventually calmed down but it was still evident that he could not accept the fact that he had lost the very means of making a living. Depression was seeping in and Alice soon found herself fighting an uphill battle trying to keep Mac from giving up on living. Day by day Alice visited Mac after work, sometimes bringing work to the hospital and worked while she kept Mac company. She was afraid Mac might do something crazy if he was left alone too long.

When it was finally time to start his physiotherapy, Alice fought hard to encourage him to go for the physiotherapy sessions. She stayed by him making sure he underwent the therapy sessions fully. The therapist had to make sure Mac got used to the prosthetic leg. She could tell in the look in his eyes Mac detested the idea of having to put on a prosthetic leg but all she could do was to encourage him and keep him from giving up on himself. Every night she cried from the exhaustion and fatigue of being there for Mac but she refused to give up.

Eventually Mac got used to his new leg and started walking around quite normally but the whole process took Mac close to a year. It was one year of agonizing pain from therapies upon therapies. One year of heartaches. One year of self pity and one long year being a pain for Alice.

That day when he finally got home, as he entered the front door, Mac dropped all his bags and turned to Alice, tears in his eyes, he hugged her tightly. As he hugged her, he kept on saying, "I am so sorry Alice, so sorry................". Mac knew he had Alice to thank for. She had always been at his side throughout the whole ordeal and never gave up on him. She had faith in him, more than a beach got sand. It was that faith in him, that helped him recover for the shock of losing a leg and it was that same faith in him that kept Alice by his side...........

Enjoy nature respectfully and responsibly!

Having been brought up in the city and living in the city since I was born, the sight of nature has always been fascinating and interesting to me. Nature for a guy like me so used to the city would probably as close as the sight between heaven and earth. Over the holiday weekend, I found it a perfect time to do some hiking in the outskirts of the city, where land is still very untouched and safe from any development. New to hiking, I followed a seasoned hiker friend to check out some of what nature has to offer for a city-slicker like myself.

It was a hike up Gunung Tuk Wan. It was about a 3-hour hike up and down. In fact it continues after you reach the peak Broga Hill. The pictures above were taken at the peak of Broga Hill. A couple of quick shots, admiring the beauty of the scenery before we continued to head on to the peak of Gunung Tuk Wan. It was tiring but very interesting - breathing in fresh air, seeing lushes amount of greens around me, the sound of insects creaking, birds with wingspan so big that you could hear the wind in their flaps. It's an amazing treat to my senses.

Take a look for yourself, the beauty nature had allowed me to enjoy when I reached the peak of Gunung Tuk Wan:

It may not be beauty at its finest, but it sure is miles better than what the city has to offer me. Compared to the hazy air I get stuffed with and all the pollution in the city, this was as close as heaven could get for me.

The best part of it all, is being able to hike up there and enjoy all of this with a friend who shares the enjoyment of it. Surrounded by the beauty of nature plus sharing the beauty with another appreciative person, heaven just got better for me!

Despited enjoying everything mother nature had, one thing saddened me when I was hiking. The beauty of nature is slowly deteriorating with the increasing number of visitors up Broga Hill. At the peak of Broga Hill, as you look out into the horizon, you will see a wonderful scenery but onces you look around you, you will immediately see the epitome of human irresponsibility. I saw rubbish thrown all over the peak, plastic bags, remnants of unfinished food and beverages - garbage left there without any consideration of what sort of damage it could do to nature.

I felt sad for mother nature and a deep rage inside me seeing how much disrespect is given to nature. It was the distinct human trait of taking but not giving anything back. Mother nature gave us her beauty to enjoy and admire, yet we take it for granted and destroy her beauty by unnecessarily leaving garbage around the peak of Broga.

We have to understand that before you and I know it, someday nature may not be around anymore for us to enjoy with the burgeoning population growth globally and the more industrialised we become. We have to start loving and respecting nature. If not now, when?

determination in her eyes

It was a hot Sunday afternoon, at least for the better first two hours when I was rock climbing. I reckon it was probably hitting close to 33 degrees. It was seriously hot! And there I was harness strapped around my thighs and waist with my two bare hands holding on to the rope. I was belaying a first-time rock climber. Belaying is a pretty interesting task during a rock climbing session especially when the life of the climber literally rests in your hands.

This first-timer was different this time around. She didn't make it the first try, she tried the second time, third time and by the fifth time she decided to come down to take a break before going at it one more time. So as she was panting, whilst trying to recover her strength before going at the climb route again, I gave a few pointers as to how to place her feet and hands to get a proper foothold to push herself up. What I saw, was something quite different from other people I notice.

She kept insisting on trying the route up. I may not have rock climbed for long but I have climbed long enough to know a tired climber when I see one. I could at least tell her fingers were simply too tired and incapable of grappling the stones. Her legs were probably tiring out seeing that she could no longer grip the rocks with her toes well. Before she could pass the first level of rocks she slipped and fell. That went on for another 45 minutes or so but she kept on pushing on.

As she got tired, she took more frequent breaks in between but kept on trying until she was completely exhausted. So tired that the following day she found it difficult to grip stuff with her fingers.

