~ Path of Time ~

listening

2012-01-26T11:18:00.000+08:00

There are some people who are gifted with an extraordinary ability to hear things, memorise them and then reiterate them word perfect. It's pretty amazing how some people can just pick things up, store them and replay it back almost instantaneously.

But is there really more to it or is listening merely utilising your auditory capabilities to decode decibels into meaningful data for your brain to interpret?

One of my friend had learn to become more than just a father. His daughter, Lisa was born autistic. So for him, it didn't only involve learning about diaper change and feeding time, he had to learn to communicate with Lisa. It wasn't easy from day 1 to begin with because it was very difficult to communicate with Lisa. He would find her sitting in one corner just rocking back and forth staring into blank space and mumbling to herself. He wanted more than just to care for Lisa, he wanted her to have a normal life like every other kid. But before he could hope for her to have a normal life, he knew he would have to breach the communication gap that stood as a barrier.

It took him weeks to find some way to communicate to Lisa until he discovered it by accident. Apart from rocking back and forth, mumbling to herself, he noticed patterns in the way Lisa reacted depending on her mood. For example, Lisa would grip her soft toy really hard if she was hungry, curl her toes really tightly when she needed to take a leak, and a myriad of other patterns he noted in Lisa. When the patterns started to form more conspicuously, he grabbed a notepad and started to record the patterns he noticed for future references.

The result, he became more than a father to Lisa. He became Lisa' best friend. He knew what she wanted, what she was asking for or at times, he simply knew Lisa just wanted a nice comforting hug. It was almost like communicating on an emphatic subliminal level of which an open line of communication was available between only the two of them.

Communication doesn't always have to mean someone talking and another listening. It also involved a huge part of observation and understanding. Those involve your eyes and your heart. That's how Lisa and her dad bonded. Not by words but through gesture, body language and a certain degree of mumbling.

Listening requires more than your ears. It's your ears, eyes and most importantly, your heart. It means communicating with another not just via literary words but with a tinge of empathy.

Knowing

2012-01-23T15:05:00.001+08:00

Have you ever stopped to think about the good things that has happened in your life and wondered if it were ever planned or premeditated?

Now, here's what I learned from a well known CEO. Someone who gets featured in magazines and newspapers. Grab a piece of paper and start listing all the achievements in your life. I am going to assume you are able to list down at least 10 things.

Once you have listed them, take a read through and there is a high likelihood that you'll notice that about 60% more of the items listed had happened without you planning for it.

Of course I don't mean you should just leave everything to chance but it goes to show that not everything needs planning. Sometimes. Just sometimes, gold does fall in your arms.

So.... Sometimes, going with the flow is simply the solution to a good ending. Planning is good but too much planning and you end up doing a lot procrastination only with little action.

Hence, getting on our feet running instead should be the kick start to whatever you do. Then as you run your life's marathon, planning in between will point you in he right direction.

Success isn't about planning it out. It's about doing it and doing it with conviction.
Best regards, Micky

No pain no gain...

2012-01-14T16:28:00.001+08:00

Not everyone agrees with the statement, "no pain no gain". I guess it really depends on the circumstance and the level of pain.
Recently, I had one hell of an experience after having injuring my knee for the 5th or 6th time. One of the risks that comes with playing squash as a favourite sport. Thankfully this time it wasn't as serious as before. Last time I had a torn hamstring that left me walking with crutches for a good 4 weeks. This time around I had an inflamed ligament. Walking wasn't a problem but certain angles really hurt.

Thinking the ligament was painful was a very wrong thing to do. The treatment I had to undergo was a lot more painful. A month of physiotherapy and another month of rehabilitation workout at the gym.

The pain is one thing. But what I gained was very meaningful and I learned a lot. All this while I thought I had been strengthening my knee well enough but I never knew strengthening major muscle sets isn't sufficient because even minor muscle sets mattered when it came to explosiveness, movement and stability.

Plus, when we think of strengthening our muscles, the first thing you think of is pumping iron. Surprise, surprise even simple free weight exercises could be pivotal to muscle strengthening.

At the gym, my trainer worked with me to build myself back up bit by bit. Also, despite all the iron pumping, it's when we are resting after exercising that our muscles build up and not during exercise.

I could go on and on about the stuff I learned throughout the recovery period. But the point I want to bring about is the fact that sometimes getting hurt isn't all that bad. There are still things you can learn, improve and impart to others.

So.... Sometimes it is true that no pain is no gain :0)

Best regards, Micky

Everyone wants to save someone

2012-01-14T08:49:00.002+08:00

It was a long day for Hank. He had just spent almost 20 hours in the operating theater working on a patient would was brought in on extremely short notice for heart complications. But the patient wasn't just any patient. It was his own brother who suddenly had cardiac arrest while he was halfway running a marathon. A marathon that meant a lot to him because it was a marathon that he trained for for almost a year. Hank fought the full 20 hours trying to bring his brother back. He didn't want to give up, he couldn't give up on his only brother, Jimmy.

As Hank operated on Jimmy, in the back of his head it was as if a video cam was playing back all the good time Hank and Jimmy shared. Jimmy's first birthday, first toy, first bicycle and all the other rainbows of life he and Jimmy shared. Hank fought back tears throughout the ordeal. Jimmy was his only family left after their parents passed away in a fatal car crash 3 years ago. Hank had lost his parents, he wasn't going to lose his brother.

20 hours and eventually Jimmy must have decided to walk into the white light to be with their parents. Hank sat slumped in the outpatient waiting area with his operating mask hanging from his neck, hands covering his face, weeping for having failed to save his only family left. Wrecked and hard broken were probably understatements of Hank's feelings.

After that ordeal, Hank started to lose himself in depression. Every morning dark circles were visible beneath his blood shot eyes. He hardly ate complete meals, he could hardly concentrate when patients consulted him. It reached a point so bad that certain days Hank just didn't show up to work and leaving his nurses in a pinch having to cancel all his appointments. Eventually one day when his nurse, Diana tried to reach Hank on his cellphone and house phone and no one answered, she decided to visit him at his home. She was going to let something this take her crush away.

When she got to Hank's home, she thanked God Hank left a spare key under the carpet and entered into his house which was pretty much in a mess. She called to Hank and got no response. That's when she decided to do a spot check of the entire house. As she reached into Hank's room, she heard running water and immediately went to check the bathroom. To her horror, she saw Hanks slumped next to the bathtub filled with blood. Hank had slit his wrist.

Diana immediately called the ambulance.

Three days later at the hospital, Hank is finally conscious after having lost so much blood. He opens his eyes to see Diana and realises he failed to kill himself. He looks at Diana and turns away not wanting her to see him this way.

After a brief moment of silence, he finally spoke.

"I wanted to join my family. There wasn't much reason for me to live anymore having no one around and having failed to save Jimmy."

"Hank, why did you become a doctor?"

"Save people. I wanted to save people."

"How are you going to save people if you are dead?"

"Doesn't matter anymore. I couldn't even save my brother for Christ sakes"

"Hank. You can't save everyone all the time. Even the best doctors in the world will tell you that. The result could have been the same had a different doctor worked on Jimmy."

"I tried my best! I tried!"

"I know Hank. Everyone wants to save someone. That includes you. But if you decided to take your own life, you'd have failed to achieve saving someone. Saving somone would also mean saving yourself first before you can save someone. Dying is easy. It's living that's difficult, Hank."

With the help of Diana, Hank eventually got out of depression and moved on to be a very established heart surgeon. Today, every time he speaks to a patient in dire conditions, he always says this:-

"Time is never on our side. God took millenias to create the universe that only allows us to live up to about a hundred years old. But you and I probably get only 75 years to live. Everyone wants to save someone, and I want to save you. Please don't give up on yourself because dying is easy, it's living that's difficult."

different colours, up and down

2011-12-18T14:54:00.000+08:00

We share two things in common when it comes to our daily lives. Colours and direction. Colours and direction can then be best described by a fairy wheel!

Ferris wheel always comes in many different colours, much like how our moods can be described by colours. At the same time a fairy wheel always goes round and round, up and down.

I took a picture of the ferris wheel but never really got the chance to sit on it because I had too heavy a meal and didn't want to risk myself puking out the window of the ferris wheel when I was on vacation in Adelaide. But towards the end of the day when I was leaving the Royal Adelaide Show, it dawn on me that our lives are like one big ferris wheel.

Each time we step into a different ferris wheel, we sit in a different coloured cabin, like how our moods and experiences differ from day to day. Then, once we sit into the fairy wheel cabin, it takes us on a ride. We go up and come back down. Again, we are continuously going up and down in our lives experiencing the peaks and valleys life has to offer.

As we come to the end of 2011, the fairy wheel of life is slowly coming back to where it started before taking us on a ride. It'll then proceed to take another round bringing up and down again.

Just remember this - up or down, peak or valley, no one promises a smooth ride all the time in anything we do but whether it's up or down, only we can keep ourselves going no matter how tough things are. God gave us the science defying brain, mind and emotions. These are the three tools we must continue to use and not take for granted if we want to survive the ups and downs of our lives.

Happy New Year to all of you out there and for those who have continued reading my posts. I thank you very much and hope my writings have been reading pleasures to you.

How do you deal with it?

2011-12-15T04:30:00.000+08:00

Growing up entails more than just growing taller, looking older and in certain cases, balding. Growing up or older probably often involves a certain degree of pain. Pain because we tend to lose something along our journey of growing up as we get absorbed in the only constant in our life - change.

But the pain of losing something dear to us - favourite toy, favourite blanket, favourite pillow, will always linger because we tend to cling on to these favourite items. Clinging on to these items tend to give us a form of security. It's when we lose it, we suddenly feel naked.

Losing the attachment is what that really makes us feel that sorrow in our hearts, the pain of losing something. But I once read somewhere that sometimes even though we may feel the sadness of loss, our heart rejoice deep in us for what we have gained.

Our first reaction when faced with loss is typically stress, anxiety and sometimes anger. We lash out or try to reach out to anything we can grab to feel a sense of security like trying to hug your lucky bolster when you were a toddler. It is times like this we truly grow, from the process of evolution, we learn to cope and handle our anxieties. We are actually truly adaptive creatures, naturally seeking out opportunities in adversity. Every valley we stumble upon will be temporary and we soon find ourselves on the peek staring down the valley you just overcame.

Like waiting for your turn to get a train ticket in a massively packed train station during the holiday season. You can choose to wait patiently, knowing that it will be a matter of time before it is your turn. Likewise, you can wait with the utmost frustration, cursing the crowd in your heart, but it wouldn't miraculously move you up the queue. We just have to deal with it as it comes.

So how do you deal with it?

Maybe it's time to let nature take control

2011-12-05T22:02:00.001+08:00

When we talk about movies, inspirational stories, success stories, have you ever stopped to think and notice that there is always a common theme across all the media mediums and genre?

Personally, I'd say yes - it will always be about someone following low and bringing himself back up. It is after all a good seller in terms of stories because otherwise there really wouldn't be much to write about and shoot about.

Let's look about real life instead. Our lives. Yours and mine. Our lives, if you ever stopped to notice revolves a whole lot of trial and error before we finally get things right. I don't know if I would be right to say this but it is almost as if it is embedded in our DNA for us to be naturally inquisitive - always asking questions about everything about us. I do not deny, it is this inquisitiveness that brings about progress and technologies that continue to leap frog upon exiting technologies. Progress has been burgeoning over the last few decades, to say the very least!

However, there are certain aspects to things that could categorically describe us as, "pushing things a bit too far". For example, when you if you drop a couple of apple seeds on a vacant piece of land (assuming it has the basic nutrients to be deemed fertile). Come rain and shine, what you will initially see are a couple of small apple plants popping out from the ground. That's nature's work.

Just leave them there and let nature take its cause, those plants will eventually become apple bearing trees. That too is nature's work.

Now, if you leave them alone for too long, branches grow out of control, dead leaves fall all over the place. Eventually, enough branches cross each other and the trees start fighting for nutrients from the limited land. Plus, enough dampness and nature's call will bring about insects that basically do more damage to the plants and the soil around it. That's nature's work too.

Question is - at what point do we step in to ensure that nature does not erode itself?

For example, as a baby grows up into kid, we step in to make sure school is there to ensure that education brings him up in the right direction from a social standpoint. Without education, a child is at the minimum illiterate.

Pollution happens, we step in to establish controls to control the level of pollution and hopefully have a more sustainable future.

When we fall sick, we take antibiotics and other types of medication to recover from the sickness.

Still in the beginning stages of the 21st century, have you notice lately, that we have not been very successful in correcting nature's cause? Flood becoming more uncontrollable, weather going crazy, earthquakes, volcanoes, oil leakages in the ocean. All this is happening and all we can do is be reactive in implementing damage control.

For the past decades, maybe we have been stepping in between nature for far too long and too much - building dams, hydroelectric plants, mining, tree felling.

From the context of an apple farm earlier, maybe it's time we stop trying to improve the apple fruit from the apple tree but instead try to trim the edges of the tree to keep them nice and neat. We may have been too near sighted constantly harping on the fruit not realising the trees have been growing out of control.

Maybe it's time to let nature take control instead.........

WIP

2011-12-02T23:30:00.001+08:00

I am certain many of you out there have heard of the term, 'W.I.P" or commonly spoken as WIP. WIP stands for Work In Progress. We always say WIP for something that's in the works, still in building, still in the formation stages and all the other pre-completion stages.

If you ponder about it in depth, you will realise that our lives are always in the WIP stages. We never really completely complete, no? Everyday we learn new things, experience new things, see new things, hear new things, do new things. That's us in WIP stages because we are never ever truly complete even if we finally breathed our last breath and kick the bucket.

But the best thing you can do for yourself is to keep maintaining the WIP and better still, grow the WIP!

If it's one thing I have learned since I started my professional career in an accounting firm is that constant learning and development is part and parcel of my career. But it applies even in my personal life trying to learn other things I can learn from reading the burgeoning myriad of knowledge bases that's out there - magazines, books, e-books, etc.........

Continuously being in WIP doesn't mean imperfection but rather it means you are always on the road to perfection because you never stop progressing. Even the most beautifully hand crafted building is still in WIP because it can never stay as beautiful as it is right now unless someone constantly maintains it (i.e. WIP!).

Business continue to grow, evolve and when necessary down size. Again, that's WIP!. WIP is everywhere if you'd take a step back and look around you. The globe spins constantly and continuously keeps us on our toes to make sure we continue to wake up in the morning and sleep in the night knowing that we have to do something about our lives that constantly in WIP.

If there's one favour you can do for someone, it'd be doing yourself a favour and making sure your WIP never stops growing and progressing........ But remember, being in WIP means you are bound to bump into rough spots, face doubts but being in WIP also means you will eventually progress out of glitches as long as you try earnestly to progress and grow.

Giving his best to his son

2011-11-28T15:59:00.001+08:00

I once knew a school mate who was aiming high becoming a long distance runner. Every evening without fail, Ganesh can be seen jogging from his house nearby the school and heading up to the main town centre. All in he ran an average of 21km every evenings and sometimes varying the distance if there was a need to cut down the distance due to physical fatigue.

Most importantly, every evening whilst Ganesh was running his routines, his father would be tailing behind him on the family motorcycle clocking his time and giving him pointers to improve his running form.

Every evening, rain or shine, I'd see father and son working on the running routine whilst I was headed home from school taking the rail transit.

At that point in time, he was already representing my school for the long distance running repertoire and in many instances begging the gold medals as he ran the events. Last I heard just after I left secondary school, he was already offered a scholarship by one of the top local universities. His father couldn't be prouder with his achievements.

He grew up in a family who lived under mediocre terms, a father who was an assistant in an Indian spice mill and a mother who was full time at home taking care of his other 2 siblings. Being the eldest son of 3 siblings, he had to make sure he could graduate into a stable job to assist his parents in bringing the other two up. Running wasn't going to be just an evening hobby for him, it meant his future and his siblings' future. He knew he had to run, and run well at that.

His father knew if Ganesh was going to even stand a chance to perform well, Ganesh was going to need his support. He knew all too well that in school, there were other more affluent children whose parents could afford proper training and coaches. For Ganesh, he knew he would have to fill in the empty spaces as a father, coach and training mate. Starting of the training regime meant he had to learn how to coach his son with sufficient strictness, yet know how to show affection as a father and know how to be competitive as a training mate. As an assistance in a spice mill, those were the exact three things he had no idea about.

As father, he would have wanted to have money to hire a coach, to put Ganesh in a proper training school to be the best but he knew he couldn't afford it. So he made up his mind to give Ganesh his best.

His best meant stealing quick reads from nutrition books available at bookstores over the weekends, spending evenings planning out running routes for Ganesh, timing Ganesh, ascertaining areas of weakness then going back to bookstores to steal a bit reads from books on fitness and running. Lastly, giving Ganesh all the moral and emotional support as a father who wanted his son to be the best he can be.

Deep down, he didn't know how far Ganesh could go, he didn't even know if he was giving Ganesh the correct advice and he didn't even know if his training would be injurious to Ganesh but he knew one thing - it was the best he could give Ganesh.

Giving someone your best isn't about spending valuable monies on the best coach, best food, best facilities and best what not, it's about the best you have to offer and giving it with all your heart. Ganesh eventually succeeded in wining many gold medals and a scholarship to pursue his higher education. All the time his father spent at the bookstores stealing reads to fill in the gap as a coach, pushing him on as a father, motivating Ganesh to be hungry for victory as a training mate, all that put together was the what giving his best to his son meant to him.

No act is too big, or too small

2011-11-10T19:08:00.001+08:00

"All I did was pray. If it is His will for things to be, it shall be."

That's when I reacted with the first tinge of astonishment, "Huh?".

"I don't ask anyone for anything. I never have. You know.... expectations creates problems".

That's when I reacted with the second wave of astonishment, "Huh?" again.

My initial reaction was that life can't be as simple as pray and let things happen. Or in some instances, hope that something good turns out of the prayer. But this is the truth that a pastor I spoke to believes in. In fact, something similar was said to me by a lady whom I know serves at a temple frequented by my grandparents.

"I live my life everyday doing the will of God. When I pray, God speaks to me and tells me what He wants me to do and I just do it trusting Him to provide me with all the necessary enablers to execute what He wants done. It can come in the form of financial assistance, physical help and a myriad of other forms. It's all about service."

I had to know what he meant by the above.

"Take this church for example. When I started the church believing in his voice telling me to start this church, I had no idea how to start, where to start, who to start with. But I prayed and I prayed. Eventually, God pointed me to the right direction. Believe it or not, it was as simple as looking at the morning paper's classified. In fact, I didn't typically looked at the classifieds section until that morning when I suddenly found myself browsing through it. Surprise, surprise, there was this shop lot unit for rental at a very low rent rate and I decided to rent the shop lot with whatever cash I had.

That solved one problem. Next was getting the furniture for the place. Again I prayed for guidance. I immediately started by putting up blog posts, facebook requests, and all avenues I could think of. Then slowly, slowly, I received donations in the form of used tables, used chairs, someone even donated a used keyboard. All I did was pray for guidance. Really!

No church was complete without worshipers, again I prayed and asked for guidance. I simply started reaching out to my friends, friends' friends, friends' friends' friend, neighbours, anyone who I could speak to. People of course didn't start flocking in but we started off with 5 members. Today we have well over 600 worshipers after only 3 years of service.

As we grew larger in numbers, I prayed for guidance. Soon enough, one of our members dedicated a part of his large office lots for our church. I just prayed for God to bless us, trusting Him to meet our needs and enabling me to serve all the church members.

All I want to do is for God to use me to reach out to as many as possible. There is nothing to fear because I know He will always provide for me to serve Him. In serving this church, no act is too big, or too small. From the first chair we received to the wonderful premise from our church member, it was a service to God. It's something we can't do on our own without God's hand holding our tiny hands walking us through our walk of faith. "

Amazing, a miracle, or someone delirious. I leave that to your judgement. But the point here I wanted to bring about is how much conviction one man can have when he really believes in something. Maybe it really was God's blessing or maybe it was simply that he had so much belief in the cause he was participating in that it all fell into place for him. It's amazing when you look at how he built the church he serves.

No act is too big, or too small when it comes to doing what you believe in is right. From the first tiny step of having the initial thought in your mind to actually doing it. It all forms part of the cause. Believe in yourself and every act to achieving what you want will fall into place..........

heart to heart

2011-11-03T15:23:00.002+08:00

There's always much talk about being a good listener. You might have encountered people who have said, "talk less and you can listen to what the other person is saying because your voice will drown what the other person is saying."

But being a good listener isn't just about opening up your ears to pick up auditory signals for your brain to make sense of. It's more than that. It's about having connectivity between one another. More often than not, you and I will be caught up in all the formalities, politeness, controlled, well thought (not always) of responses. Basically means either you give or you get mundane, boring and more often than not, not sincere responses.

Have you ever observed any 2 people sit down over a cup of coffee talking to each other but realise it's more than just 2 people talking. Meaning, you see interaction. Like those 2 people are really engaging each other's attention and what's being spoken to each other. That's the kind of connectivity I am referring to, which normally expresses itself in interesting, honest discussion, kinship, relatedness and love (not just couple love, but family love, love among friends).

Before I start to sound convoluted, what it really means is simply for us to be honest with who we are interacting with. It means overcoming the fear of being worried of saying, reacting in a way that might offend someone or invite rejection from that someone. I don't mean you being rude but really just offer someone your honest attention, opinion, words of wisdom. In fact, just give them the all of you.

Try to recollect the number of times you have practiced some form of censorship or held back from responding to someone your real thoughts and ended up just giving them what they wanted to hear or something contrary to your own beliefs. I think you will very quickly find that it happens practically on a daily basis with virtually everyone you interact with.

Why not just give them what you really think in your heart albeit it might come to be something as simple or silly as, "huh?". That "huh?" could be an honest, "I am sorry, I missed what you said earlier. Could you please repeat yourself?". You'd be amazed how many people will appreciate an honest "huh?" instead of trying to cover up your miss with some vague and probably irrelevant response.

Make that someone talking to you count. Have a <3 to <3 talk, heart 2 heart talk......... =0)

What about yourself?

2011-10-31T20:10:00.001+08:00

I caught a glimpse of a tv series when I managed to get home early today. I didn't stay to watch the entire episode but I did catch a short scene from the show. It's this guy who is respected by those around him and is usually called upon to help in love life situations and family matters. Just like the counselor everyone goes to in times of need. So much so that his nickname in the show is, "sifu" which in Cantonese is translated as teacher or guru.

It was this scene where he came out with a witty plan to help a couple fix their issue. Of course, his scheme was successful and the couple was happily after. But despite all the happy scenes going about him saving couples' relationship, family problems and what not, he was not exactly the happiest person in the show having lost his girlfriend to his close friend (of which he eventually gave up under the pretext of "I just want you to be happy").

I know there are many out there who would think it is awfully sweet of him and romantic but is it really sweet and romantic? Honestly?

Being selfless is one of the most respectable traits a person can have, like Ghandi and Mother Teresa. However, even being selfless has its limits.

Like the sifu in the show, he made everyone around him happy by helping them in times of need, mediating couple's squabbles, helping in family matters but he himself was suffering deep inside without anyone knowing. He was hurting, crying inside. Did it make sense to go around being a hero yet living himself in shambles inside? I think not.

Before one can become one to be called upon to help, one should start caring about oneself first. Don't get me wrong when I say you should care for yourself first as being selfish but what the message I want to bring across is that you cannot go around helping others before you start caring for yourself. Being selfless is a respectable trait but being completely selfless commensurate to being foolish.

Put it this way, you can't be a squash coach without knowing the game, you can't give someone proper medical attention without being a doctor, you can't teach without first being a teacher, you can't donate money without first having sufficient for yourself to survive, you can't piggyback someone else when you suffer from back problems. I think you probably would understand where I am coming from by now.

What about yourself? If you can answer that question, then you can become the sifu to those who need you........... So, what about yourself?

you learn

2011-10-19T22:44:00.002+08:00

Dark clouds, heavy rain, a long trail of brake lights ahead of me meant I was going to be in my car for a little longer. As I was cursing the traffic silently in my heart, next thing I hear on the radio is song I haven't heard in a pretty long time. Something I could reflect from what happened at work today.

Those familiar with radio songs will pretty easily pick up the song and the singer. The chorus really meant something to me. As I sat in the driver's seat slowly inching my car bit by bit in the traffic jam, I heard, "you grieve you learn, you choke you learn, you laugh you learn, you choose you learn, you pray you learn, you ask you learn, you live you learn.".

It's a pretty old song and would probably be more than ten years old but still very relevant to you and me (maybe not to you but it does seem relevant to me). It may not seem as what the writer of the song wanted to mean but I think if I look at it from my life or our lives, it does say something. That something means, we are constantly learning, every day in the things we do. Happy times or sad times, we can still learn a thing or two in those situations.

I used to admire people who seem to know everything. Always seeming to know what to answer or know where to look for those answers. However, there are those who tend to abuse that special gift - those who take too much pride in knowing.

There are times, when I approach people with a question only to find myself getting a long winded, convoluted answer from them. Worst of all when I later find out from someone else that the answer I got earlier was complete irrelevant! Worst of all are those who do not assist you but at the same time try to belittle you in the process. I am sure you would have had such encounters. Not very funny when you are at the receiving, I trust.

At the end of the day, when someone knows more than you, more often than not it is due to that person having more experience than you simply because they have done more in their lifetime than you have. Just like how your parents seem to know more about surviving in this big world than you. I don't particularly believe in a talented person doing better than a normal, average person simply because being talented only means you learn faster than an average person.

Never, ever, ever say you are not as smart as another person because we are all just as intelligent unless your IQ level falls way below the average mark. Being a normal person simply means we learn through doing, listening, observing, trying, etc. Like the lyrics I quoted, you learn when you grieve, you learn when you choke, you learn when you laugh, you learn when you choose, you learn when you pray and etc.......

