you don't mean it at all~

It was a Friday night, I was tired and worked up after having pushed to the limit at work. Deadlines coming in like the Niagara falls, irritating clients that think their account is the one-and-only account in your portfolio, bosses chasing you for deliverables and some bosses who want things yesterday. You can imagine how cheesed off I would probably have been on that Friday night after one whole week of all that! Not to mention, knowing I had to come in the weekend to continue only made my Friday all the "brighter" for me.

Anyway, I decided to go for a drink. Try to knock out my senses in the bid to forget all work related matters and put the stress as the last thing on the list in my head. That's when things go from bad to worse, to completely out of proportion.

Typically I take 6 to 8 mugs of beer before I head home every Friday night. Simply to really enjoy my alone time and really enjoying the beer I am paying for with my hard earned cash (alright... some of you may disagree drastically on my way of appreciating my hard earned cash on alchohol). But anyway, on that particular night I was awfully tired and I was mentally strong enough to contain the stress from the work since I had been doing the graveyard shift for over 3 weeks in a row leaving the office about 3am everyday.

So much so that by after the 5th beer, I was literally falling asleep at the bar.

I decided to head home. As I got into the car, my hand phone rang and the caller ID displayed on the screen surprised me because it wasn't someone I'd expect to call me at all. For anonymity's sake I am just going to call her Beans.

I answered the call.

"Hey! How are you doing? I know it's your peak period this time around... Hanging in there?"

"Yea, why do you care?!"

"You alright there? You don't sound fine."

"I'll be fine...... I am just recovering from the shock from you calling me up."

"What's the supposed to mean?"

"Like I said, you calling me up is as good as an enigma..."

"If you don't want to talk just tell me, you don't have to be mean."

"Good night and good riddance!"

Before Beans could even reply, I hit the red button on my phone to hang up and headed home.

It wasn't until the next morning when I woke up that I realised what I just did to Beans. As much as I was being mean and literally being an idiot for the way I reacted, Beans didn't deserve getting what she got from me.

With all honesty, I was stressed, tired, worked up and I merely wanted to be alone. Somehow, I just lashed out at Beans like a can of Coke after being shaken really hard. When all I could have said was, "hey I am kinda tired so I am going have to call you back", or something along those lines instead of what I said.

The point I am trying to get at is this - there are times when you and I are faced with awful situations you'd wish you could get out from; and there could be times when you will do or say things you don't mean but simply at the spur of the moment you can pop just like that when everything is bottled up for too long.

Like what I did, telling Beans I didn't mean it all as much as it was true will never suffice to heal the wound because it's as good as slapping someone in the face and telling them you are sorry immediately.

When times are tough, you feel like you are going explode from the inside.... take a step back for 5 seconds and think about the repercussions that could occur because of your actions. You never know that one day because you forgot to take that 5 seconds, you could end up hearting your friends and most importantly, the people you love......