But throughout the climb, I saw one very important point in her - determination. There was pure determination in her eyes. It was the sort of look she that told me she didn't want to lose to a bunch of static rocks and that she was challenging herself. Determination is something hard to come by as many have rather comfortable upbringing in this day and time when parents don't wish for their kids to suffer like they did. Sadly, the protective approach has eroded the current generation from standing on their own two feet and going all out to reach out for what is worth it.

It was the determination in her eyes that has give me a push to work out more to better my rock climbing and everything else that I do.........

P.S. this post is way overdue when it was intended to be posted on the 18th of August 2010... but here goes.....

man and machine ~

The cello is a wonderful music instrument. To me, at least. I still remember the moment I held the first cello, which eventually became my very first cello. The smell of the wood, the surface of the finger board and the feel of the cello strings. Then there's the bow - a simple piece of wood with horse hair. From that moment on, I knew in my heart it was going to be a start of a very long relationship between man and machine.

I am blogging via mobile while on my way for a gigue in Alor Setar. As I am on the road, it becomes a good time to just watch the road go by and have some flashback moments.

I still remember clearly trying to play my first few notes. It was definitely tougher than it looked despite the fact that I already have music knowledge from learning the piano. But whe i finally got the basic notes right, the sound of the cello was simply amazing. It was bold yet gentle. It was strong yet refine. Simply amazing!

Till this day, many people ask me, "Why the cello?". No particular specific reason per say and quite honestly I really think it was love at first sight. But the first thing, one word i can use to describe the cello - "personal". The very moment the cello is placed between my legs and i let it lay on my chest, it's just so similar to hugging a teddy bear. I can easily wrap my arms around the cello. To me, because I am so physically close to the instrument, it's like being able to speak thru the music i make by playing the cello. It's like being emotionally connected to the cello.That's as personal as music can get.

Although i started off my music education on the piano, the cello quickly became my major instrument. That's just goes to show how close i am to my cello.

As i am travelling up north for this gigue, i am all excited to perform. Not because i want to show off my skills but i want to show people what the cello is all about. Man and machine in harmony...... a machine not that of speed, power or design but a machine that of audible beauty.

Finding it in his heart ~

There was an old chap I met at the physiotherapy centre where dad visited quite a fair bit after having undergone a total heap replacement. This old chap was on a wheelchair and doing some physiotherapy workouts. I observed him for a while doing some light weights while on the wheelchair and I saw the look in his eyes. It was not that of rage, anger or despair but that of resolve. A tremendous amount of resolve to strengthen himself despite being bounded to the wheelchair for the rest of his life.

As I was leaving, I had to settle the bill and this old chap rolled out with his wheelchair, panting from all the workout he was doing. I guess he had to settle his bill as well. He smiled at me and I smiled back.

"Tough workout eh?"

"Phew... tell me about it. Being on a wheelchair is a whole new experience for me."

"What got you on the wheelchair?"

"Motorcycle accident. Was riding my bike home one evening, next thing I new someone rammed me from the back. By the time I woke up, I was lying on a bed in this hospital with my wife beside me."

"Sorry to hear that. Did you know who hit you?"

"Yea, he owned up to it. He did pay me compensation but that doesn't change the fact that he placed me on a wheelchair!"

"Sorry to hear that..... You must really hate the guy."

"I did hate the guy up until this morning when I woke up and finally realised hating that guy isn't going to change the fact that I am stuck to this chair on wheels. I found it in my heart to forgive him."

I found it amazing because I don't think I would be capable of forgiving someone who caused me to be on a wheelchair. Especially for someone like me who is so active in sports. Taking away the use of my legs would be a cardinal sin!

He had one simple reason - "I realised I could have been the one on the wheel and cause another to lose the use of their legs. I still have my life and I still get to be with my family. That alone is something I should be thankful for".

Forgiveness, compassion and a kind heart are attributes that are slowly depleting in the current age of modernization and burgeoning world of commerce, where time waits for no man and all that matters is money matters...... this old chap made it look so easy.......

hope, faith, charity

It was a simple act of not accepting the cash. A simple answer of, "No, I am not going to accept your cash, keep it." It was when Jo bought a mini generator set for his uncle who suffered from muscular dystrophy. A damaging disease that literally robs you of your muscular abilities. His uncle had to survive on a life support machine to keep him breathing. Every time his housing area had a black out, his wife had to literally rush him to the hospital nearest to his home and there was very little margin for error in timing.

That's when Jo decided to get his uncle one of those mini generator sets to power the life support systems if in case of a black out. The ones you see night market stalls using. Jo contacted me because my dad could get slightly cheaper prices for one of those generators.

On the day we went to get the generator and took it to Jo's uncle's house to set it up and sort of just let the family members know how to run the little thing. That's when I saw the first case of muscular dystrophy. He was really skinny and there was life support machine by his bed. The muscles in his body was depleted so badly that he could hardly move even his arms when he spoke to Jo and I.

When we were about to leave, Jo's aunty wanted to pass him the money for the generator. "No, I am not going to accept your cash, keep it. The genset is for uncle. He took care of me as a kid, he deserves it." His uncle was so happy for what Jo had done for him.

