"should have"

"Should have........", is a common phrase heard especially during times when something has gone wrong. I find it irritating when people say that to me because I think it doesn't help the situation but rather makes the situation worse.

Christmas this year, a friend and I went on a 700km road trip up to a neighbouring state. The road trip was fun and enjoyable except for the part my car got hit by another car. In terms of damage, it was bad enough to leave a hole in my car, which now requires some welding and body work to restore it. Freak accidents can happen any where and at any time with virtually anyone. More often than not, accidents are due to human negligence.

Those who know me will know my car is kept in pristine condition and that I really love my car. Especially given the fact that my car is 21 years old, going 22 years old in the next couple of days.

By the time I got home, my mom flipped when she saw the damaged. It was even more painful for me to see my car in such a state. So the next best thing to do was to quickly send the car in for repair work. The mechanic takes a look at the damage and says, "It's going to take a about 3 to 4 days to fix up. You should have been more careful".

I felt a bit disturbed with the "you should have been more careful" bit of what he said. The thought in my mind at that point in time was, "Had I knew he was going hit my car, I would not have even driven on the road I got hit to begin with and I wouldn't need to send my car to you would I?". Not to mention he was going to be getting money from me for the repair work.

I wasn't upset with him for saying that but I just felt that saying such things really wasn't helping the situation. My mechanic was clearly looking in hindsight. It sure is easy to state the obvious after something has happened. It's like being told fire burns only after you get burnt by it. That's a lot help!

Many of us fail to understand that it is always easy to look in hindsight because more often than not, we would be merely stating the obvious. Most importantly, it makes no difference and it doesn't change the outcome that has already happened. Rather, we should let what has happened be and learn from what has happened to not repeat it in the future........

~small opportunity~

“Day by day, I watched the sun rise in the morning and set in the evening not knowing what I could do to improve my situation. It feels like I am waiting for time to pass me by and waiting for the grim reaper to take me back to my maker”, said the old man who was gazing at the plants and flower he whole heartedly planted in his garden.

The old man was talking to a once famous professional poker player who had everything a man could want – fame, money, women, recognition, etc. Now he is but a part-time worker who makes end meet in a plants nursery. For an ex-gambler, Mike sure knew a lot about plants. Apparently, it made him feel peaceful in the inside every time he was working the garden and caring for the plants. He felt it could help him forget the painful past of losing everything he had.

What about the old man?

The old man is the owner of a large casino chain.

"Why don't you join me? I am planning to open up a new casino and I would like someone to head it. You have the experience and I am sure we can rub the rust of your poker skills once you get your groove back. What do you think?"

"Who? Me? I couldn't possibly head a casino. I gave up gambling after I lost everything years ago. After losing everything in the '97 world poker competition in the Philippines, I came back only to find my parents had passed away and my little brother was kidnapped. Now, I am just a happy part time gardener in a nursery. That's all there is to it. I don't have much, but I am happy.........."

"My friend. You are still young. Not that young but no way older than me. You lost it all last time but you still have your pair of hands, legs and your brains. Let me give you a tip. Wealth is not measured based on the net worth of your assets, wealth is what you have in your head and your member between your thighs."

Mike burst out laughing hearing the old man's anecdote but he knew what he said was true.

The old man continued, "I know a whole bunch of people who think they know it all, seen it all, done it all. But I can tell you they don't know jack for one simple reason - there's no one in this world who has done it all, seen it all and know it all. Only one person can have that attributes - it ain't me, it ain't you and it sure ain't any other person. It's God. Because you and I can never have it all, why not seize the opportunity to turn your life around. You are happy in a nursery don't mean you can't be happy in a casino, right?"

Mike nodded.

"Let's just say we forget I mentioned about heading the casino bit. Small, tiny opportunities can present itself in the weirdest of places and situations. Sometimes the small opportunities could have big results and the only way to find out is to seize the opportunity. Even if nothing big comes out of it, you'll still learn something in the end. But I shall qualify myself by saying some experiences can be painful. Not all, but some. Imagine you have fallen head over heels for a girl, I bet your arse you are going to go all out going after her. Small opportunity right? But if she falls in love with you, big result right? And you wouldn't know if she falls for you unless you confess your feelings to her and show her that you have feeling for her right?"

Mike nodded.

"So give it a thought........ I don't need an answer right away. Alright?"

Mike nodded.

That's the scene I saw in a show my mom was watching. Whether Mike took the opportunity, I'll leave it to your imagination. :)

rock climbing and what I learnt

About 5 weeks ago, I decided to do something I never thought I would do. In fact, it was something I decided upon without even thinking. I was asked to go rock climbing. The normal me would have gave it long thought and replied, "no". But at that point in time I decided I wanted to do something different and I decided to say, "Oh, what the hell. I am going to do it!"

I surprised myself that evening. Seriously, I really did surprise myself!

