the bond

Yesterday I spent 11 hours at the workshop working on my car's heart. A damage to the engine caused by my own recklessness. Simply put it, I blew an engine gasket and the engine started getting filled with water.

Its a 22 two year old Daihatsu Charade and for the past 7 to 8 years, I have been running the car pretty hard and simply enjoy driving that car. The day before I blew the gasket, I was speeding at about 160km/h on the highway and I guess after so many years the 998cc heart just couldn't take the punishing anymore no matter how well I took care of it. On the way back, the temperature rose tremendously, I felt a lost in compression and with the engine vibrating in a very unusual rhythm, I knew in my heart I blew it!

My car still got him back home albeit it virtually limped home. By the time I got home, I immediately turned off the engine, opened the bonnet and started troubleshooting. It didn't take me long to find out water got into the engine, seeing that I could see a milky substance along the engine (engine oil mixed with water turns into milked tea colour).

Then to see the extent of the damage, I removed a spark plug and cranked the car. Here's when I knew my engine was flooded with water - the moment I cranked the car, the engine literally spat a big splash of water from the spark plug port. The next step was clear - I had to get it fixed. Thankfully, the workshop is just 5 minutes away from where I live and it limped it there first thing in the next morning.

That's when the 11 hour process started for me, my car and the mechanic. In the interest of time and because he had to work on other customers, I decided to start dismantling the engine first so he could get started on it the moment I completed dismantling it. The amount of nuts and bolts that required to be removed was amazing! I nearly lost track of which screw, nuts and bolts came from which lock point. So much so that I had to place markers on each screw, nut and bolt to make sure I could put it back accordingly.

The whole process was more or less like this:

1. Jacked the car up, placed two supports below the car, then jack the engine before removing the engine mounting.

2. Remove engine mounting, let the engine rest on the jack.

3. Unbolt the exhaust manifold.

4. Unbolt timing belt housing and water pump.

5. Remove timing belt and timing belt tensioner.

6. Then remove the entire top half of the engine from the engine compartment.

Doesn't end there, once the top half is out, I had to:

1. Remove the carburetor manifold.

2. Remove the fuel pump.

3. Remove the valves and all the related parts.

4. Remove the camshaft.

That's just the dismantling bit. The tough bit starts from hereon. The engine block has to be cleaned up, sand down. Then grind the valves, replace the tepets, etc........

If I was going to elaborate on the whole process, this blog entry will probably never end and you probably get the idea why it took 11 hours. But throughout the whole process, I had the regretful feeling in my gut knowing that I caused my car to suffer the engine damage. At the same time, I was glad my car managed to limped home and didn't leave me stranded by the road somewhere in town. It kept running in my mind that if I hadn't pushed the engine so hard, I wouldn't have blown the gasket.

Through the 11 hours, I kept telling myself I was going to revive my car no matter what it took. Considering my car has served my family for 22 years, I can't just give up on it if it never gave up on me. My mechanic and I work right through 8.30pm and when we finally cranked the engine, we knew my car has been revived. After 11 hours of grueling engine work, I could finally breathe a breath of relief...........

Having driven my car for so many years, I guess really have to admit I love driving it very much. Just like how bonds are formed between two people, I guess even bonds can formed between humans and machine. No matter how you put it, I really love driving my car..... that's the sort of bond I have with my car.

even helping has its limits~

When it comes to friendship and the people close to us, our initial reaction when you see them in trouble is to lend a hand to help. I don't think any of us would give it a second thought if we are capable and have the means to help. Unless you haven't a heart or have a heart of ice, you'd probably say no without even thinking.

Helping someone in need may be a good thing but there are times when standing back and observing may be the best assistance one can lend. It's not about sitting back and letting things go wrong but there are times when we need to let other's figure things out themselves. Somewhat like letting nature takes it course.

Because humans are different between one another, there will it be unavoidable to face moments when you can't understand one another or even times when misunderstanding can happen. As much as possible, you and I will try our best to avoid such situations but it will simply happen as long as humans continue have differences.

I to got into the same trouble some time ago and after trying my best to resolve the issue, I had to come to a realisation point that I was going to help the situation improve but at the same time may end up eroding the situation altogether. I mad a conscious effort to simply step back and not try to fight the current. It was probably going to hurt myself and hurt others around me. It simply didn't make anymore sense to me.

As I stumbled through the thick of things and feel my way through the darkness, I came to appreciate and noticed the many people supporting me and giving little words of encouragement along the way. It's not something I can forget easily and at the same time, although I did not say it out, these people have my thanks indeed.

Help came in many ways and in numerous times, so much so that there were times when I simply wish they didn't help because there were times when helping out had to know its limits. Detrimental effects could have occurred instead. I too came across such a situation before.

Back when I was in school, I had a close friend who always did well in class and excelled in almost in every subject. I could only envisage him getting a scholarship and going overseas in the foreseeable future. Came the final examinations for our last year in secondary school, with the pressure piling up to do well, he got crushed by the pressure and failed to get a very needed distinction for his biology paper. The very one paper that would decide his medical scholarship. With the prospect of a full medical scholarship out the window he simply fell into a state of denial.

Being close to him, my natural reaction was try to talk to him to hopefully ease the pain. It never came across my mind to just keep leave him be to manage himself. Every time I spoke to him he just kept telling he'd be fine on his own whilst I kept thinking that him bottling it up inside was going to kill him. I tried to lend a hand by talking to him but only to have made things worse because it kept reminding him about his failed attempt. Eventually, I realised I was helping and just left him to his own devices. He did get out of it and it got another scholarship, although not a full scholarship he was hoping for but he parents worked out the finances for it.

When the storm had finally past him, he finally spoke to me and told me that even though he was depressed about his failed attempt and was disappointed about it, he didn't want to talk about it because it only served to remind him of his failure. Being alone was the best way for him because it gave him space to take a step back and to count his lucky stars. He may have missed the distinction for the biology paper but he didn't fail it. He did well for the rest of the subjects so t never really crossed out the possibility of a scholarship. He was depressed not because of missing the full scholarship but the non-distinction left a dent in his pride.

He never told me all these from the start but I came to realise that had I taken a step back to understand my friend for so many years I would have realised he didn't someone to talk to but rather someone who'd understand him and give me the space. That's when I learned even helping has its limits.

respectable

This evening was a pretty heated evening for my department head. I don't know exactly what happened because I had my earphones on listening to music while cracking my brains trying to figure out how to prepare the slides I was working on. Whatever the reason for him being angry, it must have been something pretty serious considering it was loud enough for me to hear his voice over my earphones although I couldn't hear the words.

As I saw my senior walking out from his room, I asked him if he was alright since he did look a bit shaken from the shelling. No point in me asking him what happened since it would probably make him feel worse. There are times when not getting in details does more good than harm - this was one of the moments.

I told him to let me know if he needed any help and went back to my work. About 20 minutes later my department head walks out of his room and walks up to my senior and says the most amazing thing I will probably ever hear in my lifetime, "Sorry about just now, I may have been a bit harsh on you just now. It was that spur of the moment when I got upset". I think my senior was so surprised he himself had no clue of how to reply.

Never have I heard of anyone telling me of a boss who has done such a thing. Most bosses are too stuck about being on top that they refuse to show such humility and humbleness. It left sitting in my chair in disbelief and awe. What he did then was a demonstration of professionalism and humility of the highest level. It was an act that was truly respectable without a doubt.