Don't let anyone put you down simply because they know something you don't. Just because they don't want to share their knowledge, only means you need to find it elsewhere and out there from my experience, there are plenty of people who enjoy sharing their knowledge with you (and explain it better too!). When you someone puts you down, you grieve but you learn not to be like them. When you ask someone else, you listen and you learn from them. Most importantly, when you live, you learn from the experiences you go through every day until the day you breathe your last breath. You always learn. Always remember - "you live, you learn".

full effort

2011-10-01T18:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I managed to squeeze out of office to go for my weekly squash sessions. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that I can go out there and play my favourite sport pitching my skills against someone better and to hopefully learning a new thing or two to improve my game.

Half way through one of my matches, the resident coach there who coaches the state junior team looks at me and says, "you are very hardworking in the court!". I tried to laugh under all the panting I was doing and replied while puffing, "I guess when you are short on talent, you just need to rely on fitness to rough it out."

It was the same thing when I was training during my junior days, always trying to outlast my opponent and just keep on running until I ran my opponent with sheer tenacity. Until, eventually one day my knee gave some time before I hit the age of 21 putting my squash to a rendering hiatus for the next three years. But then again, I never really had a successful squash career since I had probably had more losses than wins at that time.

Not winning isn't nice especially when you are competing against someone. What's the point in playing a game when you have absolutely no intention to win? Winning gives you a undeniable gratifying sensation in you heart but it is also something that doesn't happen all the time (i.e. you will lose too at times). But just because you lose doesn't give you a reason to stop playing the game. I have lost plenty of squash matches but I am still playing the game because I really love the game.

But allow me to quote Gandhi (yes, the Mahatma Gandhi), "Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory.".

That is one quote that strikes a key to the very dot in me for there is so much truth in it. As much as winning is a nice feeling but there are times when the results become insignificant when compared against the effort put into the game. There are some matches that I play and lose but still feel satisfied knowing I had a good game, going all out trying to score good points.

You've got to go at something knowing that you tried and put in effort into it. If you feel you can't jump, you hop. If you think you can't run, you walk. If you think you can't walk, you crawl. Either way, you'll soon realise that you will eventually reach your ultimate destination, your goal albeit maybe slower but you will still reach there. Most importantly, you will feel an extremely gratifying feeling knowing that you put in full effort.... because with full effort, you not only beat your opponent but most importantly, you beat the demon inside of you constantly trying to demotivate and put you down.....

be nothing before something

2011-09-25T12:45:00.001+08:00

Take a step back, look around and what you will generally find painstakingly obvious is that we are shrouded in the world's countless standards. Standards that so called sets people, brand, items, animals, etc. apart from one another. You will always find that virtually anywhere in any conversation that someone is caring, loving, not sensitive enough to care, not smart enough to excel, too quiet to ever make new friends, too prudent to take risks, and soon you'll find that the list of standards, comparable and dichotomies goes on like an endlessly playing broken recorder.

These standards have become so commonly mentioned and brought up that it has become apart of our lifestyle, our very beliefs in our minds. The office is a very good place that demonstrates this. There will always be one "star" performer that everyone wants to be or look up to. I cannot deny that having someone to look up to and admire can be motivating but doesn't it give way to a proliferation of insecurities?

Before you know it, you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to another, constantly worried about what others think about you based on the standards and dichotomies set by the social standings deemed the gospel truth. But take a minute or two to ponder this - no really knows the truth, no one really holds the book of standards and therefore, wouldn't it mean that everyone else among us is just going on about their lives day by day trying to hide their insecurities, the truth?

Isn't it burgeoning how society imposes standards on us?

Would you then rather be something or nothing? By being nothing I don't mean you become an invalid but by being you - no expectations, not compared to or against, no hiding of flaws, not trying to live up to others' expectations but your own.

Seldom observed is that our weaknesses may well have been our strengths all these while but we have been clouded in our relentless effort to meet the "standards". By being you, you start by being nothing - stripped of all insecurities like fear, embarrassment, jealousy, and what you will find is you (i.e. the real you). Without all the insecurities clouding your eyes staring at yourself, you find that you can clearly find where your weaknesses are begin taking the positive step to better yourself instead of masquerading your weakness behind someone you are not.

One cannot be something until one becomes nothing........

question marks, questions marks, question marks........??

2011-09-24T01:06:00.001+08:00

Ever wondered what it feels like standing in the middle of nowhere wondering which direction to head to? What to do next? How to get about the next step in your journey? Looking left and right into an empty horizon not knowing whether you will even make it through the next day.

That's one of those moment I feel I am in right now. It's almost like I am in a different realm void of all reasoning and just not sure what to do next. I am looking left and right really wondering if I can make it through the next day.

At one point I thought the first half of this year was probably one of the worse I have ever had but right now, I might have just dropped a step lower in the "worse" situation scale. It is even more perplexing considering I managed to get a two week break out of the country to refresh my mind and following that received some good news knowing that I have progressed yet another small step in my careeer. Put that all into an equation and I should be smiling myself ear to ear but yet I find myself in this situation figuratively staring at questions marks, questions marks and more question marks looking at all directions. A cloud of uncertainty, I guess appears to loom over this litte, insignificant entity (i.e me) on this planet called earth.

It is no doubt a fact of life that peaks and valleys appear in our life's journey and I can safely say I am right now in the valley. Not the valley of the beasts but just a valley. Most importantly, I am fairly certain I can attribute this unsettling feeling to the vacation I had.

Despite having a good time vacationing in a different country, having to open my eyes to a plethora of new sensations, cultures and experiences, it has one major drawback. That drawback is the fact that it has made me question my very own roots. Albeit the fact that I cannot jump to conclusions to say that my current situation is worse off than where I was vacationing, it does plant a seed to look myself in the mirror and question my priorities.

Suddenly, I start realizing I could be missing out a lot on my life chasing dreams that may well get me killed before I am due. For instance, a very strong undeniable fact that I am now a statistic, being a sufferer of extensive hypertension and will be on drugs for pretty much the rest of my life (lucky if the dosage does not increase). There are times even sleep becomes a luxury I can only hope for a midst the huff and puff of being in a profession.

Despite maybe having to be a little better off financially than others out there, it can at times take a toll on myself when push comes to shove and the only thing that matters to everyone is results. Again, I start questioning my objectives, the rationality of it all and at the very core is this doing more harm to my well being than good.

Like a fly which has only an extremely short life span of between 15 to 30 days because everything it sees, feels is in the fast forward. Maybe, just maybe if we do the same, our lifespan may well drop drastically. I am no biologist or a medic student but I'd say my rationale would be fairly close......

Throughout it all, answers don't fall from the sky or appear out of thin air and I guess I can only wait hopefully find the answer as I muddle through the all the question marks that surround me at this moment.....

me and my cello~

2011-08-26T11:27:00.000+08:00

I remember it as clear as day, the day I took my diploma exam. It was just three of us is in the exam hall – me, my teacher as the pianist and the examiner. Make it four, if you want to count in the recorder. A lot of preparation went into the exam. Preparation was as early as nine months before the exam. A lot of thought went into selecting the best repertoire of songs that could best suit my playing style and songs that I could interpret well.

I can say with absolutely certainty that it is nothing like what you see on American Idol. Playing the cello is more than just singing your heart out to a million fans watching national tv. Playing the cello or any other musical instrument is about reaching out to your listener through the sounds it produces. With the ever popular electric guitar, most of the sound it produces is manipulated by the amplifier and all the other gadgets thrown in but with the cello or violin, your very fingers that press the strings and the amount of pressure you apply with the bow become the core and source of the sound it makes. In a nutshell, you are the player, the amplifier and the synthesizer.

When I finally selected and finalized my repertoire of songs for the exam, I knew I had to sit myself down and really think about how I wanted to represent the song to the examiner. The examiner is human like me, which means he will also be driven by a set of emotions. I knew it was going to be up to me to bring out a flare of emotions from within him if I was going to even stand a chance to pass the exam.

I started reading up on the composers. I wanted to step into their shoes to understand why they wrote the songs I was going to perform because behind every song written, there must be a specific inspirational motto or theme to it. I haven’t heard of anyone composing a song for the sake of composing one. Even if there were such a person, I am certain as day that the song will be of no value.

After understanding the songs from a more historical perspective, or at least I think I understood them, it was getting down to practicing the songs. Trust me when I say performing the song is the easier part of the process actually. Practicing the song to the point where you are comfortable to perform it is the grueling, painful, nerve-wrecking, finger-breaking process.
If you think I am kidding, here’s an overview of my practice menu. It was either a 5 day week practice or full 7 days:-
1. It’s about 2 to 3 hours per practice session;
2. Break a particular song into smaller sections;
3. Practice one particular section per song until I am familiar with the notes only. This involves a juggernaut amount of repetition of the same section.
4. Once I am happy that particular section, I move on to the next.
5. When I am finally done with knowing all the notes, then I finally move on to so called “adding” the emotions to the song.
6. When I am finally done with all the above, I try playing through my entire repertoire without stopping and start troubleshooting areas of concern in any particular song.

As much as the practice session sounds extensive, the professionals go deeper into it like 6 to 7 hours of non-stop practice and really go into more than just understanding the composer. It’s almost as if they want to be the composer. It’s amazing when you think about it!

Which reminds me, my practice sessions included a lot CD listening. Picking up CDs of different performing artistes to listen to how they interpret the songs. I really was trying to come as close as figuratively asking, “How do you express this song emotionally?”

Looking back at what I have achieved so far with my cello, if someone asked me if I am happy with where I am, I’d say no. There’s so much more I can do with the cello and there’s definitely more to learn about the cello and my cello. What I have learned so far, is probably just the tip of the iceberg or maybe even just the tip of the tip of the iceberg.

At the end of the day, be it learning a musical instrument or simply learning to do something. It’s more than just having the right set of tools but it’s more important to have the right mindset to approaching it. Above everything else, it’s about liking what you are doing. I doubt I would have gotten anywhere if it weren’t for the fact that I really do love the cello and the sound it makes.

mistakes do happen~

2011-08-21T17:47:00.005+08:00

As much as I hate to admit it, there are times where I am guilty of making the silliest of mistakes whether it's at home, at work or in a relationship. It can be as simple as forgetting to turn of the fire at the stove before I leave the house, or a simple e-mail to the client that is drafted incorrectly, or a as simple as forgetting to drop a loved one a sms to let them know you have reached home.

As simple as all the above examples may seem, it is never too simple to make the simplest of mistakes. If you may have found yourself in such situations before, you will probably be quick to note that as simple as the mistake may seem, some people don't seem to take them likely and you may well find yourself paying a penalty tad too expensive for such a mistake.

The horrible part about committing a mistake is that a mistake will always be a mistake whether it turns out to be a major blunder or a small hiccup. You probably know what I mean. To make matters worse, sometimes the more you try to explain a mistake, error, miscue, miss, or whatever word you want to coin it with, the more you are accused of coming out with excuses to cover for your mistake. It hurts and sometimes it even puts you down, especially when you earnestly mean to explain yourself.

I guess, the question that you and I will ask is really, "how to move on with a mistake done?".

Let's try to put it in a simple scenario - 5 year old kid, goes to the kitchen to try to get himself a glass of cold milk. Finds himself a little too short to reach for the packet of milk on the third rack in the fridge, tip toes almost reaches the packet, he slips, tips the packet and "smack" the packet of milk falls to the floor leaving a nice pool of milk on an expensive carpet.

Mom hears the ruckus, comes down and find kid with a sad face wondering how he got himself in the situation. Kid starts saying sorry to mom profusely in hope that he doesn't get apprehended too badly. In the end, Mom ends up doing clean up, Mom scolds the kid and probably gives one or two smacks on the bum and 5 year old cries himself to bed in regret.

It doesn't end there.

After all the clean up, scolding and smacks, Mom really isn't mad at the kid. Well, she was mad about the spilled milk but she's not going to be mad eternally at the kid. 15 minutes later, kid walks out of his room to see if Mom's fine, he find Mom's looking at him with soft eyes and says, "If something's too high for you to reach, grab the little stool there. If not, ask me next time.".

Little kid nods.........

Throughout the entire mess the kid made, Mom was probably upset with him for making the mess and not because little boy here wanted to get himself some milk. At the end of the day, when someone apprehends us for a mistake we have made, it is not without a reason. Would you scold someone for no reason? I am sure you won't. If you do, I think you might need some psychotherapy.

As much as getting apprehended for a wrongdoing leaves you feeling upset or angry about it, you've got to realise that there must be a reason someone is telling you you made a boo boo one way or the other.

That someone isn't mad at you personally, he's going to be mad because more often than not, when a mistake is committed, it is going to be tough to undo what's been done. Example above - spilled milk means no milk for the kid that day, not until and unless Mom buys a new packet plus the fact that mom has to do clean up.

We are not perfect and thus, we make mistakes. You and I have to understand one important thing in life - if it's anything, mistakes do happen. We just need to make sure we recognise the fact that we made a mistake, make up for it and then learn from it making sure at best, not to repeat it.

your cards

2011-08-17T23:20:00.000+08:00

Have you ever played the card game, Black Jack? Where you try your luck with a deck of cards to get a combination totaling 21 or anything higher than the dealer of cards. I am sure you have since it is probably the most widely played card game in virtually any casino in the world.

In a nutshell, the dealer gives you two cards. What you do is to look at the total of those two cards and you are given the option to keep on taking cards to a maximum of five cards. Once you are done taking your cards, you'll the pitch your total against the dealer in hope to have a total more than him (assuming you don't blow your way past 21).

I never really liked this game since you place most of your winning chances on luck since you'll never really know what cards you get until you take which most of the time mean it is too late especially when your current total is 16 and you end up taking a 6! You'd be surprised how often this happens with gamblers, always attracting Murphy's Law.

So now, how does this relate to people like you and me who don't usually gamble or not gamble at all altogether?

Forget the money making or the money losing aspect of the game for now but let us really look at how a game called Black Jack can teach us a bit accepting our lives and circumstances around it.

We all go about our lives doing what we need to do, whether it's studying, working, buying groceries and so on and so forth but at the end of the day what and who we are today are sometimes the very result of the cards you and I were dealt with earlier in our lives. Of course I don't literally mean a deck of cards given to us but rather cards that metaphorically describe circumstances surrounding our lives.

I too have had to work with cards that I was dealt with. Many people have always ask me why is it that my older brother studied overseas while I studied locally. As much as three quarters of the population of this country think that studying overseas makes a hell of a difference, I tend to beg to differ. Any place you go to is only as good as the people you know in it, or at least that is my belief.

Anyway, back to my hand of cards I was dealt with. The answer to the question is simple - my parents couldn't afford sending me overseas to study. Not without having to take a study loan. So I decided to simply make the best of what I have, that is to study locally by way of looking for the best college I could find based on the limited budget I had to work with.

In hindsight, I think I turned out alright. I graduated successfully and I have a job (not the best job I can find but it'll help me survive and put food on the table).

I know for a fact that if back then I insisted on studying overseas, my parents would have taken the loan for me and sent me overseas but in my mind it was a really a question of whether it was completely necessary? I studied accounting, which means I didn't have any use for high tech labs or high tech science facilities. All I needed was good books and a library filled with those good books. The rest of it was up to me.

I speak to a lot of my friends who studied overseas and I take a glance and ask myself some of these questions:

1. Does he have a degree any better than mine? Not really.

2. Does he have a job that pays better? Not really.

3. Is his progression faster than mine? Not really.

4. Is he any better at handling stress? Not really.

5. Is he markedly different in work quality? Not really.

6. So then, did I make the right choice in not studying overseas? I would say, yes considering there isn't much difference between me and those who went overseas.

Hence, you can't get everything you want in this short life span of our's but you can get try to make the best of everything you have in this short life span. Bad situation or good situation, that's up to you to decide. If you are going to sit down thinking of your circumstances as bad, that's exactly how it is going to be until and unless you tell yourself otherwise.

You have your own cards, what cards you get is the will of God (if you do believe in one). Work with what you have and God might just decide do deal you one real good card in the near future.

So what are your cards?

sounds simple yet difficult

2011-08-15T11:57:00.006+08:00

After three years of pondering and saving up cash bit by bit, I finally made the plunge to get myself a DSLR camera. Braving the attempt to go into photography after having been captivated by the beautiful photos I see monthly in my National Geographic subscriptions. I always ask myself, "How do these people capture such photos?". Some of them being the simplest of a person's smile, or a simple landscape, yet it leaves you staring at the picture for a long time as if the picture reaches out and captures your heart and attention.

So after three years of saving and pondering, I decided I could spare a little over two and a half grand on a DSLR to start off before I venture into getting different lenses and the works.

Starting off isn't difficult once you have read about the camera functions and how you can tweak the settings to get the desired photography effect. The difficult part of snapping a captivating shot is more about knowing when to find that moment - right now, I am still not really getting it yet.

I thought maybe I can start off with the simple pictures - abstract of pictures of objects and then move on to portraits. Abstract and objects are not too difficult as the arrangements and the framing of the shots are all up to me. But portraits are quite different.

Here are some samples of abstract/objects shots that I found quite satisfying.

I wouldn't go as far as to say my shots are award winning but I can at least look at them and tell myself that it looks soothing and it almost tells a story to the viewer.

But when I tried to get my hands started on portrait photos, I just seem to miss the mark and fail to capture the moments. Even if I do, it one way or the other misses out on the X-factor. What frustrates me most is the fact that simplest of things become the most difficult part of photography.

You are probably thinking if I am trying to confuse you but I am not trying to kid you. A simplest of shot like a smiling face can become one of the most of the challenging shots you can attempt to take. I used to think it was all about, "Say CHEESE!!" when in fact it is more than that. Trying to capture one's face is all about the emotions written in the person's face and the image the object wants to project. Most importantly, it's the natural feel I want to capture in the persons' face, yet I keep failing.

Maybe, maybe, it's really the simplest things in life that become difficult. After all, we are so caught up in the fast paced motion in our lives that it gives us the notion that everything else doesn't matter. And we finally get to seat ourselves down and do the simple things in life,something like eating breakfast on a Saturday morning can end up being difficult. I don't mean eating becomes literally difficult but you find yourself so used the fast paced routine that you gorge your breakfast so quickly that within a time frame of 15 minutes, you find yourself staring at an empty plate and realise that you had plenty of time of time to enjoy your breakfast yet you got into the routine of chucking it down your throat.

From the camera experience to the life's experience, I came to a conclusion that as much as something can sound simple, most of the time it is the things that sound simple that end being difficult..............

small people in a wealth of knowledge....

2011-08-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

See the little guy in the picture? Don't you think we are like him?

We are small people living in this big world filled with infinite knowledge and experiences! Every day we live in this world is like opening the pages to the infinite series of Encyclopedia. We feel new things, we taste new things, we hear new things and it's like blowing our mind away with a whole lot of knowledge.

Of course, if you look at it from the little guy in the picture, it's like swimming in a wealth of knowledge.

Although we are surrounded by all the knowledge around us like all the encyclopedias surrounding the little guy in the picture, but the little guy won't obtain any knowledge. Not until he pulls out one of the books and starts flipping the pages. Like us, we can either be happy sitting down pretty enjoying the status quo in our lives or lift our hands, and start doing something to experience something new.

Sometimes by watching National Geographic channel during my free time, I learn a wealth of general knowledge which can really open my mind to what's out there in the big world of our's. At the end of the day, how much we know is really dependent on how much we see, feel and hear.

So don't sit down tight in your comfort chair and be a couch potato but go on out there and try doing something different!

When you least expect it~

2011-08-07T21:25:00.004+08:00

Not everything can go to plan because plans can sometimes fail and more often than not plans to fail. It may not necessarily be plans but sometimes you may set out do something only to find yourself doing something completely different and achieving an entirely different result altogether.

Friday night I saw a beautiful crescent moon in the clear night sky and I quickly grabbed my camera to capture the beauty of the moon. All in all I spent a good 30 minutes out in the compound of my home trying to get a good camera shot of the moon. So there I was shooting away and at the mercy of the mosquitoes to have a night meal at my expense.

I tried moving around, playing with different angles, camera settings in trying to get a successful shot of the moon. I just kept snapping and snapping away in hope to get a good moon shot. Then as I was happily snapping photos of the moon I turned to my right to look at a nice frame of a flower pot and the night lamp shining down on it, creating a very interesting frame and so I snapped a shot of it.

After all that, I uploaded all the photos into my pc to start the filtering process. To my surprise, after all the effort trying to capture the moment of the beautiful moon, the best photo happens to be the picture of the flower pot! Take a look!

I know if you look at it, it's just going to be a flower pot and a shadow but when I look at it, I simply get a very soothing feeling when I look at it. Maybe it is the soft lighting and the shadow cast by it.

And if I try to go through the moon photos, I think the best photo I can choose is probably this one here.

Personally, I think the flower pot photo seems more captivating.

But my point throughout all this is that I set out first all gung-ho to capture photos of the moon but I ended up with a more satisfying picture of a flower pot and its shadow. If I look at it from other aspects of our lives, there are and there will be times when we set out do something - home decor, car modification, fitness goal, etc. only to find that we end up with completely different results and sometimes the results can be far better than expected.

Sometimes, we can't grip too tightly on trying to "stick" to the plan but we can sometimes take it a gear down and look at things objectively and tell ourselves, "if I can't walk on the line I set, I can at least walk parallel to it".

When you least expect it, good things can come to you rather you having to reach out for it! ;0)

the bitter taste

2011-08-02T22:30:00.000+08:00

I wonder how many of us out there still remember the anatomy of our tongue? Remember where the bitter taste receptors are located on our tongue? It's at the back of your tongue just before our throats. When I was a kid I used to wonder why we have the bitter receptors at the back of our tongues. I mean it always made swallowing medicines or herbal soup difficult because no matter how hard I tried, there was simply no way to make the bitter stuff go around the bitter receptor area. You just have to taste whatever bitter stuff that you put in your mouth.

I asked my mom once about it and I guess she didn't really know how to answer such a question, especially when the one asking is only 5 years of age. What she told me was really interesting.

"I know how you dislike eating bitter stuff and drinking the bitter ginseng soup I always make for you. Remembered the last time I caught you trying to pour away the soup I boiled? I remembered no matter how hard you tried to squeeze your nose, you'd still taste the bitterness and start going, 'YUCK!' right after drinking my soup.

But there is a reason why all of us taste bitterness on theback of our tongues."

"Why's that?"

"It's God's way of telling us that everyone of us cannot escape from bitterness. As you grow up into a big boy, you will always face difficulties. You can't escape from life's challenges just like you cannot feel happy everyday. Sometimes you feel sad, sometimes you are happy. When you are happy is like when you eat a candy that puts a smile on your faces. And when you are sad is like when you pout every time I make you drink the bitter soup.

No matter how hard you try, there will be days when you are sad and down. That's the bitter part of life and there will be times when you have sweet happy times.

And that's why you have the bitter taste at the end of your tongue just before your throat!"

planting the correct seed

2011-07-23T21:55:00.001+08:00

About 9 years ago, when I was still undergoing intensive squash training, I remember how much I used to get so much problems even learning and getting the drop shots right. It either I hit it one inch below the tin or a whole one foot above the tin. Either way, no one could call it a good drop shot.

Calling it was frustrating would be an understatement because I used to put in back breaking hours after back breaking hours to try to get it right. It reached a point when I got so fed up with getting it wrong so often I used to break my racquet by smashing it on the ground or the wall out of pure frustration and anger. Thank God, racquets at that time were either free or subsidized.

There was one evening when I just threw the racquet on the ground, looked at my coach and said, "I don't think I am ever going to get the damn drop right!".

He let out a sigh and then said, "That's probably why you are not getting the shot right."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Before you have even taken the shot, you are already telling yourself you are not going to get it right."

"That's just what's going on in my mind. Doesn't necessarily translates into my actions."

"Really? What part of your body sends the signal to your hand to control the racquet then?"

"My brain."

"So now do you think what you think translates into what you do and who you are?"

I kept quiet and bitterly knew he made sense and was probably correct.

He broke the silence and said, "Look, I know you are frustrated with learning the drop. Its never easy for someone like you has a natural upper body swing for squash because that means you naturally put in a lot of power into your shots, which is good for drives but then becomes unnatural for drop shots simply because your follow through is too strong.

But at the end of the day, no one is perfect. Even professionals make mistake at their level but they probably put in double the time you are working on your drop shots to get their drops inch perfect. Jonathan Power, the former world number 1 had a 2 to 4 hour sessions specially to work for his drop shots.

At the end of the day, you have to keep telling yourself that it can be done. If pros can do it, I can do it, other people can do it, why can't you? There has to be a reason - technique. And that's the very same reason why I am your coach - to correct those mistakes no matter how long it took me so that I can make you a stronger player.

You have all the power needed to hit the ball hard and straight but you still need a soft side for the game if you are going to win games without putting too much strain on you body.

But right now, before I can start fixing your technique, you need to change your mindset. Right now, even before you play the drop shot, you are already telling yourself that it is going to go wrong and trust me, it will go wrong because the very seed planted in your mind is for it to go wrong.

If you want to your shot right, you going to have to start planting the right seed in your mind. What I mean is that you have to start imagining yourself lunging for the ball, feet planted solid on the ground, imagine the feel of the ball bouncing of your racquet face and seeing the ball bouncing of the front wall inch perfect!

All you need is some believe in yourself....... plant the right seed and eventually you'll get it right..."

I took it all in, continuously trying to believe in myself. Eventually I got it right..... Now, I ironically find myself telling some of my colleagues the same thing in the context of work and to those who ask me to coach them at squash.

Simple as it seems, planting the right seed from the beginning can make a hell of a difference.

rainbows!

2011-07-09T22:40:00.000+08:00

I remember when I was a kid, I used to wait impatiently for the rain to stop so that I could search out a rainbow in the sky. It was a beautiful sight to see the red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. AS a kid, it was something really worth waiting for and when I finally spotted the rainbow, I'd go "waaahhhh......." from its beauty.

Then as I grew up, I never even took notice of any rainbow. Not until a little boy showed me a rainbow that could be found in a place I never knew could create a rainbow. The best part about this rainbow is that you don't even need it to rain for the rainbow to appear. I hope I have piqued your interest! =0)

This rainbow appeared in the place you'd least expect it to appear. The rainbow appeared one morning when my friend wanted to feed his 3 year old son some cereal. As he was about to spoon feed his kid, his son suddenly looked at time wide-eyed and went, "Pa Pa, rainbow! Rainbow!" while pointing at my friend's forehead.

