Have you ever encountered a nightmare or a bad dream that keeps playing over and over in your mind everytime you try to catch a shut eye? It's want of those things that probably plagues most of us if not all of us.
I am no biologist and neither am I a neurologist but there's definitely something in our brain that insistently wants to store bad memories or bad experiences and then constantly reminding us about it. Last night I was watching Discovery channel and I got a bit more insight on a health condition called posttraumatic stress diorsder or commonly called as PSTD. Apparently it's common to see PSTD manifest itself amongst soldiers and those who have witnessed really bad scenes in their lifetimes.
In the show, there was this soldier who was sent to Iraq as a medic and he witnessed a colleague getting shot and he treated him. His colleague did survive the incident but it left a scar in the medic's mind. By the time he got back to the USA, he constantly saw the scene replaying itself over and over again. When his PSTD got so serious, he actually saw blood all over his hands from treating his colleague. It was as if he was back in Iraq again. He kept seeing blood on his hands that he kept trying to wash the blood off to the point he was literallys scrubbing his skin off.
Before I go off lecturing about PSTD, let me regress back to the original topic of this post. PSTD is a severe condition without a doubt, but I think that even we suffer from some from PSTD in our lives albeit not as severe as the soldier I was talking about above.
It is undeniable that me, you and a whole lot of people out there have had experiences in their lives that they'd rather forget. Sometimes, there are unfortunate moments that you stumble upon a scene, text, verse or anything that suddenly reminds you of that bad memory. Like it or not, that's life, we are going to stumble upon things that simply remind you of bad memories. Even I have had issues with bad memories and bad past events (regretfully)! Leave it be long enough and it will take you over and control your life, of which more often than not you end up feeling sorry for yourself and you continue dwelling in "should have, could have, would have" conundrum.
The past will be a mish mash of happy and sad memories. In fact, it's good reminiscent the past every now and then, talk about it over a cup of tea or to catch up with friends but a line has to be clearly drawn between reminiscing and clinging on to the past. Many a times we keep dwelling on the past and that inherently holds us back from moving forward. Moving forward is the ever constant in our lives because time doesn't stop for anyone.
My grandad once told me, "If you tripped at the spot behind you, just look back at it, check your wounds and then move on. Staring at the spot you fell isn't going to change anything!". That's my food for thought today...... hope it sheds some new light in your life.
Thursday, September 4, 2025
the dark side of immobility
Over the weekend, I had the unfortunate liberty to injure myself............... again.... yes. Again, for the God knows how many time. Only this time I didn't injure myself from squash. I injured myself whilst exercising in the gym. Also, it's not the knee this time. It's my back this time.
Due to the injury, I have been confined to my bed most of the time for the last few days. Hence, I have the free time to write this blog post. Given how long I have been inactive on my blog I guess, it's high time I wrote something meaningful (writing about injuring myself may not exactly be a useful read but you may never know).
So.... under the constraints of my injury, the limited physical spaces of my bed and this horrendously hot weather, I am like a bird clipped of its wings and unable to fly. Apart for feeling horribly frustrated about my current situation, it can be a very appreciative moment to reflect on how lucky all of us are when we can move around and do whatever we want with our legs and hands.
Now, I think I have a better grasp of how those bedridden people feel like - literally confined to the bed for the rest of their lives. You'd be surprised but not being able to move around on the bed itself is frustrating enough! I am not even talking about running around doing stuff. I used to think lazing on the bed not doing anything would be nice. I now know how wrong that assumption is. I am extremely surprised as to how difficult it is to not doing anything and just lay still on the bed. It really is a pain (in my current context, the pain is both figuratively and literally!).
Let me try and give you an impression of what it's like to be in my current position. I wake up in the morning, I try to get out of bed, I have to slowly turn myself to be on all fours before I slowly raise my torso upwards. In the process of raising my torso, I'd still feel a sharp pain in my lower back, albeit not as sharp as compared to raising myself in a seated position. When I finally succeed in standing up, I then limp my way to brush my teeth. Believe you me, 10 feet feels like 10 miles with the pain in my back.
Then I limp to the kitchen, make a hot chocolate and some biscuits, then I limp back to the bed and lie down. I then let the pain subside before grabbing a book to read to kill time. From there, I get up only to answer the call of nature.
Third day of immobility and I can now safely say what a real pain in the back it is to be immobile and knowing there is so little you can do in such a state. It's a taste of the dark side of immobility.
Then I limp to the kitchen, make a hot chocolate and some biscuits, then I limp back to the bed and lie down. I then let the pain subside before grabbing a book to read to kill time. From there, I get up only to answer the call of nature.
Third day of immobility and I can now safely say what a real pain in the back it is to be immobile and knowing there is so little you can do in such a state. It's a taste of the dark side of immobility.
listening
But is there really more to it or is listening merely utilising your auditory capabilities to decode decibels into meaningful data for your brain to interpret?
One of my friend had learn to become more than just a father. His daughter, Lisa was born autistic. So for him, it didn't only involve learning about diaper change and feeding time, he had to learn to communicate with Lisa. It wasn't easy from day 1 to begin with because it was very difficult to communicate with Lisa. He would find her sitting in one corner just rocking back and forth staring into blank space and mumbling to herself. He wanted more than just to care for Lisa, he wanted her to have a normal life like every other kid. But before he could hope for her to have a normal life, he knew he would have to breach the communication gap that stood as a barrier.
It took him weeks to find some way to communicate to Lisa until he discovered it by accident. Apart from rocking back and forth, mumbling to herself, he noticed patterns in the way Lisa reacted depending on her mood. For example, Lisa would grip her soft toy really hard if she was hungry, curl her toes really tightly when she needed to take a leak, and a myriad of other patterns he noted in Lisa. When the patterns started to form more conspicuously, he grabbed a notepad and started to record the patterns he noticed for future references.
The result, he became more than a father to Lisa. He became Lisa' best friend. He knew what she wanted, what she was asking for or at times, he simply knew Lisa just wanted a nice comforting hug. It was almost like communicating on an emphatic subliminal level of which an open line of communication was available between only the two of them.
Communication doesn't always have to mean someone talking and another listening. It also involved a huge part of observation and understanding. Those involve your eyes and your heart. That's how Lisa and her dad bonded. Not by words but through gesture, body language and a certain degree of mumbling.
Listening requires more than your ears. It's your ears, eyes and most importantly, your heart. It means communicating with another not just via literary words but with a tinge of empathy.
WIP
I am certain many of you out there have heard of the term, 'W.I.P" or commonly spoken as WIP. WIP stands for Work In Progress. We always say WIP for something that's in the works, still in building, still in the formation stages and all the other pre-completion stages.
If you ponder about it in depth, you will realise that our lives are always in the WIP stages. We never really completely complete, no? Everyday we learn new things, experience new things, see new things, hear new things, do new things. That's us in WIP stages because we are never ever truly complete even if we finally breathed our last breath and kick the bucket.
But the best thing you can do for yourself is to keep maintaining the WIP and better still, grow the WIP!
If it's one thing I have learned since I started my professional career in an accounting firm is that constant learning and development is part and parcel of my career. But it applies even in my personal life trying to learn other things I can learn from reading the burgeoning myriad of knowledge bases that's out there - magazines, books, e-books, etc.........
Continuously being in WIP doesn't mean imperfection but rather it means you are always on the road to perfection because you never stop progressing. Even the most beautifully hand crafted building is still in WIP because it can never stay as beautiful as it is right now unless someone constantly maintains it (i.e. WIP!).
Business continue to grow, evolve and when necessary down size. Again, that's WIP!. WIP is everywhere if you'd take a step back and look around you. The globe spins constantly and continuously keeps us on our toes to make sure we continue to wake up in the morning and sleep in the night knowing that we have to do something about our lives that constantly in WIP.
If there's one favour you can do for someone, it'd be doing yourself a favour and making sure your WIP never stops growing and progressing........ But remember, being in WIP means you are bound to bump into rough spots, face doubts but being in WIP also means you will eventually progress out of glitches as long as you try earnestly to progress and grow.
If you ponder about it in depth, you will realise that our lives are always in the WIP stages. We never really completely complete, no? Everyday we learn new things, experience new things, see new things, hear new things, do new things. That's us in WIP stages because we are never ever truly complete even if we finally breathed our last breath and kick the bucket.
But the best thing you can do for yourself is to keep maintaining the WIP and better still, grow the WIP!
If it's one thing I have learned since I started my professional career in an accounting firm is that constant learning and development is part and parcel of my career. But it applies even in my personal life trying to learn other things I can learn from reading the burgeoning myriad of knowledge bases that's out there - magazines, books, e-books, etc.........
Continuously being in WIP doesn't mean imperfection but rather it means you are always on the road to perfection because you never stop progressing. Even the most beautifully hand crafted building is still in WIP because it can never stay as beautiful as it is right now unless someone constantly maintains it (i.e. WIP!).