Effectively, yesterday was my fourth time doing rock climbing. I am really enjoying it. The physical challenge is one thing. But I learn other things too when I climb. On the very second time of climbing, I lost a lunch bet because I couldn't complete a route. At that point in time, in my mind I thought of rock climbing of a pure physical sport (i.e. no-brainer). I was really wrong. Dead wrong! Much technique is involved in it and it requires thinking in terms of where to place your feet and hands and to have the most efficient way up the rocks. Cool eh?

Above and beyond that, I learn about life too! Ascending the rocks really requires a lot of feeling of the rocks. Really touching the wall with my hands and toes to feel, really feel which part of the rocks I can grab on to and place my feet to push myself higher. It's like life - you have to feel your way around life. You can't just jump in head first. I mean you can but jumping in head first may just have you land your head on a hard piece of concrete. What I am trying to get at is that, even in life everything takes time and you can't really rush things be it buying a new car, new house, getting into a relationship, picking a career, getting well from an illness. Looking at all the common scenarios of life I just listed out and you'll notice one common denominator - all of it simply takes time.

What it also taught me was about determination. I think determination is something I lack or rather the fear of taking a step forward in times of uncertainty. Yesterday while I was climbing the rocks, there were many times I had to place my body in a very awkward position to scale the rock walls. It is just like being out of my comfort zone. Sometimes you have to be uncomfortable to achieve something. "If it's something you fear, that's exactly what you have to do. Face it!" is something a really close friend of mind would tell me and still does continue to remind from time to time.

Another thing I experienced was sometimes you might not make it to the top of the rock, what we call an anchor in rock climbing terms. But there's always next time. Yesterday, I completed a route I failed to scale the last time round. I was satisfied with myself and I knew I had some improvement, even if it's a tiny bit.

Most important point I learnt is trust. In rock climbing your life really rests in the hands of your belayer. Belayer is the person down on the ground tightening and loosening your harness as and when necessary. If the belayer slacks too much harness rope and you fall, you are as good as dead. Yesterday, I had a relative new belayer doing my ropes but I knew she would be fine with the ropes. Most importantly, I had to trust her otherwise my fear of scaling the rocks would overcome me. Besides watching my ropes as I scaled the rocks, we had to communicate verbally especially during the times when I knew I was going slip off the rocks I had to make sure I yelled, "tight!" so she would pull the ropes to stop me from falling too far down. That trust creates a strong team effort in making sure I get up to the top safely. And that team effort is built on trust. My belayer trusted me letting her know how slacked or how tight I need the rope to be and in turn I trusted to be able to give me the slack and tight I needed.

It was a really good experience from a physical, mental and philosophical perspective......... actually my backside still hurts from all the stretching and pushing to the top. =0)

at the hospital~

Four days in the hospital was an interesting observational experience. You see all sorts of people in the hospital. All that observation came from walking the corridors of the hospital, sitting in the quiet corner of Starbucks while waiting for my latte-to-go to be ready, walking to the hospital's convenient store to get the daily newspaper. The auditory and visual senses of one's body are truly amazing when it comes to seeing and hearing what goes around you.

For some personal reasons, I had to be at the hospital everyday since last Thursday. While I was there, I really think it was an eye opening experience.

For instance, I met a Buddhist monk who goes there on a daily basis with a laptop and pays for an ice blended mocha with a credit card, while offering prayers to those who requests for prayers. I also got acquainted with two very friendly and good-serving Starbucks baristas named Daniel and Roshan. I also got to experience the advancement of medical technology that now cater for the differing demands of the patients' medical conditions. Up till last Thursday, I only knew of the intensive care unit, commonly know as the ICU. But now, there is even a CCU, coronary care unit and a HDU, high dependency unit. Maybe these are normal units for those in the know. I for one had no bleeding idea such units ever existed in the first place. Above all else, I was really impressed by how far technology has taken the medical fraternity.

Most importantly about the hospital, I must take off my hat to the nurses who work there. They are a group of amazing people who work really hard to take care of the patients there. Being a nurse is no easy job. I see them working in a high tension environment especially during operations. In the wards, they see to the needs of patients making sure they are fine. In addition, I think it takes a lot of patience in the line of duty. It's not easy having to take care of patients who are, for example immobile. One of the afternoons when I was passing one of the wards, I smelled a really strong stench of discreet. Apparently a patient in one of the wards had to pass motion in a diaper, and I saw the nurse going in to clean him up. I could have sworn if I stayed a minute longer, I'd probably pass out from the strong stench and yet the nurse withstood the smell and did what was necessary. Truly respectable dedication!

When we think hospital, we usually think about doctors. Unknown to many, nurses play a pivotal part in making sure patients are taken care of. No doubt doctors diagnose and treat the sick but it is the nurses who ensure the patients are in stable condition and that the patients get their medication on time and with the correct dosages. After all, when a patient presses the little "bell" button by the bed side, it is the nurses who attend to the patient first.

I personally think the hospital is a place where the medical brains reside along with the nurses who show empathy and dedication, and in rare instances you may find an ice blended drinking, laptop carrying monk who offers prayers to those who need it.... :)