The rainbow the 3 year old was referring to were the wrinkles on my friend's forehead as he lifted his eyebrows to keep his spectacles from falling own as he spoon fed his kid. That's when I knew rainbows don't just come out after the rain!

It was funny and cute when I saw that little kid go "Pa Pa, rainbow! Rainbow!". It wasn't just about a little kid imagining a rainbow on his dad's forehead. It showed me that even the simplest of things like lines on skin can become something creative.

It was refreshing because it goes to show how differently a little kid like him views the world around him. Looking at something that is already beautiful and saying it's beautiful is merely stating the obvious like telling me A B C is A B C. But to look at something ordinary and to find beauty in it. That's something out of the ordinary.

I guess that's how famous painters paint a simple subject that is yet beautiful and eye catching. The same can be found in photographs taken by photographers, where you find the simplest of subjects like a man sitting on a walkway or a bird on a tree but yet when you look at the picture, it tells a compelling story.

It's about looking at things from a different perspective. You can still find rainbows even if it doesn't rain!

there are always two options~

2011-06-28T22:55:00.010+08:00

Yesterday evening, while I was at work I suddenly found myself in a situation I have never really found myself to be in before. I surprisingly found myself dealing with a situation where one of my juniors was sitting at her cubicle in a secluded corner sobbing herself to oblivion.

I had to use one word to describe what I felt at that point in time, it would be.............................. perplexed. I found myself trying to figure out what to do with her and what to say. At that point in time, I had two major concerns:

1. Making sure I used the correct words when I spoke to her at that point in time to make sure she doesn't go from tear dropping to a full blown sob; and

2. Making sure I could motivate her and not make her full more horrible than she already was feeling.

With the lack of new joiners these days coupled with the fact that it is very much an employee's market these days in terms of job hunting and job availability, if she decides to leave because of what I tell her, I may well find myself explaining myself to my boss as to why she decides to leave the firm.

My point in respect of this post is really about what happened to her and what caused her to break down and cry. Also, highlighting the fact that stress management is important in any part of one's life. Because personally, I think this is a good reminder to all of us that none of us and I mean absolutely none of us are immune or invulnerable to stress. For one simple reason - we are only humans. Flesh and blood built in with emotions and the ability for independent thought.

Like any other problem, before one can fix it, one had to ascertain the cause of the problem first. So I had to ask her what was causing to have this breakdown in office in the middle of the work day.

It's like apple pie!

2011-06-18T22:35:00.000+08:00

Apple pies..... one of the many God's miracles in our lifetime. I might be exaggerating a little bit here but you have to admit that apple pies really taste good. Even apple pie made at McDonald's are pretty good albeit a far cry from good old home made cinnamon crumble apple pie with a tinge of strawberry syrup on top of it, and finally finishing it off with a warm cup of coffee or tea. You might want to check your mouth to see if you have a dribble of saliva leaking out the side of your mouth.

If you want to go get an apple pie, I'd appreciate if you finish reading my blog post first considering I brought up the craving in you, it's the least you could do right?

Enough of apple pie cravings. Let's talk about something seriously involving you, me and a metaphorical apple pie (again, please do not run off to get yourself an apple pie if you happen to see the word, "apple pie" popping out in this post frequently.....).

Alright, alright, back to the main topic.

In this digital age we live in, the flow of information is virtually limitless, branching out more and more opportunities for us to do things differently. Some wonderful examples can be seen in the world wide web - e-discounts, e-coupons, instantaneous information from a couple of clicks of the mouse, e-books, and the list goes on. It has affected us in a way that it opens up our mind to a plethora of information and mind blowing out-of-the-box opportunities.

Whilst supporters of the digital age preach trillion of opportunities, detractors claim it has made the share of profits smaller due to the increased competitiveness. In a nutshell, the number of slices in the apple pie has increased but at the same time each individual slice has become tremendously smaller than what it used to be.

So when an individual slice of apple pie becomes smaller, what would you do then?

Here's what a famous photographer, Chris Orwig said in one of his books:-"You can divide people into two categories. One category, 'Life is like an apple pie with a limited number of slices - get yours while you can.' The other category says, 'Life is like an apple pie with a limited number of slices. If you run out of slices, find another apple tree and bake another pie.'".

So life's like an apple pie! Which category would you want to be in?

walking by faith

2011-06-15T00:12:00.000+08:00

Sitting down in the hospital waiting area, slumped in the chair, Jeremy was soaking up what he heard from the doctor. Confused and grieving were probably the only words to describe how Jeremy felt. He had just heard from the doctor himself that he only has at best, 6 months to live for he has cancer of the stomach. At 30 years of age, Jeremy could only think one thought - it is unfair.

Having only started embarking on his journey as an infant pastor, he wasn't worried about dying to early. He was worried of not being able to complete his calling to be a pastor to reach out to those who haven't heard the word of God. Jeremy didn't worry about dying at 30 because he walked by faith and deep down in his heart, he knew if 6 months was all he got to live, that must have been planned by God.

The 6 months the doctor predicted, to Jeremy was the 6 months worth of precious time God gave him to reach out to those he had no opportunity to have heard the word of God. He felt it in his heart that he was going to be driven by faith to reach out to as many as he could.

6 months an counting, Jeremy went to almost every village and uncommon rural areas to speak the word of God and to provided social services - providing education in make shift schools, educating them about personal health, providing stationery and basic needs to those rural areas. Any other free time was used to spread the word of God. Jeremy was relentless in his effort, fueled by the faith he had in God. As the days passed, with the clock ticking, Jeremy could feel his strength slowly being siphoned from this body like a leaking bottle of water but those around him saw a greater fervent in his efforts to spread the word of God.

Towards the end of the sixth month, Jeremy was already bedridden after the cancer slowly spread to the liver. Even while he was confined to the bed in a pitiful state, he never gave up and all the nurses could only watch in wonder has he continued to have weekly cell group sessions in his hospital ward. Some curious onlookers would join in and sometimes nurses doing the night shifts joined in to listen to what Jeremy had to say. Even kids who were in the junior wards would pop by every now and then to absorb some inspiring words of God, channeled through him as a servant of the Almighty (as Jeremy always put it). In a matter of weeks, Jeremy pretty much became the in-house pastor at the hospital he was confined to.

On the very last day, where he laid pale on his bed, gasping for breath, he knew God was coming to take him home. He simply waited in bliss for the angels to come and take him back to God whilst singing hymns of praise and worship. Even at that stage, Jeremy kept on saying one thing repeatedly - "One more Father, please let me save just one more before You call me into your arms. One more........". As he repeated that line over and over again until his very last breath, he told the doctor he could see two beautiful angels by his bed and said, "ah Doc. The angels have come to get me. Worry not as I feel no pain but internal bliss as I go back to my Heavenly Father. Thanks for everything.......". On that very day Jeremy passed on, his family was present by his side, members of the church were there, nurses who took care of him were there, nurses who heard the word of God from him were there, kids who he preached to were present, even the janitor who mopped the floor who passed his room every evening was there. Most of them, if not all of them had tears in their eyes.

6 months of life to Jeremy was like a gift from heaven. In that 6 months, Jeremy walked by faith:-

Converting more than 50 people;

Touching the lives of almost everyone on the same floor as him in the hospital, giving them words of grace, inspiration and wisdom;

Saying more than 300 prayers for new born babies in the hospital;

Ministering one wonderful couple of nurses at the hospital, who studied in the same university, worked in the same hospital and fell in love with each other;

Gave hope to more than 150 old folks at the senior citizen side of the hospital; and

When on to be with the Lord knowing he did all he can for God in the 6 months God gave him.

-----------------------------------

P/S:-

I never really understood what walking by faith was all about and neither did I really understand how some people can have such strong beliefs in the unknown and blindly put their trust in the most abstracts of things.

But when I heard about young Jeremy, it was not just an eye opener but it was a real life example of "walking by faith". Really putting your absolute trust in your belief and letting it drive you to where it points you.

Don't get me wrong as I am not trying to promote Christianity here because I have complete respect for the religions of others and have no intention to belittle the plethora of religions that are out there. My point is that there are things, objects, items or beliefs that can drive us - you and me into doing the things we do so passionately with absolute conviction, which simply leads me to conclude that sometimes we simply need something to believe in to give us the drive, whether if its love, passion, interest or even God and I think that is probably what it means to be walking by faith..........

two strings, one beautifully knot ~

2011-06-04T10:31:00.005+08:00

It's the time of the year! When the girls look into the eyes of their partners, red cheeks blushing, teary eyed, swallow a gulp of saliva, heart beating like a bullet train and sheepishly say, "yes...." to, "Will you marry me......?"

Right this moment, I am seated in a church waiting for the bride and bridegroom to walk in. Having to wake up at 630 in the morning, I am having to focus all my energy to stay awake because I am the best man and ring bearer. Can't be caught sleeping right? Especially when I am seated right in front of the pulpit.

Marriage is when two people become an item for life when both man and woman decide they want to live together for the rest of their lives. Its not something that's decided overnight and its not something that one should take lightly. Its a decision for a lifetime. Personally, I think it can be scary but today, its about two of my friends who decided they want live together for the rest of their lives, loving each other and caring for each other. These two people are Max and Jennifer.

Its a love story that started as early as 14 years ago if I recalled rightly when Max met Jennifer who learned piano from Max's dad, who happens to be my piano teacher as well and that's how I know the both of them. =0) But honestly, I never really knew about the both of them as an item simply because Max hardly spoke of it and I never asked. In fact, it came as a surprised to me when Max told me he was finally going to tie the knot because all these while, I was never really certain if Max ever wanted to get married being so focused about achieving his life goals and constantly aiming for financial freedom. So when Max finally broke the good news to me, I was very happy for him and Jennifer. It was probably one of Max's greatest life's moments.

Jennifer wasn't just an average girl learning music under wings of Max's dad, she has always been the woman behind Max. The one who brought Max back into believing in the faith of his life and God's plans for him. Something so strong that it wasn't just a miracle, it was almost all planned for Max to grow up being close to rebellious against his dad, backsliding for faith, becoming a software developer who decides to become what I would believe as a successful real estate negotiator and finally getting married to Jennifer - his best friend, a pastor, a music and ballet teacher, his wife.

Having known Max for about fifteen years, I think its pretty safe to say I have seen Max matured into who he is now with all the falling down in between to become the man he is now. It may look like something off the silver screen, but I promise you it is true - Max being the black string, who struggled against the will of his father for him to become like every other average joe drawing a pay cheque; Jennifer being the white string, who stayed true to her faith believing that God will provide all that's necessary for her.

When the black and white strings finally met, it was when the 6 steps for a shoelace knot started to bind itself slowly and surely. Now that the knot is tied, it was really a matter of two strings, one beautifully knot......

May Max and Jennifer live happily together from hereon till the very end of the world.

when time stands still

2011-05-28T21:59:00.005+08:00

A week ago, I had a lucky chance of going to Perhentian Island as part of my firm's department trip. The fresh air, clear skies, clear waters, abundance of fishes were refreshing sight for me. Being away from my office was a really BIG plus point! =0)

It was about a 45 minute boat ride from the jetty at Kota Bahru. Landing on the island for the first time in my meager life, I felt rejuvenated. The refreshing sight of the sea and nature was simply an awesome sight. The horizon was blue with numerous islands surrounding the sea.

The afternoons were warm but simply so nice to bathe in the sun for a while taking in the freshness of it all. Totally enjoying it might be understating how much I enjoyed it. I got a good glimpse of sunrise, afternoons and sunset.

5.30am in the morning, watching the sunrise with my camera, tripod and patience almost felt like time stood still for me. It even gave me a good camera jump shot to express how time stood still for me....

Afternoon, my senses were treated to everything clear - water, skies, wind, air, sand .... you name it!

When evening came, the view of the sun setting in the horizon made time stand still as you are paralyzed by the beauty of the clouds encapsulating the orange sun against the dark blue clouds with the reflection showing on the surface of the vast sea.

When nature kept throwing all its beauty at me to feast on, it captivated me deeply. As I took it all in with all my five senses and my camera, it really felt like one of those moment when time stands still..........

harmony of opposites

2011-05-15T17:14:00.000+08:00

Do you remember the time when your school teacher first introduced to you a magnet? You'd probably be wide eyed when your teacher shows you how it can stick to metal stuff and at the same time lift or pull lighter metal stuff. You must be lying if you said you were not amazed by the magnet's capabilities!

Besides the metal attractive capabilities, you'd probably remember how one side of the magnet will be grey and the other end will be red to annotate the north and south polarity of the magnet bar. Not to mention how the metal dust will move in the shape of the magnetic field of the bar when you place it in the metal dust.

When the metal dust move around the magnet to demonstrate the magnetic field, it can really be amazing watching the metal dust form itself around the magnet. What you probably would have since would likely be something like this:

Picture from here

I am not trying to demonstrate or teach you about how a magnet works but I think I can somehow relate how we ourselves are similar to that of a magnet. Opposites may differ but there are things around the opposites that compliment the two opposites like how the magnetic field beautifully encapsulates the magnet.

If you may, you can even see it has how the surroundings bind the opposites to complete the circle of nature. Love holds a man and woman in a relationship, water keeps us hydrated whilst fire lets us cook our food, rain ensures enough water supply for the world whilst the sun allows for the greens to photosynthesize, black and white colours makes up for wonderful photos, oxygen for us to breathe and the carbon dioxide we breathe out is absorbed plants that make oxygen for us............

I guess there is a truth to the statement, 'opposites attract' and maybe its the hidden surroundings of the opposites that create the attraction - the harmony of opposites?

like a spinning top

2011-04-26T00:10:00.001+08:00

Have you ever seen a spinning top? How the top player will unleash it from its strings and see how it just keep spinning and spinning and spinning until it finally stops spinning and falls still on its side. Have you ever wondered how amazing it is? I have seen a top being spun by a professional top player and I've got to admit its quite a feat to let it spin for minutes!

A spinning top can metaphorically describe two things. At least the two immediate things that spins into my mind. Number one, how a spinning top can represent the world and number two, how a spinning top can represent our lives.

I think you can very immediately understand how I metaphorically link our world to a spinning top just by how our world physically spins during our every second living in this world. Its just like how much energy our world has, spinning itself around the sun.

I am not sure if you figured out how I relate our lives like a spinning top but let me take the liberty of explaining how I see it. Have you noticed how a top almost spins aimlessly around the floor it is spun on? If you haven't, you can easily search it on YouTube. If you have, you might already know the direction I am heading towards. The spinning top is you and me whilst the floor the top spins is like the world we are in. The energy we exert out in the world - for some its the energy is trying to keep our jobs, for some its the energy spent reaching out for the next level, for some its the energy spent taking care of the family, for some its the energy spent on staying healthy, and you can already tell there is an infinite ways we exert our energy.

There something else to take note too - its the top that spins around the floor. That's just like us revolving around our world and not the world revolving around us. Like a top that's spun on the ground, there is no guarantee we end up where we want to be just like a top that's forced to spin on uneven, undulating ground.

Now, when we take a step back, you are going to see how a top, the world and us are alike. When the energy runs out, everything just stops. A top falls to a stand still when all its kinetic energy is used up. The world official dies when it stops spinning. We will be lifeless once all our energy is used up.

The world we live in isn't infinite. Everything is finite in quantity and someday when we finally drain it of its resources, it'll stop spinning in that sense and that's when we finally arrive at the end of the world. The earth as we speak about it is a ball filled with resources that bring us our food, water, electricity, etc........ but as we abuse it, it will bite back us we the increasing number of natural disasters which signifies the drastic changes we have forced our earth to undergo.

We like our earth don't run on infinite energy. The harder we fight for what we believe in or are we set out to do, the faster we get tired and burn out. Just like how we can throw a top to spin as hard as we can, the energy keeping the top spinning will eventually run out. A pace too fast for us to handle will only spin us out of control into a crashing stop.

Like a spinning top, we should preserve the world for us and for our generations to come. Like a spinning top, its not how about how fast its spins, its about how long it can keep spinning.

So how long will you spin?

Toughest run so far!

2011-04-18T16:30:00.000+08:00

Two days ago, I finally entered into my first 21km run hosted by Energizer after having only competed in the 10km runs thus far. From all the trainings I have been doing to increase my stamina and endurance, I knew it was going to be a different ball game altogether compared to the 10km I have been doing all these while. As it stands, I can do 10km comfortably within 1 hour 10 minutes. But with 21km, I only managed 2 hours 53 minutes.

It's not as simple totaling up two 10km runs because as the distance adds on, stamina reduces, endurance starts to dwindle and it all boils down to mental strength and how much physical pain you can take.

As I went through the run, things really got tougher by the minute when I finally breached my 10km comfort zone. Power Gel came in very handy, deep heat stations (albeit insufficiently places) helped to sooth the cramps in my legs. Throughout the run, my mind kept replaying thought of finishing the entire run and complete it within the 3 hour time limit. It really is no easy feat trying to keep myself going mentally when my whole body was getting tired bit by bit.

The last 800 meters was the most painful and the toughest part yest of the entire run. Both my calves were cramped up right to the hamstring. Feeling pain was quite an understatement for me at that point in time but I kept my mind to it and just kept on sprinting the last 800 meters with the pain in my leg, knowing that I was nearing the finishing line and I was still good to make it below the 3 hour mark.

The moment I passed the line, I immediately when down by the side of the track because my legs had seized up and my head was spinning. To make things worse, the organizers did not put any medics or first aid around the finishing line so I was flat on the ground in pain and not attended to. I was lucky my mate managed to pull one of the medics over.

By the far the toughest run I've had so far. With 21km done, I am planning to graduate to the next level - 30km by end of the year maybe?

On a separate note, I'd come to realize that how important it is to be mentally aware and mentally prepared before going on any arduous task - be it at work or at leisure. Got play hard and work hard in this crazy world we live in I guess.

the first and the funniest

2011-04-14T23:42:00.000+08:00

I still remember it crystal clear when I first decided to put my cello skills into an unconventional quasi-soft-rock band. To be honest, I had no idea what I was getting myself into and I didn't care simply because I wanted to have some fun playing music. For once in a big blue moon, do what I like doing - making music with my cello. No ridiculous deadlines to meet, no corporate politics, no KPIs to meet and all the other blasphemies of today's hectic world.

In fact, the entire were made of part time musicians having full time jobs as accountants, lawyers, engineers and engineers-to-be so much so that scheduling for a band practise was real task. But when we finally got together to jam it out, we had good fun just jamming our instruments to high heavens trying to make good music, or at least that was the goal!

Band practise didn't really take off until maybe 5 weeks before the performance date and I think we probably only had 1 practise session per week leading up to the performance. So it was very much a race against time. It's strange that the 2 hour sessions we had were really fun despite the fact that we were always trying to coordinate better as a band working our communications, timing, rhythm, adding on to the song to add some zest to it. We did covers of the songs but at the same time we wanted to add our feel, our emotions into it. It was a tiring process, stressing our imaginative brain juice.

Came the performance date, most of us in the band got nervous. Out of the six of us only two of us had real on-stage experiences in the past. Me having played with an orchestra and the lead guitarist who has done a couple of gigs over the last few years. It was the first time for the rest of them.

We played five songs of which I really cannot say we played them well having fumbled as a band with the beats and timing after having just viewed the footage of our performance this evening at my mate's house over dinner. The drummer really struggled with the nerves and made syncing the band tough on stage, the vocalist took a while to get cracking, and all the other bloopers you would expect from first timers. Eventually we did get the cheers from the crowd but whether they were giving us sympathy cheers or not, is something I would probably never know. It was really the first and the funniest performance I have ever done in my entire music 'career'.

As I type this post whilst on my bed just before I go on to catch a shut eye, and think about it, it really isn't about the glamour of being on stage rocking it out like how you see big bands at concert. Hardly the Bon Jovi or Linkin Park rock tour. It's about the fellowship of friends sharing a common interest - to make music and to have heaps load of fun!

When I first joined the band (albeit a very ad-hoc), all the band members hardly knew each other except for the one founding member. Thinking back about it, the practise sessions weren't just about merging the musical minds, it was also a place where people became friends, and those who were already friends became buddies, and those who were already buddies became like family, and those who were family formed even stronger bonds.

Up till today, we have kept in touch with each other, laughing about the blooper-full performance we did that night. From it all, the first and the funniest performance became the epitome of friendship and bonding that is probably going to last for a long time......

tolerating mistakes and misses

2011-04-09T22:54:00.000+08:00

If you are going to compare high stakes environment, there is no place else but your work place. These days, transactions become more complex, value of transactions become bigger and accountability becomes more and more crucial. The burden placed on the employees and employers is becoming tremendously heavier. What you write down and sign off can and usually is used against you when a time comes when something really has gone wrong.

The environment has become so hostile that people are governed by fear in the workplace for everyone is so worried about taking of their own rice bowl. It's the scary truth about the workplace we all are absorbed in these days. It has drive things to the point where mistakes and misses are close to not tolerated and for those who make those mistakes are not let off without paying a painful price.

It's strange when three quarter's of the world is preaching about tolerance, the workplace is one where tolerance is hardly practiced, almost like everyday is a high stakes game of the Russian roulette.

"Tolerance isn't a gift, neither is it anything special, but it's the honest feeling in the heart of one person to forgive another for any shortcomings and you must first start with yourself,"

That was what an old friend always used to say whenever he was faced with some mistake of others or if something has gone wrong. He hardly every lost his temper or got upset about it. In fact, this person was my squash coach.

Playing squash competitively was never easy with so much pressure to perform so that you get selected for the state team and then get promoted to the national team. Training was tough and 90% of the time bordering painful physically and mentally. Most of the time training pushed us to the limit physically to the point that you feel like giving up. At least, to the point I felt like giving up.

During training, while trying to achieve the best possible shots and results, the tendency is to try to train for perfection. Funny thing is, how perfection can never be achieved and frustration sets in. There were many times when I broke many racquets during training out of frustration. It reached a point when my coach had to ground me from doing any more drills to prevent me from breaking more racquets.

I always remembered the time when he'd pep talk me during my times of extreme frustration.

"Before you can become perfect, you have to remove the thought about perfection and just go into the court to play your best squash. Playing your best squash isn't about hitting beautiful perfect shots but going into the court and really enjoy the squash you are playing. That's playing your best squash.

In any match you play, there is no way in hell you are never going to make an unforced error or miss shots simply because that's the nature of sports. Mistakes and misses are only natural. You've got to start tolerating mistakes and misses otherwise you are going to burn out very soon and start hating the very game you so love right now. You may not believe me but if you don't start tolerating your own faults and mistakes, someday you are going to find that it'll affect others in that you can't tolerate the mistakes of others.

Look at me for example. If I am going to worked up for every mistake you make in the court, I'll probably die of a heart attack training you.

Remember, the only way you can improve is if you start accepting your mistakes and instead of getting worked up about it, why not shift all that energy into calming yourself down and work on improving, You'll find that it's less tiring and more rewarding. Tolerance is key in this situation."

It's a difficult balance

2011-04-05T23:42:00.004+08:00

As my friends and I move along the streams of time, changes are happening, seen and unseen. I have friends who just got married, some new parents and some parents to be. Some even had a paradigm shift in sexuality, which has come as a stupendous shock to me. Most call this process, "moving to the next stage in life".

With the changes taking place, things around us start to evolve. I don't really mean the gargantuan scale ape to man evolution but the evolution of the smaller things in life.

Great things can come in small sizes like my friend's little 4 month old toddler. It's another part of moving to the next stage in life from bachelorhood to married life to parenthood.

When I got to asking him about how it felt to be a father, this was his response:-

"Things have really changed since the time we were schoolmates. Next thing I know, we were in college, uni then, I got married and you were there during my wedding day, and now, you are here with me to celebrate the birth of my first kid. Time really does fly."

"Funny thing is, I was always the one in the group saying I'd never want to get married, wanting to keep my freedom as a bachelor. Next thing I know, I am the first to get married and have a kid! I am happy. Really happy!"

Those were words from the heart of a friend of mine. I just couldn't fathom how he could adapt to so much changes through the years.

Maybe he saw the look in my face or probably already knew what I was thinking in my head.

"Although many people out there may look at getting hitch and married is all happy stuff and romantic like in the movies, it's not quite like that in reality. In fact it was a difficult process for me to adapt so much so that I hated it at times. Going from having all the time in the world for myself to having absolutely no time for myself was painful. I was constantly trying to look for an in-between. You'd know how many break-ups I had over the years. I simply couldn't adapt.

Eventually, I met my wife during when I was in uni and I started to learn to adapt better. I mean, it's like a learning process and as I kept at it, I simply got better at it.

Up till today, I probably don't earn as much as you. If not probably just as much as you. But with a family to feed, the pressure is on me to make sure food is on the table. With a kid now, I have to adapt better and search for a balance in the whole equation making sure I spend enough time with my wife and kid without foregoing myself all together.

Loving my family doesn't mean being with them all the time. I need time on my own to clear my head and just be myself doing my thing. You are going to find that having your own time will be like a race driver testing his car in his home course - knowing each and every braking points, acceleration points, where the bumpy stretches are, etc. If you don't make time for yourself, you'll burn out and lose yourself completely. Take it from me because I have been through it.

It's a difficult balance but I've got to somehow work around it............ but don't worry too much about it man, you'll reach where am I some time in the distant future and I'll still be around to help you go through it. It's never easy trying to balance between yourself and those around you. Never was, never will be but you'll make it as long as you hang in there."

What we fear most

2011-04-03T18:47:00.007+08:00

During one of the weekday, I had an interesting encounter while hitching a ride in a friend's car after lunch. Rather, I'd say it was a very funny encounter actually. It was a rare case of arachnophobia. In fact it was my first case of knowing someone who suffers from arachnophobia!