Business continue to grow, evolve and when necessary down size. Again, that's WIP!. WIP is everywhere if you'd take a step back and look around you. The globe spins constantly and continuously keeps us on our toes to make sure we continue to wake up in the morning and sleep in the night knowing that we have to do something about our lives that constantly in WIP.
If there's one favour you can do for someone, it'd be doing yourself a favour and making sure your WIP never stops growing and progressing........ But remember, being in WIP means you are bound to bump into rough spots, face doubts but being in WIP also means you will eventually progress out of glitches as long as you try earnestly to progress and grow.
Giving his best to his son
I once knew a school mate who was aiming high becoming a long distance runner. Every evening without fail, Ganesh can be seen jogging from his house nearby the school and heading up to the main town centre. All in he ran an average of 21km every evenings and sometimes varying the distance if there was a need to cut down the distance due to physical fatigue.
Most importantly, every evening whilst Ganesh was running his routines, his father would be tailing behind him on the family motorcycle clocking his time and giving him pointers to improve his running form.
Every evening, rain or shine, I'd see father and son working on the running routine whilst I was headed home from school taking the rail transit.
At that point in time, he was already representing my school for the long distance running repertoire and in many instances begging the gold medals as he ran the events. Last I heard just after I left secondary school, he was already offered a scholarship by one of the top local universities. His father couldn't be prouder with his achievements.
He grew up in a family who lived under mediocre terms, a father who was an assistant in an Indian spice mill and a mother who was full time at home taking care of his other 2 siblings. Being the eldest son of 3 siblings, he had to make sure he could graduate into a stable job to assist his parents in bringing the other two up. Running wasn't going to be just an evening hobby for him, it meant his future and his siblings' future. He knew he had to run, and run well at that.
His father knew if Ganesh was going to even stand a chance to perform well, Ganesh was going to need his support. He knew all too well that in school, there were other more affluent children whose parents could afford proper training and coaches. For Ganesh, he knew he would have to fill in the empty spaces as a father, coach and training mate. Starting of the training regime meant he had to learn how to coach his son with sufficient strictness, yet know how to show affection as a father and know how to be competitive as a training mate. As an assistance in a spice mill, those were the exact three things he had no idea about.
As father, he would have wanted to have money to hire a coach, to put Ganesh in a proper training school to be the best but he knew he couldn't afford it. So he made up his mind to give Ganesh his best.
His best meant stealing quick reads from nutrition books available at bookstores over the weekends, spending evenings planning out running routes for Ganesh, timing Ganesh, ascertaining areas of weakness then going back to bookstores to steal a bit reads from books on fitness and running. Lastly, giving Ganesh all the moral and emotional support as a father who wanted his son to be the best he can be.
Deep down, he didn't know how far Ganesh could go, he didn't even know if he was giving Ganesh the correct advice and he didn't even know if his training would be injurious to Ganesh but he knew one thing - it was the best he could give Ganesh.
Giving someone your best isn't about spending valuable monies on the best coach, best food, best facilities and best what not, it's about the best you have to offer and giving it with all your heart. Ganesh eventually succeeded in wining many gold medals and a scholarship to pursue his higher education. All the time his father spent at the bookstores stealing reads to fill in the gap as a coach, pushing him on as a father, motivating Ganesh to be hungry for victory as a training mate, all that put together was the what giving his best to his son meant to him.
Most importantly, every evening whilst Ganesh was running his routines, his father would be tailing behind him on the family motorcycle clocking his time and giving him pointers to improve his running form.
Every evening, rain or shine, I'd see father and son working on the running routine whilst I was headed home from school taking the rail transit.
At that point in time, he was already representing my school for the long distance running repertoire and in many instances begging the gold medals as he ran the events. Last I heard just after I left secondary school, he was already offered a scholarship by one of the top local universities. His father couldn't be prouder with his achievements.
He grew up in a family who lived under mediocre terms, a father who was an assistant in an Indian spice mill and a mother who was full time at home taking care of his other 2 siblings. Being the eldest son of 3 siblings, he had to make sure he could graduate into a stable job to assist his parents in bringing the other two up. Running wasn't going to be just an evening hobby for him, it meant his future and his siblings' future. He knew he had to run, and run well at that.
His father knew if Ganesh was going to even stand a chance to perform well, Ganesh was going to need his support. He knew all too well that in school, there were other more affluent children whose parents could afford proper training and coaches. For Ganesh, he knew he would have to fill in the empty spaces as a father, coach and training mate. Starting of the training regime meant he had to learn how to coach his son with sufficient strictness, yet know how to show affection as a father and know how to be competitive as a training mate. As an assistance in a spice mill, those were the exact three things he had no idea about.
As father, he would have wanted to have money to hire a coach, to put Ganesh in a proper training school to be the best but he knew he couldn't afford it. So he made up his mind to give Ganesh his best.
His best meant stealing quick reads from nutrition books available at bookstores over the weekends, spending evenings planning out running routes for Ganesh, timing Ganesh, ascertaining areas of weakness then going back to bookstores to steal a bit reads from books on fitness and running. Lastly, giving Ganesh all the moral and emotional support as a father who wanted his son to be the best he can be.
Deep down, he didn't know how far Ganesh could go, he didn't even know if he was giving Ganesh the correct advice and he didn't even know if his training would be injurious to Ganesh but he knew one thing - it was the best he could give Ganesh.
Giving someone your best isn't about spending valuable monies on the best coach, best food, best facilities and best what not, it's about the best you have to offer and giving it with all your heart. Ganesh eventually succeeded in wining many gold medals and a scholarship to pursue his higher education. All the time his father spent at the bookstores stealing reads to fill in the gap as a coach, pushing him on as a father, motivating Ganesh to be hungry for victory as a training mate, all that put together was the what giving his best to his son meant to him.
No act is too big, or too small
"All I did was pray. If it is His will for things to be, it shall be."
That's when I reacted with the first tinge of astonishment, "Huh?".
"I don't ask anyone for anything. I never have. You know.... expectations creates problems".
That's when I reacted with the second wave of astonishment, "Huh?" again.
My initial reaction was that life can't be as simple as pray and let things happen. Or in some instances, hope that something good turns out of the prayer. But this is the truth that a pastor I spoke to believes in. In fact, something similar was said to me by a lady whom I know serves at a temple frequented by my grandparents.
"I live my life everyday doing the will of God. When I pray, God speaks to me and tells me what He wants me to do and I just do it trusting Him to provide me with all the necessary enablers to execute what He wants done. It can come in the form of financial assistance, physical help and a myriad of other forms. It's all about service."
I had to know what he meant by the above.
"Take this church for example. When I started the church believing in his voice telling me to start this church, I had no idea how to start, where to start, who to start with. But I prayed and I prayed. Eventually, God pointed me to the right direction. Believe it or not, it was as simple as looking at the morning paper's classified. In fact, I didn't typically looked at the classifieds section until that morning when I suddenly found myself browsing through it. Surprise, surprise, there was this shop lot unit for rental at a very low rent rate and I decided to rent the shop lot with whatever cash I had.
That solved one problem. Next was getting the furniture for the place. Again I prayed for guidance. I immediately started by putting up blog posts, facebook requests, and all avenues I could think of. Then slowly, slowly, I received donations in the form of used tables, used chairs, someone even donated a used keyboard. All I did was pray for guidance. Really!
No church was complete without worshipers, again I prayed and asked for guidance. I simply started reaching out to my friends, friends' friends, friends' friends' friend, neighbours, anyone who I could speak to. People of course didn't start flocking in but we started off with 5 members. Today we have well over 600 worshipers after only 3 years of service.
As we grew larger in numbers, I prayed for guidance. Soon enough, one of our members dedicated a part of his large office lots for our church. I just prayed for God to bless us, trusting Him to meet our needs and enabling me to serve all the church members.
All I want to do is for God to use me to reach out to as many as possible. There is nothing to fear because I know He will always provide for me to serve Him. In serving this church, no act is too big, or too small. From the first chair we received to the wonderful premise from our church member, it was a service to God. It's something we can't do on our own without God's hand holding our tiny hands walking us through our walk of faith. "
Amazing, a miracle, or someone delirious. I leave that to your judgement. But the point here I wanted to bring about is how much conviction one man can have when he really believes in something. Maybe it really was God's blessing or maybe it was simply that he had so much belief in the cause he was participating in that it all fell into place for him. It's amazing when you look at how he built the church he serves.
No act is too big, or too small when it comes to doing what you believe in is right. From the first tiny step of having the initial thought in your mind to actually doing it. It all forms part of the cause. Believe in yourself and every act to achieving what you want will fall into place..........
That's when I reacted with the first tinge of astonishment, "Huh?".
"I don't ask anyone for anything. I never have. You know.... expectations creates problems".
That's when I reacted with the second wave of astonishment, "Huh?" again.
