The better of side of life's losses....

Most of us, if not all of us are guilty for chasing our own goals without realising the other "sideline" successes that should be achieved. We are very much obsessed about being successful, which is generally measured by what car you drive, your position at work, sales targets, size of your house.... and the list goes on!

Aren't we all so obsessed about achieving such materialistic goals and milestones?

There are some out there, however who have been blessed with the gift of losing everything. Before you start accusing me of being crazy, let me explain - for many of us owning a big house, many sports cars, thirty thousand dollar home theater system, designer interior decor, expensive food, expensive watches...........etc

Then you stop, think and realise, you have a big house but you are hardly around to enjoy it, a thirty thousand dollar home theater system that is probably only switched on twice a year, expensive watches that simply tell you you are running late and time slipping running away from you.

I've got this hobby of reading inspiritional stories and try to learn something from them. There's this one that taught me about CYA. For most of us in the working world CYA means Cover Your Arse! But I am not writing about that, and I am talking about a new and difference CYA - Change Your Attitude. Focusing too much on life's goals, and achievements more often than not leads you to a road to no where. For most of us, we only learn t change our attitude when we are led to the point of desperation - losing your job, family problems....and so on. But do we really need to wait till we are at that very point of desperation? Sounds painful and sad to me, if you ask me.

Here are some ways to CYA and I quote from a recent inspirational story I read, by John Chappelear:

---quote starts----

1. Start each day with an awareness that you are here for a purpose other than to satisfy demands to add stuff to your life. I do this with a few morning minutes of meditation and prayer. Other people read a book or take a walk. After a while, you'll find your own path to peace and self-awareness.

2. Make serving others a primary focus. Help someone in your office be more successful. Hold the door for someone. Start a mentoring program, be a big brother or sister, or call a local volunteering program.

3. Slow down. I was always so busy pushing for the next big break that sometimes I ran right past it. So take a few minutes to take a deep breath, step back, and enjoy life a bit. You'll be surprised how many opportunities personally and professionally just show up.

4. Start now. You don't have to remake your whole life overnight. Small changes when practiced consistently will create dramatic results. Remember, you're choosing to act--before a "gift of desperation" is forced on you. Keep at it and soon you will look back and be amazed how far you've come, and so will your coworkers and loved ones. And while I may believe in deathbed conversions, acting ahead of time is a whole lot more satisfying.

There's nothing magical about these actions. The results, however, from even small consistent actions can be phenomenal, because not only will you feel better about yourself, but often your professional life will take off, too.

---quote ends---

Every now and then, we need to just stop what we are doing, stop trying to kill ourselves, stop trying to reach some imaginery mountain peak which most of us never reach because we keep making it higher for ourselves.

I am pretty sure that most of us want to make it big some day, get rich, live comfortably and not having to worry about some home instalment, car instalment or kids' education. But if we don't refocus our mind and keep a fresh perspective of things, that mountain peak destination of ours will just get further, further, further, further, further.....................

Ever tried do nothing useful? It does wonders at times!

You probably think I am crazy with this blog title. As simple as it may sound, I can bet a good majority of us find it difficult to do nothing or may well just find it impossible to do nothing. Everyday, its about doing something - slotting a class time in our diaries, setting a date for dinner, doing the house for a small party, feeding the baby, and doing this, and doing that. Awfully realistic and painful to know that your own life is governed by doing things and finding so little time to do all of it eh?

Recently had lunch with a friend of mine, who is in the advertising line. It was a Sunday afternoon, and he simply couldn't get his mind of work. He was constantly looking around the restaurant, looking at the decor, paintings, pictures, anything around just to find ideas for his work. He simply wasn't given a chance to just enjoy his lunch with a friend and not let work get in the way.

We each in our own ways have an agenda. We are all lobbyists for our own cause, our own opinions, aspirations, status, or career. While there's nothing wrong with getting ahead, whatever that may mean, it can also be an enormous relief now and then to lay down our own cause and enjoy wherever we find ourselves on its own terms.