It's funny because we were driving back and just as we are about to enter a roundabout she suddenly starts yelling and freaking out. I am staring at her wondering what in the world just happened? When I say yelling and freaking out, I really mean shouting at the top of her voice almost as if she just saw a ghost coming out from under the driver's seat like in the Japanese horror show Ju-On.

Because we were in a car and she was driving, her sudden reaction like that was scary and freaking out while on the wheel is honestly, really the last thing a passenger would want to see. So I looked at her and asked what just happened and I got this surprising answer - "There's a spider on the windscreen!!!!".

So I turned to look at the windscreen to find a spider. Yes, she was not imagining a spider after overeating lunch. It was a real spider, green in colour about............................... half a centimeter in diameter. I definitely got my facts right when I said half a centimeter. But that's not all. The spider was outside the car and I told her to drive fast enough to blow the spider away but she was so afraid that she was actually convinced that if we left the spider roaming on the windscreen, it'll ultimately find its way into the car. She continued to bug me to get rid of the spider.

Hence, I found myself winding down the window and sticking my hand out to swipe the poor four legged creature from the car.

Despite the good laugh and amusement I had from the scene, it serves as a good reminder to each of us that there's nothing too small that can scare us. There are countless types of fear that each one of us have. Some people find the sight of blood disgusting, some can't take spiders, some afraid of heights, some afraid of the dark, and the list goes on. The funny thing about life is that sometimes the very thing we fear could also be the very thing that could save us in dire situations - imagine you need to jump off a building that's on fire into a fire brigade trampoline when you are afraid of heights.

We are humans and we can be just as fragile mentally and thus, fearing something is almost inescapable. We may not like to admit it but facing our own fears more often than not becomes the very remedy to calming our fears.

my view.....

2011-03-27T10:45:00.006+08:00

New face to my blog in my bid to keep things fresh and hopefully not bore readers (if there are any readers to begin with......). It almost reflects the change I am going through in my own life with new experiences and moving ahead with a new outlook.

And over to the this post's topic. Over a table conversation, the topic of sex workers cropped up between my friends and I. As always, in every discussion there will be two camps - supporters and detractors. We couldn't really agree with each other on whether it was morally wrong or correct with regard to people who walk down the perceived "dark" and "dirty" profession of sex employment.

But is it really "dark" and "dirty", if you were to think about it objectively?

On the side of the detractors, their views skews to the fact that sexually transmitted diseases are becoming more widespread globally, increased human trafficking especially minors, increased in triad/mafia activities (it is believed that sex workers are overseen by the triads/mafia), etc. just to name a few of the salient points. Most importantly, when the buying stops, the supply stops.

On the side of the supporters, some of the views highlighted were that contrary to popular belief that sex workers are poor souls who were cheated into the trade, most of these sex workers venture into that line because it is lucrative, its a willing buyer willing seller paradox, etc.

Either way, I can't give the answer to who's correct or wrong but I can offer to share my views on the matter:-

Sex workers, prostitution or whatever name you want to coin it has been around going as far back as Greeks, Romans, Chinese, Persian empires centuries ago. If I were to point a finger at the root of it, I would say it stems from one of the infamous seven deadly sins - lust.

I can't deny the fact that the cause of increased cases of STD globally is part-due to unprotected sex and especially with sex workers who have multiple sex partners. With the boom of the internet, apparently you can even hire them off the internet with your credit card. Despite the negative views that dogged this so called industry, there is the fact the these workers are earning a living. Just like how you and I hold employment and draw our monthly salary.

There are times when I can't help but think that it is circumstances that drive people to do the things they do and sometimes. I am not sure how well it pays but considering that they are many who actually opt to be in it, I guess it must pay fairly well.

It may not be our right to judge them as illegal or immoral but I think they should be given the benefit of the doubt and let them be. At the end of the day, what drives the "industry" really is the endless demand and supply for it. It'll never end until we collectively say no to it.

either way it doesn't matter

2011-03-13T15:20:00.000+08:00

Long time ago, when my grandfather was still alive, I would always followed him out in the wee hours of the morning for breakfast in one of his usual breakfast joints. It was rejuvenating and interesting to have breakfast about 5.30 in the morning. Really enjoying breakfast in a typical small town way and not the everyday quick bite to rush off to school type of breakfast. It was one of those times when I could share some time with my grandfather and likewise for him.

We lived in different states of the country so, we tried to make it a point to have these breakfast every time my family visited. It was the good old days!

There was one instance when he fill up my tea cup half way to the top and suddenly he asked me, "would you consider this cup half full with tea or half empty with tea?". Quite frankly, I was puzzled. What would have expected a 12 year old to react to such a questions? It was random but at the same time my 12 year old brain told me that there was more to that questions.

I thought so hard that I was starting to frown and my forehead wrinkled. The sight of me frowning and thinking so hard made him chuckle.

"It's not that tough a question. A simple questions deserves a simple answer. There's no need to think so hard."

I gave up trying to figure out what was underneath the underneath and decided that the tea cup was half empty.

Then he went, "hmmmmmmm......."

I couldn't take the anxiety anymore and decided to ask him what the questions was all about.

"It's nothing to complicated my dear boy. Whether you think the glass is half full or half empty, decides on whether you are a positive thinker or a pessimist. Or at least that's the popular believe. So I guess, when you said you thought the glass was half empty, you are likely to be a pessimist."

I frowned........ and he chuckled again.

"Take it easy my dear boy. I am not making a joke out of you. I was just asking the question for fun. It doesn't matter to me had your response been the glass being half full. In fact, does it even matter?

"Since you asked me, I think it would matter."

"Hahaha..... it doesn't matter to me at all. Not one bit. You see, whether you felt the glass was half full or half empty didn't matter to me because either way you are going to be grandson always. Being a pessimist or activist didn't mean you were going be worse off or better off. It simply meant that's who you are. Either way, I will still enjoy my cup of tea and early morning breakfast whenever you are down here visiting me with your family.

What's important isn't about what sort of person you are but rather how best you make use of the time given to you by the almighty God in the heavens. It doesn't matter as long as you are willing to put your brain and your pair of hands to use, you'll never lose out.

My point is that you should never let yourself lose out simply because of what the world perceives you to be. No matter what gets thrown at you, as long as you put in honest effort into it, it'll never matter if you are 'half full glass person' or 'half empty glass person'. Remember that kid!"

My heart goes out to the victims of the Japan earth quake

2011-03-11T23:25:00.002+08:00

In the wake of trying times and the whole of the middle east close to an all out war, mother nature throws a punch at Japan with a 8.8 magnitude earthquake. My heart goes out to the victims of the earthquake and may my prayers reach them..............

the magic in natural

2011-03-06T20:40:00.000+08:00

This was the scene I accidentally caught when I wanted to take a snapshot of the road leading to the night market in Siem Reap. It was a wonderful couple in their romantic moment along the roads of Siem Reap.

I always held the view that we find beauty in the natural and that "naturalness" can be found in virtually all things living. When I saw the scene, I went, "awww...... so sweet". I couldn't help but feel happy for them and at the same time I was so happy I managed to get a shot like this especially being an amateur photographer.

Other natural beauties can even be found in a lotus farm.

Isn't the lotus just beautiful?

If beauty cannot be found in nature, I don't know where to look at.........

the saddest thing he ever saw

2011-03-01T22:25:00.001+08:00

Last year I went on a trip to East Malaysia to do some jungle trekking and hiking up a hill to catch a glimpse of a cluster of unique rock formations with 3 other friends. During the trip we met our trekking and hiking guide, Richard. He wasn't an ordinary guide having completed his masters in the studies of rocks and was already in the process of completing is PhD in the same subject.

Apart from being a guide, he spends the remaining of his time doing extreme and adventure caving to study the formations of stone and how to preserve them. To add on to his accolades is the fact that he serves with the Malaysian FRU (the Federal Reserve Unit). The FRU is a voluntary team that provides assistance to the police or soldiers during times of security or rescue missions.

During our stay at Camp 5 for our trek up the Mulu Pinnacles, we had a good conversation to kill time at the camp because there was simply nothing to do because it became pitch black by the time it was 6pm. Hence, talking to the tourist around me and Richard was the only way to kill time after dinner.

I think most of us would know about the 2004 tsunami that hit Sri Lanka, Indonesia, India, Maldives and Thailand. Richard was sent to Phuket, Thailand to help with the rescue mission. He was with the rescue dive team.

He was telling us about the bad stench from all the dead bodies and from the sea water that washed up Phuket island. He was there for a month throughout the entire rescue mission diving up and down the flooded island to pull out dead bodies of drown victims of the tsunami. Throughout all his training with the FRU and, search and rescue missions he has done, he was never prepared for what he was going to see in Phuket. What he was was the saddest thing he ever saw in his life.

During one of the dive missions, he dived into a flooded house to pull out the dead bodies and he saw something he was never prepared for. He saw two dead bodies but not just any ordinary dead body. What he saw was a paled mother hugging her paled baby and the look on her face was eerily calm. That scene was simply too much for him to take and that dive became the last dive mission in Phuket. Richard decided to opt out of dive missions and continued on land.

Although what he saw was the saddest thing he ever saw, it was also touching because it was the ultimate display of a mother's love for her child. From the way she was hugging her child, he could tell she was doing all the best she could to keep her child safe, knowing it was probably futile. It was sad yet touching............

I call it a life cycle

2011-02-15T17:30:00.000+08:00

No matter how smart one is or how gifted one is, there is one thing it can never replace or surpass. In my opinion, that one thing is called experience. It's not a physical mass that exists in this world and neither can you put a value to it. It's simply something you have to hone and pick up as you go.

Experience manifests itself very distinctively in one aspect of our daily lives - our workplace. Every working day, is like a demonstration of experience by those around me - demonstrating the what, how, why and when in performing their duties. Believe me, you can find really amazingly capable people! On the flip side however, you will also find that those who are not so amazing but then again, granted given that not everyone are born into this world to do amazing things.

Yesterday, my boss told me something quite interesting. We were discussing about some project and the topic about technical knowledge was brought up. Like any other office, even my workplace cannot avoid water cooler topics. As usual, there will always be people saying another person is not as good or technically sound, etc. My boss had a very good response to such behaviour.

He said, "All these people who go around saying that person is not technically sound. What makes them so sure they are any better? They should look in the mirror first."

Personally, I couldn't agree more with him. More often than not we indulge in judging the capabilities of others forgetting where we stand. At the end of the day, no matter where we go, we will stumble into some who are abnormal good at what they do and those who are not as good as one might expect of them to be. But isn't that all about learning curve, different people different learning curve?

I call it a life cycle, just like how you and I learn to walk before we can run on our own two feet. Life is a long time of learning and just picking up the skill and knowledge like picking up unique shaped stones while you are walking on a beach. Mistakes, misses, wrong turns are all part of that "stone picking" process we go through. We can't pick nice stones all the time can we?

It's a life cycle! We just have to stroll through it and not try to run ahead of ourselves.........

it's all in the head or is it really?

2011-02-12T12:57:00.000+08:00

This evening marks another bad squash day to the recently string of bad squash days. Over the past few months, I have been playing squash that's close to garbage despite feeling physically good about myself after having been running on a fairly consistent basis to build my cardiovascular tolerance. Only problem is, my game play has dropped almost like I simply can't get into my game, my usual style like I have lost my zing for the game.

Despite people telling me losing a squash match is nothing and what matters most is the exercise, I can't seem to forgive myself for losing in a such an unfashionable manner. It's irritating, especially when you lose to a guy almost twice your age and when you used to beat him months ago.

After having lost the match, I had to ask him how on earth has been able to keep up with me and now surpassed me altogether. He reply was quite startling actually.

"You are probably feeling frustrated and irritated with yourself, no?"

"Er.. yea."

"You know what's your problem?"

"Nope."

"You don't like to lose....."

"I wouldn't go as far as say I don't like to lose."

"Haha.... the more you deny, the more you are admitting to it!"

"Fine, maybe it's true but at the end of the day, who plays to lose in any match?"

"But does winning or losing means something when we play?"

"I guess it does. We are playing a match."

"We are only exercising, although we count points and stuff but it really doesn't matter if you lose. Trying not to lose all the time simply has placed a load of pressure on your shoulders. Like every human being out there, there's only so much load you can take. Some say winning is an attitude but it can only be true when it matters most. Being mentally strong is always a plus point in a sport but not all the time. You've gotta ask yourself this - it's all in the head or is it really?"

To be honest, I am still quite puzzled with what he said but I think what he was trying to get at is to put pressure on myself only when it is necessary. At least I think that's what he meant.......... what do you think?

joyous moment of being a papi

2011-02-06T11:50:00.000+08:00

Slightly under a month ago, a friend of mine finally became a dad. Yups! He's now officially a papi! A title limited to only those who qualify - that is you have to be married first. Although under limited circumstances some people become fathers even before marriage but that's not what I want to write about.

He had a slightly different experience when it came to his kid. The birth of his little boy was through an induced child birth because he was going overdue if he didn't pop out then. I was curious and I had a good conversation with him trying to find out what he felt throughout the process of the birth of is little boy, D (for anonymity reasons).

It was almost 11 hours before little D took his first breath in this world. That would mean his mom had to endure slightly below 11 hours worth of labour pain whilst giving birth to him. Although this does not translate to 11 hours worth of trying to push the baby out. In that 11 hours, a lot of things happen.

I can't remember the entire process in detail, but I kinda remember the gist of the process. The induced child birth kick starts the entire process, and I think she will start to feel the contractions. Then there will be some form of pain from the contractions that start. Unfortunately, it's a painful waiting game for the mother since she has to wait for the right timing for the baby to come out in terms of making sure the opening is large enough for the baby to given birth to safely.

Waiting sounds simple from a third person's view but for the mother its painful and the waiting can sometimes even drive you up the wall. When the timing is right, that's when the nurses and the doctor will have to move quick to deliver the baby safely.

At the end of it, baby D was given birth to safely and it was great relief for my friend to see both his wife and child are safe. After all, there have been cases of death during child birth and not all child birth go smoothly 100% of the time.

It's amazing when you sit back and think about it, looking at a 9 month process that seems all worth it when you look at the baby take his first breath in this world. You'd be thinking why not just have the kid pop out in under a month or something? But from what i understand that 9 months isn't just about hanging around waiting for a life form to pop out from you. It's more than that. That 9 months is almost like God's way of letting you know, you need that 9 months to prepare yourself emotionally and physically because when you give birth to a child, it's not merely a by-product of sex. It's almost like a lifetime's responsibility - seeing to the baby's needs, education, food, a home, etc....... Not so simple anymore ya?

But before you let all the fear of an additional commitment smack you directly in the face, you should first stop and take the opportunity to cuddle the little baby because that feeling you get in your heart.... that's what I'd call the "joyous moment of being a papi...."

plucking apples?

2011-02-03T10:55:00.003+08:00

Recently, I knew of someone who decided to quit her job and go on a journey to New Zealand under the working holiday visa. That means you go around New Zealand plucking apples, peeling clams, pluck grapes and do all sorts of other part time jobs to earn your keep, legally that is. At first it sounded cool. I mean, going to a foreign country for a holiday and at the same time getting to work to cover your sustenance. Almost like living a dream vacation!

But a thought came to my mind, is it really going to be fun plucking apples in a different country? To the extent that an executive level person can decide to drop everything and go on an apple plucking trip, it must seem like something of a whole new level.

I am not here to say that her decision was wrong or whether she could do something else with her life. I am just trying to jot down the thoughts in my head. It's a random thought but I am wondering why should one go to a different country on a vacation but at the same time work part time jobs like plucking apples and stuff. Why not just go on a full blown vacation?

After all, I am just wondering since you can pluck apples in your own country, although it'd probably be more of plucking bananas or collecting riped durians. But you get what I am trying to say - i.e. doing the same stuff in your own country. I can't envisage anyone having time to enjoy the country whilst working. Plucking apples or not, it'll still take a good 6 to 8 hours of your day there. Most importantly, dropping everything you have here for 6 months worth of apple plucking experience. I can't seem to balance out the rationale.

To some people, it's about doing it now or never. To some, it's not even a priority. To some, not even worth the trouble.

Food for thought I guess...... what would you have done, give a choice?

Avatar

2011-01-18T22:30:00.000+08:00

I just got hold of the Avatar DVD (finally.........!!!). I did see it the cinema in 3D but I think I was down with a flu then so I could hardly remember what I saw besides all the fighting and warring scenes towards the end. Anyone would be wide eyed with all the pyro works.

I am not going to blog about the show because most of you would have already seen it. The movie is definitely great with its plot and computer graphic works but the thing about the movie that captured my attention was the concept of a mind and body switch, taking you into another realm.

I can't help but see a great resemblance to what we are doing these days with the advent of the internet and the plethora of applications like Facebook, Friendster and a huge range of instant messengers. I mean we create our avatar using all these e-tools - we can have our own animated personification or even theme song. Some applications even let us lead our own e-lives build your own e-household, do e-groceries, have an e-pet.

My point is this, we dive deeper and deeper into this e-world and although the Internet does provide us with a humongous load of information when it comes to researching for even the simplest item to purchase, we cannot deny that the e-world can take us further and further away from our real world. Just like how the characters in the movie transfer their minds into a makeshift being to live in a different world. Isn't all too familiar?

I hate to admit it but I sometimes shy away from the real world and choose to dive into my own e-world, hiding behind an instant messenger to get to know people on the pretext it is more secure or comfortable when you are behind a blue screen hiding your facial expression. It funny how someone can be very friendly and talkative online and when you finally meet them in person you just get this blank silence not knowing how to communicate face to face. I am sure it happens because it happened to me once! When that happens, you know you have been hiding behind the online veil for too long. Behind the 'avatar' created with all the online social applications.

I am not saying that the internet has made us anti social but what I am trying to imply is that although socializing over a network can be extremely fun given that you are probably in an air conditioned room having a coffee while chatting and building your e-network, but most of us forget that there is also an e-barrier between you and the person you are communicating with.

Nothing beats face to face interactions especially when it comes to meetings. Don't believe me? Then try explaining why people find it easier to understand something when you explain to them face to face as opposed to explaining it over an e-mail?

Think about it....... =)

Looking ahead isn't the only way you should be looking

2011-01-14T14:20:00.000+08:00

It was never for him, constantly looking ahead chasing after his goal for richness. An ultimately goal probably shared by most of us if not by all of us. It was never easy for Jim, having to grow up in a broken family and having to take care of his little sister when his mother was perpetually intoxicated. It was a life he hated and he swore that he will bring himself out of this sad situation to make sure he saw his sister through university.

Dropping his sister off to school everyday was one of the best feelings Jim could ever feel knowing that he could see to his sister's needs. If it was anything or anyone he hated most, it would be his parents, having left him and his sister to fend for themselves.

Slugging things out having left secondary school to practice articleship in a small accounting firm was a tough road Jim had to endure. It was simply difficult to find any average paying job that could help him finance his sister's education. Jim was audit clerk by day and a fast food chain waiter by night before taking into account weekend classes to get his accounting certificate!

It was tiring but Jim persisted knowing he had to see his sister through. His to-do list for everyday's work had one phrase written right at the bottom of the list. It spelled out "whatever it takes!". He worked himself out so hard that by the time he got home every night, he'd simply fall asleep from exhaustion without any energy to even worry about anything.

Even years after he saw through his sister's medical degree, he continued to work hard albeit in different circumstances. Jim was now a partner of the firm he first started as an audit clerk racking in close to a million in annual gross income. Financials are now a non-issue for Jim considering on top his partnership income, he had other passive source income from investments he held across the region. But despite all the wealth, Jim was missing something in life's balance sheet - a life's companion. Having sank himself in work to bring up his sister, he never really had the opportunity to meet anyone or even if he did had the opportunity he'd probably not think about it since he was three quarters of the time too tired to think about anything besides making sure he had enough dough to finance his sister.

One night while looking out the balcony of his fancy service apartment with a glass of whiskey in his hand, he suddenly remembered a phrase his grandfather always told him - "you can live on the street, you can rule the world but it won't mean one damn thing if you ain't got love kid". He shook his head reluctantly telling himself he granddad was right on that note.

Rewinding back to the time when Jim was struggling as a day audit clerk and night fast food chain waiter, there was someone always secretly admiring his resolve of steel but at the same time felt if there was any way she could help him. That someone was Kym, a timid girl who worked in the same fast food chain as Jim during those times. She was always secretly looking for him. Every night before going off duty at the chain, he'd find a bottle of cold water by his locker with a packet of sweet buns. He never knew who placed it there the entire time he was working there.

This day and time we find many young working adults pursuing their careers with the only intention of making money so much so that a lot of life's aspects are left out. We find more and more broken families, stress related diseases, social problems and the list goes on. With eyes set solely on career grow, the only path they look at is the path upwards the career ladder. One important thing we forget is that when one is focused on one point ahead of them, the view becomes a tunneled vision and everything else around it is left in the blind spot. Looking ahead isn't the only way you should be looking if you want to grow because for one to grow, the surroundings make a different - its the people around you that provide support, the environment that motivates you or simply having someone by your side in times of need.

the greatest gift

2010-12-27T23:23:00.000+08:00

Years back I remembered having a conversation over a cup of teh tarik with some stranger. Although I can't really remember why I was having a conversation with a complete stranger but I think he and I were sharing a table in a jam packed restaurant. Ironically, I remember the conversation albeit not every bit of the conversation but at least the prime parts of the conversation.

I was still in school then and it was lunch time before I headed home after school. We both finished our food, subsequently I had a teh tarik while he sipped his tea and had a smoke. He randomly asked me which school I was studying and knowing I was about complete SPM, he asked me what were my plans post SPM.

Honestly, at that point in time I wasn't too certain about what I wanted to do after I graduated from primary school. I completed my diploma in cello performance in the same year, at the same time I had a lot of interest in IT and automotive mechanics but many people advised me to go into accounting citing IT positions were saturated, automotive mechanics being a blue collared job and music not being in-trend. It was a pretty overwhelming and confusing for me at that point in time. In a nutshell, that's what I told him and he surprisingly listened intently.

Then he took a puff from his cigarette and calmly exhaled the smoke, then he spokes while squinting his eyes from the cigarette smoke, "I remember when I was your age, deciding on what to do after finishing form 6 was a pretty tough moment from me. Back in the 70s, medical was supposed to be the dream career. Being the youngest of 3 and with my elder brothers in medical, the shadow was casted upon me to take up medicine as well. Not that medicine wasn't a good line to go into, but I simply didn't have the flare for biology or saving lives. At that time, I felt engineering was the way to go especially when industrialization was taking the world by storm. I wanted to do engineering and went ahead with it, in the processing upsetting my entire family."

"Wouldn't it cause your family to disapprove of your decision? I mean, those days, going against your parent's will was like committing a cardinal sin!"

"You are right on that. My parents completely detested the idea of me studying engineering so much so that they refused to finance my studies. Fortunately, I managed to secure a scholarship from a local university."

"That's tough. They practically left you high and dry. Shouldn't you be mad at them? I mean, what's wrong with chasing after your dream?"

"I was mad at them initially. But after a while, I sat down I thought about it and I came to realise I didn't really lose out much. I lost a financing source from my parents but I secured a scholarship so it ironed out itself. Despite not financing my engineering course, I realised my parents gave me the greatest gift any parent could give a child."

"The greatest gift?"

"Yes. They gave me education and the right mindset. As a boy, my parents never failed to remind me that education was the source of ensuring I can set a future for myself in any field I wanted to choose. Because of that, I always focused on studying hard and making sure I did well in exams. Because of my good results in Form 6, I got myself the scholarship. They may not have paid for my engineering degree, but they made me appreciate what education could offer me. Parents aren't just around to pay for your living expenses, they are there for more than that. They are there to guide you on your way to set up your future and on one else's and that can only be done if you appreciate education and the knowledge you will gain from it. And that, young man, is the greatest gift a parent can give a child."

The greatest gift..............

dearest to me

2010-12-16T12:57:00.003+08:00

My intention was to be open about things and just be honest with myself and with her. But sometimes, even openness has its limitations as I found it out the hard way round. That's when I realised, at some point a thin thread could be the only determining factor between being open and over doing things. At the same time, I need to know when being sensitive isn't being sensitive enough to understand one close to you could be feeling a pinch inside.

It's a delicate process I have to admit. It's not something I can learn over night or understand in a flash. After all, I used to ask myself how tough can it be? Now, I am beginning to understand it isn't as simple as just "understanding" someone.

Last night I made the mistake of not taking notice something might have been out of place and I blindly made thing worse by accidentally adding salt to the wound when I said things I shouldn't have said. Although, I really had no intention to hurt anyone in the process. But like everything else in life, the learning process has to somehow involve hurting yourself or hurting someone close to you.

I talked about my past absentmindedly without noticing that it caused some discomfort. It was silly of me not to notice the discomfort whilst I kept on blabbering about it.

Right now, I think I learned a very important lesson and at the same time I really know who's dearest to me and means a big part of my heart.............. and I don't want to lose that dear one... not to anything, not to anyone and especially to myself...

the bond

2010-11-28T18:46:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I spent 11 hours at the workshop working on my car's heart. A damage to the engine caused by my own recklessness. Simply put it, I blew an engine gasket and the engine started getting filled with water.

Its a 22 two year old Daihatsu Charade and for the past 7 to 8 years, I have been running the car pretty hard and simply enjoy driving that car. The day before I blew the gasket, I was speeding at about 160km/h on the highway and I guess after so many years the 998cc heart just couldn't take the punishing anymore no matter how well I took care of it. On the way back, the temperature rose tremendously, I felt a lost in compression and with the engine vibrating in a very unusual rhythm, I knew in my heart I blew it!

My car still got him back home albeit it virtually limped home. By the time I got home, I immediately turned off the engine, opened the bonnet and started troubleshooting. It didn't take me long to find out water got into the engine, seeing that I could see a milky substance along the engine (engine oil mixed with water turns into milked tea colour).

Then to see the extent of the damage, I removed a spark plug and cranked the car. Here's when I knew my engine was flooded with water - the moment I cranked the car, the engine literally spat a big splash of water from the spark plug port. The next step was clear - I had to get it fixed. Thankfully, the workshop is just 5 minutes away from where I live and it limped it there first thing in the next morning.