My initial reaction was that life can't be as simple as pray and let things happen. Or in some instances, hope that something good turns out of the prayer. But this is the truth that a pastor I spoke to believes in. In fact, something similar was said to me by a lady whom I know serves at a temple frequented by my grandparents.
"I live my life everyday doing the will of God. When I pray, God speaks to me and tells me what He wants me to do and I just do it trusting Him to provide me with all the necessary enablers to execute what He wants done. It can come in the form of financial assistance, physical help and a myriad of other forms. It's all about service."
I had to know what he meant by the above.
"Take this church for example. When I started the church believing in his voice telling me to start this church, I had no idea how to start, where to start, who to start with. But I prayed and I prayed. Eventually, God pointed me to the right direction. Believe it or not, it was as simple as looking at the morning paper's classified. In fact, I didn't typically looked at the classifieds section until that morning when I suddenly found myself browsing through it. Surprise, surprise, there was this shop lot unit for rental at a very low rent rate and I decided to rent the shop lot with whatever cash I had.
That solved one problem. Next was getting the furniture for the place. Again I prayed for guidance. I immediately started by putting up blog posts, facebook requests, and all avenues I could think of. Then slowly, slowly, I received donations in the form of used tables, used chairs, someone even donated a used keyboard. All I did was pray for guidance. Really!
No church was complete without worshipers, again I prayed and asked for guidance. I simply started reaching out to my friends, friends' friends, friends' friends' friend, neighbours, anyone who I could speak to. People of course didn't start flocking in but we started off with 5 members. Today we have well over 600 worshipers after only 3 years of service.
As we grew larger in numbers, I prayed for guidance. Soon enough, one of our members dedicated a part of his large office lots for our church. I just prayed for God to bless us, trusting Him to meet our needs and enabling me to serve all the church members.
All I want to do is for God to use me to reach out to as many as possible. There is nothing to fear because I know He will always provide for me to serve Him. In serving this church, no act is too big, or too small. From the first chair we received to the wonderful premise from our church member, it was a service to God. It's something we can't do on our own without God's hand holding our tiny hands walking us through our walk of faith. "
Amazing, a miracle, or someone delirious. I leave that to your judgement. But the point here I wanted to bring about is how much conviction one man can have when he really believes in something. Maybe it really was God's blessing or maybe it was simply that he had so much belief in the cause he was participating in that it all fell into place for him. It's amazing when you look at how he built the church he serves.
No act is too big, or too small when it comes to doing what you believe in is right. From the first tiny step of having the initial thought in your mind to actually doing it. It all forms part of the cause. Believe in yourself and every act to achieving what you want will fall into place..........
use an eraser or liquid paper
Last week I had a very unfortunate chance to know a very close friend of mine had suffered a massive brain stem stroke. I am no medical expert so I don't know what it means but only that he is now in coma state and that his family and close friends are all hoping for him to wake up and go home with his family. I say go home with his family and to his family because I want to see them walking out the hospital together headed for home, where they belong together.
Needless to say, his wife and kids are truly worried sick and praying for him. I am fairly close to his son and seeing some of his Facebook saddens me and I don't think I would even come close to understanding the depth of sadness his family members must be experiencing.
I found this Facebook post particular interesting:
"I won't complain about the ciggy smoke. I won't whine about the TV volume. I won't nag about the bills. Please just wake up and come home."
I guess we all know, especially those of us who still live with our parents or with other family members, living under one roof is really an ultimate display of tolerance. I mean imagine a family of 4, all with different personal preferences and domestic demands. It's quite amazing to see that albeit the fact that quarrels do happen, you'll realise that it happens not as often as you would think it should or does.
Anyway, let me regress to my original purpose of this post before I get too caught up with family domestic squabbles. No matter how close family members are, there will be arguments one way or the other without fail. That's because we are humans and we think differently from each other. And, undeniably there are and there will be instances when we say or do things we wish we hadn't said or done. It's like scars, either mental ones or emotional ones, which don't go away easily and sometimes even sticks in your mind or heart until the day you kick the bucket. You can not think about these "scars" but you can never eliminate them forever.
Like erasers and liquid paper, they can erase the markings you have made but you would see the effects of the earlier markings no matter how well you erase them with an eraser or liquid paper. You'd see some minor scratchings on the paper, or the harden liquid paper on the paper. That's just the way it is.
And my point is??
My point is this - notwithstanding that there are going to be "scars" no matter what you do in your effort to eliminate them, those "scars" will continue to remain there. But at the end of the day, really, the question is, "so what if those scares are there?". There is nothing to stop you from mending those broken down relationships and to patch things up. Patchwork may not mean everything will be back to square one like with super glue fixes but it's still at a minimum a fix.
What was mention in the Facebook status I quoted says just that - differences are differences only if you let them be differences. If you can ignore them or work around it, those differences are tolerated and eventually becomes a mere anomaly in your life. If there is an issue, use an eraser or liquid paper and rewrite on top of it and start afresh!
Needless to say, his wife and kids are truly worried sick and praying for him. I am fairly close to his son and seeing some of his Facebook saddens me and I don't think I would even come close to understanding the depth of sadness his family members must be experiencing.
I found this Facebook post particular interesting:
"I won't complain about the ciggy smoke. I won't whine about the TV volume. I won't nag about the bills. Please just wake up and come home."
I guess we all know, especially those of us who still live with our parents or with other family members, living under one roof is really an ultimate display of tolerance. I mean imagine a family of 4, all with different personal preferences and domestic demands. It's quite amazing to see that albeit the fact that quarrels do happen, you'll realise that it happens not as often as you would think it should or does.
Anyway, let me regress to my original purpose of this post before I get too caught up with family domestic squabbles. No matter how close family members are, there will be arguments one way or the other without fail. That's because we are humans and we think differently from each other. And, undeniably there are and there will be instances when we say or do things we wish we hadn't said or done. It's like scars, either mental ones or emotional ones, which don't go away easily and sometimes even sticks in your mind or heart until the day you kick the bucket. You can not think about these "scars" but you can never eliminate them forever.
Like erasers and liquid paper, they can erase the markings you have made but you would see the effects of the earlier markings no matter how well you erase them with an eraser or liquid paper. You'd see some minor scratchings on the paper, or the harden liquid paper on the paper. That's just the way it is.
And my point is??
My point is this - notwithstanding that there are going to be "scars" no matter what you do in your effort to eliminate them, those "scars" will continue to remain there. But at the end of the day, really, the question is, "so what if those scares are there?". There is nothing to stop you from mending those broken down relationships and to patch things up. Patchwork may not mean everything will be back to square one like with super glue fixes but it's still at a minimum a fix.
What was mention in the Facebook status I quoted says just that - differences are differences only if you let them be differences. If you can ignore them or work around it, those differences are tolerated and eventually becomes a mere anomaly in your life. If there is an issue, use an eraser or liquid paper and rewrite on top of it and start afresh!
heart to heart
There's always much talk about being a good listener. You might have encountered people who have said, "talk less and you can listen to what the other person is saying because your voice will drown what the other person is saying."
But being a good listener isn't just about opening up your ears to pick up auditory signals for your brain to make sense of. It's more than that. It's about having connectivity between one another. More often than not, you and I will be caught up in all the formalities, politeness, controlled, well thought (not always) of responses. Basically means either you give or you get mundane, boring and more often than not, not sincere responses.
Have you ever observed any 2 people sit down over a cup of coffee talking to each other but realise it's more than just 2 people talking. Meaning, you see interaction. Like those 2 people are really engaging each other's attention and what's being spoken to each other. That's the kind of connectivity I am referring to, which normally expresses itself in interesting, honest discussion, kinship, relatedness and love (not just couple love, but family love, love among friends).
Before I start to sound convoluted, what it really means is simply for us to be honest with who we are interacting with. It means overcoming the fear of being worried of saying, reacting in a way that might offend someone or invite rejection from that someone. I don't mean you being rude but really just offer someone your honest attention, opinion, words of wisdom. In fact, just give them the all of you.
Try to recollect the number of times you have practiced some form of censorship or held back from responding to someone your real thoughts and ended up just giving them what they wanted to hear or something contrary to your own beliefs. I think you will very quickly find that it happens practically on a daily basis with virtually everyone you interact with.
Why not just give them what you really think in your heart albeit it might come to be something as simple or silly as, "huh?". That "huh?" could be an honest, "I am sorry, I missed what you said earlier. Could you please repeat yourself?". You'd be amazed how many people will appreciate an honest "huh?" instead of trying to cover up your miss with some vague and probably irrelevant response.
Make that someone talking to you count. Have a <3 to <3 talk, heart 2 heart talk......... =0)
But being a good listener isn't just about opening up your ears to pick up auditory signals for your brain to make sense of. It's more than that. It's about having connectivity between one another. More often than not, you and I will be caught up in all the formalities, politeness, controlled, well thought (not always) of responses. Basically means either you give or you get mundane, boring and more often than not, not sincere responses.