They say there are those who survive from hope, faith and charity. I say there are those who live hope, faith and charity. Jo had hope - hope for a man who took care of him when he was young, a good man who became bedridden due to muscular dystrophy. Jo had faith -for he was a strong believer in the Bahai' fatih, a religion that believes strongly in unity and he believe God was telling him that his uncle needed the mini generator to keep surviving. And Jo showed charity - an innate ability to give without looking back, to give without require something in return, to give because he wanted and because he knew it was the right thing to do.

And that, my dear readers (if there are readers out there, that is), is hope, faith and charity epitomized in our current world.........

a little box

It all started when he picked up a nicely shaped stone when he was at the park with his mother when he was 5 years old. He decided he wanted to keep the stone and asked his mother where should he keep it. His mother gave him a little box. It was a colourful box that was used to store a mug. Jimmy boy place his stone in that little box. That little box was like Jimmy's little treasure chest.

That little stone was the impetus to Jimmy's habit of collecting items around him that were unique or simply special to him. Although, most people simply thought he was collecting rubbish.

Within a span of one month, Jimmy had filled up the little box his mother gave him. In there you could find all sorts of stuff. From stones, marbles, cards, leaves, even patterned tissue! It was Jimmy's little vault of unique items.

As the days, months and years passed by, that little box became so full Jimmy had to find a new box if he wanted to continue collecting random items he found interesting. Collecting random items he saw in his daily life quickly became a second nature of his. The number of boxes grew with the number of items he continued to collect. So much so that he had to keep all the smaller boxes into a bigger box.

As the years went by, Jimmy eventually grew out of his eccentric habit.

When he realised he finally stopped collecting, he saw that he had turn the house store room into a "museum" for his humble collection of random items. His mom took the trouble to furnished the 10 X 15 feet room with wall racks where all the boxes were placed neatly.

He walked in one day and started taking a look at all the little things he picked up along the way of growing up. It brought some really memorable moments back to him. The Zippo lighter he found in a park, a Metallica guitar pick he picked up near his university entrance. So many items that Jimmy surprised himself! Going through his collection, he had unconsciously spent half a day in the room.

When he finally got out, he had to ask his mom why she never complained about his habit, that would have been considered as rubbish collecting to most mothers. "Hey mom, why didn't you stop me from collecting stuff?"

"Why should I my dear? All of us have unique hobbies and different ways of expressing yourself. When I noticed you had this little thing for collecting random stuff at 5, I decided why not give you some encouragement."

"Encouragement?"

"Can't really say encouragement but I wanted you to try things out on your own. At 5 years of age, any child would be inquisitive and you were down right open about it. I found it amusing and at the same time I think it was just a good way for you to explore the environment around you. It gave me a good opportunity to see you grow. You may not know but I notice the items you pick up and they have changed as you grow. All those little items in those little boxes are my memories of you. How you have grown and I think it probably encouraged you to become who you are now professionally, an archeologist. Hahaha......"

..........................................................................

We view things differently just like how many would view Jimmy's habit as rubbish collecting as opposed to collecting memories like the way his mom viewed it. At the same time, each of us have our own ways of satisfying our curiousity and have different hobbies that appeal to us....

Go on out there and explore the real you.... you might just surprise yourself... if a little box can do so much wonders, I am sure you can do more!

you don't mean it at all~

It was a Friday night, I was tired and worked up after having pushed to the limit at work. Deadlines coming in like the Niagara falls, irritating clients that think their account is the one-and-only account in your portfolio, bosses chasing you for deliverables and some bosses who want things yesterday. You can imagine how cheesed off I would probably have been on that Friday night after one whole week of all that! Not to mention, knowing I had to come in the weekend to continue only made my Friday all the "brighter" for me.

Anyway, I decided to go for a drink. Try to knock out my senses in the bid to forget all work related matters and put the stress as the last thing on the list in my head. That's when things go from bad to worse, to completely out of proportion.

Typically I take 6 to 8 mugs of beer before I head home every Friday night. Simply to really enjoy my alone time and really enjoying the beer I am paying for with my hard earned cash (alright... some of you may disagree drastically on my way of appreciating my hard earned cash on alchohol). But anyway, on that particular night I was awfully tired and I was mentally strong enough to contain the stress from the work since I had been doing the graveyard shift for over 3 weeks in a row leaving the office about 3am everyday.

So much so that by after the 5th beer, I was literally falling asleep at the bar.

I decided to head home. As I got into the car, my hand phone rang and the caller ID displayed on the screen surprised me because it wasn't someone I'd expect to call me at all. For anonymity's sake I am just going to call her Beans.

I answered the call.

"Hey! How are you doing? I know it's your peak period this time around... Hanging in there?"

"Yea, why do you care?!"

"You alright there? You don't sound fine."

"I'll be fine...... I am just recovering from the shock from you calling me up."

"What's the supposed to mean?"

"Like I said, you calling me up is as good as an enigma..."

"If you don't want to talk just tell me, you don't have to be mean."

"Good night and good riddance!"

Before Beans could even reply, I hit the red button on my phone to hang up and headed home.