That's when the 11 hour process started for me, my car and the mechanic. In the interest of time and because he had to work on other customers, I decided to start dismantling the engine first so he could get started on it the moment I completed dismantling it. The amount of nuts and bolts that required to be removed was amazing! I nearly lost track of which screw, nuts and bolts came from which lock point. So much so that I had to place markers on each screw, nut and bolt to make sure I could put it back accordingly.

The whole process was more or less like this:

1. Jacked the car up, placed two supports below the car, then jack the engine before removing the engine mounting.

2. Remove engine mounting, let the engine rest on the jack.

3. Unbolt the exhaust manifold.

4. Unbolt timing belt housing and water pump.

5. Remove timing belt and timing belt tensioner.

6. Then remove the entire top half of the engine from the engine compartment.

Doesn't end there, once the top half is out, I had to:

1. Remove the carburetor manifold.

2. Remove the fuel pump.

3. Remove the valves and all the related parts.

4. Remove the camshaft.

That's just the dismantling bit. The tough bit starts from hereon. The engine block has to be cleaned up, sand down. Then grind the valves, replace the tepets, etc........

If I was going to elaborate on the whole process, this blog entry will probably never end and you probably get the idea why it took 11 hours. But throughout the whole process, I had the regretful feeling in my gut knowing that I caused my car to suffer the engine damage. At the same time, I was glad my car managed to limped home and didn't leave me stranded by the road somewhere in town. It kept running in my mind that if I hadn't pushed the engine so hard, I wouldn't have blown the gasket.

Through the 11 hours, I kept telling myself I was going to revive my car no matter what it took. Considering my car has served my family for 22 years, I can't just give up on it if it never gave up on me. My mechanic and I work right through 8.30pm and when we finally cranked the engine, we knew my car has been revived. After 11 hours of grueling engine work, I could finally breathe a breath of relief...........

Having driven my car for so many years, I guess really have to admit I love driving it very much. Just like how bonds are formed between two people, I guess even bonds can formed between humans and machine. No matter how you put it, I really love driving my car..... that's the sort of bond I have with my car.

even helping has its limits~

2010-11-07T16:20:00.000+08:00

When it comes to friendship and the people close to us, our initial reaction when you see them in trouble is to lend a hand to help. I don't think any of us would give it a second thought if we are capable and have the means to help. Unless you haven't a heart or have a heart of ice, you'd probably say no without even thinking.

Helping someone in need may be a good thing but there are times when standing back and observing may be the best assistance one can lend. It's not about sitting back and letting things go wrong but there are times when we need to let other's figure things out themselves. Somewhat like letting nature takes it course.

Because humans are different between one another, there will it be unavoidable to face moments when you can't understand one another or even times when misunderstanding can happen. As much as possible, you and I will try our best to avoid such situations but it will simply happen as long as humans continue have differences.

I to got into the same trouble some time ago and after trying my best to resolve the issue, I had to come to a realisation point that I was going to help the situation improve but at the same time may end up eroding the situation altogether. I mad a conscious effort to simply step back and not try to fight the current. It was probably going to hurt myself and hurt others around me. It simply didn't make anymore sense to me.

As I stumbled through the thick of things and feel my way through the darkness, I came to appreciate and noticed the many people supporting me and giving little words of encouragement along the way. It's not something I can forget easily and at the same time, although I did not say it out, these people have my thanks indeed.

Help came in many ways and in numerous times, so much so that there were times when I simply wish they didn't help because there were times when helping out had to know its limits. Detrimental effects could have occurred instead. I too came across such a situation before.

Back when I was in school, I had a close friend who always did well in class and excelled in almost in every subject. I could only envisage him getting a scholarship and going overseas in the foreseeable future. Came the final examinations for our last year in secondary school, with the pressure piling up to do well, he got crushed by the pressure and failed to get a very needed distinction for his biology paper. The very one paper that would decide his medical scholarship. With the prospect of a full medical scholarship out the window he simply fell into a state of denial.

Being close to him, my natural reaction was try to talk to him to hopefully ease the pain. It never came across my mind to just keep leave him be to manage himself. Every time I spoke to him he just kept telling he'd be fine on his own whilst I kept thinking that him bottling it up inside was going to kill him. I tried to lend a hand by talking to him but only to have made things worse because it kept reminding him about his failed attempt. Eventually, I realised I was helping and just left him to his own devices. He did get out of it and it got another scholarship, although not a full scholarship he was hoping for but he parents worked out the finances for it.

When the storm had finally past him, he finally spoke to me and told me that even though he was depressed about his failed attempt and was disappointed about it, he didn't want to talk about it because it only served to remind him of his failure. Being alone was the best way for him because it gave him space to take a step back and to count his lucky stars. He may have missed the distinction for the biology paper but he didn't fail it. He did well for the rest of the subjects so t never really crossed out the possibility of a scholarship. He was depressed not because of missing the full scholarship but the non-distinction left a dent in his pride.

He never told me all these from the start but I came to realise that had I taken a step back to understand my friend for so many years I would have realised he didn't someone to talk to but rather someone who'd understand him and give me the space. That's when I learned even helping has its limits.

respectable

2010-11-03T00:00:00.002+08:00

This evening was a pretty heated evening for my department head. I don't know exactly what happened because I had my earphones on listening to music while cracking my brains trying to figure out how to prepare the slides I was working on. Whatever the reason for him being angry, it must have been something pretty serious considering it was loud enough for me to hear his voice over my earphones although I couldn't hear the words.

As I saw my senior walking out from his room, I asked him if he was alright since he did look a bit shaken from the shelling. No point in me asking him what happened since it would probably make him feel worse. There are times when not getting in details does more good than harm - this was one of the moments.

I told him to let me know if he needed any help and went back to my work. About 20 minutes later my department head walks out of his room and walks up to my senior and says the most amazing thing I will probably ever hear in my lifetime, "Sorry about just now, I may have been a bit harsh on you just now. It was that spur of the moment when I got upset". I think my senior was so surprised he himself had no clue of how to reply.

Never have I heard of anyone telling me of a boss who has done such a thing. Most bosses are too stuck about being on top that they refuse to show such humility and humbleness. It left sitting in my chair in disbelief and awe. What he did then was a demonstration of professionalism and humility of the highest level. It was an act that was truly respectable without a doubt.

my first tow truck ride

2010-10-31T15:47:00.003+08:00

It was like every other Saturday morning for me yesterday. Woke up early to get breakfast, get ready for my weekly rock climbing sessions. I felt pretty good yesterday since I managed to sleep the night before so I was feeling very energized and upbeat about my climb session. I might have spoke too soon though because my car decided to pull a fast one on me.

I found it surprising because I always went on preventive maintenance for my car so I really wasn't expecting any breakdowns especially I didn't hear any sound symptoms, neither did I saw any signs of an impending breakdown. After all, it is only logical that mechanical parts would give out some form of symptoms to let you know it's about to go.

I was actually driving myself to rock climbing, feeling all geared up and gung-ho about it. As I approached an uphill climb and right bend, I realised I was losing compression and the car was starting not respond to my pedal work on the accelerator. To make matters worse because I was driving pretty quickly on the fast lane with a car following me quite closely, the danger of being rear ended was really flagging itself when I suddenly lost compression.

As I limped the car to the slow lane carefully trying not confuse traffic coming from behind me, I barely managed to get the car to the side of the main road and then my car just shuddered thereafter the engine just went quiet. I could only think one immediate possibility at that point in time, I thought the car overheated especially the weather was so hot yesterday. No point in panicking since the car wasn't going anywhere it is current state and I knew I had to keep calm if I was going to get the car back on its feet.

Checked the radiator water, was alright; checked the ground for any engine oil leakages, no leaks; check all related cables, all good; checked vacuum hoses, all good. Couldn't figure out what could have gone wrong. I was standing in front of the open bonnet scratching my head, wondering what on earth just happened. I made weekly routine checks on my car so I knew what was about to give way and would make the necessary replacements of parts. I was really, really perplexed.

Nothing much I could do by staring at an open bonnet under the rain, so I called my dad so I could get a ride and at the same time gave a call to a tow truck buddy to get haul my car back to my mate's workshop for further inspection. By the time my dad arrived, he shot me questions on my troubleshooting steps and concurred I covered everything but one - "any fuel going to the carb?". That's when I went, "sh*t! I missed that one out!". Sure enough, there was no petrol getting from the fuel pump to the carburetor and hence, the inability to get the car started despite the engine cranking.

With the problem identified, all it took was to get the spare part and for the tow truck to get me and the car back to the workshop.

The tow truck eventually arrived, and it took surprisingly quick to get the car on the tow. Thereafter, I had my very first two truck ride. It was pretty interesting to say the very least. There was no air conditioning, not even seatbelt. On the entire way back, I heard the wind blowing in my ears from the open windows, the roaring tow truck engine and the rough sounds coming out from the walkie talkie of the driver. Not to mention, you can even smell the typical grease smell you'd get in workshops! The entire ride probably took 20 minutes or so, with me sitting in the truck taking occasional glimpse at my car paralysed on the back of a tow truck. It was painful for me to see my car in that state leaving the back of mind putting some blame on myself for not noticing the fuel pump was about to give way.

By the time I reached the workshop, I was awed by how the tow truck driver skillfully maneuvered the truck in reverse to get my car in a good position in the workshop. I was amazed and how flawless he did it! Seriously!

Once the car was down, I worked very quickly with my mechanic to replace the fuel pump and in under the 30 minutes the car was good to go........ tiring and frustrating as it was, I learned a bit more about troubleshooting car problems and I got a pretty good experience in a tow truck!

taking a break

2010-10-27T23:30:00.001+08:00

I am currently taking a few weeks off to regain my thoughts....... simply too busy with work.....................................

be the best!

2010-10-11T16:30:00.000+08:00

I was definitely taken aback. It was a reaction I never saw for such a long time, the entire time I have played squash. Sachin was the fattest amongst all of us in the training team but he still wanted to play squash very badly. I can't blame considering both his elder brothers are very good squash players playing for the state. I was only natural a kid like him at the age of 11 would look up to two elder brothers who were up there in the high rankings.

He wanted to be like them, be strong, be fast in the court, to hit hard, to hit accurately, and most importantly to be a winner in the arena of squash! Just like his brothers!

If I recalled rightly, it was about 5 weeks before the PJ Open squash tournament in the last year I was planning to play competitively, we had a grueling training session to prep our minds and bodies for the tough tournament ahead. It was one of the biggest local tournaments with players from other countries joining in. We had been training for 6 days in a week, court drills followed by court runs, then match play to get us in the right state of mind.

It was one of the training session when we were all literally pushed to the limit to up our fitness levels dramatically, I literally went flat like a punctured tyre, while Sachin literally rushed out of the squash court and found himself emptying his stomach by the drain outside the courts from severe dehydration and from pushing himself physically too hard.

I think he was bent over by the drain for a good 10 minutes just puking himself "happy" before he came back in looking pale. To my surprise, Sachin continued with the court runs while one by one, each of us just gave in to the fatigue and exhaustion. None of us completed the 100 court runs with the exception of Sachin.

It was a forced time out for all of us. Picking myself up from the ground was literally a pain in the arse! Looking at our miserable faces, the coach called it a day but not without some pep talk. Judging by the look on his face I figured he wasn't too satisfied with our progress considering the tournament date drew closer and we were not as polished as he hoped for.

"Look here guys! The tournament is in 5 weeks and you guys need to work a lot harder if you guys want to do well. The guys from India and Pakistan have it much tougher and they sure as hell don't plan on flying all the way here to lose to you guys! 100 court runs and you guys are as good as soft beans. You guys are going to have to give in more to beat the foreigners."

We all looked down with embarrassment.

"Sachin, our fattest player completed the 100 runs although he had to unload some weight unwillingly but we came back in to make sure he finished it. You all could learn a thing or two from him. I am not asking amazing fitness or massive power plays, what I want from you guys is determination. When it comes to the high level squash play, the difference isn't always about skill or fitness because at your level, the skill set and fitness are quite similar. It's the determination between opponents that sets the winner aside."

We all still looked down reflecting on ourselves.

"Sachin, tell me what is it that'd make you work so damn hard while the rest of these guys here are falling down one by one?"

"My brothers always told me one thing, 'be the best!'"

I couldn't believe my ears and my eyes. All of us were beaten by the fattest guy simply because he wanted to do better more badly than any of us. It was good lesson for me, winning sometimes isn't about who'e better or who's fitter, but about who wants it more badly.......... Like Sachin put it, "TO BE THE BEST!".

She had faith in him....

2010-09-27T22:10:00.004+08:00

If it was a dream, he sure would like to have wake up from it. There was an excruciating pain in his left leg. As Mac walked out from the convenient shop after getting a loaf of bread, a car had smashed right into him and clipped him against a lorry parked in front of the convenient shop. The car had clipped his left leg. He couldn't feel anything else except the pain in his left leg, it was the longest 15 minutes of his life as he waited for an ambulance and the fire brigade to untangle the wreckage to free his left leg.

By the time he was freed from the wreckage, it was at least another hour's worth of pain. Mac had lost a lot of blood and he had to undergo a 4 hour surgery and a lot of blood transfusion to keep him alive. Having lost both parents to a car accident, there was no one else around him except for his girlfriend, Alice.

When he finally regained consciousness, he found Alice beside him and he noticed there wasn't any feeling in his left leg knee down. That's when reality sank in and he realised his left leg was amputated knee down. He went crazy not knowing how to react. He flipped and started throwing whatever he could get his hands on while Alice tried to calm him down. The doctor had to rush in to inject Mac with a depressant to knock him out for a while.

Alice didn't know what to do to help Mac. That one leg he lost, was more important to him than anything else because he was a professional athlete who runs marathons. It was his livelihood.

As the days went by, Mac eventually calmed down but it was still evident that he could not accept the fact that he had lost the very means of making a living. Depression was seeping in and Alice soon found herself fighting an uphill battle trying to keep Mac from giving up on living. Day by day Alice visited Mac after work, sometimes bringing work to the hospital and worked while she kept Mac company. She was afraid Mac might do something crazy if he was left alone too long.

When it was finally time to start his physiotherapy, Alice fought hard to encourage him to go for the physiotherapy sessions. She stayed by him making sure he underwent the therapy sessions fully. The therapist had to make sure Mac got used to the prosthetic leg. She could tell in the look in his eyes Mac detested the idea of having to put on a prosthetic leg but all she could do was to encourage him and keep him from giving up on himself. Every night she cried from the exhaustion and fatigue of being there for Mac but she refused to give up.

Eventually Mac got used to his new leg and started walking around quite normally but the whole process took Mac close to a year. It was one year of agonizing pain from therapies upon therapies. One year of heartaches. One year of self pity and one long year being a pain for Alice.

That day when he finally got home, as he entered the front door, Mac dropped all his bags and turned to Alice, tears in his eyes, he hugged her tightly. As he hugged her, he kept on saying, "I am so sorry Alice, so sorry................". Mac knew he had Alice to thank for. She had always been at his side throughout the whole ordeal and never gave up on him. She had faith in him, more than a beach got sand. It was that faith in him, that helped him recover for the shock of losing a leg and it was that same faith in him that kept Alice by his side...........

Enjoy nature respectfully and responsibly!

2010-09-13T22:20:00.000+08:00

Having been brought up in the city and living in the city since I was born, the sight of nature has always been fascinating and interesting to me. Nature for a guy like me so used to the city would probably as close as the sight between heaven and earth. Over the holiday weekend, I found it a perfect time to do some hiking in the outskirts of the city, where land is still very untouched and safe from any development. New to hiking, I followed a seasoned hiker friend to check out some of what nature has to offer for a city-slicker like myself.

It was a hike up Gunung Tuk Wan. It was about a 3-hour hike up and down. In fact it continues after you reach the peak Broga Hill. The pictures above were taken at the peak of Broga Hill. A couple of quick shots, admiring the beauty of the scenery before we continued to head on to the peak of Gunung Tuk Wan. It was tiring but very interesting - breathing in fresh air, seeing lushes amount of greens around me, the sound of insects creaking, birds with wingspan so big that you could hear the wind in their flaps. It's an amazing treat to my senses.

Take a look for yourself, the beauty nature had allowed me to enjoy when I reached the peak of Gunung Tuk Wan:

It may not be beauty at its finest, but it sure is miles better than what the city has to offer me. Compared to the hazy air I get stuffed with and all the pollution in the city, this was as close as heaven could get for me.

The best part of it all, is being able to hike up there and enjoy all of this with a friend who shares the enjoyment of it. Surrounded by the beauty of nature plus sharing the beauty with another appreciative person, heaven just got better for me!

Despited enjoying everything mother nature had, one thing saddened me when I was hiking. The beauty of nature is slowly deteriorating with the increasing number of visitors up Broga Hill. At the peak of Broga Hill, as you look out into the horizon, you will see a wonderful scenery but onces you look around you, you will immediately see the epitome of human irresponsibility. I saw rubbish thrown all over the peak, plastic bags, remnants of unfinished food and beverages - garbage left there without any consideration of what sort of damage it could do to nature.

I felt sad for mother nature and a deep rage inside me seeing how much disrespect is given to nature. It was the distinct human trait of taking but not giving anything back. Mother nature gave us her beauty to enjoy and admire, yet we take it for granted and destroy her beauty by unnecessarily leaving garbage around the peak of Broga.

We have to understand that before you and I know it, someday nature may not be around anymore for us to enjoy with the burgeoning population growth globally and the more industrialised we become. We have to start loving and respecting nature. If not now, when?

determination in her eyes

2010-09-02T23:30:00.001+08:00

It was a hot Sunday afternoon, at least for the better first two hours when I was rock climbing. I reckon it was probably hitting close to 33 degrees. It was seriously hot! And there I was harness strapped around my thighs and waist with my two bare hands holding on to the rope. I was belaying a first-time rock climber. Belaying is a pretty interesting task during a rock climbing session especially when the life of the climber literally rests in your hands.

This first-timer was different this time around. She didn't make it the first try, she tried the second time, third time and by the fifth time she decided to come down to take a break before going at it one more time. So as she was panting, whilst trying to recover her strength before going at the climb route again, I gave a few pointers as to how to place her feet and hands to get a proper foothold to push herself up. What I saw, was something quite different from other people I notice.

She kept insisting on trying the route up. I may not have rock climbed for long but I have climbed long enough to know a tired climber when I see one. I could at least tell her fingers were simply too tired and incapable of grappling the stones. Her legs were probably tiring out seeing that she could no longer grip the rocks with her toes well. Before she could pass the first level of rocks she slipped and fell. That went on for another 45 minutes or so but she kept on pushing on.

As she got tired, she took more frequent breaks in between but kept on trying until she was completely exhausted. So tired that the following day she found it difficult to grip stuff with her fingers.

But throughout the climb, I saw one very important point in her - determination. There was pure determination in her eyes. It was the sort of look she that told me she didn't want to lose to a bunch of static rocks and that she was challenging herself. Determination is something hard to come by as many have rather comfortable upbringing in this day and time when parents don't wish for their kids to suffer like they did. Sadly, the protective approach has eroded the current generation from standing on their own two feet and going all out to reach out for what is worth it.

It was the determination in her eyes that has give me a push to work out more to better my rock climbing and everything else that I do.........

P.S. this post is way overdue when it was intended to be posted on the 18th of August 2010... but here goes.....

man and machine ~

2010-08-27T23:17:00.000+08:00

The cello is a wonderful music instrument. To me, at least. I still remember the moment I held the first cello, which eventually became my very first cello. The smell of the wood, the surface of the finger board and the feel of the cello strings. Then there's the bow - a simple piece of wood with horse hair. From that moment on, I knew in my heart it was going to be a start of a very long relationship between man and machine.

I am blogging via mobile while on my way for a gigue in Alor Setar. As I am on the road, it becomes a good time to just watch the road go by and have some flashback moments.

I still remember clearly trying to play my first few notes. It was definitely tougher than it looked despite the fact that I already have music knowledge from learning the piano. But whe i finally got the basic notes right, the sound of the cello was simply amazing. It was bold yet gentle. It was strong yet refine. Simply amazing!

Till this day, many people ask me, "Why the cello?". No particular specific reason per say and quite honestly I really think it was love at first sight. But the first thing, one word i can use to describe the cello - "personal". The very moment the cello is placed between my legs and i let it lay on my chest, it's just so similar to hugging a teddy bear. I can easily wrap my arms around the cello. To me, because I am so physically close to the instrument, it's like being able to speak thru the music i make by playing the cello. It's like being emotionally connected to the cello.That's as personal as music can get.

Although i started off my music education on the piano, the cello quickly became my major instrument. That's just goes to show how close i am to my cello.

As i am travelling up north for this gigue, i am all excited to perform. Not because i want to show off my skills but i want to show people what the cello is all about. Man and machine in harmony...... a machine not that of speed, power or design but a machine that of audible beauty.

Finding it in his heart ~

2010-08-08T11:03:00.007+08:00

There was an old chap I met at the physiotherapy centre where dad visited quite a fair bit after having undergone a total heap replacement. This old chap was on a wheelchair and doing some physiotherapy workouts. I observed him for a while doing some light weights while on the wheelchair and I saw the look in his eyes. It was not that of rage, anger or despair but that of resolve. A tremendous amount of resolve to strengthen himself despite being bounded to the wheelchair for the rest of his life.

As I was leaving, I had to settle the bill and this old chap rolled out with his wheelchair, panting from all the workout he was doing. I guess he had to settle his bill as well. He smiled at me and I smiled back.

"Tough workout eh?"

"Phew... tell me about it. Being on a wheelchair is a whole new experience for me."

"What got you on the wheelchair?"

"Motorcycle accident. Was riding my bike home one evening, next thing I new someone rammed me from the back. By the time I woke up, I was lying on a bed in this hospital with my wife beside me."

"Sorry to hear that. Did you know who hit you?"

"Yea, he owned up to it. He did pay me compensation but that doesn't change the fact that he placed me on a wheelchair!"

"Sorry to hear that..... You must really hate the guy."

"I did hate the guy up until this morning when I woke up and finally realised hating that guy isn't going to change the fact that I am stuck to this chair on wheels. I found it in my heart to forgive him."

I found it amazing because I don't think I would be capable of forgiving someone who caused me to be on a wheelchair. Especially for someone like me who is so active in sports. Taking away the use of my legs would be a cardinal sin!

He had one simple reason - "I realised I could have been the one on the wheel and cause another to lose the use of their legs. I still have my life and I still get to be with my family. That alone is something I should be thankful for".

Forgiveness, compassion and a kind heart are attributes that are slowly depleting in the current age of modernization and burgeoning world of commerce, where time waits for no man and all that matters is money matters...... this old chap made it look so easy.......

hope, faith, charity

2010-08-01T22:00:00.002+08:00

It was a simple act of not accepting the cash. A simple answer of, "No, I am not going to accept your cash, keep it." It was when Jo bought a mini generator set for his uncle who suffered from muscular dystrophy. A damaging disease that literally robs you of your muscular abilities. His uncle had to survive on a life support machine to keep him breathing. Every time his housing area had a black out, his wife had to literally rush him to the hospital nearest to his home and there was very little margin for error in timing.

That's when Jo decided to get his uncle one of those mini generator sets to power the life support systems if in case of a black out. The ones you see night market stalls using. Jo contacted me because my dad could get slightly cheaper prices for one of those generators.

On the day we went to get the generator and took it to Jo's uncle's house to set it up and sort of just let the family members know how to run the little thing. That's when I saw the first case of muscular dystrophy. He was really skinny and there was life support machine by his bed. The muscles in his body was depleted so badly that he could hardly move even his arms when he spoke to Jo and I.

When we were about to leave, Jo's aunty wanted to pass him the money for the generator. "No, I am not going to accept your cash, keep it. The genset is for uncle. He took care of me as a kid, he deserves it." His uncle was so happy for what Jo had done for him.

They say there are those who survive from hope, faith and charity. I say there are those who live hope, faith and charity. Jo had hope - hope for a man who took care of him when he was young, a good man who became bedridden due to muscular dystrophy. Jo had faith -for he was a strong believer in the Bahai' fatih, a religion that believes strongly in unity and he believe God was telling him that his uncle needed the mini generator to keep surviving. And Jo showed charity - an innate ability to give without looking back, to give without require something in return, to give because he wanted and because he knew it was the right thing to do.

And that, my dear readers (if there are readers out there, that is), is hope, faith and charity epitomized in our current world.........

a little box

2010-07-28T23:56:00.001+08:00

It all started when he picked up a nicely shaped stone when he was at the park with his mother when he was 5 years old. He decided he wanted to keep the stone and asked his mother where should he keep it. His mother gave him a little box. It was a colourful box that was used to store a mug. Jimmy boy place his stone in that little box. That little box was like Jimmy's little treasure chest.

That little stone was the impetus to Jimmy's habit of collecting items around him that were unique or simply special to him. Although, most people simply thought he was collecting rubbish.

Within a span of one month, Jimmy had filled up the little box his mother gave him. In there you could find all sorts of stuff. From stones, marbles, cards, leaves, even patterned tissue! It was Jimmy's little vault of unique items.

As the days, months and years passed by, that little box became so full Jimmy had to find a new box if he wanted to continue collecting random items he found interesting. Collecting random items he saw in his daily life quickly became a second nature of his. The number of boxes grew with the number of items he continued to collect. So much so that he had to keep all the smaller boxes into a bigger box.

As the years went by, Jimmy eventually grew out of his eccentric habit.

When he realised he finally stopped collecting, he saw that he had turn the house store room into a "museum" for his humble collection of random items. His mom took the trouble to furnished the 10 X 15 feet room with wall racks where all the boxes were placed neatly.

He walked in one day and started taking a look at all the little things he picked up along the way of growing up. It brought some really memorable moments back to him. The Zippo lighter he found in a park, a Metallica guitar pick he picked up near his university entrance. So many items that Jimmy surprised himself! Going through his collection, he had unconsciously spent half a day in the room.