Have you ever observed any 2 people sit down over a cup of coffee talking to each other but realise it's more than just 2 people talking. Meaning, you see interaction. Like those 2 people are really engaging each other's attention and what's being spoken to each other. That's the kind of connectivity I am referring to, which normally expresses itself in interesting, honest discussion, kinship, relatedness and love (not just couple love, but family love, love among friends).
Before I start to sound convoluted, what it really means is simply for us to be honest with who we are interacting with. It means overcoming the fear of being worried of saying, reacting in a way that might offend someone or invite rejection from that someone. I don't mean you being rude but really just offer someone your honest attention, opinion, words of wisdom. In fact, just give them the all of you.
Try to recollect the number of times you have practiced some form of censorship or held back from responding to someone your real thoughts and ended up just giving them what they wanted to hear or something contrary to your own beliefs. I think you will very quickly find that it happens practically on a daily basis with virtually everyone you interact with.
Why not just give them what you really think in your heart albeit it might come to be something as simple or silly as, "huh?". That "huh?" could be an honest, "I am sorry, I missed what you said earlier. Could you please repeat yourself?". You'd be amazed how many people will appreciate an honest "huh?" instead of trying to cover up your miss with some vague and probably irrelevant response.
Make that someone talking to you count. Have a <3 to <3 talk, heart 2 heart talk......... =0)
Thursday, November 29, 2012
hiatus!
After having been online on the ~Path of Time~ since 2006..... it is going to be hard, painful and sad.
As of today, I will officially stop writing on the ~Path of Time~. For those who have continued to read my posts, I thank you very much for taking timeout to read my posts. I am not sure if all my writings were great but I'll be happy to know even if it was only one post that reached your heart.
I may one day pick up from where I left off here but only time will tell. Who knows I might even start afresh? Until next time.......... time stops ticking for the ~Path of Time~
Saturday, November 24, 2012
There's always tomorrow....
After so many years since the passing of my late grandfather, I still remember he's favourite words every time my grandmother nagged him about procrastinating and having a bad habit of taking his time to get things done - "There's always tomorrow.....".
In today's environment and the burgeoning need to make money and earn millions, that phrase may longer be valid. Notwithstanding that, I would still like to emphasize that sometimes there could be a great need to wait for tomorrow to do something!
Let's ponder about this for a moment or two. Speeding through things and always being in the mode of trying to get things done is good because you are efficient but whilst being efficient enables you to get things done, you may not be so effective. Okay, I admit I might be over-exaggerating on the bit of being ineffective as more often than not you would be effective along with being efficient if you have exercised due care in whatever you are doing.
My point is should we some times take breaks in between and allocate tasks one day at a time instead of insisting of getting everything now, today, right this moment? You may not know it but today's world that constantly revolves on delivering results within short periods of time has made us into machines that simply demand things on go. In fact it may have even deferred from, "I need it now" to "I need it yesterday" to "I need it months ago!". Has the world become so focused on profit making that all that matters is that we just get things done now so that decisions can made now so that every single cent of profit can be made? Is that all that matters today?
I guess we sometimes forget that if we do take a step back and scan things through one more round before getting something done, we could be better off. For example, sometimes one more reading of the email before you click send points you to a couple of grammatical or typo errors, waiting one more day to buy something off the shelf leads you to realise there is another shop down the road offering the same product at a higher discount or sometimes by some divine fluke you decided to pump petrol the next day and find out the petrol station you wanted to go to got robbed around the time you wanted to pop by to fill up petrol.
Although sometimes certain things do happen beyond your control either by chance or some higher authority above, getting things done and having it now simply may not be ideal. Waiting another day or two really couldn't hurt anyone. At the end of the day, we are not machines that manufacture things at a specific speed, specific quantity and at specific time and we can't discount the fact that even machines fail - imagine us? Humans are prone to fatigue and wrong judgement calls, and yet we are pushed to perform like machines.
So, my grandfather may not have been wrong in delaying matters..... there really is always tomorrow......
I guess we sometimes forget that if we do take a step back and scan things through one more round before getting something done, we could be better off. For example, sometimes one more reading of the email before you click send points you to a couple of grammatical or typo errors, waiting one more day to buy something off the shelf leads you to realise there is another shop down the road offering the same product at a higher discount or sometimes by some divine fluke you decided to pump petrol the next day and find out the petrol station you wanted to go to got robbed around the time you wanted to pop by to fill up petrol.
Although sometimes certain things do happen beyond your control either by chance or some higher authority above, getting things done and having it now simply may not be ideal. Waiting another day or two really couldn't hurt anyone. At the end of the day, we are not machines that manufacture things at a specific speed, specific quantity and at specific time and we can't discount the fact that even machines fail - imagine us? Humans are prone to fatigue and wrong judgement calls, and yet we are pushed to perform like machines.
So, my grandfather may not have been wrong in delaying matters..... there really is always tomorrow......
Saturday, November 3, 2012
you'll never get 100% acceptability
It is very common for us to get second opinions especially on the things that matter most to us like matters concerning our health, relationship, property investments, changing a car, etc. It is in such situations we tend not to trust our own judgement entirely and seek the opinion of others. Not surprising since the stakes would generally be higher when we need to decide on important matters in our lives.
I guess the main stem of the problem is all about trying to balance out the formula below:
I guess the main stem of the problem is all about trying to balance out the formula below:
PROS + OPPORTUNITIES - CONS - RISKS = DECISION
When standing at the crossroad of our lives, we end up trying to juggle how much benefits and opportunities we want to maximise from our choices without giving away too much cons and opening ourselves to unnecessary risk. That's when we start doing what we accountants call, "opinion shopping" - we go all out speaking to as many as people as we can trying to see if everyone can give us a piece of the formula so that we can finally make our minds.
It is all well and good trying to get different sides of the story because different people have different experiences that can make us grow and learn. Whilst absorbing the views of others are good in terms of giving you a holistic view but we absorb too much of the views of others we end up with a myriad of views and end up spinning to many permutations and thus, blurring our observation. At the end of all the opinion shopping, instead of a decision you get indecision.
Hence, it may be good to sometimes just take some time out to think for yourself what you want out of the decision you are trying to make. At the end of the day, the decision you intend to make affects you the most so why let the opinion of others cloud your mind into fearing the unknown. Trying to figure out and break down every unknown in your life is as good as trying to play God and predict the future, which you can try and not get any results in a million years. Those who try, don't get it right all the time - weather forecast, stock exchange analysts, horse racing pundits, football pundits and the list goes on.
What you need in a decision making process is an acceptable level of acceptability - acceptability in your mind and not others. Set a threshold and if you think it meets that threshold, that's when you know whether it's a go or no go. At the end of the day you'll never get 100% acceptability for one reason - life's hardly perfect.
Hence, it may be good to sometimes just take some time out to think for yourself what you want out of the decision you are trying to make. At the end of the day, the decision you intend to make affects you the most so why let the opinion of others cloud your mind into fearing the unknown. Trying to figure out and break down every unknown in your life is as good as trying to play God and predict the future, which you can try and not get any results in a million years. Those who try, don't get it right all the time - weather forecast, stock exchange analysts, horse racing pundits, football pundits and the list goes on.
What you need in a decision making process is an acceptable level of acceptability - acceptability in your mind and not others. Set a threshold and if you think it meets that threshold, that's when you know whether it's a go or no go. At the end of the day you'll never get 100% acceptability for one reason - life's hardly perfect.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
anachronism or good 'ole observation
I recently attended a "full moon" celebration of my colleague's child. "Full moon" here means one month old. It's a Chinese tradition to celebrate a child's coming of a month old. My colleague comes from a traditional Chinese family and so during the dinner whilst his mom was carrying the baby, she brought up the topic of what you shouldn't do during pregnancy and after pregnancy to ensure the toddler's and the mom's health.
Some of the interesting ones were:
1. Always get a confinement lady to help around for the first couple of weeks after mommy has given birth;
2. During pregnancy don't drill holes or hammer nails around the house the family is going live in;
3. Don't eat certain food stuff during pregnancy;
4. During the first few months of the child's life, ensure proper sleep posture, use pillows to keep the head straight; and
5. A whole lot more of stuff you should or shouldn't do (I really couldn't keep track of so many when she was talking about it).
So that's what I heard from "old school" mom so to speak.
On the flip side, a relative of mine is a pharmacist. She has got very differing views when it comes to such practices. Well, to put it in a nutshell you can call her "non old-school" or simply, modern-thinking. I found out her hard stand on not believing old popular beliefs. She called it anachronistic. I wouldn't say she's wrong since I am not qualified and even if I did say she's wrong, I probably can't own up to it anyway.
