Ted's last journal entry

It was a gloomy day, dark clouds forming in the skies, she didn't know how to react to the sms she just read. Reesa's mind went wild with thought trying to reason out why he would send such an sms to her. It has never happened before. She tried calling him, but there was no answer. She went to bed that night thinking it was a bad dream and it will all go away when she wakes up the next day.

Morning came, the sms remained the same, there was still no answer when she tried calling him. She didn't know what else to do.

The sms read, "Don't call me, don't text me, I don't wish to see you anymore."

Everytime she thought about that sms, her eyes would start tearing.

A week passed, two weeks passed, on the third week Reesa's mobile phone rang with an unknown number showing on the caller ID. She answered the call only to be surprised to hear his voice.

"Ted, Ted, please tell me it's you!"

"Yes, it's me," he spoke coldly.

"Please tell me you didn't send me the sms you sent? Please tell me it's a joke? Please, Ted?"

There was a pause. "Reesa, it's not a joke. I am sorry but it's true. I meant everything I said in that sms."

"Why Ted?!? Why??!?"

"Reesa..... I.... I... I recently met Lisa. She's really nice and she's always around when I needed her. You were hardly around whenever I needed you. Sometimes I wondered if you even cared about me."

Reesa held the phone, tears rolling down her cheeks as she kept repeating softly, "No.... no.... no....."

"I think you cared about your work more than me or anything else. I guess it's best we go our separate ways."

That was the last time Reesa ever heard Ted's voice again.

Six months later, Reesa caught Ted's obituary in the local newspaper. She was shocked and decided to attend Ted's funeral. After Ted's burial, Ted's sister walked up to Reesa to catch up. Whilst talking to Reesa, Ted's sister gave Ted's journal to Reesa saying that Ted would have liked her to have it.

After work one night, Reesa flipped open Ted's journal. As she read the journal, she never knew Ted diligently wrote in his journal. The journal was like every other typical journal and Reesa immediately recognised Ted's writing style.

Ted penned down his entire experience with Reesa from the first date, first kiss, the first time he held her hand right till the day they parted ways - the whole 4 years they were together. Reesa continued reading the night away and as she reached the end of Ted's journal she was all tears.

It read:

10th January - I always thought the pain in my stomach was just gastric from my poor eating habits with all the late night dinners and lunch skipping. Who'd would have thought it was cancer. As the pain grew over the last few months I didn't think it was the growing severity of the cancer. At stage 3 now, death has come knocking on my door.

I only have about 6 months left in this world. Guess God decided he didn't want me sticking around too long.

28 years of my life in this world, the best thing that ever happened to me was Reesa. The past 4 years has been nothing but cloud nine for me. The touch of her hand lets me know she'll catch me whenever I fall, her radiant skins mirrors the clear waters of the ocean and her smile, simply melts my heart. If it's one thing I don't want to leave behind, it'd be her.

I just dropped her an sms to tell her never contact me......... it pains my heart but she's still young and I don't think she deserves a dying man. She deserves better.

17 January - after a week, I can't deny that I miss her and I'd really want to be with her right now. I spoke to her briefly on the phone and I guess the only way she was going to leave me was if she hated me. I made up some girl called, Lisa. I don't even know how I came up with that name.

I am sorry I have to lie to you and hide from you about my condition Reesa. You are a wonderful girl anyone could wish for. The best I can have. The last thing I can do for you is to make it the least painful for you to know about my death, if you ever find out. I never meant anything I said to you over the phone today.

All this while you have always been working hard working towards our dream wedding and our first house. Work was never easy for you with all the late nights and tight deadlines. Sleeping was never possible for me every time I knew you have to put up an all-nighter. I am so sorry that I have been struggling with my job and yet you have always supported me, giving me words of encouragement and simply reassuring me by touching my hand. I was meant to take care of you but it turned the other way round. I am truly sorry Reesa.

Despite having to cope with your tight working schedule you always made time for us. Every second spent with you were unforgettable moments. So much so that I write it all in here so I can remind myself constantly how lucky I am to be loved by you. Dropping a sms to say "I LOVE YOU" every night was the least I could do to let you know how precious you are to me.

As you hung up today, I see tear drops on this very page I am writing on. My heart wrenched with pain, sadness rose from within the depths of my heart, I could only cry knowing that I had to hurt you to prevent myself from hurting you further if you knew my impending fate.

I wanted to tell you how much I loved you, I wanted to tell you how much I wanted to see you, I wanted to tell you how much I missed you.............. and I am sorry Reesa for what I had to put you through since last week. I am sorry and I love you.......