It wasn't until the next morning when I woke up that I realised what I just did to Beans. As much as I was being mean and literally being an idiot for the way I reacted, Beans didn't deserve getting what she got from me.

With all honesty, I was stressed, tired, worked up and I merely wanted to be alone. Somehow, I just lashed out at Beans like a can of Coke after being shaken really hard. When all I could have said was, "hey I am kinda tired so I am going have to call you back", or something along those lines instead of what I said.

The point I am trying to get at is this - there are times when you and I are faced with awful situations you'd wish you could get out from; and there could be times when you will do or say things you don't mean but simply at the spur of the moment you can pop just like that when everything is bottled up for too long.

Like what I did, telling Beans I didn't mean it all as much as it was true will never suffice to heal the wound because it's as good as slapping someone in the face and telling them you are sorry immediately.

When times are tough, you feel like you are going explode from the inside.... take a step back for 5 seconds and think about the repercussions that could occur because of your actions. You never know that one day because you forgot to take that 5 seconds, you could end up hearting your friends and most importantly, the people you love......

doing what he can

It was like every other day for Murugan. He gets up by 4.30 in the morning, has one slice of plain bread for breakfast along with a glass of warm water and he heads off to work. Works starts at 7.30 for him but he needs to leave home by 5.30 to catch the earliest bus to his workplace. It's a good 45 minutes bus ride for him because he rents a room at the outskirts of the city. Not that he wants a place so far but it's the best he can afford at a nice MYR30 a month with bathroom sharing.

He reaches work about 6.45, gets to his locker, puts on his uniform and his signature Nike cap of which he bought with one year's saving. It was something he rewarded himself with after all the hard work he had put into his work. On top of that, he needed a cap to keep the sun from frying him whilst working.

It was a pretty tiring job, having to wake up so early in the morning and work about 10 hours a day. It was never easy for him, hauling bags over his shoulder and piling them up into a specialised machine for such bags. The smile was often unbearable but it was all part of his job. Even rain couldn't get in the way of his job. If Murugan and his team did not work for one day, they'd get a whole lot of complains from the locals for being irresponsible. Rain or shine, work had to resume for Murugan. Not very nice eh?

He finishes work about 6pm everyday after doing his usual round around the community. At the end of his shift his skin burns from all the sun, his body aches all over from all the hauling, feet hurt from the walking, body smells horrible from the sweat plus other odour accumulated from his work. That is Murugan's daily working life. Despite all the hard work he puts in his day work, he barely makes enough for food minus the rent.

You might have already guess what Murugan does, but if you haven't, he's a garbage collector. He wakes up early every morning, hauls arse to work, collects garbage dished out by people like you and me, gets paid barely enough but continues doing what he can.

Murugan's family was far from being well to do, living in the slumps of the city. Having only education up till he was 15 years of age, he really couldn't do anything else and he was accepted for the job due to a government job allocation programme launched to reduce unemployment. He jumped on the opportunity to have some income after his drunkard father left the family leaving his mother alone, who passed on after contracting tuberculosis of which until now Murugan cannot forgive himself for not having been able to do anything to heal her. He simply couldn't afford it.

Outsider like ourselves who see people like Murugan hauling our garbage probably assume these guys are delinquents but most of us don't know these guys are doing what then can to make ends meet. Just like us, sometimes we can only do what we can, and there are times after we have done what we can, people still think we haven't done enough or we are simply unappreciated.

The point to take home is to really do what we can and at the end of day be able to look into the mirror knowing we have done what we done with sincerity and honesty. Someday, you'll be appreciate twice or trice as more.......... those who don't will one day realise they'd made a mistake.......

It wasn't a tough decision to make

Another person decided to leave the firm I work in. After 18 years with the firm, he finally threw in the towel. It was surprising to say the least because he didn't seem the type that would leave especially having spent a good half of his life in the firm.

He was nice guy I first met about 3 years back when I first joined the firm. He was a funny guy and always cheerful every time I met him and there's was plenty of jokes when we had small talk in the lift, passing by in the loo or by the water cooler.

His resignation did come as surprise even for the top brass. Corridor talk has it that he was never really a performer in the firm, wasn't someone you'd know for being very good at what he does.

I guess after 18 years, some people need a change. At least that's what I thought. Not until I had a short conversation with him. I thought he had a better job offer somewhere out there. It was quite the opposite actually.

"I heard you decided to leave. When's your last day?"

"Yea. Last day was supposed to be 16th this month but the partner asked me to hang on out until 30th to help out with the July peak period."

"Must have been a really good deal for you to decide to leave the firm."

"Not at all bro. In fact, I am getting much less than what I am getting here. Virtually half my salary here!"

"No kidding! Then why leave?"

"You see, I have a son who requires special needs. He's autistic and it doesn't help being a single parent. Working here doesn't help in trying to spend time with him. My mother has to help watch over him while I work everyday. The long hours here simply doesn't help me in making sure he grows up well. Almost everyday my mother calls me up to tell me the young guy is crying and looking for me. He cries almost everyday missing me. He needs me. The new job gives me more time to spend with my kid. Getting a lower a salary is a foregone conclusion."

"Sorry to hear about your kid and having to be a single parent. Must have been tough on you."