Despite the fact that medical professionals discount these so called "old beliefs", I can't help but think there's got to be some truth to these so called "old beliefs". If such beliefs were indeed untrue, how is it possible that so many old folks seem to come up with the same or at least very similar beliefs? It couldn't possibly have just popped out from nowhere or some genius decided to say, "Don't do this during pregnancy lest you want this to happen".
Big question is - are we now in a day and time where we face anachronism or were all these practices an accumulation of observation done by those people during that day and time?
I guess at the end of the day, call it old fashioned, anachronism or superstition or whatever you wish to brand it, you can't really deny this - whether you believe in it or not, there is no harm playing it safe. Either way, sometimes the old folks do know more than us for one simple reason - experience.
Something to ponder about maybe?
Some of the interesting ones were:
1. Always get a confinement lady to help around for the first couple of weeks after mommy has given birth;
2. During pregnancy don't drill holes or hammer nails around the house the family is going live in;
3. Don't eat certain food stuff during pregnancy;
4. During the first few months of the child's life, ensure proper sleep posture, use pillows to keep the head straight; and
5. A whole lot more of stuff you should or shouldn't do (I really couldn't keep track of so many when she was talking about it).
So that's what I heard from "old school" mom so to speak.
On the flip side, a relative of mine is a pharmacist. She has got very differing views when it comes to such practices. Well, to put it in a nutshell you can call her "non old-school" or simply, modern-thinking. I found out her hard stand on not believing old popular beliefs. She called it anachronistic. I wouldn't say she's wrong since I am not qualified and even if I did say she's wrong, I probably can't own up to it anyway.
Despite the fact that medical professionals discount these so called "old beliefs", I can't help but think there's got to be some truth to these so called "old beliefs". If such beliefs were indeed untrue, how is it possible that so many old folks seem to come up with the same or at least very similar beliefs? It couldn't possibly have just popped out from nowhere or some genius decided to say, "Don't do this during pregnancy lest you want this to happen".
Big question is - are we now in a day and time where we face anachronism or were all these practices an accumulation of observation done by those people during that day and time?
I guess at the end of the day, call it old fashioned, anachronism or superstition or whatever you wish to brand it, you can't really deny this - whether you believe in it or not, there is no harm playing it safe. Either way, sometimes the old folks do know more than us for one simple reason - experience.
Something to ponder about maybe?
Monday, September 17, 2012
ever noticed dew?
Water is pretty the beacon of life. Staying sufficiently hydrated throughout the day keeps us going. But all that is water at a medium to large scale. Ever wondered how significant a water droplet can be?
I don't think most of us take a step back to imagine where all the water come from. I guess, like everything else around us, there must be a start from someone or somewhere or somewhat. So let's see where a water droplet may lead us to and how we can relate to a tiny drop of water.
The easiest of an example of a water droplet would be dew. Tiny little drops of water that form on leaves or surfaces early in the morning when its pretty cold. For those of us who are fairly early birds, you can catch the sight of dew in the your garden or your backyard. It may not be noticeable but if you notice areas in your home where it is leafy, you quickly notice that some parts of your garden tend to collect a small pool of water. I haven't sat down beside a plant to observe where all the dew goes to but I can logically hypothesize that the dew get accumulated on leaves and as more and more accumulate, the leaves cannot hold the weight of the dew, and then gravity does the rest.
So let's take a step back and ask ourselves, "have we ever stopped to realise when dew forms, where does it go to or what it does for us?". I am guess probably be not because even I never really thought about it, being too busy with life (or at least that's what all of us say). I may have noticed dew on the plants in my backyard but let's face it, we tend not to notice small stuff like this given that we are cultured by society to think BIG, look BIG, no?
Notwithstanding that dew can be the impetus for unruly fungus that inhibit the growth of certain plants, did you know that all that dew either goes into the earth to hydrate the plants around it or evaporates to create the moisture in the air so that we get rain and not dry up?
Whilst its the big waves, and continuous rains that causes the likes of tsunamis and unwanted floods, we often forget its dew that keep our soil furtilised and moisture in the air, and who knows the tiny drop of dew was the advent of great lakes and wonderful scenery that come with it!
I guess if we equate it to our lives, big splashes sure hits the headlines but headlines create expectations and with great expectations comes great pressure, which can turn ugly - famous people in divorce cases, family problems, unwanted publicity and what not. Small little miracles in our lives on the other hand creates the big waves in our hearts - the birth of a newborn, your first pay check, your first car......... Small little miracles are like dew in that they don't make the news but it complete us from the inside!
I don't think most of us take a step back to imagine where all the water come from. I guess, like everything else around us, there must be a start from someone or somewhere or somewhat. So let's see where a water droplet may lead us to and how we can relate to a tiny drop of water.
The easiest of an example of a water droplet would be dew. Tiny little drops of water that form on leaves or surfaces early in the morning when its pretty cold. For those of us who are fairly early birds, you can catch the sight of dew in the your garden or your backyard. It may not be noticeable but if you notice areas in your home where it is leafy, you quickly notice that some parts of your garden tend to collect a small pool of water. I haven't sat down beside a plant to observe where all the dew goes to but I can logically hypothesize that the dew get accumulated on leaves and as more and more accumulate, the leaves cannot hold the weight of the dew, and then gravity does the rest.
So let's take a step back and ask ourselves, "have we ever stopped to realise when dew forms, where does it go to or what it does for us?". I am guess probably be not because even I never really thought about it, being too busy with life (or at least that's what all of us say). I may have noticed dew on the plants in my backyard but let's face it, we tend not to notice small stuff like this given that we are cultured by society to think BIG, look BIG, no?
Notwithstanding that dew can be the impetus for unruly fungus that inhibit the growth of certain plants, did you know that all that dew either goes into the earth to hydrate the plants around it or evaporates to create the moisture in the air so that we get rain and not dry up?
Whilst its the big waves, and continuous rains that causes the likes of tsunamis and unwanted floods, we often forget its dew that keep our soil furtilised and moisture in the air, and who knows the tiny drop of dew was the advent of great lakes and wonderful scenery that come with it!
I guess if we equate it to our lives, big splashes sure hits the headlines but headlines create expectations and with great expectations comes great pressure, which can turn ugly - famous people in divorce cases, family problems, unwanted publicity and what not. Small little miracles in our lives on the other hand creates the big waves in our hearts - the birth of a newborn, your first pay check, your first car......... Small little miracles are like dew in that they don't make the news but it complete us from the inside!
Monday, August 6, 2012
pace of change
Leapfrog would probably be the best adjective to describes today's environment in which we live and work in. Means of communication has gone from smoke signals to snail mail, to sms, to mms, to e-mails and today, e-mails on the go. Even then, leapfrog might still be an understatement to describe the change we have all undergone.
Change, according to many, is the only constant in our lives. I think we all cannot deny the truth in that statement. But change like all things has its good, its bad and its ugly side.
Let's take a step back and observe the good this leapfrog change has brought us. We now have Internet, we can connect with virtually anyone in the world with a blink of an eye. Some of us who dare venture into the world of business and e-commerce find themselves an ocean of money churning, mouth watering opportunities. Some of us simply find good entertainment in mediums such as Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. Convenience is now at a whole new level when you can shop, pay bills and do a plethora of chores with a couple of clicks from the comfort of your own home.
Then, there's the bad. The very medium that brings us convenience and entertainment has now become the same source of misdemeanour and crime. Online crime has increased at a burgeoning rate, we more and more cases of e-fraud, identity theft and much more taking place. It appears, that e-money-making can be done the good way or the bad way. Some have even gone as far as using the Internet and other sophisticated hardware for espionage work. With the capabilities of technologies reaching the skies, so does the ample number of opportunities to prey on misinformed, it seems.
Bad, I guess isn't enough and hence, we have the ugly. My take on change is that radical change is good for shake ups and in times when you want to jolt someone from dream land but radical change without control can lead to a plethora of issues. We need not stray far to find examples. We need only to look at the state of our country for instance (Malaysia, for those who are not aware). But before I go on, please note this is not a post about which political party is better. Today, Malaysia has gone from mining and agriculture into a time of industrialisation and now, quasi-industrialisation-service-based. We find people have higher purchasing power, more liberty to have luxury items. 10 years ago, the ability to turn on the air conditioner for long hours was for the rich and famous, these days everyone can afford to turn on the air conditioner for long hours at a time. Luxury cars like BMWs, Mercs, Audis, were toys of big guns 10 to 15 years ago when you would only see middle-aged or older people driving them because they had reached the top, these days you see people as young as in their mid-twenties driving these hefty price tags on wheels.
As much as luxury products sound good, there is a flip side to all this. You'd realise there really is a great divide between the rich and the poor. Those people in the in-between are slowly being forced into either one of these categories. Singapore is another example, despite all the talk about it and the talk about fortunes rolling in that country, you still see many living in poverty or a majority of its people still leaving in Government subsidized flats. The most adverse of by-products from rapid change is social problems. 15 years ago in Malaysia, you could walk out on the streets in the middle of the night with a Rolex and have midnight tea. These days, you'd be lucky to walk away from just having the watch taken from you without losing your hand.
