Avatar

I just got hold of the Avatar DVD (finally.........!!!). I did see it the cinema in 3D but I think I was down with a flu then so I could hardly remember what I saw besides all the fighting and warring scenes towards the end. Anyone would be wide eyed with all the pyro works.

I am not going to blog about the show because most of you would have already seen it. The movie is definitely great with its plot and computer graphic works but the thing about the movie that captured my attention was the concept of a mind and body switch, taking you into another realm.

I can't help but see a great resemblance to what we are doing these days with the advent of the internet and the plethora of applications like Facebook, Friendster and a huge range of instant messengers. I mean we create our avatar using all these e-tools - we can have our own animated personification or even theme song. Some applications even let us lead our own e-lives build your own e-household, do e-groceries, have an e-pet.

My point is this, we dive deeper and deeper into this e-world and although the Internet does provide us with a humongous load of information when it comes to researching for even the simplest item to purchase, we cannot deny that the e-world can take us further and further away from our real world. Just like how the characters in the movie transfer their minds into a makeshift being to live in a different world. Isn't all too familiar?

I hate to admit it but I sometimes shy away from the real world and choose to dive into my own e-world, hiding behind an instant messenger to get to know people on the pretext it is more secure or comfortable when you are behind a blue screen hiding your facial expression. It funny how someone can be very friendly and talkative online and when you finally meet them in person you just get this blank silence not knowing how to communicate face to face. I am sure it happens because it happened to me once! When that happens, you know you have been hiding behind the online veil for too long. Behind the 'avatar' created with all the online social applications.

I am not saying that the internet has made us anti social but what I am trying to imply is that although socializing over a network can be extremely fun given that you are probably in an air conditioned room having a coffee while chatting and building your e-network, but most of us forget that there is also an e-barrier between you and the person you are communicating with.

Nothing beats face to face interactions especially when it comes to meetings. Don't believe me? Then try explaining why people find it easier to understand something when you explain to them face to face as opposed to explaining it over an e-mail?

Think about it....... =)

Looking ahead isn't the only way you should be looking

It was never for him, constantly looking ahead chasing after his goal for richness. An ultimately goal probably shared by most of us if not by all of us. It was never easy for Jim, having to grow up in a broken family and having to take care of his little sister when his mother was perpetually intoxicated. It was a life he hated and he swore that he will bring himself out of this sad situation to make sure he saw his sister through university.

Dropping his sister off to school everyday was one of the best feelings Jim could ever feel knowing that he could see to his sister's needs. If it was anything or anyone he hated most, it would be his parents, having left him and his sister to fend for themselves.

Slugging things out having left secondary school to practice articleship in a small accounting firm was a tough road Jim had to endure. It was simply difficult to find any average paying job that could help him finance his sister's education. Jim was audit clerk by day and a fast food chain waiter by night before taking into account weekend classes to get his accounting certificate!

It was tiring but Jim persisted knowing he had to see his sister through. His to-do list for everyday's work had one phrase written right at the bottom of the list. It spelled out "whatever it takes!". He worked himself out so hard that by the time he got home every night, he'd simply fall asleep from exhaustion without any energy to even worry about anything.

Even years after he saw through his sister's medical degree, he continued to work hard albeit in different circumstances. Jim was now a partner of the firm he first started as an audit clerk racking in close to a million in annual gross income. Financials are now a non-issue for Jim considering on top his partnership income, he had other passive source income from investments he held across the region. But despite all the wealth, Jim was missing something in life's balance sheet - a life's companion. Having sank himself in work to bring up his sister, he never really had the opportunity to meet anyone or even if he did had the opportunity he'd probably not think about it since he was three quarters of the time too tired to think about anything besides making sure he had enough dough to finance his sister.

One night while looking out the balcony of his fancy service apartment with a glass of whiskey in his hand, he suddenly remembered a phrase his grandfather always told him - "you can live on the street, you can rule the world but it won't mean one damn thing if you ain't got love kid". He shook his head reluctantly telling himself he granddad was right on that note.