"All part of life. It's not easy but he's still my child."

"Did you have think long before deciding to resign? You are foregoing quite a good sum with this move."

"It wasn't a tough decision to make. In fact, to me the decision I had to make was very clear. That kid means more to me than anything else put together. He needs me and I haven't been there for him most of the time."

I shook his hand wishing him all the best in advance in case I didn't meet him before he left. The conversation really left an impression in my mind. Whilst most of us go through the grind of trying to earn big bucks, there are those out there who are simply much more enlightened than us who think too much of financial rewards. Being there for his son clearly made it more rewarding for him.

When it comes to family bonds, even a big fat cheque can seem insignificantly minute to those who understand how it feels to be able to love another.

the birthday cake

The alarm clock rang when the digital clock hit 6am in the morning. It was a cold, chilly, Saturday morning with a bit of rain when she looked out the window of her apartment. Gets out of bed, brushes her teeth, do a couple stretches and she heads down to the kitchen.

Standing at the entrance of the house kitchen, Meg rolls up her sleeve, takes a deep breath and start rummaging the kitchen for all the ingredients she bought a couple of days ago to bake a cheese cake. Meg had been reading up on baking books for the past few weeks for this day. The day she would bake a cake for the guy she secretly had feelings for.

Meg was anxious but all excited about it. She wanted to do something different for him this year compared to the typical birthday gifts. She wanted to make this year's birthday gift a memorable one for Ryan.

It took Meg a good 5 hours to bake the cake. She really put her heart and soul into it. From her heart, her feelings for Ryan flowed into her soft, tender hands and flowed into the cake she baked. It was no ordinary cake though, it was in the shape of Sponge Bob Square Pants! Meg had something for Sponge Bob Square Pants.......... she always felt he was cute and so bubbly.

At the birthday party Meg, presented the cake to Ryan. There was a moment of silences from everyone when they saw the cake. They were attracted to the cake, the fine touches of the cake, the nice curves. No one expected a home baked cake to have been so professionally done.

Ryan was impressed and that was all that mattered to Meg. In the crowd, she could only see Ryan and everyone else were like grey matter to her. Despite impressing Ryan, there was undeniable fact Meg couldn't turn a blind eye to - the fact that Ryan is taken. To make matters worse, Ryan's girlfriend is Meg's house mate and class mate. The truth can be ugly at times I guess.........

Sometimes she wished that she never fell in love with Ryan. It's simply painful knowing that she loves someone she probably can never be with. Every time Meg saw Ryan with her house mate, she felt happy for Ryan yet painful.

As a bystander, there are times when I feel she should let Ryan go. It sometimes seems so painful for her going on with this. But at the same time, I'd want to encourage her to push on as someday I hope Ryan will see how much Meg loves him. Love knows no boundaries and this is a first hand experience for me seeing love being professed through the hands of Meg in the cake she baked............. The birthday cake was no ordinary cake, it was a cake celebrating love, a cake that contained patience, a cake that was made with love, a cake professing sincerity...........

Ted's last journal entry

It was a gloomy day, dark clouds forming in the skies, she didn't know how to react to the sms she just read. Reesa's mind went wild with thought trying to reason out why he would send such an sms to her. It has never happened before. She tried calling him, but there was no answer. She went to bed that night thinking it was a bad dream and it will all go away when she wakes up the next day.

Morning came, the sms remained the same, there was still no answer when she tried calling him. She didn't know what else to do.

The sms read, "Don't call me, don't text me, I don't wish to see you anymore."

Everytime she thought about that sms, her eyes would start tearing.

A week passed, two weeks passed, on the third week Reesa's mobile phone rang with an unknown number showing on the caller ID. She answered the call only to be surprised to hear his voice.

"Ted, Ted, please tell me it's you!"

"Yes, it's me," he spoke coldly.

"Please tell me you didn't send me the sms you sent? Please tell me it's a joke? Please, Ted?"

There was a pause. "Reesa, it's not a joke. I am sorry but it's true. I meant everything I said in that sms."

"Why Ted?!? Why??!?"

"Reesa..... I.... I... I recently met Lisa. She's really nice and she's always around when I needed her. You were hardly around whenever I needed you. Sometimes I wondered if you even cared about me."

Reesa held the phone, tears rolling down her cheeks as she kept repeating softly, "No.... no.... no....."

"I think you cared about your work more than me or anything else. I guess it's best we go our separate ways."

That was the last time Reesa ever heard Ted's voice again.

Six months later, Reesa caught Ted's obituary in the local newspaper. She was shocked and decided to attend Ted's funeral. After Ted's burial, Ted's sister walked up to Reesa to catch up. Whilst talking to Reesa, Ted's sister gave Ted's journal to Reesa saying that Ted would have liked her to have it.

After work one night, Reesa flipped open Ted's journal. As she read the journal, she never knew Ted diligently wrote in his journal. The journal was like every other typical journal and Reesa immediately recognised Ted's writing style.

Ted penned down his entire experience with Reesa from the first date, first kiss, the first time he held her hand right till the day they parted ways - the whole 4 years they were together. Reesa continued reading the night away and as she reached the end of Ted's journal she was all tears.