Change is good in that, in forces to improve and better ourselves but we ourselves have to be clear in our minds that we are not merely existing to keep up with the Joneses. Otherwise, we simply end existing with the pace of change and not living on the pace of change......... this is my food for thought for the day....
Change, according to many, is the only constant in our lives. I think we all cannot deny the truth in that statement. But change like all things has its good, its bad and its ugly side.
Let's take a step back and observe the good this leapfrog change has brought us. We now have Internet, we can connect with virtually anyone in the world with a blink of an eye. Some of us who dare venture into the world of business and e-commerce find themselves an ocean of money churning, mouth watering opportunities. Some of us simply find good entertainment in mediums such as Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. Convenience is now at a whole new level when you can shop, pay bills and do a plethora of chores with a couple of clicks from the comfort of your own home.
Then, there's the bad. The very medium that brings us convenience and entertainment has now become the same source of misdemeanour and crime. Online crime has increased at a burgeoning rate, we more and more cases of e-fraud, identity theft and much more taking place. It appears, that e-money-making can be done the good way or the bad way. Some have even gone as far as using the Internet and other sophisticated hardware for espionage work. With the capabilities of technologies reaching the skies, so does the ample number of opportunities to prey on misinformed, it seems.
Bad, I guess isn't enough and hence, we have the ugly. My take on change is that radical change is good for shake ups and in times when you want to jolt someone from dream land but radical change without control can lead to a plethora of issues. We need not stray far to find examples. We need only to look at the state of our country for instance (Malaysia, for those who are not aware). But before I go on, please note this is not a post about which political party is better. Today, Malaysia has gone from mining and agriculture into a time of industrialisation and now, quasi-industrialisation-service-based. We find people have higher purchasing power, more liberty to have luxury items. 10 years ago, the ability to turn on the air conditioner for long hours was for the rich and famous, these days everyone can afford to turn on the air conditioner for long hours at a time. Luxury cars like BMWs, Mercs, Audis, were toys of big guns 10 to 15 years ago when you would only see middle-aged or older people driving them because they had reached the top, these days you see people as young as in their mid-twenties driving these hefty price tags on wheels.
As much as luxury products sound good, there is a flip side to all this. You'd realise there really is a great divide between the rich and the poor. Those people in the in-between are slowly being forced into either one of these categories. Singapore is another example, despite all the talk about it and the talk about fortunes rolling in that country, you still see many living in poverty or a majority of its people still leaving in Government subsidized flats. The most adverse of by-products from rapid change is social problems. 15 years ago in Malaysia, you could walk out on the streets in the middle of the night with a Rolex and have midnight tea. These days, you'd be lucky to walk away from just having the watch taken from you without losing your hand.
Change is good in that, in forces to improve and better ourselves but we ourselves have to be clear in our minds that we are not merely existing to keep up with the Joneses. Otherwise, we simply end existing with the pace of change and not living on the pace of change......... this is my food for thought for the day....
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
bad day?
A "bad day" is something most of us go through these days with the pressure from family, work, finances and what not. Show me a person who says every day is a beautiful day and I'll show you God. Don't get me wrong though, I don't meant to be pessimistic, I am a realist.
Although not 100% of the time, but I tend to hold this belief that:-
"What I need to get done, I get it done as soon as possible with the least energy. What I don't need to do, I just don't do".
We spend, at least in this part of the world, a good 12 to 14 hours working, rushing to meet deadlines and commitments so much so that burning out is something you see coming straight at you like a bullet train and you having no time to dodge it. Despite the lucrative monetary benefits that can even get you salivating, we still burn out and next thing you, every day is a bad day - you get irritable, people annoy you, the littlest of sounds prick you like a 1000 needles, and suddenly the world is against you!
I was browsing around the net over the last few days just before catching a shut eye after a long day at work. Ironically, I was listening to Daniel Powter's Bad Day. I love the video clip, the melody and the lyrical irony thrown into the song. Then I realised that I haven't really heard or seen much of Daniel Powter.
Did a random search and turns out after making millions from Bad Day, he spun off into a life full of promiscuous sexual relationships, drug abuse and alcohol. Again, the irony in the fact that the same person who wrote a beautiful song about a bad day seems to had a long drawn out bad day working through rehab and getting himself back into the right frame.
Now trying to bounce back, I quote and unquote Daniel, "I thought maybe I should sleep with hundreds of women and do drugs on the road to live up to the pop star image, when really I’m just a regular guy. But I lost touch with reality and the trigger for going to rehab was that I was so paranoid and underweight, I was in danger of dying".
I guess for most of us it's not surprising he became another statistic considering how many pop stars wind up in such a situation but point to take home is that (and you may agree but I am penning it down anyway! =0P) we go all out trying to make that one extra buck so you can buy that car, that necklace, that house, that wedding ring and all the "wants" in life you can come up with. But to what end? When you finally got what you want, you realise your list of "wants" grows longer and you keep pushing hard to earn a few more extra bucks to maintain and entertain those "wants" and before you know it, you find yourself living a life full of "bad days" having succumb to what I call the need "social acceptability".
So take a step back and ponder about it before you decide to run off chasing the dream of "wants" because you might just end up living a life of "bad days" spending time, money and effort on things in life you don't need so you can please people you don't like.
Hope you have a nice day! =0)Although not 100% of the time, but I tend to hold this belief that:-
"What I need to get done, I get it done as soon as possible with the least energy. What I don't need to do, I just don't do".
We spend, at least in this part of the world, a good 12 to 14 hours working, rushing to meet deadlines and commitments so much so that burning out is something you see coming straight at you like a bullet train and you having no time to dodge it. Despite the lucrative monetary benefits that can even get you salivating, we still burn out and next thing you, every day is a bad day - you get irritable, people annoy you, the littlest of sounds prick you like a 1000 needles, and suddenly the world is against you!
I was browsing around the net over the last few days just before catching a shut eye after a long day at work. Ironically, I was listening to Daniel Powter's Bad Day. I love the video clip, the melody and the lyrical irony thrown into the song. Then I realised that I haven't really heard or seen much of Daniel Powter.
Did a random search and turns out after making millions from Bad Day, he spun off into a life full of promiscuous sexual relationships, drug abuse and alcohol. Again, the irony in the fact that the same person who wrote a beautiful song about a bad day seems to had a long drawn out bad day working through rehab and getting himself back into the right frame.
Now trying to bounce back, I quote and unquote Daniel, "I thought maybe I should sleep with hundreds of women and do drugs on the road to live up to the pop star image, when really I’m just a regular guy. But I lost touch with reality and the trigger for going to rehab was that I was so paranoid and underweight, I was in danger of dying".
I guess for most of us it's not surprising he became another statistic considering how many pop stars wind up in such a situation but point to take home is that (and you may agree but I am penning it down anyway! =0P) we go all out trying to make that one extra buck so you can buy that car, that necklace, that house, that wedding ring and all the "wants" in life you can come up with. But to what end? When you finally got what you want, you realise your list of "wants" grows longer and you keep pushing hard to earn a few more extra bucks to maintain and entertain those "wants" and before you know it, you find yourself living a life full of "bad days" having succumb to what I call the need "social acceptability".
So take a step back and ponder about it before you decide to run off chasing the dream of "wants" because you might just end up living a life of "bad days" spending time, money and effort on things in life you don't need so you can please people you don't like.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
might as well go all the way if you are halfway there..
Ever since i got my car about a decade ago, wiping my car and keeping it gleaming had become a part of my daily to-do. Actually those close to me call it my must-do because no matter how late i get back from work i'd still clean my car before i head to bed.
Call it OBD it you may but i simply care for my car above and beyond thd level of an average joe and it's really a matter of preference when it comes to giving my car that bit more detail of attention.
Ok, anyway, this post isn't about my car although it does make reference to me and my car. Well, for the past 5 weeks or so, I have been getting back from work at obscene hours. I am talking about leaving the office at 2am, 2.30am, 3am sort of crazy times. I think that works out to about 18 working hours a day on average. Believe you me, it's not a very nice way to spend your day.
Despite coming back home in the wee hours of the morning, I'd still wipe my car. When I mean wipe my car, that'd be the top, the bottom, the wheels and then the interior. Since I don't own a large, luxury car or a large reasonably priced car, I only need about 30 minutes in all to wipe my car down.
There some days where I took a step back and thought, "Most people are only going to look at the top and the wheels, so maybe I can skip wiping the bottom and get me a bit more sleep time.". Then, I took another step back and realised that if I have already expended my energy on the top and the wheels (wheels typically take a bit more time due to the patterns on the rim and the more dirt it picks up), I might as well just spend the next few minutes doing the bottom and I'd eventually get a gleaming car from top to toe or rather, "roof to wheels".
