It is 3 minutes before hitting 12am, Saturday which is also the 2nd of June 2007. Which means to say, I have effectively two more days left before my first paper on the 4th of June 2007.
So what's the feeling like? I don't know! Since the first two papers will be the exams for the subjects I self-studied I am pretty anxious and a little bit of fearing the unknown. You know, things like 'have I read enough?', 'was the text I used sufficient to help me get through?'. I guess I should take this as a learning experience, since not everyone gets to try something like this.
Emotionally, it has been very challenging since all this while since my college days I have always been in control of how things went. Everything I did was well planned and executed as close as possible to the original plan. Succumbing to this situation, things are a lot different in the sense that I have definitely more commitment to shoulder. Coming out into the open world so to speak does not allow for plans to be executed well. Variables are always around, and it is simply impossible to have things controlled easily. Unlike the college days, most of everything were quite straight forward. So having to self study has put me in a position whereby I have to really rely on what I can understand from what I have only (which are some textbooks I borrowed from some colleagues and friends). Going to class is different materially - because the lecturer is always there to guide me. Essentially the text books are the same but with a lecturer there is always some form of comfort knowing that when I hit a brick wall, there is someone to pull me aside just before I walk right into it. Self-studying on the other hand, I have to keep hitting the brick wall until it sinks into my head (at least, that's how it has been for me so far).
Mentally, it is tiring - very tiring! Having two subjects along with work is in itself not easy. At work, I am already being bombarded with work issues - dealing with clients, tasks at hand, some times technical issues. And I get back more often than not buggered and already tired. Then I try to put in some studying (which really ends up as just seeing rather than reading the text). Honestly, I tried to constantly just read a bit here and there while I was working, but it hasn't been that effective probably because of the exhaustion. This experience so far has really stretched me.
Most importantly, deep down in me I hate failures and I don't want to see myself failing. That's probably why I am under so much pressure. But, sometimes in life, it is through failures that we pick ourselves up and become stronger.......
So what's the feeling like? I don't know! Since the first two papers will be the exams for the subjects I self-studied I am pretty anxious and a little bit of fearing the unknown. You know, things like 'have I read enough?', 'was the text I used sufficient to help me get through?'. I guess I should take this as a learning experience, since not everyone gets to try something like this.
Emotionally, it has been very challenging since all this while since my college days I have always been in control of how things went. Everything I did was well planned and executed as close as possible to the original plan. Succumbing to this situation, things are a lot different in the sense that I have definitely more commitment to shoulder. Coming out into the open world so to speak does not allow for plans to be executed well. Variables are always around, and it is simply impossible to have things controlled easily. Unlike the college days, most of everything were quite straight forward. So having to self study has put me in a position whereby I have to really rely on what I can understand from what I have only (which are some textbooks I borrowed from some colleagues and friends). Going to class is different materially - because the lecturer is always there to guide me. Essentially the text books are the same but with a lecturer there is always some form of comfort knowing that when I hit a brick wall, there is someone to pull me aside just before I walk right into it. Self-studying on the other hand, I have to keep hitting the brick wall until it sinks into my head (at least, that's how it has been for me so far).
Mentally, it is tiring - very tiring! Having two subjects along with work is in itself not easy. At work, I am already being bombarded with work issues - dealing with clients, tasks at hand, some times technical issues. And I get back more often than not buggered and already tired. Then I try to put in some studying (which really ends up as just seeing rather than reading the text). Honestly, I tried to constantly just read a bit here and there while I was working, but it hasn't been that effective probably because of the exhaustion. This experience so far has really stretched me.
Most importantly, deep down in me I hate failures and I don't want to see myself failing. That's probably why I am under so much pressure. But, sometimes in life, it is through failures that we pick ourselves up and become stronger.......
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