It read:

10th January - I always thought the pain in my stomach was just gastric from my poor eating habits with all the late night dinners and lunch skipping. Who'd would have thought it was cancer. As the pain grew over the last few months I didn't think it was the growing severity of the cancer. At stage 3 now, death has come knocking on my door.

I only have about 6 months left in this world. Guess God decided he didn't want me sticking around too long.

28 years of my life in this world, the best thing that ever happened to me was Reesa. The past 4 years has been nothing but cloud nine for me. The touch of her hand lets me know she'll catch me whenever I fall, her radiant skins mirrors the clear waters of the ocean and her smile, simply melts my heart. If it's one thing I don't want to leave behind, it'd be her.

I just dropped her an sms to tell her never contact me......... it pains my heart but she's still young and I don't think she deserves a dying man. She deserves better.

17 January - after a week, I can't deny that I miss her and I'd really want to be with her right now. I spoke to her briefly on the phone and I guess the only way she was going to leave me was if she hated me. I made up some girl called, Lisa. I don't even know how I came up with that name.

I am sorry I have to lie to you and hide from you about my condition Reesa. You are a wonderful girl anyone could wish for. The best I can have. The last thing I can do for you is to make it the least painful for you to know about my death, if you ever find out. I never meant anything I said to you over the phone today.

All this while you have always been working hard working towards our dream wedding and our first house. Work was never easy for you with all the late nights and tight deadlines. Sleeping was never possible for me every time I knew you have to put up an all-nighter. I am so sorry that I have been struggling with my job and yet you have always supported me, giving me words of encouragement and simply reassuring me by touching my hand. I was meant to take care of you but it turned the other way round. I am truly sorry Reesa.

Despite having to cope with your tight working schedule you always made time for us. Every second spent with you were unforgettable moments. So much so that I write it all in here so I can remind myself constantly how lucky I am to be loved by you. Dropping a sms to say "I LOVE YOU" every night was the least I could do to let you know how precious you are to me.

As you hung up today, I see tear drops on this very page I am writing on. My heart wrenched with pain, sadness rose from within the depths of my heart, I could only cry knowing that I had to hurt you to prevent myself from hurting you further if you knew my impending fate.

I wanted to tell you how much I loved you, I wanted to tell you how much I wanted to see you, I wanted to tell you how much I missed you.............. and I am sorry Reesa for what I had to put you through since last week. I am sorry and I love you.......

This will probably be the last entry. I will be checking into the hospital tomorrow and will probably will live my remaining days there. I can barely hold this pen to write this page. My life is slowly slipping away....... good bye Reesa, my love and my best friend........... take good care of yourself.

Reesa closed the journal shut and held the journal close to her bosom as she cried and whispered,"I love you too, Ted."

some things don't change ~

I am sitting down in a tight corner in Starbucks, typing this blog post and as I turn to look at my watch, I see the needle in my watch tick the seconds passing by. It dawned to me that things change over time. Nothing really stays the same as time goes by. I look at my laptop, I notice the faded keyboards, I look at my reflection in the laptop screen I see four days worth of moustache and a goatie, some of my schoolmates now married, I see friend's kids now all big and tall only when a few years ago I saw them as toddlers.

It's somewhat amazing to see the effects of the passage of time; reminding me of a phrase I hear quite often from someone close to me, "the only thing constant in our lifetime is change". I used to beg to differ with her view but I have come to accept what she said as being true. Change is constantly happening in our lives. Nothing really stays the same once it is stretched.

Despite the change constantly taking place in our lives and the lives of those around us, there are some things that don't change. It might not be something you'll think of off-hand simply because it 's not something really significant.

I was jogging in the park one Saturday morning and there was an elderly couple holding hands while taking their morning walk. Considering I was jogging and they were walking, I think I must have passed them about 5 to 6 times trying to rake up the mileage.

As I was warming down after completing my rounds, the same couple decided to take a seat on the bench nearby to cool off before leaving. Not that I wanted to eavesdrop but I heard a very interesting conversation between the two of them.

"It's been a while since we last took a stroll you and I?"

"It's been refreshing ever since we started taking a morning stroll. Get some fresh air at the same time. Spend some time together as well."

"We never really had so much time like this years back when we worked so hard trying to get the kids education overseas. Those little rascals sure cost us quite a bit!"

"Hahahahaha....... at least they're both out and happy doing what they are doing. Time for us to take a break."

"Time sure passes by like a flash. I remember it was the evening of the 10th of November twenty five years ago when you first held my hand and took me for a walk in the park. You and I have grown old, kids all grown up, you've lost most of your hair, I have grown more wrinkles, our Beagle Boo has gone to heaven."

"Time sure flies..... it sure does....... time goes by, things around us change but one thing sure don't change."

"What's that?"

"The way you hold my hand dear. Tight enough to know that you'll never leave my side but soft enough to let me know that you truly love me."

Don't stop believing....

Little by little she began to open to those around her. It wasn't an easy process to get her to speak up more and be more open in conversations. Min was born with autism. Autism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behaviour. Growing up with Min wasn't an easy process for her parents. Trying to get Min out of her repetitive behaviour was a painful process.