Rewinding back to the time when Jim was struggling as a day audit clerk and night fast food chain waiter, there was someone always secretly admiring his resolve of steel but at the same time felt if there was any way she could help him. That someone was Kym, a timid girl who worked in the same fast food chain as Jim during those times. She was always secretly looking for him. Every night before going off duty at the chain, he'd find a bottle of cold water by his locker with a packet of sweet buns. He never knew who placed it there the entire time he was working there.

This day and time we find many young working adults pursuing their careers with the only intention of making money so much so that a lot of life's aspects are left out. We find more and more broken families, stress related diseases, social problems and the list goes on. With eyes set solely on career grow, the only path they look at is the path upwards the career ladder. One important thing we forget is that when one is focused on one point ahead of them, the view becomes a tunneled vision and everything else around it is left in the blind spot. Looking ahead isn't the only way you should be looking if you want to grow because for one to grow, the surroundings make a different - its the people around you that provide support, the environment that motivates you or simply having someone by your side in times of need.

the greatest gift

Years back I remembered having a conversation over a cup of teh tarik with some stranger. Although I can't really remember why I was having a conversation with a complete stranger but I think he and I were sharing a table in a jam packed restaurant. Ironically, I remember the conversation albeit not every bit of the conversation but at least the prime parts of the conversation.

I was still in school then and it was lunch time before I headed home after school. We both finished our food, subsequently I had a teh tarik while he sipped his tea and had a smoke. He randomly asked me which school I was studying and knowing I was about complete SPM, he asked me what were my plans post SPM.

Honestly, at that point in time I wasn't too certain about what I wanted to do after I graduated from primary school. I completed my diploma in cello performance in the same year, at the same time I had a lot of interest in IT and automotive mechanics but many people advised me to go into accounting citing IT positions were saturated, automotive mechanics being a blue collared job and music not being in-trend. It was a pretty overwhelming and confusing for me at that point in time. In a nutshell, that's what I told him and he surprisingly listened intently.

Then he took a puff from his cigarette and calmly exhaled the smoke, then he spokes while squinting his eyes from the cigarette smoke, "I remember when I was your age, deciding on what to do after finishing form 6 was a pretty tough moment from me. Back in the 70s, medical was supposed to be the dream career. Being the youngest of 3 and with my elder brothers in medical, the shadow was casted upon me to take up medicine as well. Not that medicine wasn't a good line to go into, but I simply didn't have the flare for biology or saving lives. At that time, I felt engineering was the way to go especially when industrialization was taking the world by storm. I wanted to do engineering and went ahead with it, in the processing upsetting my entire family."

"Wouldn't it cause your family to disapprove of your decision? I mean, those days, going against your parent's will was like committing a cardinal sin!"

"You are right on that. My parents completely detested the idea of me studying engineering so much so that they refused to finance my studies. Fortunately, I managed to secure a scholarship from a local university."

"That's tough. They practically left you high and dry. Shouldn't you be mad at them? I mean, what's wrong with chasing after your dream?"

"I was mad at them initially. But after a while, I sat down I thought about it and I came to realise I didn't really lose out much. I lost a financing source from my parents but I secured a scholarship so it ironed out itself. Despite not financing my engineering course, I realised my parents gave me the greatest gift any parent could give a child."

"The greatest gift?"

"Yes. They gave me education and the right mindset. As a boy, my parents never failed to remind me that education was the source of ensuring I can set a future for myself in any field I wanted to choose. Because of that, I always focused on studying hard and making sure I did well in exams. Because of my good results in Form 6, I got myself the scholarship. They may not have paid for my engineering degree, but they made me appreciate what education could offer me. Parents aren't just around to pay for your living expenses, they are there for more than that. They are there to guide you on your way to set up your future and on one else's and that can only be done if you appreciate education and the knowledge you will gain from it. And that, young man, is the greatest gift a parent can give a child."

The greatest gift..............

dearest to me

My intention was to be open about things and just be honest with myself and with her. But sometimes, even openness has its limitations as I found it out the hard way round. That's when I realised, at some point a thin thread could be the only determining factor between being open and over doing things. At the same time, I need to know when being sensitive isn't being sensitive enough to understand one close to you could be feeling a pinch inside.

