What about yourself?

I caught a glimpse of a tv series when I managed to get home early today. I didn't stay to watch the entire episode but I did catch a short scene from the show. It's this guy who is respected by those around him and is usually called upon to help in love life situations and family matters. Just like the counselor everyone goes to in times of need. So much so that his nickname in the show is, "sifu" which in Cantonese is translated as teacher or guru.

It was this scene where he came out with a witty plan to help a couple fix their issue. Of course, his scheme was successful and the couple was happily after. But despite all the happy scenes going about him saving couples' relationship, family problems and what not, he was not exactly the happiest person in the show having lost his girlfriend to his close friend (of which he eventually gave up under the pretext of "I just want you to be happy").

I know there are many out there who would think it is awfully sweet of him and romantic but is it really sweet and romantic? Honestly?

Being selfless is one of the most respectable traits a person can have, like Ghandi and Mother Teresa. However, even being selfless has its limits.

Like the sifu in the show, he made everyone around him happy by helping them in times of need, mediating couple's squabbles, helping in family matters but he himself was suffering deep inside without anyone knowing. He was hurting, crying inside. Did it make sense to go around being a hero yet living himself in shambles inside? I think not.

Before one can become one to be called upon to help, one should start caring about oneself first. Don't get me wrong when I say you should care for yourself first as being selfish but what the message I want to bring across is that you cannot go around helping others before you start caring for yourself. Being selfless is a respectable trait but being completely selfless commensurate to being foolish.

Put it this way, you can't be a squash coach without knowing the game, you can't give someone proper medical attention without being a doctor, you can't teach without first being a teacher, you can't donate money without first having sufficient for yourself to survive, you can't piggyback someone else when you suffer from back problems. I think you probably would understand where I am coming from by now.

What about yourself? If you can answer that question, then you can become the sifu to those who need you........... So, what about yourself?

you learn

Dark clouds, heavy rain, a long trail of brake lights ahead of me meant I was going to be in my car for a little longer. As I was cursing the traffic silently in my heart, next thing I hear on the radio is song I haven't heard in a pretty long time. Something I could reflect from what happened at work today.

Those familiar with radio songs will pretty easily pick up the song and the singer. The chorus really meant something to me. As I sat in the driver's seat slowly inching my car bit by bit in the traffic jam, I heard, "you grieve you learn, you choke you learn, you laugh you learn, you choose you learn, you pray you learn, you ask you learn, you live you learn.".

It's a pretty old song and would probably be more than ten years old but still very relevant to you and me (maybe not to you but it does seem relevant to me). It may not seem as what the writer of the song wanted to mean but I think if I look at it from my life or our lives, it does say something. That something means, we are constantly learning, every day in the things we do. Happy times or sad times, we can still learn a thing or two in those situations.

I used to admire people who seem to know everything. Always seeming to know what to answer or know where to look for those answers. However, there are those who tend to abuse that special gift - those who take too much pride in knowing.

There are times, when I approach people with a question only to find myself getting a long winded, convoluted answer from them. Worst of all when I later find out from someone else that the answer I got earlier was complete irrelevant! Worst of all are those who do not assist you but at the same time try to belittle you in the process. I am sure you would have had such encounters. Not very funny when you are at the receiving, I trust.

At the end of the day, when someone knows more than you, more often than not it is due to that person having more experience than you simply because they have done more in their lifetime than you have. Just like how your parents seem to know more about surviving in this big world than you. I don't particularly believe in a talented person doing better than a normal, average person simply because being talented only means you learn faster than an average person.

Never, ever, ever say you are not as smart as another person because we are all just as intelligent unless your IQ level falls way below the average mark. Being a normal person simply means we learn through doing, listening, observing, trying, etc. Like the lyrics I quoted, you learn when you grieve, you learn when you choke, you learn when you laugh, you learn when you choose, you learn when you pray and etc.......

Don't let anyone put you down simply because they know something you don't. Just because they don't want  to share their knowledge, only means you need to find it elsewhere and out there from my experience, there are plenty of people who enjoy sharing their knowledge with you (and explain it better too!). When you someone puts you down, you grieve but you learn not to be like them. When you ask someone else, you listen and you learn from them. Most importantly, when you live, you learn from the experiences you go through every day until the day you breathe your last breath. You always learn. Always remember - "you live, you learn".

full effort

Yesterday, I managed to squeeze out of office to go for my weekly squash sessions. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that I can go out there and play my favourite sport pitching my skills against someone better and to hopefully learning a new thing or two to improve my game. 

Half way through one of my matches, the resident coach there who coaches the state junior team looks at me and says, "you are very hardworking in the court!". I tried to laugh under all the panting I was doing and replied while puffing, "I guess when you are short on talent, you just need to rely on fitness to rough it out."

It was the same thing when I was training during my junior days, always trying to outlast my opponent and just keep on running until I ran my opponent with sheer tenacity. Until, eventually one day my knee gave some time before I hit the age of 21 putting my squash to a rendering hiatus for the next three years. But then again, I never really had a successful squash career since I had probably had more losses than wins at that time. 

Not winning isn't nice especially when you are competing against someone. What's the point in playing a game when you have absolutely no intention to win? Winning gives you a undeniable gratifying sensation in you heart but it is also something that doesn't happen all the time (i.e. you will lose too at times). But just because you lose doesn't give you a reason to stop playing the game. I have lost plenty of squash matches but I am still playing the game because I really love the game. 

But allow me to quote Gandhi (yes, the Mahatma Gandhi), "Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory.". 

That is one quote that strikes a key to the very dot in me for there is so much truth in it. As much as winning is a nice feeling but there are times when the results become insignificant when compared against the effort put into the game. There are some matches that I play and lose but still feel satisfied knowing I had a good game, going all out trying to score good points. 


You've got to go at something knowing that you tried and put in effort into it. If you feel you can't jump, you hop. If you think you can't run, you walk. If you think you can't walk, you crawl. Either way, you'll soon realise that you will eventually reach your ultimate destination, your goal albeit maybe slower but you will still reach there. Most importantly, you will feel an extremely gratifying feeling knowing that you put in full effort.... because with full effort, you not only beat your opponent but most importantly, you beat the demon inside of you constantly trying to demotivate and put you down.....