By the time Min was three years of age, she still couldn't speak and she couldn't let go of her bolster wherever she went. There was one thing in particular Min was really good at - puzzles. She instinctively knew what piece went where and in what position. She had this innate ability to simply put the puzzle together.

Autistic or not, her parents knew for a fact that Min had a talent - a talent for solving puzzles. It may not be a massive achievement for most parents but to Min's parents, it was something to be proud of their daughter who is typically deemed a handicap by the general public.

Living with an autistic child posed many problems - facing random tantrums from Min, occasional self-injurious actions, difficult to change routines. These are some of the complications Min's parents had to go through but they went through it painstakingly in the hope to give Min a better chance at life. Even Min wouldn't grow up to be a normal kid, being close-to-normal was more than good enough for them.

They continued to believe that Min will grow stronger and they continued to provide anything possible to help Min's growth.

Three years down the road, Min had a little brother come along the way. Min is now six years of age, able to talk albeit she still struggles with learning and still amazingly good with puzzles.

With little Matt joining the family, a different side of Min proliferated. Min showed a side never before seen by her parents. She had complete instinct of an elder sibling to watch over Matt.

Min demonstrated many times when she could tell if Matt was unwell and had a very 'Min way' at tugging at her mother's sleeve to tell her that something wasn't right with Matt. Other times, she instinctively tags along little Matt who sometimes can get himself in litte trouble like the one time he nearly fell of the staircase while crawling about the top floor of their home.

It was simply conspicuous in Min that she was more than capable of caring for her little brother but it was a trait not common in a child diagnosed with autism. It was surprising to her parents but over and above that, they couldn't be more proud of Min.

Sometimes, there are things that some people are capable of but simply not shown, either simply because the opportunity never arises or it requires some form of catalyst to materialise. At the end of the day, it's like many of us out there who have capabilities hidden in ourselves that we are probably not aware of until it unleashes itself when the time is ripe..........

All it takes is probably for us to believe in ourselves, just like how Min's parents never stopped believing in Min.

the price of love - take 3

Deep down inside each and every one of us lies an innate power to do things for another person. Some things that can be beyond explanation, sometimes even silly and sometimes just really impossible to imagine. What I am referring to really is the ability of us human beings to care for someone else. Actually if you think about it, all living beings on this planet show the innate ability to care for one another.

It's amazing how one person can show so much care to another person without requiring a reason. I definitely admire those who are able to care for another person selflessly. I may not know my ability to care for another person but I know I'd give it a good shot in caring for someone I love - parents, siblings, girlfriend. Personally, I think the will to care for another person will come naturally like the rainbow after a rainy day.

I think inside us resides a little vault of emotions that entwines itself to form a chemistry of emotions that manifests itself as a plethora of feelings - tolerance, empathy, concern, etc. Some say it's the warmth that you feel in your every heart beat. I think the warmth is called, "love".

A four letter word that speaks for itself universally.

A four letter that carries a very unique price tag.

A price tag any of us can afford. In fact, it's so affordable it doesn't even cost a dime!

You don't need to do anything to receive love because it is something given freely to you and me by another person willingly!

Ask yourself this - if you loved someone you would willingly show concern, care for the other person and treat that person respectfully, right? I know I would.

The best part is, love can come in all shapes and sizes! As small as tiny gesture of holding one's pinky finger, a small 'miss you' sms, a peck on the cheek to as large as a great big hug!

Isn't love a wonderful thing?

the price of love ~ take 2

It was a normal day for Dee. Got off work about 7pm, leaving the office to walk to the nearest bus stop that's about 15 minutes away from her workplace. Like every other day, it's a lonely walk to the bus stop, a lonely bus ride back to the bus stop near her apartment, a lonely 10 minute walk back to her apartment, opening the door to her lonely apartment.

Lonely would be a spot-on word to describe Dee. It's not that she wanted to have a lonely hermit-like life but Dee was a shy person, not very good at socializing and simply found it easier to keep to herself. Finding social acceptance was an issue for Dee.

It didn't really bother her as she has grown used to the quiet lifestyle of her's. It wasn't a life she dreaded and she read a lot of books to past the time.

There was one Monday, it was almost like every other working day for Dee but not until it started to rain. The bus stop was 15 minutes away and walking to the bus stop without and umbrella would have been a sure fire way to fall sick. Sadly, office was closed and Dee had to squeeze into the small shade that protruded above the entrance of the office entrance.

As she waited, barely able to stay dry, looking up into the sky to see if the rain would yield, suddenly she heard a voice, "Excuse miss, my umbrella should be able to fit you in. It's a pretty big umbrella. Are you headed any where in specific because I am just walking towards the bus stop down the road," as he pointed towards the direction of the bus stop Dee wanted to head to too.

Dee saw this decently dress guy in working attire carrying a laptop bag and the umbrella.

"I am headed to the same bus stop as you too. Forgetful me left my umbrella at home."

Dee accepted his offer to share the umbrella and they headed towards the bus stop.

"I am Matt. Sorry if startled you back there."