It's a delicate process I have to admit. It's not something I can learn over night or understand in a flash. After all, I used to ask myself how tough can it be? Now, I am beginning to understand it isn't as simple as just "understanding" someone.

Last night I made the mistake of not taking notice something might have been out of place and I blindly made thing worse by accidentally adding salt to the wound when I said things I shouldn't have said. Although, I really had no intention to hurt anyone in the process. But like everything else in life, the learning process has to somehow involve hurting yourself or hurting someone close to you.

I talked about my past absentmindedly without noticing that it caused some discomfort. It was silly of me not to notice the discomfort whilst I kept on blabbering about it.

Right now, I think I learned a very important lesson and at the same time I really know who's dearest to me and means a big part of my heart.............. and I don't want to lose that dear one... not to anything, not to anyone and especially to myself...

the bond

Yesterday I spent 11 hours at the workshop working on my car's heart. A damage to the engine caused by my own recklessness. Simply put it, I blew an engine gasket and the engine started getting filled with water.

Its a 22 two year old Daihatsu Charade and for the past 7 to 8 years, I have been running the car pretty hard and simply enjoy driving that car. The day before I blew the gasket, I was speeding at about 160km/h on the highway and I guess after so many years the 998cc heart just couldn't take the punishing anymore no matter how well I took care of it. On the way back, the temperature rose tremendously, I felt a lost in compression and with the engine vibrating in a very unusual rhythm, I knew in my heart I blew it!

My car still got him back home albeit it virtually limped home. By the time I got home, I immediately turned off the engine, opened the bonnet and started troubleshooting. It didn't take me long to find out water got into the engine, seeing that I could see a milky substance along the engine (engine oil mixed with water turns into milked tea colour).

Then to see the extent of the damage, I removed a spark plug and cranked the car. Here's when I knew my engine was flooded with water - the moment I cranked the car, the engine literally spat a big splash of water from the spark plug port. The next step was clear - I had to get it fixed. Thankfully, the workshop is just 5 minutes away from where I live and it limped it there first thing in the next morning.

That's when the 11 hour process started for me, my car and the mechanic. In the interest of time and because he had to work on other customers, I decided to start dismantling the engine first so he could get started on it the moment I completed dismantling it. The amount of nuts and bolts that required to be removed was amazing! I nearly lost track of which screw, nuts and bolts came from which lock point. So much so that I had to place markers on each screw, nut and bolt to make sure I could put it back accordingly.

The whole process was more or less like this:

1. Jacked the car up, placed two supports below the car, then jack the engine before removing the engine mounting.

2. Remove engine mounting, let the engine rest on the jack.

3. Unbolt the exhaust manifold.

4. Unbolt timing belt housing and water pump.

5. Remove timing belt and timing belt tensioner.

6. Then remove the entire top half of the engine from the engine compartment.

Doesn't end there, once the top half is out, I had to:

1. Remove the carburetor manifold.

2. Remove the fuel pump.

3. Remove the valves and all the related parts.

4. Remove the camshaft.

That's just the dismantling bit. The tough bit starts from hereon. The engine block has to be cleaned up, sand down. Then grind the valves, replace the tepets, etc........

If I was going to elaborate on the whole process, this blog entry will probably never end and you probably get the idea why it took 11 hours. But throughout the whole process, I had the regretful feeling in my gut knowing that I caused my car to suffer the engine damage. At the same time, I was glad my car managed to limped home and didn't leave me stranded by the road somewhere in town. It kept running in my mind that if I hadn't pushed the engine so hard, I wouldn't have blown the gasket.

Through the 11 hours, I kept telling myself I was going to revive my car no matter what it took. Considering my car has served my family for 22 years, I can't just give up on it if it never gave up on me. My mechanic and I work right through 8.30pm and when we finally cranked the engine, we knew my car has been revived. After 11 hours of grueling engine work, I could finally breathe a breath of relief...........

Having driven my car for so many years, I guess really have to admit I love driving it very much. Just like how bonds are formed between two people, I guess even bonds can formed between humans and machine. No matter how you put it, I really love driving my car..... that's the sort of bond I have with my car.

even helping has its limits~

When it comes to friendship and the people close to us, our initial reaction when you see them in trouble is to lend a hand to help. I don't think any of us would give it a second thought if we are capable and have the means to help. Unless you haven't a heart or have a heart of ice, you'd probably say no without even thinking.