When he finally got out, he had to ask his mom why she never complained about his habit, that would have been considered as rubbish collecting to most mothers. "Hey mom, why didn't you stop me from collecting stuff?"

"Why should I my dear? All of us have unique hobbies and different ways of expressing yourself. When I noticed you had this little thing for collecting random stuff at 5, I decided why not give you some encouragement."

"Encouragement?"

"Can't really say encouragement but I wanted you to try things out on your own. At 5 years of age, any child would be inquisitive and you were down right open about it. I found it amusing and at the same time I think it was just a good way for you to explore the environment around you. It gave me a good opportunity to see you grow. You may not know but I notice the items you pick up and they have changed as you grow. All those little items in those little boxes are my memories of you. How you have grown and I think it probably encouraged you to become who you are now professionally, an archeologist. Hahaha......"

..........................................................................

We view things differently just like how many would view Jimmy's habit as rubbish collecting as opposed to collecting memories like the way his mom viewed it. At the same time, each of us have our own ways of satisfying our curiousity and have different hobbies that appeal to us....

Go on out there and explore the real you.... you might just surprise yourself... if a little box can do so much wonders, I am sure you can do more!

you don't mean it at all~

2010-07-17T11:59:00.004+08:00

It was a Friday night, I was tired and worked up after having pushed to the limit at work. Deadlines coming in like the Niagara falls, irritating clients that think their account is the one-and-only account in your portfolio, bosses chasing you for deliverables and some bosses who want things yesterday. You can imagine how cheesed off I would probably have been on that Friday night after one whole week of all that! Not to mention, knowing I had to come in the weekend to continue only made my Friday all the "brighter" for me.

Anyway, I decided to go for a drink. Try to knock out my senses in the bid to forget all work related matters and put the stress as the last thing on the list in my head. That's when things go from bad to worse, to completely out of proportion.

Typically I take 6 to 8 mugs of beer before I head home every Friday night. Simply to really enjoy my alone time and really enjoying the beer I am paying for with my hard earned cash (alright... some of you may disagree drastically on my way of appreciating my hard earned cash on alchohol). But anyway, on that particular night I was awfully tired and I was mentally strong enough to contain the stress from the work since I had been doing the graveyard shift for over 3 weeks in a row leaving the office about 3am everyday.

So much so that by after the 5th beer, I was literally falling asleep at the bar.

I decided to head home. As I got into the car, my hand phone rang and the caller ID displayed on the screen surprised me because it wasn't someone I'd expect to call me at all. For anonymity's sake I am just going to call her Beans.

I answered the call.

"Hey! How are you doing? I know it's your peak period this time around... Hanging in there?"

"Yea, why do you care?!"

"You alright there? You don't sound fine."

"I'll be fine...... I am just recovering from the shock from you calling me up."

"What's the supposed to mean?"

"Like I said, you calling me up is as good as an enigma..."

"If you don't want to talk just tell me, you don't have to be mean."

"Good night and good riddance!"

Before Beans could even reply, I hit the red button on my phone to hang up and headed home.

It wasn't until the next morning when I woke up that I realised what I just did to Beans. As much as I was being mean and literally being an idiot for the way I reacted, Beans didn't deserve getting what she got from me.

With all honesty, I was stressed, tired, worked up and I merely wanted to be alone. Somehow, I just lashed out at Beans like a can of Coke after being shaken really hard. When all I could have said was, "hey I am kinda tired so I am going have to call you back", or something along those lines instead of what I said.

The point I am trying to get at is this - there are times when you and I are faced with awful situations you'd wish you could get out from; and there could be times when you will do or say things you don't mean but simply at the spur of the moment you can pop just like that when everything is bottled up for too long.

Like what I did, telling Beans I didn't mean it all as much as it was true will never suffice to heal the wound because it's as good as slapping someone in the face and telling them you are sorry immediately.

When times are tough, you feel like you are going explode from the inside.... take a step back for 5 seconds and think about the repercussions that could occur because of your actions. You never know that one day because you forgot to take that 5 seconds, you could end up hearting your friends and most importantly, the people you love......

doing what he can

2010-06-20T22:27:00.000+08:00

It was like every other day for Murugan. He gets up by 4.30 in the morning, has one slice of plain bread for breakfast along with a glass of warm water and he heads off to work. Works starts at 7.30 for him but he needs to leave home by 5.30 to catch the earliest bus to his workplace. It's a good 45 minutes bus ride for him because he rents a room at the outskirts of the city. Not that he wants a place so far but it's the best he can afford at a nice MYR30 a month with bathroom sharing.

He reaches work about 6.45, gets to his locker, puts on his uniform and his signature Nike cap of which he bought with one year's saving. It was something he rewarded himself with after all the hard work he had put into his work. On top of that, he needed a cap to keep the sun from frying him whilst working.

It was a pretty tiring job, having to wake up so early in the morning and work about 10 hours a day. It was never easy for him, hauling bags over his shoulder and piling them up into a specialised machine for such bags. The smile was often unbearable but it was all part of his job. Even rain couldn't get in the way of his job. If Murugan and his team did not work for one day, they'd get a whole lot of complains from the locals for being irresponsible. Rain or shine, work had to resume for Murugan. Not very nice eh?

He finishes work about 6pm everyday after doing his usual round around the community. At the end of his shift his skin burns from all the sun, his body aches all over from all the hauling, feet hurt from the walking, body smells horrible from the sweat plus other odour accumulated from his work. That is Murugan's daily working life. Despite all the hard work he puts in his day work, he barely makes enough for food minus the rent.

You might have already guess what Murugan does, but if you haven't, he's a garbage collector. He wakes up early every morning, hauls arse to work, collects garbage dished out by people like you and me, gets paid barely enough but continues doing what he can.

Murugan's family was far from being well to do, living in the slumps of the city. Having only education up till he was 15 years of age, he really couldn't do anything else and he was accepted for the job due to a government job allocation programme launched to reduce unemployment. He jumped on the opportunity to have some income after his drunkard father left the family leaving his mother alone, who passed on after contracting tuberculosis of which until now Murugan cannot forgive himself for not having been able to do anything to heal her. He simply couldn't afford it.

Outsider like ourselves who see people like Murugan hauling our garbage probably assume these guys are delinquents but most of us don't know these guys are doing what then can to make ends meet. Just like us, sometimes we can only do what we can, and there are times after we have done what we can, people still think we haven't done enough or we are simply unappreciated.

The point to take home is to really do what we can and at the end of day be able to look into the mirror knowing we have done what we done with sincerity and honesty. Someday, you'll be appreciate twice or trice as more.......... those who don't will one day realise they'd made a mistake.......

It wasn't a tough decision to make

2010-06-13T22:33:00.000+08:00

Another person decided to leave the firm I work in. After 18 years with the firm, he finally threw in the towel. It was surprising to say the least because he didn't seem the type that would leave especially having spent a good half of his life in the firm.

He was nice guy I first met about 3 years back when I first joined the firm. He was a funny guy and always cheerful every time I met him and there's was plenty of jokes when we had small talk in the lift, passing by in the loo or by the water cooler.

His resignation did come as surprise even for the top brass. Corridor talk has it that he was never really a performer in the firm, wasn't someone you'd know for being very good at what he does.

I guess after 18 years, some people need a change. At least that's what I thought. Not until I had a short conversation with him. I thought he had a better job offer somewhere out there. It was quite the opposite actually.

"I heard you decided to leave. When's your last day?"

"Yea. Last day was supposed to be 16th this month but the partner asked me to hang on out until 30th to help out with the July peak period."

"Must have been a really good deal for you to decide to leave the firm."

"Not at all bro. In fact, I am getting much less than what I am getting here. Virtually half my salary here!"

"No kidding! Then why leave?"

"You see, I have a son who requires special needs. He's autistic and it doesn't help being a single parent. Working here doesn't help in trying to spend time with him. My mother has to help watch over him while I work everyday. The long hours here simply doesn't help me in making sure he grows up well. Almost everyday my mother calls me up to tell me the young guy is crying and looking for me. He cries almost everyday missing me. He needs me. The new job gives me more time to spend with my kid. Getting a lower a salary is a foregone conclusion."

"Sorry to hear about your kid and having to be a single parent. Must have been tough on you."

"All part of life. It's not easy but he's still my child."

"Did you have think long before deciding to resign? You are foregoing quite a good sum with this move."

"It wasn't a tough decision to make. In fact, to me the decision I had to make was very clear. That kid means more to me than anything else put together. He needs me and I haven't been there for him most of the time."

I shook his hand wishing him all the best in advance in case I didn't meet him before he left. The conversation really left an impression in my mind. Whilst most of us go through the grind of trying to earn big bucks, there are those out there who are simply much more enlightened than us who think too much of financial rewards. Being there for his son clearly made it more rewarding for him.

When it comes to family bonds, even a big fat cheque can seem insignificantly minute to those who understand how it feels to be able to love another.

the birthday cake

2010-06-06T11:30:00.000+08:00

The alarm clock rang when the digital clock hit 6am in the morning. It was a cold, chilly, Saturday morning with a bit of rain when she looked out the window of her apartment. Gets out of bed, brushes her teeth, do a couple stretches and she heads down to the kitchen.

Standing at the entrance of the house kitchen, Meg rolls up her sleeve, takes a deep breath and start rummaging the kitchen for all the ingredients she bought a couple of days ago to bake a cheese cake. Meg had been reading up on baking books for the past few weeks for this day. The day she would bake a cake for the guy she secretly had feelings for.

Meg was anxious but all excited about it. She wanted to do something different for him this year compared to the typical birthday gifts. She wanted to make this year's birthday gift a memorable one for Ryan.

It took Meg a good 5 hours to bake the cake. She really put her heart and soul into it. From her heart, her feelings for Ryan flowed into her soft, tender hands and flowed into the cake she baked. It was no ordinary cake though, it was in the shape of Sponge Bob Square Pants! Meg had something for Sponge Bob Square Pants.......... she always felt he was cute and so bubbly.

At the birthday party Meg, presented the cake to Ryan. There was a moment of silences from everyone when they saw the cake. They were attracted to the cake, the fine touches of the cake, the nice curves. No one expected a home baked cake to have been so professionally done.

Ryan was impressed and that was all that mattered to Meg. In the crowd, she could only see Ryan and everyone else were like grey matter to her. Despite impressing Ryan, there was undeniable fact Meg couldn't turn a blind eye to - the fact that Ryan is taken. To make matters worse, Ryan's girlfriend is Meg's house mate and class mate. The truth can be ugly at times I guess.........

Sometimes she wished that she never fell in love with Ryan. It's simply painful knowing that she loves someone she probably can never be with. Every time Meg saw Ryan with her house mate, she felt happy for Ryan yet painful.

As a bystander, there are times when I feel she should let Ryan go. It sometimes seems so painful for her going on with this. But at the same time, I'd want to encourage her to push on as someday I hope Ryan will see how much Meg loves him. Love knows no boundaries and this is a first hand experience for me seeing love being professed through the hands of Meg in the cake she baked............. The birthday cake was no ordinary cake, it was a cake celebrating love, a cake that contained patience, a cake that was made with love, a cake professing sincerity...........

Ted's last journal entry

2010-05-24T21:23:00.002+08:00

It was a gloomy day, dark clouds forming in the skies, she didn't know how to react to the sms she just read. Reesa's mind went wild with thought trying to reason out why he would send such an sms to her. It has never happened before. She tried calling him, but there was no answer. She went to bed that night thinking it was a bad dream and it will all go away when she wakes up the next day.

Morning came, the sms remained the same, there was still no answer when she tried calling him. She didn't know what else to do.

The sms read, "Don't call me, don't text me, I don't wish to see you anymore."

Everytime she thought about that sms, her eyes would start tearing.

A week passed, two weeks passed, on the third week Reesa's mobile phone rang with an unknown number showing on the caller ID. She answered the call only to be surprised to hear his voice.

"Ted, Ted, please tell me it's you!"

"Yes, it's me," he spoke coldly.

"Please tell me you didn't send me the sms you sent? Please tell me it's a joke? Please, Ted?"

There was a pause. "Reesa, it's not a joke. I am sorry but it's true. I meant everything I said in that sms."

"Why Ted?!? Why??!?"

"Reesa..... I.... I... I recently met Lisa. She's really nice and she's always around when I needed her. You were hardly around whenever I needed you. Sometimes I wondered if you even cared about me."

Reesa held the phone, tears rolling down her cheeks as she kept repeating softly, "No.... no.... no....."

"I think you cared about your work more than me or anything else. I guess it's best we go our separate ways."

That was the last time Reesa ever heard Ted's voice again.

Six months later, Reesa caught Ted's obituary in the local newspaper. She was shocked and decided to attend Ted's funeral. After Ted's burial, Ted's sister walked up to Reesa to catch up. Whilst talking to Reesa, Ted's sister gave Ted's journal to Reesa saying that Ted would have liked her to have it.

After work one night, Reesa flipped open Ted's journal. As she read the journal, she never knew Ted diligently wrote in his journal. The journal was like every other typical journal and Reesa immediately recognised Ted's writing style.

Ted penned down his entire experience with Reesa from the first date, first kiss, the first time he held her hand right till the day they parted ways - the whole 4 years they were together. Reesa continued reading the night away and as she reached the end of Ted's journal she was all tears.

It read:

10th January - I always thought the pain in my stomach was just gastric from my poor eating habits with all the late night dinners and lunch skipping. Who'd would have thought it was cancer. As the pain grew over the last few months I didn't think it was the growing severity of the cancer. At stage 3 now, death has come knocking on my door.

I only have about 6 months left in this world. Guess God decided he didn't want me sticking around too long.

28 years of my life in this world, the best thing that ever happened to me was Reesa. The past 4 years has been nothing but cloud nine for me. The touch of her hand lets me know she'll catch me whenever I fall, her radiant skins mirrors the clear waters of the ocean and her smile, simply melts my heart. If it's one thing I don't want to leave behind, it'd be her.

I just dropped her an sms to tell her never contact me......... it pains my heart but she's still young and I don't think she deserves a dying man. She deserves better.

17 January - after a week, I can't deny that I miss her and I'd really want to be with her right now. I spoke to her briefly on the phone and I guess the only way she was going to leave me was if she hated me. I made up some girl called, Lisa. I don't even know how I came up with that name.

I am sorry I have to lie to you and hide from you about my condition Reesa. You are a wonderful girl anyone could wish for. The best I can have. The last thing I can do for you is to make it the least painful for you to know about my death, if you ever find out. I never meant anything I said to you over the phone today.

All this while you have always been working hard working towards our dream wedding and our first house. Work was never easy for you with all the late nights and tight deadlines. Sleeping was never possible for me every time I knew you have to put up an all-nighter. I am so sorry that I have been struggling with my job and yet you have always supported me, giving me words of encouragement and simply reassuring me by touching my hand. I was meant to take care of you but it turned the other way round. I am truly sorry Reesa.

Despite having to cope with your tight working schedule you always made time for us. Every second spent with you were unforgettable moments. So much so that I write it all in here so I can remind myself constantly how lucky I am to be loved by you. Dropping a sms to say "I LOVE YOU" every night was the least I could do to let you know how precious you are to me.

As you hung up today, I see tear drops on this very page I am writing on. My heart wrenched with pain, sadness rose from within the depths of my heart, I could only cry knowing that I had to hurt you to prevent myself from hurting you further if you knew my impending fate.

I wanted to tell you how much I loved you, I wanted to tell you how much I wanted to see you, I wanted to tell you how much I missed you.............. and I am sorry Reesa for what I had to put you through since last week. I am sorry and I love you.......

This will probably be the last entry. I will be checking into the hospital tomorrow and will probably will live my remaining days there. I can barely hold this pen to write this page. My life is slowly slipping away....... good bye Reesa, my love and my best friend........... take good care of yourself.

Reesa closed the journal shut and held the journal close to her bosom as she cried and whispered,"I love you too, Ted."

some things don't change ~

2010-05-15T01:35:00.001+08:00

I am sitting down in a tight corner in Starbucks, typing this blog post and as I turn to look at my watch, I see the needle in my watch tick the seconds passing by. It dawned to me that things change over time. Nothing really stays the same as time goes by. I look at my laptop, I notice the faded keyboards, I look at my reflection in the laptop screen I see four days worth of moustache and a goatie, some of my schoolmates now married, I see friend's kids now all big and tall only when a few years ago I saw them as toddlers.

It's somewhat amazing to see the effects of the passage of time; reminding me of a phrase I hear quite often from someone close to me, "the only thing constant in our lifetime is change". I used to beg to differ with her view but I have come to accept what she said as being true. Change is constantly happening in our lives. Nothing really stays the same once it is stretched.

Despite the change constantly taking place in our lives and the lives of those around us, there are some things that don't change. It might not be something you'll think of off-hand simply because it 's not something really significant.

I was jogging in the park one Saturday morning and there was an elderly couple holding hands while taking their morning walk. Considering I was jogging and they were walking, I think I must have passed them about 5 to 6 times trying to rake up the mileage.

As I was warming down after completing my rounds, the same couple decided to take a seat on the bench nearby to cool off before leaving. Not that I wanted to eavesdrop but I heard a very interesting conversation between the two of them.

"It's been a while since we last took a stroll you and I?"

"It's been refreshing ever since we started taking a morning stroll. Get some fresh air at the same time. Spend some time together as well."

"We never really had so much time like this years back when we worked so hard trying to get the kids education overseas. Those little rascals sure cost us quite a bit!"

"Hahahahaha....... at least they're both out and happy doing what they are doing. Time for us to take a break."

"Time sure passes by like a flash. I remember it was the evening of the 10th of November twenty five years ago when you first held my hand and took me for a walk in the park. You and I have grown old, kids all grown up, you've lost most of your hair, I have grown more wrinkles, our Beagle Boo has gone to heaven."

"Time sure flies..... it sure does....... time goes by, things around us change but one thing sure don't change."

"What's that?"

"The way you hold my hand dear. Tight enough to know that you'll never leave my side but soft enough to let me know that you truly love me."

Don't stop believing....

2010-05-13T10:17:00.004+08:00

Little by little she began to open to those around her. It wasn't an easy process to get her to speak up more and be more open in conversations. Min was born with autism. Autism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behaviour. Growing up with Min wasn't an easy process for her parents. Trying to get Min out of her repetitive behaviour was a painful process.

By the time Min was three years of age, she still couldn't speak and she couldn't let go of her bolster wherever she went. There was one thing in particular Min was really good at - puzzles. She instinctively knew what piece went where and in what position. She had this innate ability to simply put the puzzle together.

Autistic or not, her parents knew for a fact that Min had a talent - a talent for solving puzzles. It may not be a massive achievement for most parents but to Min's parents, it was something to be proud of their daughter who is typically deemed a handicap by the general public.

Living with an autistic child posed many problems - facing random tantrums from Min, occasional self-injurious actions, difficult to change routines. These are some of the complications Min's parents had to go through but they went through it painstakingly in the hope to give Min a better chance at life. Even Min wouldn't grow up to be a normal kid, being close-to-normal was more than good enough for them.

They continued to believe that Min will grow stronger and they continued to provide anything possible to help Min's growth.

Three years down the road, Min had a little brother come along the way. Min is now six years of age, able to talk albeit she still struggles with learning and still amazingly good with puzzles.

With little Matt joining the family, a different side of Min proliferated. Min showed a side never before seen by her parents. She had complete instinct of an elder sibling to watch over Matt.

Min demonstrated many times when she could tell if Matt was unwell and had a very 'Min way' at tugging at her mother's sleeve to tell her that something wasn't right with Matt. Other times, she instinctively tags along little Matt who sometimes can get himself in litte trouble like the one time he nearly fell of the staircase while crawling about the top floor of their home.

It was simply conspicuous in Min that she was more than capable of caring for her little brother but it was a trait not common in a child diagnosed with autism. It was surprising to her parents but over and above that, they couldn't be more proud of Min.

Sometimes, there are things that some people are capable of but simply not shown, either simply because the opportunity never arises or it requires some form of catalyst to materialise. At the end of the day, it's like many of us out there who have capabilities hidden in ourselves that we are probably not aware of until it unleashes itself when the time is ripe..........

All it takes is probably for us to believe in ourselves, just like how Min's parents never stopped believing in Min.

the price of love - take 3

2010-04-22T00:45:00.002+08:00

Deep down inside each and every one of us lies an innate power to do things for another person. Some things that can be beyond explanation, sometimes even silly and sometimes just really impossible to imagine. What I am referring to really is the ability of us human beings to care for someone else. Actually if you think about it, all living beings on this planet show the innate ability to care for one another.

It's amazing how one person can show so much care to another person without requiring a reason. I definitely admire those who are able to care for another person selflessly. I may not know my ability to care for another person but I know I'd give it a good shot in caring for someone I love - parents, siblings, girlfriend. Personally, I think the will to care for another person will come naturally like the rainbow after a rainy day.

I think inside us resides a little vault of emotions that entwines itself to form a chemistry of emotions that manifests itself as a plethora of feelings - tolerance, empathy, concern, etc. Some say it's the warmth that you feel in your every heart beat. I think the warmth is called, "love".

A four letter word that speaks for itself universally.

A four letter that carries a very unique price tag.

A price tag any of us can afford. In fact, it's so affordable it doesn't even cost a dime!

You don't need to do anything to receive love because it is something given freely to you and me by another person willingly!

Ask yourself this - if you loved someone you would willingly show concern, care for the other person and treat that person respectfully, right? I know I would.

The best part is, love can come in all shapes and sizes! As small as tiny gesture of holding one's pinky finger, a small 'miss you' sms, a peck on the cheek to as large as a great big hug!

Isn't love a wonderful thing?

the price of love ~ take 2

2010-04-20T23:32:00.000+08:00

It was a normal day for Dee. Got off work about 7pm, leaving the office to walk to the nearest bus stop that's about 15 minutes away from her workplace. Like every other day, it's a lonely walk to the bus stop, a lonely bus ride back to the bus stop near her apartment, a lonely 10 minute walk back to her apartment, opening the door to her lonely apartment.

Lonely would be a spot-on word to describe Dee. It's not that she wanted to have a lonely hermit-like life but Dee was a shy person, not very good at socializing and simply found it easier to keep to herself. Finding social acceptance was an issue for Dee.

It didn't really bother her as she has grown used to the quiet lifestyle of her's. It wasn't a life she dreaded and she read a lot of books to past the time.

There was one Monday, it was almost like every other working day for Dee but not until it started to rain. The bus stop was 15 minutes away and walking to the bus stop without and umbrella would have been a sure fire way to fall sick. Sadly, office was closed and Dee had to squeeze into the small shade that protruded above the entrance of the office entrance.

As she waited, barely able to stay dry, looking up into the sky to see if the rain would yield, suddenly she heard a voice, "Excuse miss, my umbrella should be able to fit you in. It's a pretty big umbrella. Are you headed any where in specific because I am just walking towards the bus stop down the road," as he pointed towards the direction of the bus stop Dee wanted to head to too.

Dee saw this decently dress guy in working attire carrying a laptop bag and the umbrella.

"I am headed to the same bus stop as you too. Forgetful me left my umbrella at home."

Dee accepted his offer to share the umbrella and they headed towards the bus stop.

"I am Matt. Sorry if startled you back there."

"Oh, no worries. It's great you passed by. The rain doesn't look like it's going to let up. I am Dee. Nice meeting you and thanks for offering to share the umbrella."

"You are welcome, when I saw you standing it that sad looking shade I figured you could use some umbrella space, especially the bus stop being quite a distance."

"Thanks.... really appreciate it. Are you new around here? I have never seen you around this area before."

"I've just been hired by the company down the road about 10 doors down from your office."

They eventually reached the bus stop and coincidentally sat on the same bus for, coincidentally the same destination. Matt stayed in the same apartment as Dee but on a different block.

Dee was kind of excited meeting a new person. It was a new experience to her.

From that day on, Dee and Matt went to work together, got off work together, had dinner together before heading to back home. As the days pass by, Matt and Dee became very close friends - a close bond began to form between them.

As the bond between Matt and Dee grew, feelings for each other became more than just friends. It felt like they knew each from some other time, maybe their past lives or maybe from an old forgotten childhood friendship. It was difficult to explain what they felt for each other but one thing was certain - Dee had feelings for Matt and likewise.

These days, if you hang around Dee's office, you'll always see Matt and Dee walking hand in hand to the bus stop.

All it cost Matt to fall in love with Dee - a simply invitation to share his umbrella during a rainy day.

All it cost Dee to fall in love with Matt - a simply "yes" to an invitation to share an umbrella during a rainy day.

Isn't the price of love simply unique?

the price of love ~ take 1

2010-04-14T23:55:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered if love came with a price tag? Little Mikey did.

Little Mikey was a curious little boy. His inquisitiveness has led him to many experiences, although some not so admirable like the time he once ate an earth worm simply Nat Geo said it was edible.

Little Mikey was a little different from other 5 year olds. Little Mikey was born an orphan, having been left in front of church one Saturday night without any form of identification. He was less fortunate in that he never really got a chance to feel what it was to have parents or even have siblings around him.

So everyday when he walks himself to kindergarten one block away from the orphanage he lives in, he constantly wonders what it's like to have a mother and father. He quietly observes all his peers going to kindergarten with either their mom or dad beside them. Mikey really wanted to know if it ever felt different having a mom and dad, and he really wanted to know if there was anyway to experience it.

One evening while watching the television at the orphanage, he came across a television advertisement. It was pet shop advertisement, "Feeling lonely? Need a furry friend? Buy yourself some love today and get yourself a dog!"

After witnessing the commercial, little Mikey scurried back to his room and took out his piggy bank. He emptied the piggy bank full of coins into his two little hands and walked out to look for the orphanage caretaker, Peggy.

"Peggy, Peggy, the tv said I could buy love. Is this enough to buy some mommy daddy love?", little Mikey looked up to Peggy with both his hands filled with coins.

Peggy looked at Mikey.......

"Mikey, you can't buy love"

"But the tv said I could!"

"Mikey, love isn't something you or I can buy because you don't need money to buy love. Love is free. I love you Mikey. I may not be your mother and I don't need to be your mother to love you. All of you in this orphanage are my little children I love."