"Oh, no worries. It's great you passed by. The rain doesn't look like it's going to let up. I am Dee. Nice meeting you and thanks for offering to share the umbrella."

"You are welcome, when I saw you standing it that sad looking shade I figured you could use some umbrella space, especially the bus stop being quite a distance."

"Thanks.... really appreciate it. Are you new around here? I have never seen you around this area before."

"I've just been hired by the company down the road about 10 doors down from your office."

They eventually reached the bus stop and coincidentally sat on the same bus for, coincidentally the same destination. Matt stayed in the same apartment as Dee but on a different block.

Dee was kind of excited meeting a new person. It was a new experience to her.

From that day on, Dee and Matt went to work together, got off work together, had dinner together before heading to back home. As the days pass by, Matt and Dee became very close friends - a close bond began to form between them.

As the bond between Matt and Dee grew, feelings for each other became more than just friends. It felt like they knew each from some other time, maybe their past lives or maybe from an old forgotten childhood friendship. It was difficult to explain what they felt for each other but one thing was certain - Dee had feelings for Matt and likewise.

These days, if you hang around Dee's office, you'll always see Matt and Dee walking hand in hand to the bus stop.

All it cost Matt to fall in love with Dee - a simply invitation to share his umbrella during a rainy day.

All it cost Dee to fall in love with Matt - a simply "yes" to an invitation to share an umbrella during a rainy day.

Isn't the price of love simply unique?

the price of love ~ take 1

Ever wondered if love came with a price tag? Little Mikey did.

Little Mikey was a curious little boy. His inquisitiveness has led him to many experiences, although some not so admirable like the time he once ate an earth worm simply Nat Geo said it was edible.

Little Mikey was a little different from other 5 year olds. Little Mikey was born an orphan, having been left in front of church one Saturday night without any form of identification. He was less fortunate in that he never really got a chance to feel what it was to have parents or even have siblings around him.

So everyday when he walks himself to kindergarten one block away from the orphanage he lives in, he constantly wonders what it's like to have a mother and father. He quietly observes all his peers going to kindergarten with either their mom or dad beside them. Mikey really wanted to know if it ever felt different having a mom and dad, and he really wanted to know if there was anyway to experience it.

One evening while watching the television at the orphanage, he came across a television advertisement. It was pet shop advertisement, "Feeling lonely? Need a furry friend? Buy yourself some love today and get yourself a dog!"

After witnessing the commercial, little Mikey scurried back to his room and took out his piggy bank. He emptied the piggy bank full of coins into his two little hands and walked out to look for the orphanage caretaker, Peggy.

"Peggy, Peggy, the tv said I could buy love. Is this enough to buy some mommy daddy love?", little Mikey looked up to Peggy with both his hands filled with coins.

Peggy looked at Mikey.......

"Mikey, you can't buy love"

"But the tv said I could!"

"Mikey, love isn't something you or I can buy because you don't need money to buy love. Love is free. I love you Mikey. I may not be your mother and I don't need to be your mother to love you. All of you in this orphanage are my little children I love."

"But you don't walk me to school..."

"Silly Mikey..... You should have told me. Mikey boy, loving you doesn't only mean walking you to school. It means caring for you, making sure you have a clean bed rid of bed buggies for you to sleep on, making sure you have sweet dreams when you sleep every night, making sure you have your favourite cereals in the morning. Love is about making sure little Mikey today becomes big, tall and handsome Mikey in the years to come. There's no price to love you!"

Isn't love simply great?

it's in the palm

Jo has a really funny habit. At any part of the day, there will be a time when you will definitely catch him taking a look at his palm. Rumour has it that he's been doing it for ages - years apparently. I can't confirm how long has he been having this habit because I have never asked him. It really is a peculiar habit because there are times when you see him taking a glimpse of his palm and you would almost certainly catch a smile drawn on his face.

Those who didn't know him well would probably be thinking he has one screw loose too many in his head. But it was a little secret Jo carries. Jo always had something written on his palm - sentences, quotes, words of encouragement, little captions. It was his energizing mantra, apparently. At least that's what he told me.

I found his practice very peculiar, to say the very least. There were two things I asked him about his palm practice:

1. Why the palm?

2. Does it really help?

His answer to my first question:-

"I wanted an easy and quick reference point. What better way than to write it on my palm? I mean seriously, your hands are the mostly seen parts of your body. You do stuff with your hands and that means you'd be looking at your hands most of the time. Another reason why I chose my palm was that I didn't want to be carrying little notebooks or flash cards around. Just too troublesome! By writing it on my palm, I just flip my hand over and I get a quick read of whatever I have written on it."

His answer to my second question:

"It does help for me! I can't say the same for you or anyone else since all of us are different but it really does work for me. Every time I take a glance at my palm I feel rejuvenated. It's like a friendly reminder to myself . Imagine it as a Post-It Note that follows me everywhere I go and every time I need to remind myself I just flip my hand I see it on my palm. Simply convenient for me.

Another reason why I chose to write it on my palm is that I as inspired by the saying, 'it's in your hand'. I guess it's a good way to tell myself that everything is achievable and it's all in my hands as long as I reach out to grab it."

Might be something worth trying. ;0)