the people around~

Where I work, I get to see, witness and feel the vibes of many brilliant people (with the exception of myself). In this small department I work in, exists a small group of people who are really good at what I do. The sort of people who know what they are doing, knowing where to start, steady and simply having their mojo working (with the exception of myself............. again).

One word to sum up what I feel most of the time at work

"CLUELESS"

or

"BLUR"

Kidding people isn't what I am trying to do right here. What I say is the truth and nothing but the truth. After all, I have nothing to hide. =)

In a car race, the one trailing usually gets the benefit since he gets to see the driving style and techniques of the one ahead of him. With work and life, it is quite the opposite. Trailing behind everyone else is anything but good. It's like trailing behind a a bus running on diesel in a traffic jam. Too much exhaust is far from good for your car.

So here I am hitting the red zone, trying not to get left behind. Hopefully, I won't run out of fuel while continuously hitting the red zone or otherwise overheat before I catch up to them.

The good thing is that it points to the direction that tells me there a lot of room for improvement. Which is, effectively a good thing.

A friend of mine summed it up very well saying, "It's good to be number 2 because you get more satisfaction chasing the one ahead of you and in the end to overtake him. It's a feeling so great you will never forget it!" Ironically, I can't help but agree with him.

emotions

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"Emotion is okay as long as you realise it is not who you are. Whatever it is makes you sad or mad, it is nothing. It is just emotion. When we believe our emotions are who we really are, we connect with an identification of the past, instead of the reality of today."

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Those were the words muttered to me by a very close friend of mine about two weeks ago. I am not sure if he read it off a book or it was simply philosophy-at-the-spur. I found it difficult to comprehend. It was confusing, to say the very least.

Few weeks ago, I was a ravaged piece of human flesh who was clueless and sinking in a plehtora of emotions ranging from anger to hate to regret. I think I had to go through one of the worst moments in my life. A moment in my life that spelt out the words, "We dismiss your appeal."

Simple words that sent me spiralling below ground zero emotionally and mentally. It was a blow so hard I simply could not swallow. Simply a chunk to big for me to swallow!

"How did we go wrong?" "Could we have made any difference had we had more time?" "Was there more I could have done to turn things around?" "Was it really out of our control?", those were the thoughts going over and over in my mind to the point it was an intemperance.

All wounds heal, and so I am beginning to heal albeit at a pace much slower. Wounds of the heart are always the slow ones to heal.

Right here, right now, we a clearer mind, I am now beginning to make sense of what my friend had told me. I always thought our emotions make up who we are and what we do. Naturally, that's how I thought of it since when I am happy, I smile. Likewise, if I am sad, I'd cry.

But if one were to look at it in isolation, emotions form part of us, and emotions like my friends said - it is just emotion. Nothing more nothing less.

More often than not, we'd find that we do silly things when under the influence of our emotions. Think about our younger days, days when our moms scold us and we end up stomping our feet on the staircase and just slamming the room door behind us. Some get so worked up, they just feel like throwing anything they can grab. That's what emotions can do to us.

The moment "we believe our emotions are who we really are, we connect with an identification of the past, instead of the reality of today." In the end, we will not be able to let go of the past.........

What if?

Life for many of us out there is good. Lifestyle of today's society and the lifestyle of society 10 years ago is a different paradigm altogether. Gross income per capita across the globe has since doubled, tripled or even possibly multiplied a few times over. With better earning power, people spend more these days too. You, me and a good majority of people out there do not hesitate to pamper ourselves with things we can afford because we tell ourselves, "We deserve it!"

But, what if..........

What if you wake one morning to a phone call from your boss telling you that you are fired?

What if one day after a medical checkup, your doctor tells you you've got a serious cancer and only have 2 months to live?

What if one day you start to lose your ability to see?

What if one day you meet a car accident and lose all ability waist-down?

What if one day you lose all every penny in a bad investment?

What if one day you get evicted from your dream home after failing to meet the loan repayment deadline, despite fervently working hard to meet the payments?

There are many "what ifs" in our lifetime, so much so that it is impossible to ever try to plan for these "what ifs". Ironically, when we stumble on a "what if" that becomes a reality, accepting it becomes difficult, almost impossible.

What you end up with is probably having to live with a lot of anger, hate, regret, bitterness. Some nights you probably can't sleep, some days you just can't down any food, sometimes you feel like your chest is being squeezed from the inside that breathing becomes difficult, or like having a boulder on your shoulder.

Anyone who reads this will definitely say this - "Happen to me? Impossible!" or "I am strong, I'll bounce back!". Easier said than done.

Before having to encounter a "what if", go on and say, "I love you" to your loved one. Better still, give them a big hug! Be thankful that you have clothes to wear, food to eat, water to bathe in, a pair of shoes to wear, a table lamp to read your book, opportunity to further your education.

One minute too late could leave you regretting it for the rest of your life........ think about it