Helping someone in need may be a good thing but there are times when standing back and observing may be the best assistance one can lend. It's not about sitting back and letting things go wrong but there are times when we need to let other's figure things out themselves. Somewhat like letting nature takes it course.

Because humans are different between one another, there will it be unavoidable to face moments when you can't understand one another or even times when misunderstanding can happen. As much as possible, you and I will try our best to avoid such situations but it will simply happen as long as humans continue have differences.

I to got into the same trouble some time ago and after trying my best to resolve the issue, I had to come to a realisation point that I was going to help the situation improve but at the same time may end up eroding the situation altogether. I mad a conscious effort to simply step back and not try to fight the current. It was probably going to hurt myself and hurt others around me. It simply didn't make anymore sense to me.

As I stumbled through the thick of things and feel my way through the darkness, I came to appreciate and noticed the many people supporting me and giving little words of encouragement along the way. It's not something I can forget easily and at the same time, although I did not say it out, these people have my thanks indeed.

Help came in many ways and in numerous times, so much so that there were times when I simply wish they didn't help because there were times when helping out had to know its limits. Detrimental effects could have occurred instead. I too came across such a situation before.

Back when I was in school, I had a close friend who always did well in class and excelled in almost in every subject. I could only envisage him getting a scholarship and going overseas in the foreseeable future. Came the final examinations for our last year in secondary school, with the pressure piling up to do well, he got crushed by the pressure and failed to get a very needed distinction for his biology paper. The very one paper that would decide his medical scholarship. With the prospect of a full medical scholarship out the window he simply fell into a state of denial.

Being close to him, my natural reaction was try to talk to him to hopefully ease the pain. It never came across my mind to just keep leave him be to manage himself. Every time I spoke to him he just kept telling he'd be fine on his own whilst I kept thinking that him bottling it up inside was going to kill him. I tried to lend a hand by talking to him but only to have made things worse because it kept reminding him about his failed attempt. Eventually, I realised I was helping and just left him to his own devices. He did get out of it and it got another scholarship, although not a full scholarship he was hoping for but he parents worked out the finances for it.

When the storm had finally past him, he finally spoke to me and told me that even though he was depressed about his failed attempt and was disappointed about it, he didn't want to talk about it because it only served to remind him of his failure. Being alone was the best way for him because it gave him space to take a step back and to count his lucky stars. He may have missed the distinction for the biology paper but he didn't fail it. He did well for the rest of the subjects so t never really crossed out the possibility of a scholarship. He was depressed not because of missing the full scholarship but the non-distinction left a dent in his pride.

He never told me all these from the start but I came to realise that had I taken a step back to understand my friend for so many years I would have realised he didn't someone to talk to but rather someone who'd understand him and give me the space. That's when I learned even helping has its limits.

respectable

This evening was a pretty heated evening for my department head. I don't know exactly what happened because I had my earphones on listening to music while cracking my brains trying to figure out how to prepare the slides I was working on. Whatever the reason for him being angry, it must have been something pretty serious considering it was loud enough for me to hear his voice over my earphones although I couldn't hear the words.

As I saw my senior walking out from his room, I asked him if he was alright since he did look a bit shaken from the shelling. No point in me asking him what happened since it would probably make him feel worse. There are times when not getting in details does more good than harm - this was one of the moments.

I told him to let me know if he needed any help and went back to my work. About 20 minutes later my department head walks out of his room and walks up to my senior and says the most amazing thing I will probably ever hear in my lifetime, "Sorry about just now, I may have been a bit harsh on you just now. It was that spur of the moment when I got upset". I think my senior was so surprised he himself had no clue of how to reply.

Never have I heard of anyone telling me of a boss who has done such a thing. Most bosses are too stuck about being on top that they refuse to show such humility and humbleness. It left sitting in my chair in disbelief and awe. What he did then was a demonstration of professionalism and humility of the highest level. It was an act that was truly respectable without a doubt.