the greatest gift

Years back I remembered having a conversation over a cup of teh tarik with some stranger. Although I can't really remember why I was having a conversation with a complete stranger but I think he and I were sharing a table in a jam packed restaurant. Ironically, I remember the conversation albeit not every bit of the conversation but at least the prime parts of the conversation.

I was still in school then and it was lunch time before I headed home after school. We both finished our food, subsequently I had a teh tarik while he sipped his tea and had a smoke. He randomly asked me which school I was studying and knowing I was about complete SPM, he asked me what were my plans post SPM.

Honestly, at that point in time I wasn't too certain about what I wanted to do after I graduated from primary school. I completed my diploma in cello performance in the same year, at the same time I had a lot of interest in IT and automotive mechanics but many people advised me to go into accounting citing IT positions were saturated, automotive mechanics being a blue collared job and music not being in-trend. It was a pretty overwhelming and confusing for me at that point in time. In a nutshell, that's what I told him and he surprisingly listened intently.

Then he took a puff from his cigarette and calmly exhaled the smoke, then he spokes while squinting his eyes from the cigarette smoke, "I remember when I was your age, deciding on what to do after finishing form 6 was a pretty tough moment from me. Back in the 70s, medical was supposed to be the dream career. Being the youngest of 3 and with my elder brothers in medical, the shadow was casted upon me to take up medicine as well. Not that medicine wasn't a good line to go into, but I simply didn't have the flare for biology or saving lives. At that time, I felt engineering was the way to go especially when industrialization was taking the world by storm. I wanted to do engineering and went ahead with it, in the processing upsetting my entire family."

"Wouldn't it cause your family to disapprove of your decision? I mean, those days, going against your parent's will was like committing a cardinal sin!"

"You are right on that. My parents completely detested the idea of me studying engineering so much so that they refused to finance my studies. Fortunately, I managed to secure a scholarship from a local university."

"That's tough. They practically left you high and dry. Shouldn't you be mad at them? I mean, what's wrong with chasing after your dream?"

"I was mad at them initially. But after a while, I sat down I thought about it and I came to realise I didn't really lose out much. I lost a financing source from my parents but I secured a scholarship so it ironed out itself. Despite not financing my engineering course, I realised my parents gave me the greatest gift any parent could give a child."

"The greatest gift?"

"Yes. They gave me education and the right mindset. As a boy, my parents never failed to remind me that education was the source of ensuring I can set a future for myself in any field I wanted to choose. Because of that, I always focused on studying hard and making sure I did well in exams. Because of my good results in Form 6, I got myself the scholarship. They may not have paid for my engineering degree, but they made me appreciate what education could offer me. Parents aren't just around to pay for your living expenses, they are there for more than that. They are there to guide you on your way to set up your future and on one else's and that can only be done if you appreciate education and the knowledge you will gain from it. And that, young man, is the greatest gift a parent can give a child."

The greatest gift..............

dearest to me

My intention was to be open about things and just be honest with myself and with her. But sometimes, even openness has its limitations as I found it out the hard way round. That's when I realised, at some point a thin thread could be the only determining factor between being open and over doing things. At the same time, I need to know when being sensitive isn't being sensitive enough to understand one close to you could be feeling a pinch inside.

It's a delicate process I have to admit. It's not something I can learn over night or understand in a flash. After all, I used to ask myself how tough can it be? Now, I am beginning to understand it isn't as simple as just "understanding" someone.

Last night I made the mistake of not taking notice something might have been out of place and I blindly made thing worse by accidentally adding salt to the wound when I said things I shouldn't have said. Although, I really had no intention to hurt anyone in the process. But like everything else in life, the learning process has to somehow involve hurting yourself or hurting someone close to you.

I talked about my past absentmindedly without noticing that it caused some discomfort. It was silly of me not to notice the discomfort whilst I kept on blabbering about it.

Right now, I think I learned a very important lesson and at the same time I really know who's dearest to me and means a big part of my heart.............. and I don't want to lose that dear one... not to anything, not to anyone and especially to myself...