"But you don't walk me to school..."

"Silly Mikey..... You should have told me. Mikey boy, loving you doesn't only mean walking you to school. It means caring for you, making sure you have a clean bed rid of bed buggies for you to sleep on, making sure you have sweet dreams when you sleep every night, making sure you have your favourite cereals in the morning. Love is about making sure little Mikey today becomes big, tall and handsome Mikey in the years to come. There's no price to love you!"

Isn't love simply great?

it's in the palm

2010-04-10T05:21:00.012+08:00

Jo has a really funny habit. At any part of the day, there will be a time when you will definitely catch him taking a look at his palm. Rumour has it that he's been doing it for ages - years apparently. I can't confirm how long has he been having this habit because I have never asked him. It really is a peculiar habit because there are times when you see him taking a glimpse of his palm and you would almost certainly catch a smile drawn on his face.

Those who didn't know him well would probably be thinking he has one screw loose too many in his head. But it was a little secret Jo carries. Jo always had something written on his palm - sentences, quotes, words of encouragement, little captions. It was his energizing mantra, apparently. At least that's what he told me.

I found his practice very peculiar, to say the very least. There were two things I asked him about his palm practice:

1. Why the palm?

2. Does it really help?

His answer to my first question:-

"I wanted an easy and quick reference point. What better way than to write it on my palm? I mean seriously, your hands are the mostly seen parts of your body. You do stuff with your hands and that means you'd be looking at your hands most of the time. Another reason why I chose my palm was that I didn't want to be carrying little notebooks or flash cards around. Just too troublesome! By writing it on my palm, I just flip my hand over and I get a quick read of whatever I have written on it."

His answer to my second question:

"It does help for me! I can't say the same for you or anyone else since all of us are different but it really does work for me. Every time I take a glance at my palm I feel rejuvenated. It's like a friendly reminder to myself . Imagine it as a Post-It Note that follows me everywhere I go and every time I need to remind myself I just flip my hand I see it on my palm. Simply convenient for me.

Another reason why I chose to write it on my palm is that I as inspired by the saying, 'it's in your hand'. I guess it's a good way to tell myself that everything is achievable and it's all in my hands as long as I reach out to grab it."

Might be something worth trying. ;0)

White Book~

2010-04-06T23:21:00.006+08:00

When I was in school years ago, each classroom had something called a Red Book. That Red Book was a very special book. It was a dreaded piece of binded paper because of one thing and one thing only - it was a book used by my teachers to record down names of those caught misbehaving in class and at the end of each week that book goes to the disciplinary teacher. Those names recorded in there will then get their weekly share of punishment, either canning or community service (i.e. community service in an all-boy school basically means cleaning the school toilet!).

Ya know, this leads me to one conclusion - people are remembered more for the bad they have done rather than good.

The Red Book is a very good example of how we are so engrossed in pinning down those who falter. I am not saying the Red Book method of disciplining was wrong, in fact I find it rather effective in reminding us to behave ourselves.

I decided to create a little book in my mind. Let's call it the White Book for simplicity! This little White Book in head is a book that records down all the good about people I know. After all, I realised that I value people for their good and not for their bad. If I don't value the bad part of someone, why bother even trying to remember them. Wouldn't it be better to just know the good in someone?

At the end of the day, no matter who we meet with the exception of God (if you get a chance to meet him, chances are you are dead), there will always be the good and bad side of that person. It's not about the good or the bad outweighing each other but it's about knowing someone for what they are good for!

Do you have a little White Book?

It don't take much....

2010-04-04T22:30:00.001+08:00

There will be times when you and I find ourselves in a life's pinch. I guess it's the way life was designed by God - to have surprises, little and big ones thrown at us at a certain point in our lives. Can I say it's God's test for us? Can I say it's God's way of telling us something? Don't think you and I will ever know why God does such things. Some people say things that happen in our lives are fated.

Either way, some surprises can be really worrying and at times, painful. Especially if it relates to your loved ones. My dad recently had an operation and it was really stressful in terms of running in and out the hospital after work and sometimes in between work to make sure he's fine. Despite knowing that he's in the hands of a very good doctor, there's always the worry in the back of my head not knowing if everything will be alright.

I have friends who have had similar experiences. Some more severe, some not as severe but the physical and mental stress is definitely a commonality in such experiences.

It's easy to stand back and watch everything unfold but it's not nice to see anyone close to you in a pinch, and it's only natural for us to try to lend a hand. But there are times when we are simply too distant to lend a hand and being an observer is the only thing we can do.

Over the weekend, I found that sometimes, even observers can make a difference for those stuck in a bad situation. Little words of encouragement or even funny lines can put a smile on a tired face after a long day. I found even I could do it - as in me, known to be not much of a talker and sure as hell not much of a joker (I think).

It's not really nice to know that someone you care for is in a pinch and knowing that there isn't much you can do makes it all the worse. Giving some form of support can make a whole lot of difference and it doesn't take much. One insignificant sms to many could be a power pill for someone in need of a good word of encouragement, a pat on the back, a nice hug, a pat on the head, a tummy rub (for those who have tummies), a little hair scruffle........... All these are small actions that don't take much but can mean a lot to someone... :)

simply because I cared.....

2010-03-29T23:10:00.001+08:00

There are times when as much as you want to lend a hand or reach out to someone, you just get turned down. Even if your intentions were in all ways out of good faith and purely out of kindheartedness.

I once knew this guy, now a friend of mine. He was born with certain defects in his legs causing him to be unable to walk and he had to live with the unfortunate fact of growing up with crutches. Not a very enjoyable way of growing up if you ask for my honest opinion.

I met this guy, Steve in secondary school one afternoon when I was making my way up the staircase to get to my classroom. I saw him with his crutches and I could see he was struggling up the staircase. Have you ever tried scaling up a flight on stairs with crutches? Far from fun, believe me.

I decided to approach him to give him a hand up the stairs. Surprisingly, he turned me down and in a rather forceful way.

He looked at him very sternly I said, "Look, I am a bloody handicap and yes, I am bloody struggling up this flight of staircase to get to my classroom but I don't need your help! I'll do fine by myself!"

I was really taken aback by his words and demeanour. I was perplexed in fact. I was merely trying to help and if he didn't need my help, I really didn't think his reaction was necessary.

"Just trying to help bro. If you don't need my help, that's fine. Just offering a hand, alright?"

"Well, I don't need it!" he replied sternly and continued to trudge up the flight of staircase.

I left him be.

The following day, during break time, he approached me at the canteen to share the table. I didn't mind him joining me since I usually ate alone anyway. Could always use some company. I didn't say much to him after having seen his reaction the day before.

"Name's Steve. Hey, sorry about yesterday. Hope you don't take it to heart."

I introduced myself and said, "No big deal Steve, guess the stairs must have frustrated you or something."

"Nah, not really. After having been on crutches for 15 years of my life, I have gotten used to the inconvenience it brings me. Sometimes really frustrating but that's my life. Can't really change it since God decided I should be born like this."

"Sorry about your condition."

"No worries. Life's like this. There are things in life you want but can't have and there are things you don't want but simply get thrust with it because some higher authority says you should have it. Then again, I don't expect you to understand how it's like to grow up with crutches, facing all the inconvenience of trying to get around. I can't even go out without having people staring at me for Pete's sake!"

I paused for a moment and said, "Steve, just because you see me walking around like a normal kid doesn't mean I don't know how it feels to be you. I had to use crutches for three weeks before when I had a knee injury from sports. I know how it feels trying to move around with crutches and by the time you retire to bad at night, your armpits hurt from the crutches resting under it and your shoulders burning from the strain you place on it when moving using the crutches."

The look on his face told me that he knew I described it too vividly to be bluffing.

"Guess you do know how it feels to be on crutches."

"Yesterday, back there I simply wanted to help. That's all. Didn't mean to be some Mr. do-gooder trying to tell the world I give a shit about a guy on crutches or trying to make the mickey out of you. Sometimes you may think that no one knows what you are going through but the fact is that, there are people out there who do know about what you are going through and are more than prepared to lend you a hand because they actually give a damn about you."

From that conversation on, we became pretty good friends and he never turned me down when I offered to help him.

There are many times when people tend to take things on their own shoulders trying to heave the burden they placed upon themselves not knowing that there is someone out there already putting a hand out to help lift the burden, even if the little hand can only lift a small bit. There are times when you find yourself up against the wall, lost and confused about things, try looking around and you might just find somebody by your side already extending a hand to you............

~ roses ~

2010-03-16T13:22:00.000+08:00

Too many of us, if not the world at large, roses are like the universal flowers to tell someone, "I love you...." Three amazing words that can invite the rainbow after a stormy day, put a smile on your face and make your heart melt like a candle in the dark.

I did recently give flowers to someone. First time giving flowers by the way (*^_^*). It was a really nice feeling knowing that a dozen roses placed a nice smile on someone's face.

It is a universal fact that roses signifies love and affection. But one bugging question lies in my mind - why is it that despite the beautiful red it carries and the all so soothing shape of the petals that rose has, it has thorns around its stem? The question came to my mind when I accidentally pricked my finger on the flowers I bought when I tried to drain the water from the bouquet of roses.

I guess God has his reasons for creating the rose as such.

Over the weekend I think I found the answer to the question. The weekend was one tiring, sleepless weekend. Pulling an all-nighter to complete a little something, it kind of hit my mind why roses had thorns around it.

I won't deny the fact that you and I are easily attracted to the beauty of a rose. Looking at the colour, the petals, the shape of the flower, how can we not be hooked to its beauty? That's probably part of the reason why roses generally signifies love - it's beauty.

But I think there's more to it. Roses, like us carry beauty around it. Just like how there is a pretty girl and a good looking guy. There will always be a time when someone of the opposite sex captures our eye, but only one that will capture our hearts. It's like roses, one look at it and you'll definitely be attracted by its beauty until you realise you can't just grab it by the stem simply because you'll get pricked by the thorns.

Love is like roses because you have to be able see through the thorns to see the flower. Like, you may be attracted to someone because of his or her beauty but when you finally get to know him or her, you realise there are things you don't like about them. That isn't love I guess, that's just a crush. Love is being able look at all the flaws that the other has and still be able to look them in the eye, hold their hand and say, "I LovE yoU."

every second ~

2010-03-11T23:40:00.000+08:00

Over the last 5 months, I got to know someone whom I really wanted to know a long time ago. It must have been at least a year I've been quietly taking peeks, trying to work the math on how to approach her, scratching my head figuring out how to make first contact. Most important of all - first contact. Mind boggling it was!

It all started with a couple of book receipts and I found myself having little nudges in my heart. Couldn't really explain what the feeling was, neither was I capable of understanding how it all transpired. It simply wasn't a feeling I'd get everyday. It felt all too foreign to me. When I found myself wanting to know her, I knew the little nudges in my heart meant something.

Strangely, it has been an up and down, somewhat roller coaster ride in the whole process of trying to get to know her. It has made me understand better about the complexity of the human emotion and it always takes two hands to clap.

Above and beyond that, I learned something more important. Every little second of the moments I have had chances to be with her are little treasures for me to keep safe and warm in the treasure chest in my heart and memories. It doesn't really matter if I have had a minute or hours to be with her even if it's from a distance, it still is a precious moment to me.

If I could slow time down to enjoy a second a little longer, I would. It didn't matter even if it was time spent staring at her or simply having dinner with her or an evening with her and friends. It's something I would really hold on to dearly.

Not everything is certain in what we do and sometimes not everything turns out as expected because that's how God designed our lives to be and that is the added colour to our lives. But at the end of the day, I'd still gain something - lifetime moments of which I can think back and still make me smile.............. every second that meant to me.

There was no response......

2010-03-08T22:38:00.001+08:00

When I first started fishing about 10 years ago as a teenager, I was always eager to hook up something from the pond I usually fished in. The feeling of having a bite was simply amazing as newbie to fishing. I used to go fishing almost on a weekly basis with a close friend of mine who got me started on fishing. I used to call him Foong. He was a funny guy, full of energy, always hyper and running around so when he introduced me to fishing, I was surprised because I simply couldn't imagine an energetic guy like him sitting down to fish patiently.

There was one time, when we went out to our usual pond to fish and it was almost after 2 hours, we both had no bites, no gentle tugs to our lines at all. I was losing patience and was beginning to toss my line without considering whether I was hitting a fish-rich part of the pond or not. Obviously, it was wasted effort and frustration simply built up further. I kept trying and trying and trying for the next hour or so before we both decided to call it a day.

It was a 20 minute walk back home. We didn't live far from each other. I guess he could tell the frustration from the frown I was wearing on my face.

Then he said, "I started fishing at least 3 years before you started and there will always be frustrating fishing sessions like this. You sit your butt there for 3 hours to get nothing. No bite, no tug, no nothing."

I kept silent... still frowning with frustration.

He continued, "We may not have caught anything today but we will come back the next round and try again."

"That was no response, Foong. Nothing...... you know how much bait we wasted today?"

"I know there was no response but it's like that. I mean it's like life. Look at the bright side, at least you didn't get any response from a fish in a pond. Try getting no response from a human. Which would you rather? Seriously, even we face such situations with people."

He did make some sense, as I walked along the road with him.

"Sometimes you can't hope to get a response from something or someone. It's like Murphy's Law at times. The more you want it, the more you won't get it. Maybe it's God's way of teaching us patience or it is simply fate that makes us fools trying to make things happen. Or sometimes, you are simply not meant to get a response. Last week we fished at the same spot and caught 7 fishes. Today we got nothing. That's how life works! If you don't get a response, you can either keep trying at the same spot or try somewhere else, no?"

"Yup! you are right there bud.........."

James...

2010-03-04T12:43:00.002+08:00

Two nights ago I was on my way home from work probably about 11-nish. I soon realised my car needs a fill up of petrol otherwise I would likely find myself pushing the car home (not something I would like to try, believe me).

There was this usual petrol station I drop by for petrol every time my car needs a gas up. Normally every time I am there to gas up, I usually see the usual familiar faces who work the night shift but that night it was different. There was a new guy on the job.

I noticed him when he walked over to my pump when I was swiping in my credit card into the pump. I was surprised when he walked up to me to ask if the machine works explaining to me some of the pumps in the station had a tendency of having glitches when it comes to accepting credit cards. I gladly expressed my appreciation for his concern in ensuring my credit card transaction went through and went on with filling up my car's petrol tank.

Then he said, "You want to know a tip on how you can save petrol and get more mileage out of your car?"

I can't say I was interested but I figured it was worth listening to him. I was in no hurry and a 15 minute conversation with a petrol station attendant couldn't possibly kill me.

So I replied, "Sure, I'd like to know how I can get more out of my petrol."

Then he goes on explaining to me the details of which I am not going to bore you with. Basically, at the end of the conversation, he quickly walks into the petrol station shop and shows me a bottle of petrol additive and basically tries to sell me that bottle of additive.

I had a sneaky feeling he was going to try to sell me something at the end of it. Nothing taken against him. He was doing his job. I really didn't think I needed it since my car is already in tip top condition so I politely turned him down. I thanked him for taking the time to explain to me on the fuel saving tip and asked his name. He was James.

I filled up and went on to pump the air of my car tyres. As I finished pumping the tyres I called out to James, "Hey James, how much is one of those bottles?"

"28 dollars"

"I'll take one mate!"

He quickly runs in and takes a bottle for me and I pay James.

Then I said, "I like you James. I'd be honest with you I can get the exact same bottle for a couple more dollar cheaper from my usual spare part supplier but I'll take it from you since you took the time and effort."

I spotted the smile on his face as he thanked me.

Listening to a guy explain to me how I could save petrol cost me 15 minutes of my time. Buying the bottle of petrol additive cost me 28 bucks. Putting a smile on someone's face..... priceless.

she's human too....

2010-02-28T02:17:00.000+08:00

I was in an old folks' home last weekend doing some visiting. While I was there, I witnessed a rather unfortunate situation. There was an elderly lady lying on the bed and she was unfortunately suffers from down syndrome.

While I sat there, she started talking to me. She might have been talking to me but I really had no idea what she was saying because the words that came out of her mouth were simply too mixed up to tell exactly what she was trying to tell me.

I could only nod to show her I was listening but I couldn't respond. I couldn't possibly respond to something I didn't understand. She kept going on and on, and I just kept on nodding. I didn't really know what else to do or what to say.

A nurse passing by noticed my "conversation" with her and I guess the nurse was concerned that I might have felt uncomfortable having to go listen to her "talking" to me. The nurse said I could ignore her if I wanted to, knowing that having to talk to a person of such circumstances wasn't exactly an everyday experience.

I asked the nurse whether she "talked" to people all the time.

She replied, "No, not really. Helen is generally very reserved. Keeps to herself and does sketching," and pointed to the wall just behind her bed. "Those are her sketches. She's really talented with sketching. She spontaneously sketches stuff she sees on tv!"

If the nurse hadn't told me those where her sketches, I would have thought those were purchased sketches for decorations. As I admired the sketches, I said, "It such a waste she God decided to make her who she is now. Her artwork could have been a pathway to a rewarding career as an artist."

The nurse look at me and said, "I don't think it's a waste. Personally, God must have His reasons for bring her into this world. She may be lacking in most of aspects as opposed to being normal. She may not be able to sketch this well if she was born normal. Helen may not be able to express herself verbally, but she expresses herself vividly through her sketches. Take a look at all the sketches. Each sketch represents some sort of emotion."

The nurse pointed to each sketch pointing out what they represented - happiness, pain, hurt, love, loneliness.

I was awed. Truly awed by how deep each sketch meant to Helen.

"Helen may suffer from down syndrome but she's human too. She's just different from you and I. We are probably not normal in her eyes. God probably wanted you to meet Helen. She hasn't had visitors over the 3 years she's been here. So happened you were sitting close to her and you provided some sort of company for her. I am sure she appreciates your company.........."

it's just rough.... it don't mean you can't scale it

2010-02-18T22:52:00.000+08:00

Two weeks ago, I had another session of rock climbing. That session was by far the toughest rock climb I have ever done thus far. I scaled only one route, of which took me almost an hour to scale. By the time I got down after the successful climb, every limb on my body just went as soft as bean curd. I had no strength for any other climbs after that.

Finishing the climb was definitely one of the best feelings at that point in time. Especially the fact that I took almost an hour to climb it. But that climb was one of the best climbs I have done so far not because of me finishing the climb or me doing anything magnificent to scale the route. The best part of that climb was the people on the ground.

I think there were at least three parts of the route where I really struggled and simply wanted to shout down to my belayer, "bring me back down!". Honest to heart, I really felt like giving up. At the third point when it got so tough, my fingers, toes, forearms and thighs were burning from the strain and all the lactic acids building up from all the energy expended.

As I struggled up the route, I could hear voices of all my climbing buddies encouraging me to push on the route. It was an amazing feeling! Having a few people behind you pushing and really garnering you on is one good feeling.

It's like being really down and out, feeling hopeless, and suddenly you find a pair of hands reaching out to you reassuring you that you are not alone and that you are doing fine. It's like having a Powerbar when you most need it and you find a hand passing you that needed Powerbar.

When I came back down after the climb, I was really exhausted and tired but I learned something more then climbing. No one person can handle everything on his or her own. Even the most skilled climber requires a trustworthy belayer. Like any world champion, there's always a strong team behind him or her.

Other key learning point - rock climbing routes range from easy ones to really tough ones. But at the end of the day, it's just a rough route and it doesn't mean you can't scale it. You probably just need more time and concentration.

the moment

2010-02-01T22:03:00.000+08:00

For four years, the Fender electric guitar Reily used to play with his band that nearly broke through to mainstream has been left in the corner of his room. Reily simply couldn't play the guitar the way he used to anymore.

Every time he held the guitar, his fingers would freeze up and simply couldn't move and the notes in the depths of his memories would never flow on to his fingers despite all certainty he knew he had the music in him.

Four years ago, Reily lost his family in a car accident involving their family car and a trailer. The accident happened when Reily had to play for a gig with his band. Reily has always been blaming himself for the lost of his family.

Four years ago, he had an argument with his father who insisted he should skip the gig to join his family trip. Soon after the argument, he stomped right out of the house and left for the gig. His family went on ahead with the trip and met their unfortunate fate. Reily holds himself at fault for causing their death. Had it not been the argument, his father would have been in a better state to drive. From that day on, Reily lost all musical sense and could no longer play the guitar. His fingers too heavy with guilt.

He never listened to any recordings of his band from that day onwards. Reily didn't think he was ever going to do music again in his lifetime.

Not until one day when he met this girl. A girl who simply needed a place to stay when the orphanage she lived in was closed down after sponsors pulled out due to the financial crises.

It all started when Reily found her sleeping by his apartment door one morning. Not knowing what else to do, he found himself taking her in and in return she was to help with the housework. She was Venna, at least that's the name she remembered being called when she was still living in the orphanage.

While cleaning the Reily's apartment one afternoon, she noticed the guitar and couldn't help but ask Reily to play a tune or two. She noticed a change in his demeanor as he declined to play the guitar.

She didn't understood why he refused to play the guitar. Not until one day she stumbled upon an old CD recording of Reily's band and saw Reily's picture in the CD booklet. Venna played the CD and immediately couldn't help but notice Reily's incredible talent for the guitar. It was at that moment, Venna realized that there was something hindering Reily's ability to play the guitar and she wanted to do something for him in return for taking her in. She wanted Reily to get back into music and to get out from his sad state of working part time job in a fast food restaurant.

As the months went by, Venna diligently practiced singing the song she heard from the CD with the hope of singing it to Reily. At the same time, Reily and Venna drew closer and closer to each other.

One evening, while taking a stroll down the beach nearby the apartment, Reily and Venna simply held hands as they strolled the quiet beach with Venna's head on Reily's shoulder. It was an impulse reaction and it somehow just felt right between the both of them.

That moment at the beach was the moment Venna knew what to do - she sang the song she heard in the CD. Reily was surprised she knew the song and didn't say anything. He simply felt the warmth in his heart and he could feel the emotions Venna had in her singing. At that moment, Reily could feel the music in him coming out and breaking free from the emotional prison he had built inside him. It became the moment he decided he was going to go back into music.

People come, people go in our lives. We live through a myriad of experiences - some sad, some happy. But all it needs at times is for one special moment in life to open a box of sparkle in each and everyone of us......... that is "the moment".

take a look through my eyes.......

2010-01-25T00:44:00.001+08:00

Ned couldn't help staring at her. Simply couldn't take his eyes from her. Ned couldn't help but feel that she is the most beautiful thing in thing in the world. Sadly, he could only look from behind the glass panel for the girl he was staring at is his pre-maturely born daughter, Sara. She was on life support and placed under the incubator to keep her going.

As much as he wanted to cuddle her in his arms, it was simply not possible. Not until Sara was considered to be in stable condition by the doctor. Ned could only wait and pray to God. Since Sara was given birth to the night before, Ned had only one thing in his mind - Sara.

While Ned waited by the ICU for Sara to get stronger, he could see happy parents with their newborns. It broke his heart knowing that he couldn't carry Sara like how the other parents could.

Three days in the ICU, Sara still showed no signs of improvement and Ned was starting to get worried about her situation. The doctor felt sorry for Ned and didn't want to tell Ned that Sara had a slim chance of surviving, with all empathy allowed Ned to enter the ICU to see Sara possible for the last moments.

Ned broke down in tears as he stood by Sara's incubator. Ned finally prayed really hard, "God, I've never been a church-goer, neither have I never been a staunch Christian and I hardly read the bible in my entire 32 years of my life but hear me out here. Right in front of me is Sara. My only daughter and my only child right now. 5 years after my marriage with Judy, we kept trying for a child and we finally have one but it's like you are going to take away from us. I don't know what Sara is to anyone but please take a look through my eyes. You'll be amazed by what you see."

Tears rolling down his cheeks as he continued, "This little child in this incubator, Sara, is not just any baby. She's Judy's and my child. A child we tried so hard to have. She may be small right now, but I believe that she can someday grow up to be a strong, normal child. She's also a gift from You. I never knew we could ever have a child because of Judy's kidney condition. Now, we finally have a child, don't take her away, please."

"Through my eyes, she's a shining star. Through my eyes, she's the light of our lives. Through my eyes, she's a wonderful child that You blessed us with. Through my eyes, she's the tiny bit of hope that tells me and Judy that as long as we never give up, nothing is impossible. Against all odds, Judy gave birth to Sara safely despite the fact that the doctor told us it would be impossible! Through my eyes, Sara is all Judy and I ever wished for since the day we took our vows that we'd love each other for the rest of our lives."

"So please, take a look through my eyes. She's all we've got. So please, don't take Sara away from us.............. please............". As Ned spoke those words, his tear drops dripped on to the cover of Sara's incubator and made the tapping sounds. Miraculously, Sara responded to the tapping sounds made by Ned's tears. Her tiny, little fingers twitched and the tiny toes twitched as well. After three days without any movement or signs of improvement, Sara suddenly showed life. The doctor was surprised and he decided that Ned should be there everyday just speaking to Sara. It didn't matter whether Sara understood a single thing he was saying but the doctor could only think it was some special bond between a parent and a child.

Through Ned's eyes, Sara was more than a daughter. She was the ray of light he and Judy could ever wished for and she was the light of their lives.

Through one's eyes, you'll truly be amazed by what you can find...........

he never said anything

2010-01-07T23:36:00.004+08:00

I knew one guy who grew up without a mother. Never had the chance to grow up with one in fact because she died during his child birth. Let's just call him Pat for the sake of allowing me to maintain the anonymity of this person. Another thing about Pat that I remember vividly is the fact that he grew up hating his father. I never really knew why he hated his father so badly but I knew there had to be a reason behind it.

Pat finally opened up to me a few years back over a casual drink one night. He sat down at the bar staring blankly at his glass of whiskey and said, "having known me for over 5 years, you are probably wondering why I hate my old man so much right?"

"Hey Pat, if you don't want to talk about it, you can drop it. No biggie man."