All so often we think of doing something and by the time we finally get started on it, we somehow lose steam and shy away from completion. But if we really sit down and gave it some thought, it doesn't make sense because you would expended quite a fair bit of time, energy and in some cases money simply to get you halfway day only for you to abandon ship. Is it not then wasteful to a very large extent?
I like to use my car as an example because it's easy to explain. Every night when I am finally done wiping the car, I can take a step back and just look at the gleam. It puts a smile on my face and ends my bad day at work. Had I just stopped at the top and the wheels, I'd still see the gleam on my car but I know, in the back of my head, I'd be telling myself, "Hmmmmm.... but you didn't do the bottome.....". It's not really an honest piece of satisfaction, if you know what I mean.
So the point I am trying to bring across is that, if you have already committed to something and you might as well go all the way and see to the finish line if you are halfway there, irrespective of the results. At least you tried, you know you tried and that's more than enough a reason to give yourself (I mean YOU) credit and be proud!
Call it OBD it you may but i simply care for my car above and beyond thd level of an average joe and it's really a matter of preference when it comes to giving my car that bit more detail of attention.
Ok, anyway, this post isn't about my car although it does make reference to me and my car. Well, for the past 5 weeks or so, I have been getting back from work at obscene hours. I am talking about leaving the office at 2am, 2.30am, 3am sort of crazy times. I think that works out to about 18 working hours a day on average. Believe you me, it's not a very nice way to spend your day.
Despite coming back home in the wee hours of the morning, I'd still wipe my car. When I mean wipe my car, that'd be the top, the bottom, the wheels and then the interior. Since I don't own a large, luxury car or a large reasonably priced car, I only need about 30 minutes in all to wipe my car down.
There some days where I took a step back and thought, "Most people are only going to look at the top and the wheels, so maybe I can skip wiping the bottom and get me a bit more sleep time.". Then, I took another step back and realised that if I have already expended my energy on the top and the wheels (wheels typically take a bit more time due to the patterns on the rim and the more dirt it picks up), I might as well just spend the next few minutes doing the bottom and I'd eventually get a gleaming car from top to toe or rather, "roof to wheels".
All so often we think of doing something and by the time we finally get started on it, we somehow lose steam and shy away from completion. But if we really sit down and gave it some thought, it doesn't make sense because you would expended quite a fair bit of time, energy and in some cases money simply to get you halfway day only for you to abandon ship. Is it not then wasteful to a very large extent?
I like to use my car as an example because it's easy to explain. Every night when I am finally done wiping the car, I can take a step back and just look at the gleam. It puts a smile on my face and ends my bad day at work. Had I just stopped at the top and the wheels, I'd still see the gleam on my car but I know, in the back of my head, I'd be telling myself, "Hmmmmm.... but you didn't do the bottome.....". It's not really an honest piece of satisfaction, if you know what I mean.
So the point I am trying to bring across is that, if you have already committed to something and you might as well go all the way and see to the finish line if you are halfway there, irrespective of the results. At least you tried, you know you tried and that's more than enough a reason to give yourself (I mean YOU) credit and be proud!
Monday, June 25, 2012
keep looking upwards, you'll only get a neck ache
Looking up to someone, admiring someone, yearning to be that someone, working towards being that someone is a wonderful thought don't you think so? Every now and then, we find ourselves procrastinating about how nice it would be to be a high flying CEO, CFO, COO, partner of a law or accounting firm, big time entrepreneur. It can be rejuvenating and at the same time motivating knowing that some day, some time in the future, all your back breaking effort and hard work will finally pay off.
On the flip side, we can find ourselves stopping at the procrastination part and not moving forward. That is to say, mere thought with no or little follow through actions.
I find it very common among my peers to talk about some of the following topics:
1. That someone really got up that position fast.
2. That someone is the youngest person to be made partner.
3. That someone drives a Porsche to work.
4. That someone has a yacht.
5. Somebody, somewhere has something (you know what I mean from hereon).
You would likely find it common that the people who say those things above are the same people who find themselves in the everyday rut wondering why they never seem to progress or the whole world seems to be plotting against them. Yet, it is either that they choose not to admit it or they are simply naturally ignorant to the fact that they are not doing what is needed to be that someone.
One does not become the next Yo Yo Ma by merely playing simply cadences or practising a mere half hour a day. One does not become the next Roger Federer by hitting tennis balls aimlessly without proper technique (putting aside talent). One does not become a Sebastian Vettel hopping into a race car and flooring the accelerator. Some of these people are the product of dedication, self belief and most importantly, repeatedly doing what needs to be done to differentiate themselves from the world at large.
The best example I can give you is Rafael Nadal. Some of you may not necessarily agree with my views and please do beg to differ if you do feel the need to. I started following Rafa's progress in the world of tennis when we beginning to move the rank. In the initial years, he would always get whooped by Federer in many Grand Slam finals and eventually he would overcome Federer. The one thing that set him apart from many including the great Federer is the fact that in every match Rafa always ran down every ball, every shot giving all he could to retrieve every ball that came into his side of the court. Another one thing was that he never changed his coach, Uncle Toni despite certain moments in his career when everyone, including me thought he was on the downhill. Not changing his coach meant his uncle has spent so much time with him to know his match temperament, techniques and shortfalls. Basically Uncle Toni knows the good, the bad and the ugly of this game due to sheer time they have spent together and the bond they have formed.
Rafa's rise to fame and the many wins he has secured is the product of him looking upwards at someone he wanted to emulate but at the same time looking in front of him, clearing one hurdle at the time. For someone like him who looked up and looked forward at the same time, what he got was a linear growth.
For the ordinary people like the most of us who always procrastinate more than getting down to the action, we are stuck in the looking upwards mode. Only problem is, if you keep looking upwards, you'll only get a neck ache......
On the flip side, we can find ourselves stopping at the procrastination part and not moving forward. That is to say, mere thought with no or little follow through actions.
I find it very common among my peers to talk about some of the following topics:
1. That someone really got up that position fast.
2. That someone is the youngest person to be made partner.
3. That someone drives a Porsche to work.
4. That someone has a yacht.
5. Somebody, somewhere has something (you know what I mean from hereon).
You would likely find it common that the people who say those things above are the same people who find themselves in the everyday rut wondering why they never seem to progress or the whole world seems to be plotting against them. Yet, it is either that they choose not to admit it or they are simply naturally ignorant to the fact that they are not doing what is needed to be that someone.
One does not become the next Yo Yo Ma by merely playing simply cadences or practising a mere half hour a day. One does not become the next Roger Federer by hitting tennis balls aimlessly without proper technique (putting aside talent). One does not become a Sebastian Vettel hopping into a race car and flooring the accelerator. Some of these people are the product of dedication, self belief and most importantly, repeatedly doing what needs to be done to differentiate themselves from the world at large.
The best example I can give you is Rafael Nadal. Some of you may not necessarily agree with my views and please do beg to differ if you do feel the need to. I started following Rafa's progress in the world of tennis when we beginning to move the rank. In the initial years, he would always get whooped by Federer in many Grand Slam finals and eventually he would overcome Federer. The one thing that set him apart from many including the great Federer is the fact that in every match Rafa always ran down every ball, every shot giving all he could to retrieve every ball that came into his side of the court. Another one thing was that he never changed his coach, Uncle Toni despite certain moments in his career when everyone, including me thought he was on the downhill. Not changing his coach meant his uncle has spent so much time with him to know his match temperament, techniques and shortfalls. Basically Uncle Toni knows the good, the bad and the ugly of this game due to sheer time they have spent together and the bond they have formed.
Rafa's rise to fame and the many wins he has secured is the product of him looking upwards at someone he wanted to emulate but at the same time looking in front of him, clearing one hurdle at the time. For someone like him who looked up and looked forward at the same time, what he got was a linear growth.
For the ordinary people like the most of us who always procrastinate more than getting down to the action, we are stuck in the looking upwards mode. Only problem is, if you keep looking upwards, you'll only get a neck ache......
Monday, May 28, 2012
knowing you did something about it
There are always those unmistakable moments when you take a pause in your life and you'd say, "I should have done it!". I think it's common for most of us because of mistakes we make and sometimes, the indecision that tends to hinder our decision making process.
Let me tell you about a real experience I had with a close friend of mine. For anonymity sake, let's call him Eric.
Couple of years back, Eric was battling out a business law suit that nearly shattered his business and his family. I knew Eric through my lawyer friend who was handling his case. I used to help out at a small law firm to earn a couple of bucks to add a bit more to my miserable bank account balance. And that's how I knew about Eric and his unfortunate law suit.
It was a tough 6 to 9 months for Eric and us, battling out the case. It was a tough case and and uphill one at that. The cases were against us, Eric dropped the ball at the early stages of the trial and due to the legal system here, the law was simply against him from almost all angles. To make matters worse, his was also battling out the prospects of a divorce with his wife who didn't think he stood a chance in surviving the law suit. Not very nice of his wife, if you ask me.
