even helping has its limits~

When it comes to friendship and the people close to us, our initial reaction when you see them in trouble is to lend a hand to help. I don't think any of us would give it a second thought if we are capable and have the means to help. Unless you haven't a heart or have a heart of ice, you'd probably say no without even thinking.

Helping someone in need may be a good thing but there are times when standing back and observing may be the best assistance one can lend. It's not about sitting back and letting things go wrong but there are times when we need to let other's figure things out themselves. Somewhat like letting nature takes it course.

Because humans are different between one another, there will it be unavoidable to face moments when you can't understand one another or even times when misunderstanding can happen. As much as possible, you and I will try our best to avoid such situations but it will simply happen as long as humans continue have differences.

I to got into the same trouble some time ago and after trying my best to resolve the issue, I had to come to a realisation point that I was going to help the situation improve but at the same time may end up eroding the situation altogether. I mad a conscious effort to simply step back and not try to fight the current. It was probably going to hurt myself and hurt others around me. It simply didn't make anymore sense to me.

As I stumbled through the thick of things and feel my way through the darkness, I came to appreciate and noticed the many people supporting me and giving little words of encouragement along the way. It's not something I can forget easily and at the same time, although I did not say it out, these people have my thanks indeed.

Help came in many ways and in numerous times, so much so that there were times when I simply wish they didn't help because there were times when helping out had to know its limits. Detrimental effects could have occurred instead. I too came across such a situation before.

Back when I was in school, I had a close friend who always did well in class and excelled in almost in every subject. I could only envisage him getting a scholarship and going overseas in the foreseeable future. Came the final examinations for our last year in secondary school, with the pressure piling up to do well, he got crushed by the pressure and failed to get a very needed distinction for his biology paper. The very one paper that would decide his medical scholarship. With the prospect of a full medical scholarship out the window he simply fell into a state of denial.

Being close to him, my natural reaction was try to talk to him to hopefully ease the pain. It never came across my mind to just keep leave him be to manage himself. Every time I spoke to him he just kept telling he'd be fine on his own whilst I kept thinking that him bottling it up inside was going to kill him. I tried to lend a hand by talking to him but only to have made things worse because it kept reminding him about his failed attempt. Eventually, I realised I was helping and just left him to his own devices. He did get out of it and it got another scholarship, although not a full scholarship he was hoping for but he parents worked out the finances for it.

When the storm had finally past him, he finally spoke to me and told me that even though he was depressed about his failed attempt and was disappointed about it, he didn't want to talk about it because it only served to remind him of his failure. Being alone was the best way for him because it gave him space to take a step back and to count his lucky stars. He may have missed the distinction for the biology paper but he didn't fail it. He did well for the rest of the subjects so t never really crossed out the possibility of a scholarship. He was depressed not because of missing the full scholarship but the non-distinction left a dent in his pride.

He never told me all these from the start but I came to realise that had I taken a step back to understand my friend for so many years I would have realised he didn't someone to talk to but rather someone who'd understand him and give me the space. That's when I learned even helping has its limits.