"It's alright, I am cool with you. My old man has never spoken a word about my mother to me. Never. Not even when I reached 21 early this year. Every time I asked him about mom, he'd change the subject. For christ sakes, she died giving birth to me and he wasn't even there to bid her farewell when she died bringing me into this world for him. He was hardly around. I mean I pretty much grew up with my uncle and I sometimes wonder why bother having me at all? With him, work had to get in the way every damned time. I don't think he cared about my mom or me to begin with!"

I could only look at Pat and offered an ear to listen to him. I have never experienced such sadness and I couldn't possibly understood how he felt all these years growing up without a mother and never really having a chance to know his father.

That night, I left the conversation regarding his father as that. I didn't think it was right making him feel worse by talking about it further.

But I never really stopped thinking about why his father kept silent about it all these years. I kept telling myself if I were a father, I think I would have probably told him about his mother. He has every right to know about his mother. At the end of the day, Pat's father probably had his reasons for holding back from telling him. It wasn't my right to question his choice for non-disclosure.

As time flies, we all grow older and like everything else age comes with a price. Pat's father had cancer of the stomach, apparently from all the stress at work trying to keep the business afloat during the economic slow down. 6 months before he finally kicked the bucket Pat never once paid him a visit. Pat knew about it but decided he wasn't going to care.

I visited his dad about once every fortnight just to see how he was doing and to keep Pat updated on his father's condition. His dad got weaker and weaker by the day while Pat continued to turn a blind eye on his father's dire condition.

On the day his father passed away, I was beside his father. About 2 hours before he finally succumbed to the cancer that spread through his body, he spoke to me. Just the two of us, as he struggled to catch his breath he said, "Thanks for keeping me company these past few months while I lay down here counting the days before I leave this world. I wanted to speak to Pat but I guess he probably won't see me after all. Not that I blame him though. So, please do me this last favour before I die. Hear me out, and if you feel you should let Pat know, please tell Pat why I kept silent all this while."

At that point, looking at the old guy lying down struggling to talk to me, I was close to tears. I knew I had to say yes to him and I nodded to give him the go ahead.

He took a deep breathe and began talking, "25 years ago when Pat was born, his mother never died during his birth. His mother left me and Pat a week after Pat was born. During the time of Pat's birth, I was with him all the time never leaving both his mother and him. I saw through his birth and at that point just holding him, just slightly bigger than my palm I knew I had become a father and I knew Pat was my everything."

He coughed, took another deep breath and continued, "As to why his mother left, I really don't know the reason. I came home from work a week after Pat's birth, all her things were gone from the house leaving Pat alone in the baby cradle. From the bottom of my heart, I'll never forgive what she has done to Pat. I tried to take care of Pat up until he was 2 years old and that's when I realised I wasn't a single parent material. I simply knew nuts about taking care of a child and I decided to let my married brother take care of Pat while I made sure I could bring food back for Pat everyday and to make sure I saw through Pat's education. I made my brother and my sister-in-law promise never to tell Pat the truth."

At that point, tears were running down my cheeks as I listened to him.

"I chose the vow of silence than to tell my own son of a mother who left him to fend for himself just one week after she in all pains gave birth to him. He's my son and the sin of choosing a wrong mother for him was my sin to bear and mine only. He didn't have to suffer for it because of an irresponsible mother. It's true that I wasn't really there for him but in all honesty, I made sure I saw him through till the day he graduated. On the day he graduated, 21 September 2000, I stood outside the hall as I saw my son proudly walk up the stage to collect his degree. That in itself was the proof of my life that Pat was my everything! I told myself, I didn't let my son down and I knew Pat was no ordinary kid, he made it that far without me having to guide him through."

"You may think Pat has every right to know about the truth about his mother but it wouldn't make him any happier. Would it better for him to know that he had a mother who gave up her life so he could come to this world or a mother who gave birth to him only to give him up? If you were a father, I am sure you would know why I chose the earlier option."

"I don't know if you will decide to tell Pat about it but tell him that I have always loved him and I will always be proud of him..............."

He finally breathed his last breath and left this world forever. While clasping his hand, I cried, I simply cried finally knowing that it was because he loved Pat so much that he'd rather hurt himself than to hurt Pat. All these years, he never said anything.................

I never told Pat the truth about his mother. Till this day, I will never know if his father told me about it because he wanted me to tell Pat or he just wanted to let it all out before he had to walk into the white light............... Would you have told Pat if you were me?

my new year's eve~

2010-01-03T11:16:00.005+08:00

It was a simple lunch with a mate of mine down at The Gardens, Midvalley on new year's eve. It was a great catching up session - talking, laughing, simply catching up on lost time. I even got myself The Castle Omnibus trilogy series written by Steph Swainston that was recently published.

I was all happy, ready go home, really excited to get a taste of the new book I just purchased. At the same time, I was dying to take a leak having had such a long lunch and a Starbucks session with my mate, Max. So I ran along to the nearest toilet, did what I had to do and came out set to head straight to the parking lot.

As I walked out, this guys walks up to me in a panicky state and jittery state, and starts saying, "You have to help me! I... I... lost my daughter, you have to help me find her, please."

He places his hand slightly above his knee, "She about this tall, with a blue jacket over a white dress."

I could see his hands were trembling from the panic.

I knew I had to help this man, "Calm down, let's get to the information centre counter at the lobby and we'll get security to help us locate your daughter."

"It's my first time here, so I really don't know my way around here," said the man.

So we hurriedly down to the reception counter, got hold of the authorities to assist us in locating his daughter. We left our numbers with the counter in case they found her before we did, then we back tracked to where he last remembered he was with his daughter.

Went to every shop he remembered he visited and asked the people around if anyone saw his little girl. After about 30 minutes of reconnaissance and scouting work for this lost little girl, we finally got a call from the reception guys that someone found his little girl and brought her to the reception. We still couldn't be certain if this little girl was his daughter but we had to find out.

So we ran all the way back to the reception counter. When he saw the little girl, I knew straight away that he had gotten his daughter back. When I saw him looking down at his girl, tears in his eyes, I could tell he was upset with her but the look in his face was, "Don't ever do that to daddy ever again, it'd break my heart to lose you!"

I think for a moment there, I knew how it felt to be a dad. A child to a father is probably like his everything. I really felt relieved and happy for the guy. After all, we spent a good half an hour trying to find her. There has been many cases of missing children and kidnap cases these days, and he had every reason to be worried. At the end of the day, he shook my hand and thanked me.

That was how I ended 2009, helping a dad locate his daughter in a shopping complex. We should be thankful to the young lady who brought the child to the information centre, otherwise we would have been running all over the places searching for her. I sure feels good to have done some good for someone!

every minute~

2010-01-02T16:19:00.002+08:00

Time passes by very quickly, like the sands of time flowing downwards in an hour glass. The sight of the sand trickling down the hour glass never seizes to capture my attention and my fascination of how sand in a glass can epitomize time.

Time is a simple yet complex. It tells more than what time it is now, it tells age, it can tell duration, it can tell even size, it can indicate growth. Time is not an element that one can control like water or fire. Time is uncontrollable and that's why we are forced to work within the limits of time granted to us so graciously by God. Even we are forced to bow down and work within the limits of time when it comes to work deadlines.

Within our limited knowledge of time, we measure it by way of seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years, decades, centuries, eons, and so on and so forth. Till this very moment I type this post, passed time slips into the pages of history. I can hear the clock ticking behind me.

You'd probably realise that when you are doing something really enjoyable or simply enjoying the company of someone, time really flies. Just like the blowing wind while walking in a park during a warm evening. Like the wind, you wish it could last forever. Like the wind, it makes you want to reach out to it and just hold it close to your bosom. And time, like the wind, you can't make it your's to own.

I've come to appreciate time and my experiences a lot more over the past few weeks.

A simple dinner and movie outing, even a coffee table top conversation were somethings that I really took to heart as a heart warming, honest to heart, wish-I-could-pause-time moments. Every minute spent during those times were happy memories in the making and I hold them safe and dear to my heart.

I never really took a moment to appreciate such things before, to smell the coffee. Just trudging on the path of time doing mere "activities". Now, I close my eyes, just rewind back to those happy moments in my mind and I can safely tell myself, "I'd do it many times over if I can".

I look at friends who have wonderful kids, time spent with the kids are such moments that don't happen everyday. Your son or daughter can only be a year old once in their lives, miss that first year and you miss it forever. The joy of completing my first cello concerto was one of the most satisfying moments in my life that can only happen once. Even getting a date with someone I have fallen head over heels for, is one of those "YES!!!" moments in my life, worth treasuring.

Every minute is worth treasuring when you get a go at a precious moment in your life. It could be a wide variety of moments but when you have an opportunity to have those moments, appreciate it, treasure it and keep it close to your heart because the minutes that go by never comes back....................

"should have"

2009-12-29T22:15:00.002+08:00

"Should have........", is a common phrase heard especially during times when something has gone wrong. I find it irritating when people say that to me because I think it doesn't help the situation but rather makes the situation worse.

Christmas this year, a friend and I went on a 700km road trip up to a neighbouring state. The road trip was fun and enjoyable except for the part my car got hit by another car. In terms of damage, it was bad enough to leave a hole in my car, which now requires some welding and body work to restore it. Freak accidents can happen any where and at any time with virtually anyone. More often than not, accidents are due to human negligence.

Those who know me will know my car is kept in pristine condition and that I really love my car. Especially given the fact that my car is 21 years old, going 22 years old in the next couple of days.

By the time I got home, my mom flipped when she saw the damaged. It was even more painful for me to see my car in such a state. So the next best thing to do was to quickly send the car in for repair work. The mechanic takes a look at the damage and says, "It's going to take a about 3 to 4 days to fix up. You should have been more careful".

I felt a bit disturbed with the "you should have been more careful" bit of what he said. The thought in my mind at that point in time was, "Had I knew he was going hit my car, I would not have even driven on the road I got hit to begin with and I wouldn't need to send my car to you would I?". Not to mention he was going to be getting money from me for the repair work.

I wasn't upset with him for saying that but I just felt that saying such things really wasn't helping the situation. My mechanic was clearly looking in hindsight. It sure is easy to state the obvious after something has happened. It's like being told fire burns only after you get burnt by it. That's a lot help!

Many of us fail to understand that it is always easy to look in hindsight because more often than not, we would be merely stating the obvious. Most importantly, it makes no difference and it doesn't change the outcome that has already happened. Rather, we should let what has happened be and learn from what has happened to not repeat it in the future........

~small opportunity~

2009-12-20T12:45:00.000+08:00

“Day by day, I watched the sun rise in the morning and set in the evening not knowing what I could do to improve my situation. It feels like I am waiting for time to pass me by and waiting for the grim reaper to take me back to my maker”, said the old man who was gazing at the plants and flower he whole heartedly planted in his garden.

The old man was talking to a once famous professional poker player who had everything a man could want – fame, money, women, recognition, etc. Now he is but a part-time worker who makes end meet in a plants nursery. For an ex-gambler, Mike sure knew a lot about plants. Apparently, it made him feel peaceful in the inside every time he was working the garden and caring for the plants. He felt it could help him forget the painful past of losing everything he had.

What about the old man?

The old man is the owner of a large casino chain.

"Why don't you join me? I am planning to open up a new casino and I would like someone to head it. You have the experience and I am sure we can rub the rust of your poker skills once you get your groove back. What do you think?"

"Who? Me? I couldn't possibly head a casino. I gave up gambling after I lost everything years ago. After losing everything in the '97 world poker competition in the Philippines, I came back only to find my parents had passed away and my little brother was kidnapped. Now, I am just a happy part time gardener in a nursery. That's all there is to it. I don't have much, but I am happy.........."

"My friend. You are still young. Not that young but no way older than me. You lost it all last time but you still have your pair of hands, legs and your brains. Let me give you a tip. Wealth is not measured based on the net worth of your assets, wealth is what you have in your head and your member between your thighs."

Mike burst out laughing hearing the old man's anecdote but he knew what he said was true.

The old man continued, "I know a whole bunch of people who think they know it all, seen it all, done it all. But I can tell you they don't know jack for one simple reason - there's no one in this world who has done it all, seen it all and know it all. Only one person can have that attributes - it ain't me, it ain't you and it sure ain't any other person. It's God. Because you and I can never have it all, why not seize the opportunity to turn your life around. You are happy in a nursery don't mean you can't be happy in a casino, right?"

Mike nodded.

"Let's just say we forget I mentioned about heading the casino bit. Small, tiny opportunities can present itself in the weirdest of places and situations. Sometimes the small opportunities could have big results and the only way to find out is to seize the opportunity. Even if nothing big comes out of it, you'll still learn something in the end. But I shall qualify myself by saying some experiences can be painful. Not all, but some. Imagine you have fallen head over heels for a girl, I bet your arse you are going to go all out going after her. Small opportunity right? But if she falls in love with you, big result right? And you wouldn't know if she falls for you unless you confess your feelings to her and show her that you have feeling for her right?"

Mike nodded.

"So give it a thought........ I don't need an answer right away. Alright?"

Mike nodded.

That's the scene I saw in a show my mom was watching. Whether Mike took the opportunity, I'll leave it to your imagination. :)

rock climbing and what I learnt

2009-12-13T23:53:00.001+08:00

About 5 weeks ago, I decided to do something I never thought I would do. In fact, it was something I decided upon without even thinking. I was asked to go rock climbing. The normal me would have gave it long thought and replied, "no". But at that point in time I decided I wanted to do something different and I decided to say, "Oh, what the hell. I am going to do it!"

I surprised myself that evening. Seriously, I really did surprise myself!

Effectively, yesterday was my fourth time doing rock climbing. I am really enjoying it. The physical challenge is one thing. But I learn other things too when I climb. On the very second time of climbing, I lost a lunch bet because I couldn't complete a route. At that point in time, in my mind I thought of rock climbing of a pure physical sport (i.e. no-brainer). I was really wrong. Dead wrong! Much technique is involved in it and it requires thinking in terms of where to place your feet and hands and to have the most efficient way up the rocks. Cool eh?

Above and beyond that, I learn about life too! Ascending the rocks really requires a lot of feeling of the rocks. Really touching the wall with my hands and toes to feel, really feel which part of the rocks I can grab on to and place my feet to push myself higher. It's like life - you have to feel your way around life. You can't just jump in head first. I mean you can but jumping in head first may just have you land your head on a hard piece of concrete. What I am trying to get at is that, even in life everything takes time and you can't really rush things be it buying a new car, new house, getting into a relationship, picking a career, getting well from an illness. Looking at all the common scenarios of life I just listed out and you'll notice one common denominator - all of it simply takes time.

What it also taught me was about determination. I think determination is something I lack or rather the fear of taking a step forward in times of uncertainty. Yesterday while I was climbing the rocks, there were many times I had to place my body in a very awkward position to scale the rock walls. It is just like being out of my comfort zone. Sometimes you have to be uncomfortable to achieve something. "If it's something you fear, that's exactly what you have to do. Face it!" is something a really close friend of mind would tell me and still does continue to remind from time to time.

Another thing I experienced was sometimes you might not make it to the top of the rock, what we call an anchor in rock climbing terms. But there's always next time. Yesterday, I completed a route I failed to scale the last time round. I was satisfied with myself and I knew I had some improvement, even if it's a tiny bit.

Most important point I learnt is trust. In rock climbing your life really rests in the hands of your belayer. Belayer is the person down on the ground tightening and loosening your harness as and when necessary. If the belayer slacks too much harness rope and you fall, you are as good as dead. Yesterday, I had a relative new belayer doing my ropes but I knew she would be fine with the ropes. Most importantly, I had to trust her otherwise my fear of scaling the rocks would overcome me. Besides watching my ropes as I scaled the rocks, we had to communicate verbally especially during the times when I knew I was going slip off the rocks I had to make sure I yelled, "tight!" so she would pull the ropes to stop me from falling too far down. That trust creates a strong team effort in making sure I get up to the top safely. And that team effort is built on trust. My belayer trusted me letting her know how slacked or how tight I need the rope to be and in turn I trusted to be able to give me the slack and tight I needed.

It was a really good experience from a physical, mental and philosophical perspective......... actually my backside still hurts from all the stretching and pushing to the top. =0)

at the hospital~

2009-12-09T23:02:00.000+08:00

Four days in the hospital was an interesting observational experience. You see all sorts of people in the hospital. All that observation came from walking the corridors of the hospital, sitting in the quiet corner of Starbucks while waiting for my latte-to-go to be ready, walking to the hospital's convenient store to get the daily newspaper. The auditory and visual senses of one's body are truly amazing when it comes to seeing and hearing what goes around you.

For some personal reasons, I had to be at the hospital everyday since last Thursday. While I was there, I really think it was an eye opening experience.

For instance, I met a Buddhist monk who goes there on a daily basis with a laptop and pays for an ice blended mocha with a credit card, while offering prayers to those who requests for prayers. I also got acquainted with two very friendly and good-serving Starbucks baristas named Daniel and Roshan. I also got to experience the advancement of medical technology that now cater for the differing demands of the patients' medical conditions. Up till last Thursday, I only knew of the intensive care unit, commonly know as the ICU. But now, there is even a CCU, coronary care unit and a HDU, high dependency unit. Maybe these are normal units for those in the know. I for one had no bleeding idea such units ever existed in the first place. Above all else, I was really impressed by how far technology has taken the medical fraternity.

Most importantly about the hospital, I must take off my hat to the nurses who work there. They are a group of amazing people who work really hard to take care of the patients there. Being a nurse is no easy job. I see them working in a high tension environment especially during operations. In the wards, they see to the needs of patients making sure they are fine. In addition, I think it takes a lot of patience in the line of duty. It's not easy having to take care of patients who are, for example immobile. One of the afternoons when I was passing one of the wards, I smelled a really strong stench of discreet. Apparently a patient in one of the wards had to pass motion in a diaper, and I saw the nurse going in to clean him up. I could have sworn if I stayed a minute longer, I'd probably pass out from the strong stench and yet the nurse withstood the smell and did what was necessary. Truly respectable dedication!

When we think hospital, we usually think about doctors. Unknown to many, nurses play a pivotal part in making sure patients are taken care of. No doubt doctors diagnose and treat the sick but it is the nurses who ensure the patients are in stable condition and that the patients get their medication on time and with the correct dosages. After all, when a patient presses the little "bell" button by the bed side, it is the nurses who attend to the patient first.

I personally think the hospital is a place where the medical brains reside along with the nurses who show empathy and dedication, and in rare instances you may find an ice blended drinking, laptop carrying monk who offers prayers to those who need it.... :)

how far would you go?

2009-11-29T23:28:00.000+08:00

They say, "love knows no boundaries". I tend to agree with that statement I've seen parents go through hell to making sure their children gets the best, sometimes even if it means they have to tie their stomachs so their kids can get more. I've also witness siblings looking out for each other, be it in fights or even sports. I've also seen married couples sharing a single meal in times of financial difficulties.

The incomprehensible emotion called love is indeed a feeling that is like a burst of adrenalin when your body needs a sudden burst of energy to escape danger. Love can drive us to go the distance for that someone dear to us. I don't think you or I can explain how it gives us the drive to go that far. Above and beyond this, love is sometimes like a double edge sword that can lift us up to cloud nine but at the same time, it has the innate ability to leave a scar in the heart of unwary people. Yet, there are those who are willing to take the hurt because of love, simply because they think it's worth it.

How far would you go?

With all honesty, I am not yet able to answer this question. It's a truly difficult question for me. years ago when I tried going the distance, it left me in shambles. In fact, it became years of picking up the pieces. In the process, I learnt it is always easy to remember than to forget, especially the self-doubting events in one's lifetime. Like a broken recorder, it keeps replaying itself - going on and on and on and on. The harder you try to forget it, the more it keeps repeating itself.

It's no easy feat to be selfless and going out there to take the heat for someone you love. But if I knew I could do something, even if it's one thing, one time in my life to make a difference in the life of someone I loved, I'd probably do it without thinking twice. That's what God would probably want us to do.

It is easy to like someone or to be attracted to someone but to love someone, that's a whole new level altogether. It's not just about love-at-first-sight and neither is it just about appearance. It goes far deeper than that. It's about being able to accept the good, the bad and the ugly about a person. Everyone is different, yet everyone is similar in that we all have our good and bad points. Love has this amazing power to bridge that gap and simply turn everything good.

How far would you go?

Like the Bee Gees's song, how deep is your love?

Just play the shot, it's either up or down!

2009-11-22T11:21:00.007+08:00

"You really think too much!"

That's what my colleague said to me a few days ago. It got me scratching my head a bit. It did get me thinking if I was thinking too much. One of those catch 22 situations - "thinking about thinking".

I think there are some of us who just go with the flow of things and react during the moment whilst there are some of us who likes to figure things out first before doing anything. I apparently, fall in the latter.

Last night, out of the blues while reviewing professional squash matches over YouTube I stumbled upon a special interview footage with Amr Shabana, the former world number one squash player and the current world number two.

In the interview, he was asked about what does he think about when it comes to shot selections during a match, how does he decide on what shot to play, the thought process. I was rather startled with his reply. He said something like this (my quote may not be accurate), "I don't think about it. If I think too much and try to think about options I usually end up making a mistake. I just don't think about it and play the shot, there is a 50 50 chance - either it's up or down."

At the back of my head, the first thing that entered my mind was the "You really think too much!" statement my colleague made about me. I was beginning to wonder maybe I shouldn't think too much about everything and just 'play the shot'. Either way, it's going to be a 50 50 chance if I play the shot rather than sitting down and thinking too much about it only to find myself in a predicament!

Most importantly, rather than being resourceful to those around me, I may end up becoming a burden instead. It also places unnecessary emotional stress and mental stress on myself. I would know, since I inherently placed myself in such a convolving position. As I am typing the words out for this post I am thinking to myself, "silly me!".

Just got to get out there and 'play the shot'. Won't know until I 'strike the ball' I guess........

perfect couple

2009-11-18T00:15:00.001+08:00

I was taking a walk to my optician in a shopping mall when I came across an unusual sight. There was this couple who were walking out of the lift, the girl was on a wheel chair and the guy on a pair of crutches. Minus the fact that they were less capable physically clearly didn't stop them from being happy.

They were talking to each other very cheerfully and I could see they were in love with each other. You'd know two persons are in love with each other when the two of them can look into each others' eyes with a touch of gentleness and softness only people in love would know. I might be making an assumption here considering I haven't had extensive experience in the topic of love but I do know parents can give their kids such gentle gazes even at times when a parent is upset with a child (I know since I used to get it a lot from my mom.................. and dad).

We all like to dream of having a perfect companion. I mean who wouldn't? You would too right?

It can be quite funny at times when some of my friends can give me vivid descriptions of how they want their 'perfect' girl to be. Although, I tend to hold the opinion that the harder you wish for it, the harder it is for you to find your 'perfect' match (a.k.a. Murphy's Law).

But does it really matter? I mean in terms of having the opposite sex meet one's wish list.

Falling for someone can be as easy as love-at-first-sight for some people. For others, it could involve a lot of communication to understand each other before making the lunge into the vault of emotions. There are a plethora of permutations of which I won't dive into simply because I am not a psychologist and I couldn't possibly map out all the permutations.

But one thing's for sure - falling in love does not require a reason or justification, all it requires is for two people to be able to look into each other eyes at anytime, anywhere and say with all truthfulness and sincerity, "I love you........."

Love knows no boundaries, love couldn't care less if she's shorter than me, love couldn't care less if she's not as pretty as the girl next door, love couldn't care less if she wasn't born rich, love couldn't care less if she isn't smart, love couldn't care less if she paralysed waist-down.

Love only requires time, patience, tolerance, honesty and most importantly, sincerity................ The short moment I saw the couple in the shopping mall, I could tell they loved each other and made a perfect couple despite their physical imperfections. I truly wish them a happy future........

a new experience ~

2009-11-15T19:13:00.007+08:00

Yesterday and today was a new experience for me. One time in my life and decided to be spontaneous about something. I decided to go rock climbing without even thinking about it. My friend asked me on a Friday evening and I said yes without even thinking.

The end result was 2 crazy days of physical exertion. I now find myself with muscular aches that remind me of my 5-day week squash training when I was still playing squash seriously. Just to show you the gravity of the situation, my fingers can barely work this keyboard, click on the touch pad, the muscles of my backside hurt, my knees are still burning and my thighs are sore.

But if there was one thing I learnt today it would be never to underestimate a pile of rocks! I went to the rock climbing venue beaming with confidence knowing I could finish the rock climbing course. I knew I had to finish the course since I had bet with my friend. Lunch was on the line!

After all the huffing and puffing, I couldn't complete the course and hence, officially lost the bet. I now owe my friend lunch. I sure lost the bet but I sure feel happy. Happy because I feel refreshed.

I've got cuts and bruises all over but I feel good. Pain tells me that I am alive.

About underestimating a pile of rocks, I think that applies to people as well. All too often we sometimes underestimate the people around us. I am guilty of that in many ways. There was this time when I once had a cello student who was to a very large extent tone deaf and within the sixth cello lesson I straight away drew a conclusion in my mind that she was never going to be able to learn the cello.

But she never gave up hope that someday she could play the cello. She continued to practise and I was somewhat losing hope in her ability to pick up the cello. One month down the road, she was suddenly able to pick up notes albeit inaccurately. But most importantly, I could tell that she was no longer tone deaf. Even if she couldn't sing out the notes correctly, she could pick up what notes they were by listening intently. I was very happy for her and at the same time ashamed of myself. Ashamed of myself for underestimating her. I asked her how she managed to do it and she told me she spent a lot of hours listening to music and reading the music score along as she listened so she could pick out the notes.

All this while, music was already within her and she simply needed someone to help her bring it out. That was supposed to be my task until I decided to close her out when I underestimated her and drew a conclusion to say that she was not going to be able to learn the cello.

Sometimes something as rigid as a rock can be something special just like how I underestimated rock climbing. Views can differ from one person to another. Never underestimate anything or anyone because there just could be something hidden that you may miss out. Just like how I nearly closed myself to my student and nearly killed her interest for the cello, she showed me I shouldn't discount her and that even she could do the cello as long as she put in more effort into it.......