Anyway, we spent many weekends working the case out at the small legal firm premise, running through cases and cases and stacks of cases plus discussion with Eric to make sure we got the affidavit as concised as and as accurate as possible.
After all the tiring weekends and long hours of discussion, the case was heard by the judges, plenty of hours of debating facts and the law. Eventually, Eric won the case as the plaintiff could not prove that Eric indeed committed an act of criminal breach of trust. It was great! I mean Eric finally went back to business as usual, kept his marriage going, the firm won the case and I got my pocket money.
Through it all, I actually asked Eric what would he have done had he lost the case?
"Honestly, when we finally go to the hearing stages of my case, I wasn't certain what to make of it. I mean we came this far in preparing for the case and I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope to win the case. I guess, I already money set aside for the kids and my wife. If she insisted on a divorce, I doubt I could stop it from happening. Not everyone can live we being associated to a bankrupt with a CBT label over his forehead. But I don't think it's all about winning the case but deep down, I merely need to know that no matter the outcome, I can look myself in the mirror and firmly tell myself I knew I did something about it.
Having gone through this moment in my life, I can now honestly say that not matter what you decide to do, you just have to make a decision move on with the decision and never look back. Because some day, some where, you are bound to make decision that could change your life forever. And when that day comes, you want to be in a position know you did something about it irrespective of the outcome."
Let me tell you about a real experience I had with a close friend of mine. For anonymity sake, let's call him Eric.
Couple of years back, Eric was battling out a business law suit that nearly shattered his business and his family. I knew Eric through my lawyer friend who was handling his case. I used to help out at a small law firm to earn a couple of bucks to add a bit more to my miserable bank account balance. And that's how I knew about Eric and his unfortunate law suit.
It was a tough 6 to 9 months for Eric and us, battling out the case. It was a tough case and and uphill one at that. The cases were against us, Eric dropped the ball at the early stages of the trial and due to the legal system here, the law was simply against him from almost all angles. To make matters worse, his was also battling out the prospects of a divorce with his wife who didn't think he stood a chance in surviving the law suit. Not very nice of his wife, if you ask me.
Anyway, we spent many weekends working the case out at the small legal firm premise, running through cases and cases and stacks of cases plus discussion with Eric to make sure we got the affidavit as concised as and as accurate as possible.
After all the tiring weekends and long hours of discussion, the case was heard by the judges, plenty of hours of debating facts and the law. Eventually, Eric won the case as the plaintiff could not prove that Eric indeed committed an act of criminal breach of trust. It was great! I mean Eric finally went back to business as usual, kept his marriage going, the firm won the case and I got my pocket money.
Through it all, I actually asked Eric what would he have done had he lost the case?
"Honestly, when we finally go to the hearing stages of my case, I wasn't certain what to make of it. I mean we came this far in preparing for the case and I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope to win the case. I guess, I already money set aside for the kids and my wife. If she insisted on a divorce, I doubt I could stop it from happening. Not everyone can live we being associated to a bankrupt with a CBT label over his forehead. But I don't think it's all about winning the case but deep down, I merely need to know that no matter the outcome, I can look myself in the mirror and firmly tell myself I knew I did something about it.
Having gone through this moment in my life, I can now honestly say that not matter what you decide to do, you just have to make a decision move on with the decision and never look back. Because some day, some where, you are bound to make decision that could change your life forever. And when that day comes, you want to be in a position know you did something about it irrespective of the outcome."
Monday, May 7, 2012
Enlightenment Part 2 of 3: Buddhism in Yogyakarta
The highlight of the Yogyakarta was the awe-infusing marvel of the Borobudur temple located about 2.5 hours drive from Yogyakarta city. I have been to Angkor Wat in Cambodia so I have had experience with ancient Buddhist relics and amazing Buddhist temples inscribed with pin hair detailed carvings.From the trip's itinerary point of you, I visisted Borobudur first but I decided to talk about Hinduism first to talk about Yogyakarta's religious transition from the sequence of which religion influenced Yogyakarta first from a historical perspective. Hence, Hinduism and now Buddhism.
The plan was to wake up at 3.30am in the morning so that we would be there by 4am to witness the scene of a beautiful rising sun from the pinnacle of the Borobudur. Unfortunately, the weather was less forgiving given that it rained from the day before right up to 3.30am when we woke up for the sunrise. So, we did not get to witness any beautiful sunrise and there definitely was no "egg yolk" in the horizon from atop the Borobudur. It was slippery, cold and cloudy throughout the morning.Despite the rain plus all the other inconvenience the rain brought along, Borobudur was still worth the visit and the walk up the slippery steps. On that note, the rain was a real pain for me when it came to trying to set up my camera and the tripod to capture a good shot.
The Borobudur was designed as such that you have to walk all levels of it from the bottom to the top and it signified the path to enlightenment. If I recall correctly, you are supposed to walk in a clockwise manner all the way to the top. Each level signified a specific level of the enlightenment process and each level had different carvings on the walls to tell a story. It ranges from Buddha's path to enlightenment to the different folk stories of how sin would ultimately be returned in internal suffering in your second life.
The rain threatened to ruin the trip but the luckily it was all but drizzles throughout the visit and I still got some good picturesque shots..........
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Enlightenment Part 1 of 3: Hinduism in Yogyakarta
Enlightenment - that was the big ticket item I took home from my recent trip to Yogyakarta, Indonesia last week. Before I go into the enlightenment bit, please let me express my envy for Yogyakarta for it is a state filled with abundance of cultural and historical landmarks. The advent of these landmarks is due to the major fact that the state transitioned itself through 3 different religious monarchy - Hinduism, Buddhism and now, Islam. Touring through the 3 different religious footprint in the state for 4 days was my enlightenment in the state.
Over the course of 4 days, I learned a fair bit of Hinduism, Buddhism and Islam in the context of Yogyakarta. As part 1 of 3, I shall begin with Hinduism!
Hinduism, during its reign over Yogyakarta brought forth the belief of a myriad of Gods / Goddess. There is Brahaman - the infinite manifestation of the universe, Vishnu - the protector, Shiva - the destroyer and many more of which I couldn't remember as my tour guide spoke to us about the deeply etched Hindu beliefs in Yogyakarta. The best part was, I got a crash course of the history of Hinduism in the state at a UNESCO world heritage site - the temple of Prambanan built around 850CE (also the tallest Hindu temple in Yogyakarta).
Before even reaching the entrance of the temple's complex, I was already awed and amazed by the size of the temple. Big would be common adjective to describe it but above and beyond being big, it was majestic and there was hardly any lack of mystical atmosphere surrounding the temple complex. Stepping into the temple complex was like having just exited from a time machine into the past.
There were 3 main temples in the complex, each devoted to an individual God / Goddess - Shiva, Brahma an Vishnu. In each of these temples, there are well carved statues of each of these God / Goddess. Unfortunately I could not catch the statue of Vishnu because the temple was restricted only to external viewing due to restoration work and the fragile state of the statue.
Each temple was the epitome of artistic carving prowess, showcasing a plethora of carvings of Hindu folktales narrating the most of notable tales of Ramayana and Krishnayana. The intricate carvings was the avid display of devotion, belief in the religion and fear of the higher beings. Reading the carved folktale required readers to go around the temple in a clockwise motion in an act of circumambulation. It was history at a mind blowing level!
The other temples in the complexes displayed carvings of deities surrounding the respective temples as celestial guardians of the temple. In a nutshell, the construction of the temple was the display of monarchy prestige, display of monarchy powers, religious belief and a strong devotion to celestial beings that would bring forth peace, prosperity and longevity to the ruler.
Over the course of 4 days, I learned a fair bit of Hinduism, Buddhism and Islam in the context of Yogyakarta. As part 1 of 3, I shall begin with Hinduism!
Hinduism, during its reign over Yogyakarta brought forth the belief of a myriad of Gods / Goddess. There is Brahaman - the infinite manifestation of the universe, Vishnu - the protector, Shiva - the destroyer and many more of which I couldn't remember as my tour guide spoke to us about the deeply etched Hindu beliefs in Yogyakarta. The best part was, I got a crash course of the history of Hinduism in the state at a UNESCO world heritage site - the temple of Prambanan built around 850CE (also the tallest Hindu temple in Yogyakarta).
There were 3 main temples in the complex, each devoted to an individual God / Goddess - Shiva, Brahma an Vishnu. In each of these temples, there are well carved statues of each of these God / Goddess. Unfortunately I could not catch the statue of Vishnu because the temple was restricted only to external viewing due to restoration work and the fragile state of the statue.
The other temples in the complexes displayed carvings of deities surrounding the respective temples as celestial guardians of the temple. In a nutshell, the construction of the temple was the display of monarchy prestige, display of monarchy powers, religious belief and a strong devotion to celestial beings that would bring forth peace, prosperity and longevity to the ruler.
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