We all need a reason to do something, find an agenda, set a date, plan something, think about doing something ahead of time...... I think you get the picture. But is that really true? On the contrary, we were groomed that way and we become like that because of how the society perceives life should be - all about making use of our time to DO something!

Last weekend, I drove past a cafe and saw this elderly man probably in his late 50s sipping a cup of coffee and just staring into blank space. That really got me thinking; I mean its not about sipping the cup of coffee as doing something but just really enjoying the surrounding. At a cafe, it really isn't about the coffee or tea that you drink but its about just sitting there, hearing captions of conversations, eavesdropping on what the next table might be ordering, having your own thoughts and just watching what is going on around you.

But no, we must almost find something to do. For most of us, just having a cup of coffee to drink can turn into an opportunity to do something - sms someone, Palm Pilot to put in more chores, Blueberry for news or even checking out a bypassing opposite sex.

The pleasure of doing bestowed upon me when I got home one Sunday after my lectures buggered and just brain freezed from the knowledge overload. Added to the fact my body was still recovering from the gym work I did the day before, my muscles ached all over and I was in a dire need for a warm shower to relax my muscles and my brain.

So I turn on my heater, go as hot as I can take and just step into the water. Seeing the steam coming of my body and the ground was really a good relief. The hot water bouncing off my body really made my muscles feel good and relaxed, the steam cleared my nose.

I didn't realise it but I was standing in the hot water for almost 45 minutes. I did not have any significant thoughts or worries. Not that I was unconscious or I had fainted, but I was merely vacant and simply not preoccupied with any agenda. I trul felt at ease and at peace.

Mabye and hour in a bath may not be your idea of a good time, but the point is not the bath but the rested mind that, in my case, it gave rise to. We all have our own ways. It's not what you don't do, it's the way you don't do it.

How would I be remembered?

Driving back home from work, getting caught up in a slight traffic crawl my mind suddenly popped me a question - how would I want to be remembered if I kicked the bucket (i.e. die)? I have to admit, when the question randomly appeared in my mind, I knew it was very rethorical question. Rethorical question for a rethoric like myself to answer! Perfect! Besides, anyone stuck in a traffic crawl with the cd player blasting is pretty much a rethoric anyway.

As far as I can remember, I did ask a close friend of mine before and he said he would probably remember me as nice, kind, helpful and sincere. That is certainly comforting to know but it didn't seem quite right to me somehow or rather. It felt very general, not specific and simply just not convincing enough.

The easiest way to find out of course is to go around asking people close to me about it but that would also be very weird and I would probably be thought of as being egoistic or being vain - guess it's a no-no. But if I did go running around asking people about it, it would have a made a good music video for the song "You're So Vain....... lalalalalalalalalala".

When I was a kid going to school, my teacher once described me as being cheeky and witty. A few of my university lecturers described me as being driven, sometimes pompus, aggresive in acheiving my goals and sometimes even stubborn as a cow! But is that how I am really going to be remembered? It just doesn't seem quite right to me, like something is missing and those comments just sound so general and on-the-surface, like those often used descriptions that are used for the sake of using.

Quite surprisingly, I found my answer in the most unexpected place. I dropped by a friend's house to visit his parents since it was a while since my friend left for Australia to study. Since I used to go to his house pretty often during my schooldays for tuition, I knew his parents fairly well. Walking into the house I saw the photo of my friend's dog, Bo. Seeing the photo I knew Bo had passed on.

And then, his mom just said, "Aaron loves animals so much, Bo was lucky to be his dog..... he got all the love from Aaron.". And that was it! That was the answer to my question! I realised, there's no need for me to try to be a good friend, boy friend, father, husband or brother. It was more than good enough for anyone to say, "Anyone would be lucky to be Mick's dog."

No need to measure my success in terms of money or valuables, nothing egoistic about it, nothing vain about it. Simply - I am good enough for a dog to love me, and for me to love a dog! No need for any silly comparisons, and not to forget dogs are always sincere, caring and loving. ;)