This will probably be the last entry. I will be checking into the hospital tomorrow and will probably will live my remaining days there. I can barely hold this pen to write this page. My life is slowly slipping away....... good bye Reesa, my love and my best friend........... take good care of yourself.

Reesa closed the journal shut and held the journal close to her bosom as she cried and whispered,"I love you too, Ted."

some things don't change ~

I am sitting down in a tight corner in Starbucks, typing this blog post and as I turn to look at my watch, I see the needle in my watch tick the seconds passing by. It dawned to me that things change over time. Nothing really stays the same as time goes by. I look at my laptop, I notice the faded keyboards, I look at my reflection in the laptop screen I see four days worth of moustache and a goatie, some of my schoolmates now married, I see friend's kids now all big and tall only when a few years ago I saw them as toddlers.

It's somewhat amazing to see the effects of the passage of time; reminding me of a phrase I hear quite often from someone close to me, "the only thing constant in our lifetime is change". I used to beg to differ with her view but I have come to accept what she said as being true. Change is constantly happening in our lives. Nothing really stays the same once it is stretched.

Despite the change constantly taking place in our lives and the lives of those around us, there are some things that don't change. It might not be something you'll think of off-hand simply because it 's not something really significant.

I was jogging in the park one Saturday morning and there was an elderly couple holding hands while taking their morning walk. Considering I was jogging and they were walking, I think I must have passed them about 5 to 6 times trying to rake up the mileage.

As I was warming down after completing my rounds, the same couple decided to take a seat on the bench nearby to cool off before leaving. Not that I wanted to eavesdrop but I heard a very interesting conversation between the two of them.

"It's been a while since we last took a stroll you and I?"

"It's been refreshing ever since we started taking a morning stroll. Get some fresh air at the same time. Spend some time together as well."

"We never really had so much time like this years back when we worked so hard trying to get the kids education overseas. Those little rascals sure cost us quite a bit!"

"Hahahahaha....... at least they're both out and happy doing what they are doing. Time for us to take a break."

"Time sure passes by like a flash. I remember it was the evening of the 10th of November twenty five years ago when you first held my hand and took me for a walk in the park. You and I have grown old, kids all grown up, you've lost most of your hair, I have grown more wrinkles, our Beagle Boo has gone to heaven."

"Time sure flies..... it sure does....... time goes by, things around us change but one thing sure don't change."

"What's that?"

"The way you hold my hand dear. Tight enough to know that you'll never leave my side but soft enough to let me know that you truly love me."

Don't stop believing....

Little by little she began to open to those around her. It wasn't an easy process to get her to speak up more and be more open in conversations. Min was born with autism. Autism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behaviour. Growing up with Min wasn't an easy process for her parents. Trying to get Min out of her repetitive behaviour was a painful process.

By the time Min was three years of age, she still couldn't speak and she couldn't let go of her bolster wherever she went. There was one thing in particular Min was really good at - puzzles. She instinctively knew what piece went where and in what position. She had this innate ability to simply put the puzzle together.

Autistic or not, her parents knew for a fact that Min had a talent - a talent for solving puzzles. It may not be a massive achievement for most parents but to Min's parents, it was something to be proud of their daughter who is typically deemed a handicap by the general public.

Living with an autistic child posed many problems - facing random tantrums from Min, occasional self-injurious actions, difficult to change routines. These are some of the complications Min's parents had to go through but they went through it painstakingly in the hope to give Min a better chance at life. Even Min wouldn't grow up to be a normal kid, being close-to-normal was more than good enough for them.

They continued to believe that Min will grow stronger and they continued to provide anything possible to help Min's growth.

Three years down the road, Min had a little brother come along the way. Min is now six years of age, able to talk albeit she still struggles with learning and still amazingly good with puzzles.

With little Matt joining the family, a different side of Min proliferated. Min showed a side never before seen by her parents. She had complete instinct of an elder sibling to watch over Matt.

Min demonstrated many times when she could tell if Matt was unwell and had a very 'Min way' at tugging at her mother's sleeve to tell her that something wasn't right with Matt. Other times, she instinctively tags along little Matt who sometimes can get himself in litte trouble like the one time he nearly fell of the staircase while crawling about the top floor of their home.

It was simply conspicuous in Min that she was more than capable of caring for her little brother but it was a trait not common in a child diagnosed with autism. It was surprising to her parents but over and above that, they couldn't be more proud of Min.

Sometimes, there are things that some people are capable of but simply not shown, either simply because the opportunity never arises or it requires some form of catalyst to materialise. At the end of the day, it's like many of us out there who have capabilities hidden in ourselves that we are probably not aware of until it unleashes itself when the time is ripe..........

All it takes is probably for us to believe in ourselves, just like how Min's parents never stopped believing in Min.